What jokes can you tell for a year?

A 22-year-old rich man drove a Maibakh to buy food and asked, how much is this shrimp? The proprietress said: a catty 1 1.5! Regal: It's so cheap, give me 50 Jin! The boss looked up at the sky and said, OK, that's ***575 yuan! The rich man paused, took out his mobile phone and turned on the calculator. After a long time, he found it right and greatly admired it! So I couldn't help asking-one sentence: Do you dare to ask if you use cloud computing?

A woman met a robber on her way home. She knelt down and said, big brother, our restaurant handed out leaflets, and the salary was only 1900. Can we stop robbing money? The robber cried and said, "Sister, I also handed out leaflets in the gym, so I came out to grab them because I didn't get any results now." I'm with my peers. Let's go. " The woman packed her clothes and was about to turn around and leave. The robber added: Take my flyer away, or my other colleagues will stop you from robbing again!

My friend lost his job and went to deliver takeout without telling his wife. He sent an express hotel yesterday. As soon as the door opened, he was shocked.

It was his wife who opened the door, wearing sexy pajamas, and there came a vigorous male voice: "Is the takeaway coming?"

The friend was silent, dropped the takeaway and ran out. Then his wife gave her friend a bad review!

So he wants to ask everyone how to eliminate bad reviews.

Cousin told the beautiful woman who lived at the door that the light bulb in her house was broken and asked cousin to change it!

Cousin felt the opportunity came, and when she went to her house to change the light bulb, she casually asked, don't you have a boyfriend?

The beauty said: Yes!

Cousin asked: Why not let him change it for you?

The beauty replied shyly: I'm afraid he will get an electric shock!

Cousin: ... is this something that people can do?

When I was at school, I got myopia because I studied too hard. Yesterday, I saw a girl carrying a bag decorated with blue on a white background, which was very beautiful. So I ran up and asked, Beauty, where did you buy your bag? She looked at me in surprise, then raised her hand with a plastic bag with two green onions and asked, this?

When my brother met my sister-in-law, he was still a wage earner living in the basement. At the beginning, my brother had nothing and his family conditions were not good, so he couldn't support himself in a big city. But my brother didn't want to go home and struggled to survive in the big city. Now, through hard work, my brother is married. At present, there are three quadrangles in the Third Ring Road, and BMW X7 is still open. Brother: Thank you, wife, for fighting with me. There is no inspirational plot. I just want everyone to know that it's good to have a rich old father-in-law!

I graduated from Fudan University for 5 years, and have been keeping in touch with my classmates. Last night, I went to an old classmate's party. One of my buddies likes to pretend and is very picky. At dinner, we talked about the luxury car he was driving. In fact, he was the driver of a big boss, and then asked us if we had been in a car of more than one million. I couldn't stand it at that time, so I simply replied, "I took the bullet train."

The husband of the female supervisor had an accident on the plane on a business trip in other places, and the airline lost 6.5438+0.3 million yuan. In order to get this money, I began to pursue the female supervisor and often courted her. I drove the female supervisor home when I got off work late that time. After entering the community, the female supervisor said to me, "I can't get out without an access card." It's going to rain, so don't go back. " I said, "your will is not firm at all, so I waited at the door until the early hours of the morning." Can't I wait for someone to come out? "

When I was in the first grade, I unfortunately got infectious pink eye. My mother gave me some eye drops, and I kept saying it hurt.

My mother said, "Eye drops hurt. Are you kidding? " And then continue to follow my point of view.

As a result, my eyes were red and tears came out.

My mother said on the spot, "Order it yourself!"

I took the eye drops unjustly, and they looked like essential balm!

A female colleague of 10 borrowed 2300 from me six months ago and promised to pay me back next month. Three months have passed, and seeing that her circle of friends is brushing and traveling, it seems that she has forgotten this matter. I reminded her several times in a roundabout way, but she was indifferent. I bought a rose today and confessed to her in front of everyone in the company. My female colleague turned me down on the spot, and five minutes later, I received her transfer.

1 1 In Evergrande Community, there is an old couple in their 90s. One day, grandma saw her granddaughter go to a classmate party, all of whom were classmates at that time, and she was envious. Then she clamored to go to the class reunion, but the old man couldn't beat her and contacted around to inquire about her former classmates. After I came back, I said to my grandmother, "I made it clear that there are 12 students in our class, and now only we are still alive." You can get together every day if you want to get together! "

12 my father-in-law fell in love with buying lottery tickets after retirement. On the third day, she won 22 million. He immediately used the money to start a company and become his own boss. That time my son played in my father-in-law's company and broke the seal. The husband was so angry that he hit his son directly! Father-in-law is distressed: "Stop hitting my lovely grandson!" " "My husband muttered," when you didn't hit me less! Father-in-law: "Can that be the same?" ... "Husband:" Why not? "Grandpa:" I hit my son and you hit my grandson! " "