Give me points. Give me points.

When I was a child, my dream was to do nothing while others rushed to give me money.

Now the dream has finally come true.

I became a waiter in a restaurant. After a table of four people finished their meal, they rushed to pay the bill. They dragged me and stuffed money into my pocket.

It’s hard to describe the feeling of a dream coming true.

My girlfriend said to me: "From now on, you can do the laundry and cooking, and I will earn money to support you!" I was extremely excited: "Okay, okay! Then what do you do to make money?" The girlfriend said: "Open a restaurant or a laundry..."

Two idiots climbed up a fruit tree and pretended to be fruits. Not long after, an idiot fell to the ground. He shouted to another idiot in the tree: "Why didn't you fall?" The other idiot replied: "You call yourself an idiot and you still don't recognize it! I'm not familiar with it yet!" ”

Question: “What is the difference between Valentine’s Day and Qingming Festival now?”

Answer: “Valentine’s Day and Qingming Festival are the same, they both send flowers and food. , the difference is: on Valentine’s Day, you burn real money and tell people a lot of lies; on Qingming Festival, you burn fake money and tell people a lot of lies.”

A child stood next to the blacksmith shop and watched. The blacksmith strikes iron!

The blacksmith disliked her a little, so he took out the red-hot iron and put it in front of the child to scare him!

The child blinked and said, "If you give me a dollar, I dare to lick it!"

After hearing this, the blacksmith immediately took out a dollar and gave it to the little girl!

The child took the money, licked it with his tongue, put it in his pocket and left. One day, I was traveling with some friends who were traveling abroad, and I was waiting for a taxi on the side of the road.

When I saw an empty car coming from afar, I shouted, "Empty car, there's an empty car!"

My friend was unusually calm: "It's an empty car, there's someone there!"

In a blink of an eye, the taxi with the empty headlights on stopped in front of me.

As I got into the car, I said proudly: "What's that look in my eyes? I said it was an empty taxi."

The bastard got into the car and still calmly pointed at the taxi driver: "Isn't there a person here? It's an empty taxi."

A man was adventuring alone in the forest. Suddenly Found himself surrounded by cannibals. So he shouted to the sky: "I'm dead, God save me!"

I saw a ray of light in the sky, and a voice came: "Not sure yet, you pick up a big stone on the ground , and smashed the leading chief to death."

So he picked up the largest stone on the ground and threw it at the chief, killing the chief.

The tribesmen were all stunned for a moment, and then looked at each other angrily. At this time, another voice came from the sky: "Now you are really dead"

God! You are playing tricks on me. ?

Di Renjie: There is a car parked in the wilderness. Yuanfang, what do you think?

Yuanfang: Sir, there must be something hidden in this car...

After hearing this, Di opened the front hood of the car and was shocked: Yuanfang, thank you, this car really has an engine!

Di: But there is another deceased person in the car, Yuan Fang, what do you think?

Yuanfang: Sir, there must be something fishy about this person...

Di: 1, 2, 3, 4... This person really has seven orifices. Yuanfang is worthy of being my helper. assistant!

Yuanfang:...

School is about to start, and my father is worried about my tuition fees.

To help him share the burden, I secretly took the melons he had prepared to the market before dawn.

I mustered up the courage and shouted loudly like others: "Sell melons, it’s not sweet and you don’t need money!"

Some people stopped and looked at me with suspicion. But soon, more people were attracted.

They came around one after another and asked me with a smile: "Little brother, how do you sell this bitter melon?

MM asked the female colleague: "What would you do if your husband had an affair again? "

The female colleague replied: "I will turn a blind eye and close one eye. "

MM sighed: "Oh, you are so generous! ”

The female colleague said: “No, I aimed the gun at him.” ”

Don’t poop in front of a fly, it will think you are showing off your wealth.