Humorous remarks

A humorous talk

A humorous talk. Nowadays, many people are under great pressure and rarely have smiles on their faces, but we should usually smile more. Smiles can save us. It’s okay to be unhappy, and it’s okay to be happy, so why not be happy? Now I’ll share with you some humorous remarks. Humorous talk 1

1. Stop saying that you are single. Dogs will die long ago by your age.

2. Nowadays, I use my mobile phone to pay when I go out. It feels so embarrassing to carry money, and I am embarrassed to take it out!

3. My head is full of wisdom, which makes my face look bigger.

4. My idea is very simple, make more money and find someone who will fall in love with me because of my money, rather than simply because of my kindness, integrity and beauty.

5. I was so happy when I was a child. No one cared that you were poor, you didn’t know that you were ugly, you had no money and no partner, but you were still happy every day.

6. Today my boyfriend suspected me of cheating, and I scolded him all over him. I said that none of my other boyfriends suspected me of cheating, so why are you the only one who has so much trouble?

7. Sometimes, when others are indifferent to you, it may not be your problem. Maybe they just don’t like ugly people.

8. I feel like I’m about to fall in love, and I don’t know who I’m going to be with yet, so I’ll be happy for him first.

9. I can’t play chess, calligraphy and painting, but I feel tired from doing laundry and cooking.

10. The vast sea of ??people, my heart is beating for you. Your seemingly unconcerned expression makes me feel a dull pain. Your indifference makes me dare not express my feelings, but I can't help myself anymore, you stepped on my feet!

11. No matter how good your martial arts skills are, you are still afraid of kitchen knives; no matter how good your intelligence is, you will be knocked down by a brick; go your own way and let others take a taxi! Wear someone else's shoes and let them find it!

12. There was a sloppy anorectal doctor who wrote on the medical record after seeing a patient: anal speech. After reading it, the chief doctor angrily wrote on the medical record: Bullshit!

13. People who love to laugh will not have bad luck. To be honest, if a person is unlucky, I don't know how he can laugh.

14. You must look carefully when looking for a partner now, because there are too many people who are neither men nor women!

15. Xiao Ming’s biggest goal in this life is not to look at the price when buying things. After years of hard work, he finally became blind.

16. God is short of mobile phones, so Steve Jobs went; God is short of bodyguards, so Bruce Lee went; God is short of singers, so Leslie Cheung went; God, are you short of a head teacher?

Seventeen. When my test scores go up, I will definitely go sideways.

18. Ever since I got mental illness, I have become more energetic.

Nineteen. First learn not to be angry, and then learn to make others angry.

20. Be kind to yourself. If you can blame your boyfriend, don’t blame yourself.

21. When you are in a bad mood, sing in the toilet.

22. When I went out in the morning, I saw a man who had fallen down. I went over and asked: Master, my monthly salary is 2,500 yuan, can I help you up? The uncle looked at me and moved to the side, "Child, come on, come and lie down next to the uncle."

On the 23rd, on the 23rd, Dumb was secretly playing with his mobile phone in class, and he happened to be patrolled outside the classroom. The head teacher discovered. The class teacher used his mobile phone to send a message to Ah-Dai: "Why don't you pay attention to the class?" Ah-Dai replied in confusion: "Who are you?" The class teacher: "Look out the window." Ah-Dai took a look and secretly replied: "Thanks for the reminder. We’ll talk later, but our class teacher is staring at me from the window.”

24. Before a man gets married, he always feels that there are very few women who are suitable for him. It is not until he gets married that he understands that he is suitable. He has many women, but his wife is not suitable!

Twenty-five. Falling in love is like jumping off a building. Your brain says it’s not a good idea, but your heart says you can fly.

Twenty-six. In the past, cars and horses were very slow, letters were far away, and there was only enough time to love one person in a lifetime; now the Internet is very fast, there are many husbands, but there is no boyfriend.

Twenty-seven. In order not to shed tears when cutting onions, I cut with my eyes closed.

But the moment I cut my hand, I still cried. Humorous talk 2

1. I dropped my phone so many times but it didn’t matter. Thinking about it, it was my height that saved it.

2. Class time is like a Nanfu battery, one period is longer than six periods.

3. I cried when I dreamed that my boyfriend was dead. When I woke up, I found that I didn’t have a boyfriend at all. I cried even harder.

4. Regarding height, everyone is over one meter, what do you have to ask?

5. Please be sure to return the heavy rain that I missed in those years to me during military training.

6. It is best to show affection at noon, because sooner or later there will be retribution.

7. Ten years ago, primary school students ate spicy strips and college students drank coffee. Ten years later, primary school students eat Haagen-Dazs and college students eat spicy strips. This is not the point. The focus is on those people who eat spicy strips.

8. Someone told me that there is nothing more complicated than love in this world. I threw a math book at his face.

9. Travel to China, I think it will work! I won’t pay to see if you can do it!

10. I plan to get a haircut, but my bangs are so swung that my neck feels crooked.

11. I left as gently as I came. I waved my sleeves and took away only a bunch of cabbage.

12. After a year of hard work, I finally took the position of manager. I still remember that the manager said to me seriously at that time: "Take this broken chair away, and I will replace it with a new one." ”

Thirteen. Although the top students’ results stunned me, my speed of handing in the paper definitely stunned the top students.

Fourteen. On a sunny weekend, you are sitting quietly in a coffee shop reading your favorite book. Suddenly a magnetic male voice interrupts your thoughts: "Excuse me, are you alone?" "Is that so?" You looked up and saw a handsome man. His heart was beating wildly. You pretended to be calm: "Yes, alone." After hearing this, the handsome man looked at you more tenderly: "Then you can sit down alone. "Two people, my girlfriend and I."

15. I originally wanted to rely on this exam to make a comeback, but I didn't expect it to stick to the pan.

16. This is how foreign parents educate their children: If you don’t do your homework well! I’ll send you to school in China!

Seventeen. Once upon a time, it was difficult to find water in the sea, but fish-flavored shredded pork with chicken legs.

18. Today is a nice day. I wonder if something will fall.

19. Some people say that I am too lazy to have cramps, but in fact I am too lazy to even have cramps.

Twenty. My wife and I had an argument. When the argument got heated, I thought, why would a grown man want to be on the same level as a woman? Not to mention her own daughter-in-law. I apologized to my wife at that time, and she was very happy. After apologizing, her brother also put down the knife, her brother also put down his spade, her sister released her grip on my hair, the rolling pin in her hand was thrown to the ground, and my father-in-law also threw away the bricks.

21. When I was a child, I often struggled with: When I grow up, should I go to Tsinghua University? Is it better to go to Peking University? When I grew up, I realized: I thought too much!

22. Be humble, listen to other people’s opinions, and then carefully write down who has opinions about you.

Twenty-three. I think there is always a cute little elementary school bully in my body, and I must answer questions to feed it. However, recently I discovered that it was starved to death...

24. If you are well, it will be a sunny day. According to the weather, you should be dead.

Twenty-five. The three sentences that moved me the most: I will bring you delicious food, I will treat you to delicious food, and I will take you to eat delicious food!

26. God has not given me any great responsibilities, so why should I suffer from my will, my muscles and bones, and my body and skin?

27. Some people are good at geography, some are good at physics, some are good at history, some are good at mathematics, some are good at Chinese, some are good at English, some are good at chemistry; and I have a good mentality.

Twenty-eight. If I look lackluster, I might be tired, I might be sick, or most likely I am hungry!

Twenty-nine. If you can’t turn your eyes red when we see you again, can you let me slap your face red?

Thirty. I look at the teacher silently every time in math class. I don’t understand it anyway. Just be happy.

Thirty-one, browsers really care about whether they are the default browser.

Thirty-two. I feel that I am no longer deserting when I go to class, but directly traveling on business.

Thirty-three. There are always a few friends who are gentle and polite when they first met, but after a few days they become mentally ill from who knows which hospital.

Thirty-four. A transfer girl came to the class. She introduced herself: I may not be the smartest, I may not be the most beautiful, I may not be the best, I may not be the best. The most humorous thing... Just when her classmates were praising her modesty, she suddenly said: Hello everyone, my name is Wei Bihui.

Thirty-five. I looked at the sky, longing for a piece of pie, but after waiting for a long time, a piece of bird poop came.

Thirty-six. Never argue with the same fool, because in the end, you will not be able to tell who is the fool.

Thirty-seven. "I like you" is a bit strong, so I'll leave it here for now. Please help me pick it up.

Thirty-eight. Those who have money and face are called male gods; those who have money but no face are called husbands; those who have face but no money are called Lanyan. As for those who have no money and no face, I’m sorry that you are a good person... What a painful realization!

Thirty-nine. Although I don’t know what the math teacher is talking about in class, I feel like it is very powerful.

Forty. Asking how poor you can be is just like how hard it is to find even a dollar of steel and penny.

41. Every time I do a math problem, I always write a "solution" coolly first, and then there is no more...

42. I have always wanted to Know: Can walnuts caught in the door still nourish the brain?

43. The scariest thing in the world is not dreaming that you fell asleep in the examination room, but that you actually fell asleep in the examination room after waking up.

44. I once passed by a person, sparks flew and almost moved bricks.

45. What is happiness? Happiness is when you wake up every morning and look at your watch, and you can still sleep for another half an hour.

46. With your ability to understand, you may not understand even if I explain it, so you can continue to be confused.

47. You have the body of a bear, but you do the things of a second bear.

48. There is a saying in Northeast China called "What are you looking at?", and Northeast China also gives a very awesome answer "What are you looking at?"

Forty-nine, all bad emotions come from exams, gaining weight, not having a partner, and lack of money.

Fifty. My daily state is quite regular. I look like I haven’t woken up in the morning, I look like I can’t wake up in the afternoon, I look like I got chicken blood at night, and at midnight His intestines looked like they were turning green with regret.