Good joke

Much shorter, little longer. You choose.

I've always wanted to say three words to you, but you know its weight. I'm afraid that once we say it, we won't even have friends. But I can't control my feelings and summon up courage to say to you: you are a pig.

A young couple, half asleep and half awake in the morning, exclaimed: Husband is back. When Dave heard this, he immediately grabbed his underwear and jumped out of the window.

A pair of twins ate milk together, but they didn't get enough, so they put poison on their fucking rice to poison each other. Who died the next day? The father of the child.

A woman asked the farmer, "Why is mad cow disease prevalent now?" The farmer said, "If you are milked four times a day and have sex only once a year, will you be crazy?" !

A farmer asked a veterinarian to raise pigs, and the veterinarian said that artificial breeding was needed. The farmer walked around the pig and said, yes, yes, I'm afraid it will bite me.

The sun is pregnant (playing a song) and the answer is that the moon is to blame.

Two turtles dated, then parted ways and made an appointment to meet again next year. The next day, they went to the meeting on time and found the mother turtle had arrived early. Surprise? Mom complained: Your mother forgot to turn over for me, and I was sunburned for a year.

John Doe's bathing suit broke in his private parts, and he took a card to make people stop laughing. The woman looked puzzled: it was 2 meters deep, and the crowd was still laughing when the cards were changed in a hurry. Then she looked at the sign: male-only lane. Then change the joke card and write: this is not the way to go through the back door.

Teacher: How to tell the difference between octopus's hands and feet? Student: fart and let it smell. Is the hand will cover your nose, and the rest is your feet.

The teacher found that Xiaoming washed his hands every time he went to the toilet, hoping that the whole class would learn from him, so he took his classmates to the water room, but Xiaoming went back to the classroom without washing his hands. The teacher asked: Why? Xiao Ming replied: I brought toilet paper today.

The old lady drinks porridge against the wall and looks at her watch-two-part allegorical saying (despicable and shameless to the extreme)

It's not good to look at you fiercely. It's better to look at you carefully.

Men like ticket sellers best. She often says, "Go in a little, it's still empty"; Most afraid of primary school teachers, she often said, "Do it again, or you will be fined a hundred times if you don't do it well."

What sport? The excitement above, the pain below! Sweat above and blood below? ..... Don't get me wrong! ..... fishing!

Solve riddles on the lanterns: Before the prefect, but not after entering the palace; Monks do, but no, foreigners are longer than China people. Hit people with things? Wrong-it's a name!

Someone farted on the bus. A witch spat, "bah-bah-bah-". A man said, what, you spit out your shell after eating fart? !

If you must compare yourself with a pig, I think you are different from it in at least two aspects: 1. You can eat more than it; 2. It is smarter than you.

There was once a girl who was willing to give her life for me. She said firmly, "If you pester me again, I will die."

Once there was a beautiful girl who was willing to go to the grave with me-she said with red eyes, if you don't pay me back, I will die with you!

Once there was a girl who was willing to wait for me in her next life. She said, "If you want to be my boyfriend, wait for the next life."

On the crowded bus, a beautiful lady suddenly shouted, "Stop crowding!" Stop squeezing! Squeeze all the milk out! ..... (It turned out that she was holding yogurt)

Steamed bread and noodles fight, steamed bread cried, so he went home and called Hua Juan steamed bread to get revenge. As a result, the instant noodles opened the door, and the steamed bread said, "Your boy burned his head, so did I!" "

Teacher: "Please make sentences with cows!" " "student:" a cow ""good! Can you make another one? " "Another cow!

Grandpa took medicine in the hospital, and the nurse said that it was "effective" for 24 hours. Grandpa has been laughing since he came home. Grandson asked, Grandpa, why do you keep laughing? A: The nurse said "laugh" for 24 hours!

Ajie walked through the cemetery and was very scared when he heard a knock at the door. Suddenly, he saw a man chiseling a stone tablet. Ajie said to the man, what are you doing? Pretty scary. The man replied that they carved my name wrong.

Dad hit me twice today, the first time because he saw my two-point report card, and the second time because the report card was from his childhood.

Dad is chatting with the guests, and Xiao Qiang has something to say. Dad saw it and said, "Don't be so secretive. Say it out loud. " Xiao Qiang said loudly: Mom asked me to tell you not to keep guests for dinner!

No matter how high the sky is, how deep the sea is, how hard the iron is, how strong the wind is, how long the feet are, how wide the river is, how strong the wine is, how cold the ice is and how hot the fire is ... I just want to tell you that these are none of your business!

Not every flower can represent love, but roses can; Not every tree can withstand thirst, but poplar can; Not every pig can read text messages, but you did. Congratulations!

Guessing: The number "3" walks on the road, flips a somersault and flips another one. Answer: Three transgressions twice.

Father fly and his wife go to the toilet to eat. The son asked, Dad, why do we always eat shit? Dad said angrily, don't ask such disgusting questions when eating!

Xiaoming farted loudly in the elevator. The kitten held her nose with one hand, and pointed to the sign on the elevator door with the other hand and said, "Don't you see that it says' handle with care'?"

The paratrooper asked the instructor, "What if the umbrella can't be opened when parachuting?" The instructor replied, "You land first."

The father criticized his son: what a pig with such poor academic performance. Do you know what a pig is? Son: Yes, it's the son of a pig! ! ! !

Let me tell you a story. Once upon a time, there was an idiot. He is so stupid that when people ask him any questions, he just shakes his head or answers "No". Have you heard this story?

On the bus, a standing pregnant woman said to the man sitting next to her, "Don't you know I'm pregnant?" See that person says nervously only: "the child is not mine!"

Test you: What should I do if pigs all over the world die overnight? (Make a title) "At least you"!

The boss didn't know that the front door zipper was open, and the female secret reminded: Your garage door is open. The boss is puzzled: Have you seen my BMW? Secretary: No, only two broken tires.

You can't imagine how nagging my wife is! Last summer, we went to Hainan to rest for half a month. Guess what happened when we came back? She even tanned her teeth!

You are like a firefly in the night, so bright and outstanding. So, please leave during the day.

I suddenly lost myself because of your unfeeling flash. Looking at your back, I really want to keep you, but I am immersed in the unforgettable moment of your life. I told myself I couldn't let you go. I shouted at the top of my lungs: Stop thief!