Joke Collection Website - Cold jokes - Comfort words and interesting sentences

"My husband paid a salary and left a thousand, and the rest was given to his wife." The following are the contents of my comforting words and funny senten

Comfort words and interesting sentences

"My husband paid a salary and left a thousand, and the rest was given to his wife." The following are the contents of my comforting words and funny senten

Comfort words and interesting sentences

"My husband paid a salary and left a thousand, and the rest was given to his wife." The following are the contents of my comforting words and funny sentences. I hope you like them.

1 class, the teacher said, "there is no word' failure' in my life dictionary!" Just after that, a dictionary came out from the bottom. Xiao Xin said, "Teacher, I have to lend it to you!" "

When my mother called yesterday, the first thing she asked was whether the end of the world was real. What if I say it's true? She said, come back quickly and kill the pig first.

3 resigned and went home to change a local number. It's been two months. This number is really deceptive. Strangers called me to chop people up. Tell the boss that I made a fortune and forgot my brother. Let me send the young lady there. Ask me to send powder. I said I used this size before, big brother. How rich your life experience is!

Class begins on Monday and the teacher calls the roll. "Zhang San?" "here." "Li Si?" "here." Wang Wu? "here." Obviously, all three voices come from the same person. Suddenly, the atmosphere in the classroom froze to freezing point and the teacher was livid. He rushed to the windowsill in one step: Uncle Wang, can you direct the reversing later?

Yesterday, my sister in the dormitory was discussing the end of the world at 2 1. A sister said, "I don't believe the world will die." How can you say that there is no such thing as human beings? " At first, everyone was discussing it, but suddenly a weak voice came out: "dinosaurs thought so, too." The dormitory was silent in an instant.

Yesterday we dreamed of the end of the world and aliens invaded the earth. We hid behind a tanker and were still found. In order to cover me, my husband was shot several times, dripping with blood and freezing cold. I thought silently, oh, my hero. I will treat you well in the future. When I woke up, I found that the reason for the cold was that the goods had swept the quilt away. Olympic Games, instantly disillusioned.

7 A male classmate, one day in class, ran out of pens and asked a girl not far away to borrow pens, only to hear the girl shouting "* * *?" The man suddenly felt wronged. Shit, you scolded me for this little thing. His anger was mixed with grievances, and he shouted, "God, I just borrowed a pen. Are you cursing? " The girl said weakly, "I, I didn't scold you." I asked you what pen to use. "

8 In class, the teacher asked questions in class, and no one responded below. The teacher said, will you give me feedback? I sing a monologue on it. What are you doing down there? A classmate blurted out and went to the theatre.

When I first went to college, I named the dormitory "Bohemian Pavilion" and posted it outside the dormitory in order to show that I was a person with great personality. As a result, four people failed in more than 20 subjects for four years.

10 was a tomboy when he was a child, and now he is married. Today, he and his husband went back to his house for dinner. His father asked her husband, what happened to the street boy who often defended you when he was a child? My husband replied vaguely that he was married. Well, when I was a child, I was ugly, afraid I couldn't find a wife. I'm eating aside, and I won't tell him that boy is me, and now he's his wife.

1 1 Today is another cleaning. Sweep the floor and fold the quilt. Welcome the leaders to visit our dormitory. The leader walked around our dormitory and praised it. When he urged the child, he said to the window at the door, especially which window was the brightest, and then he touched it with his hand, and then, and then he put his hand in.

12 Last time I saw a husband, in order to make his wife happy, he bought all the goods in the shopping cart on her shopping website and gave them to her at one time. I felt a little touched, and I thought it was more suitable for a young artist like me to express my feelings, so I logged in with my wife's account and checked the shopping cart, showing that there were 23 kinds of treasures in the shopping cart, totaling 55,007.92 yuan. So I cleared all the goods at once.

13 a friend of mine put the book in a sack and buried it in the small garden downstairs that night after the college entrance examination. The next day, the standard answer came down. As soon as I estimated the score, I went to the small garden with a shovel at night and dug again.

14 junior high school, there is an anniversary ceremony one year. During the ceremony, the host asked questions and randomly selected children's shoes to answer. If he answers correctly, there will be a small gift. It's time for questions again. The host's question is: Who is the oldest emperor in history? I chose a wonderful flower in our class, and this product replied into the microphone: "Jade Emperor". The leaders in the first three rows were choked by internal injuries, and our head teacher's face was covered with black lines in an instant.

15 I hope that every bag of washing powder can be made professional in the future. Don't bite with your teeth like this bag without serrated teeth. Don't say powder in your mouth, and it will bubble when you rinse your mouth with water.

16 A female colleague and a male colleague couldn't fight in the office. She picked up the perfume and sprayed it on her clothes, then smiled and said, "Tonight, wait for your daughter-in-law to fight with you!" " Ha ha ha ha ha.

17 Eight and a half months pregnant, the baby is always arching around in the stomach, and a small bulge appears from time to time. My husband was very excited when he saw it and said to me, come on, let's play with hamsters.

18 Four years in college, no girl asked me for directions. Today, I drove my BMW back to my alma mater to do something. As a result, five girls came to ask for directions in a short time.

19 The husband paid a salary and left a thousand, and the rest was given to his wife.

The wife asked thoughtfully, 1000 is enough?

Husband 2 1 said that enough is enough, and there is nothing to spend.

The wife raised her voice and said, there is nothing to spend except leaving so much? !

My husband has black lines all over his face. Is it too much or too little?

I got up today and went down to eat without cleaning up.

My mother began to say to me, "Look at your room, it's like a kennel."

I replied, "Have you ever seen a dog tidy up a room? All for raising dogs. "

Then I was beaten into a dog.

I have read a poem: You are from Yuanmou, Yunnan, and I am from Zhoukou, Beijing. Holding your furry little hand, I gently took a bite. It is love that makes us walk upright.

This is the story told by the old class in class. A group of men are eating together. After three rounds of drinking, everyone was drunk. So the organizer said. Wife-fearing people stand in a row. Those who are not afraid of their wives are in line again. Everyone ran to the team that was afraid of their wives. There is only one person in the line who is not afraid of his wife. The organizer asked him. Aren't you afraid of your wife? He said. My wife said she wouldn't let me go to crowded places.

Today, my father called me and said that something had happened to my sister. I hurried home and saw my sister sitting on the sofa with her head down. My mother's eyes are red.

3 1 I quickly asked my dad what happened, and my dad said, "Your sister deleted * * * Happy Music, and your mother played at level 500!"

32 office chat, talk about food. Ask a female colleague casually: "Who cooks in your family?" "I! I cook, "everyone looked at her with envy. "Husband cooks!"

If you could describe me in one color, what color would I be? If I can be described by a taste, what is my taste?

My brother and a goddess sister went out to get a room, slept together, and didn't touch that sister all night. The next day I asked him what was going on, and he said playing hard to get.

I vaguely remember/kloc-bathing at home at the age of 0/5. When I saw JJ was a little dirty, I rubbed it with my hand. I felt quite comfortable, rubbed it a few times and went on the road of no return.

Select:

1 A female colleague of the company has a very good relationship. One day, while chatting at her workstation, she saw three cups on the table, but she drank water from disposable cups every day. I am curious to ask: why not use so many cups, but also use disposable cups? Colleagues said faintly: lazy, save washing! Well, this laziness has really reached a certain level!

Before going to bed last night, I warned my girlfriend that she would wake up easily at the slightest movement and told her to pay attention when sleeping. When I got up this morning, I suddenly found myself covered with words: "Look, you didn't wake up at all!" " ""that's not how I woke up! " "Who is SB kidding! "

Tell me about a period in high school. Once I stayed up all night, and when I came back to catch up with the morning reading, I quickly lay on my desk to catch up on my sleep. By the way, I put the textbook of the first history class under my head and told my deskmate that the teacher was coming and called me. I felt someone poking me in my sleep, so I quickly sat down, grabbed my textbook and did it at once. But who would have thought that I missed the first class. Can you imagine the chemistry teacher's shocked expression when she saw my history textbook upside down and my mouth was dripping with saliva? Can you understand my broken heart? Talking too much is all tears.

When I urinated, I found that someone didn't flush the stool. When I finished frowning, I put on my pants and left. The toilet manager came in to have a look. Seriously, I didn't flush the urine! Damn, no quality.

I chatted with a friend today and asked him what he would do after graduation. He said it was "the movement of building materials in three dimensions". My brain was stunned. Isn't this moving bricks? I said that my literature and art graduated from the School of Architecture!

Yesterday, we went to play at Weiyuan seaside in Humen, Dongguan, and it was dark and thundered. I asked my friend why it thundered so fast, and then my friend said that some bastard must be chasing girls to curse, and it thundered in an instant. Oh, my God, it really thundered.

My wife, holding a mirror, thrush and red face painting, asked me if I looked good. I said almost enough. I am an old couple. My wife is unhappy: you don't know anything! I satirized her: if I keep taking pictures, I will show my true colors! "Then I'll squash you first!"

Mother asked her 3-year-old daughter: The math teacher said that you are one of the best in math, which is great. Let's test you. What's ten MINUS seven? My daughter thought for a long time. Mom: Isn't your math the best? Daughter: I can only count one and two.

My son is over seven years old and likes dinosaurs very much! Just now, my son said to me after watching a documentary: Mom, you should lose weight quickly! I said, what happened? He said: Shark-toothed dragon loves to eat more than 60 kilograms of food. If the dinosaurs come back to life, you are finished!

10 I once stood in line at the airport for security check. It's the turn of the lady in front of me. The security inspector looked at her ID card for a long time and asked, "Miss, have you moved?" The lady paused and said, "I didn't move, really." "Think again, have you moved anywhere?" The security inspector asked again. The lady looks a little nervous. After a while, she whispered, "I cut my double eyelids and had a breast augmentation."

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