Classic quotations with funny humor

In our daily study, work and life, we are all familiar with quotations. Quotations are short and pithy, and do not emphasize literary talent. What kind of quotations are excellent classic quotations? The following are the classic quotations of funny humor compiled by me. Welcome to study and reference. I hope it helps you.

Funny and humorous classic quotation 1 1, even if you are cheated, I will take the place of flowers.

2. Look at Forbes Rich List every morning when you get up. If my name is not on it, I will go to work.

3. I changed her from a girl to a woman; She changed me from a boy to ... a poor man.

4. Love your country, your family and your sister, and guard against thieves.

5, life is sometimes like being eunuch XX-resistance is pain, not resistance is pain!

6. I put a stuffy fart in the elevator. I shouted "something is burnt", so an elevator man sucked my fart clean.

7. Baby, I'll take you to the bath when you get paid!

8. I am in the Jianghu, but there are no legends about me in the Jianghu.

9, family background, life experience Kangxi, character Yongzheng, career prosperity, everything Jiaqing, bright future, wealth and Xianfeng, internal and external governance, Qian Qiu Guangxu, and publicity!

10, "Describe your appearance in one sentence" and "Don't mention it"

1 1, I'm a white-collar worker: I got paid today, paid the rent, paid the utilities, bought fried rice and instant noodles, felt in my pocket, and felt that I was a white-collar worker again this month.

12, the iron pestle can be ground into needles, and the wooden pestle can only be ground into toothpicks. The material is wrong, and it's no use trying again.

13, when will there be a bright moon? Ask Yi Zhongtian!

14. Be a rogue with temperament, a pervert with taste, and an illiterate with knowledge!

15, I only had a nosebleed once, but I mistook the sanitary towel for a mask!

16. Compared with conquering ourselves, all the victories are insignificant.

Classic quotations of funny humor 2 1. Life is like: the deaf hear the dumb say that the blind see ghosts.

If happiness is not on the road, it must be at the end of the road.

3. When smart people are at their wits' end, the method that stupid people come up with must be the most useful!

When I faced the examination paper, I found myself suffering from the disease of wasting my study.

I will be good friends with anyone who says I am white, thin and beautiful.

Sleeping is an art, and no one can stop me from pursuing art!

7. In the eyes of fools, the cleverness of smart people is worthless.

8. There is no rehearsal in life, and every day is a live broadcast. Not only the ratings are low, but also the salary is not high.

9, the effect of contraception: unsuccessful, then adults.

10, why hasn't the old man's junk come yet?

1 1, you may not study hard, but you must not review well.

12. Love is like gambling. Anyone with red eyes bets on his organs.

13, hands and feet can touch heaven and earth, but the heart should be placed between rules.

14, I saw you fall down in the street that day, and you were worried to death. I hope the reality can be like the internet, and I can click on the praise in the lower right corner.

15. None of the women who participated in the beauty pageant can find a good man, because all the good men are married, such as me.

16, I can fry the oil by putting your words in the oil pan, haha.

17, I have been drifting away from my dreams. Perfection is such a extravagant idea. I finally collected enough wounds and learned that 80 points of happiness is enough.

Funny and humorous classic quotation 3 1, shoulder to shoulder with the rich-it is the gentlest way to rob the rich and help the poor.

2. Opportunities are like clear water, flowing everywhere; Opportunity is like moonlight, there is a gap.

3. Women are divided into married and unmarried, and men are divided into voluntary marriage and forced marriage.

Please solve the problem of surplus agricultural products in your city as soon as possible. In today's speech, at least 200 kilograms of tomatoes were thrown on the stage.

5. I have been busy and bored!

6, hooligans are not terrible, they are afraid that hooligans have culture.

7. When I have a fever at home, I will stick to surfing the Internet. When I sneeze at school, I think it's terminal cancer.

8. I am in the Jianghu, but there are no legends about me in the Jianghu!

9. Take off my clothes, I am an animal. Put on my clothes, I'm the devil wears Prada!

10 study hard for China! A pack of China cigarettes is a lot of money!

1 1, oh yeah! Usually normal, sometimes a little crazy. Who dares to rob my wife ... I will dig his ancestral grave!

12, I am not a casual person, I am not a casual person.

13, the fat man made a girlfriend and broke up in less than a week. When a friend asked why, the fat man said, she said ... she was tired of watching me for a long time ... "

14. Who is the future girlfriend I am in love with now?

15, men can't get used to it, and the more they get used to it, the more asshole they become. Women are favored, and the more favored they are, the more balls they have.

16, all unforgettable love is the moment when the soul is free in bed!

Classic quotations of funny humor 4 1. Sighing is the most time-wasting thing, and crying is the most energy-wasting behavior.

Close my eyes and I see my future. ...

When the road is rough, shout and move on.

4. You don't know what dependence is until you drop your belt.

Life is sometimes like a computer. If it collapses, it collapses. It's not negotiable.

6, the sea is wide with diving and beating drums.

7. The grievances that can be said are not grievances; A lover who can be taken away is not a lover.

8. Smoke is not obedient, so we smoke.

9. A man's brain likes a woman's heart, but his eyes like a woman's appearance.

10, salted fish turns over, or salted fish.

1 1, I can choose to give up, but I can't give up my choice.

12, as a typical loser, you are really successful.

13, not everyone can live a low-key life, and the basis of low-key is to be high-key at any time.

14, women like ugly men, not ugly men.

15, our love died on this day, just to give each other a chance to be reborn.

16, when the boss uses you, you are a talent, and when you are not used, you become a layoff!

17, fell down, get up and cry.

18, sometimes the killer of marriage is not an affair, but time.

19, never mentioned, not because I forgot, but because I remembered.

20. Let the future come and the past pass.

2 1, is it necessary to be large? Dinosaurs didn't go extinct as usual!

A white lie is a good excuse for your deception.

23. Parents fool their children to call education; Children fool their parents and say that their parents are derailed; Fooling each other is called the generation gap.

24, don't talk to me about feelings, talk about feelings hurt money.

25. I can't help myself. Besides love, there are radishes in other people's fields.

26. I thought I was "invisible" and others couldn't find me. It's no use. People like me, like fireflies in the dark, are bright enough and outstanding enough.

27. Diamonds last forever, and one will go bankrupt!

28, the iron cock will leave some rust, you are simply a stainless steel cock!

29, haven't had time to philandering, was pulled out.

30. Everyone is born primitive. Sadly, many people have gradually become pirates!

3 1, don't say that others are mentally ill. The premise of encephalopathy is that you must have a brain.

32. Lie down where you fell.

I am not a prince. Why do girls always think they should be princesses when they see me?

34. The most contradictory place between lovers is dreaming about each other's future, but thinking about each other's past.

35. If you are angry for one minute, you will lose 60 seconds of happiness.

36, busy is a kind of happiness, so that we have no time to experience pain; Running around is a kind of happiness, which makes us truly feel life; Fatigue is a kind of enjoyment, which leaves us no time to be empty.

37. Life is like breathing. "Breathe" is to take a breath, and "suck" is to fight for a breath.

38. Knowledge is like underwear; it is invisible but important.

39. Marriage is to wear cotton-padded clothes freely. It's inconvenient to move, but it will be warm.

40. The hero is sad about the beauty pass. I am not a hero. The beauty let me pass.

Classic quotations of funny humor 5 1. Love is like a photo, which needs a lot of darkroom time to cultivate.

2. Smart people are unmarried, and married people are hard to be smart.

Angels can fly because they look down on themselves.

Internet is like a prison. You stole a wallet in, but you know everything when you go out.

Loneliness is not innate, but starts from the moment you fall in love with someone.

It's strange that you breathe in so much courage and spit out a sigh.

7, you have not been loved, you will cherish those who love you in the future.

8. Don't look back. My brother only loves your back.

9. Dissatisfaction is a suspended substitute, which makes people have the desire to climb up in comparison.

10, success is 3% talent plus 97% not being distracted by the internet.

1 1, fooling around will get boring sooner or later.

12, smart women deal with men, stupid women deal with women.

13, the departure of the stool is the pursuit of the toilet, or the ass is not retained.

14, everyone said that my sister was beautiful, but it was all made up.

15, I smoke because it hurts my lungs, not my heart.

16, the past is profound, but it is not enough to stop the future.

17, some people, when making masks, look much better than real people.

18, instead of mixing, it is better to cook, not as good as two, not as good as soaring.

19, freedom is not given by others, but pursued by ourselves.

20. Hard work will never kill you! But I won't prove it with myself.

2 1, love is cheap, and it is cheap again and again. When you stop being a bitch, women will come.

22. Love is like ice cream. Avoid it anyway, it will eventually melt.

23. Love makes people forget time, and time also makes people forget love.

24. When you fall in love with someone, you will always be a little scared and afraid of getting him; Afraid of losing him.

25. Everything has a price, and the price of happiness is pain.

26. Work is so interesting! Especially watching others work.

The furthest distance in the world is not the distance between life and death, but when I stand in front of you, you don't know that I love you.

I love you, and I am willing to give up everything-including you-for your happiness.

The night gave me a pair of black eyes, but I rolled my eyes with them.

30. Children in the back seat will have an accident, and children will be born in the back seat.

3 1, I lost my appetite when I saw you. What about sexual desire?

One should love animals, they are so tasty.

Do you think I'll watch you die? I'll close my eyes!

Classic quotations of funny humor 6 1. I fool around with mice every day to give cats and dogs a rest, which is also a sign of caring for small animals.

2. Recalling past feelings is like drinking Leng Cha. Even if you just soak for a while, it will taste overnight.

3, there are many women, while saying that men have no good things, while saying that my mother wants TM to be a man, how many girls are spoiled.

4. The Tang Priest had sex with the leprechaun, but he didn't forget to stay in the Buddha's heart when he was happy, so he made such a sound: Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, amitabha.

It's really hard to find the same kind, but there are many similarities.

6. How did you come into this world? Your father is not like that either.

7. Hello, everyone. As the ugliest rich woman in the world, my secret to getting rich is to hold a man in the street and say, either you marry me or you give me 50 yuan.

8. There are too many pleasantries, and the skin thickness is obviously not enough.

9. I don't ignore you, I don't ignore you, I don't care about you, and I don't look down on you. In fact, I have already ignored you.

10 girl, please look in the mirror. It's clothes, not facial features, that match well.

Honey, you should work hard to earn money. Money can't be so little that we have to worry about our livelihood all day, just like we don't need other charming women to spend.

12. When you introduce me to new friends, please hug my waist and don't stand by and point at me.

13. When I feel unwell, you should pretend to be a doctor, touch my forehead, take my temperature, and then send me to a real doctor for medicine and injection.

14, I have many shortcomings, and I am distressed enough. Please don't remind me at any time.

15, although you know all about those charming female stars, when I ask you, I still hope to get this answer: Who is Shu Qi? Is britney spears a tennis player?

16, please don't be sentimental. I think many women are interested in you and show off to me. Just like the beautiful girl who moved across the street, you always say that others like to watch you on the balcony. Later, we all knew that she was cross-eyed. Please remember this lesson.

Classic quotations of funny humor 7 1. I used to like her broad mind, but it was just an airport!

2, don't talk to me about ideals, quit!

I know that most of my efforts are useless, but I don't know which half.

Actually, I am not stupid, but I am too lazy to be smart.

5, everyone is drunk, I wake up alone, I am not serious!

6. Rats never waste time at night, while we humans waste one-third of our time every day.

7. Hugging is really a strange thing. We are so close, but we can't see each other's faces.

8. Don't say that others are mentally ill. The premise of having a brain is that you must have a brain.

9, insomnia, because sleep is too heavy, thinking that one night less sleep will die.

10, if I become emperor, I will make you a prince!

1 1, the tragedy of life is that when you want to do everything, there is only one knife.

12, my advantages are: handsome; But my shortcoming is that I am not handsome.

13, the soil is used for digging, and the pit is used for burying you.

14, you still let me kneel on the washboard, kneeling on the electric heater is really unbearable!

15, there is always time and opportunity for what should be done, and there is always an excuse for what should not be done.

Although I am poor, I have all the problems of the rich.

17, I'm not afraid to drink dichlorvos, but I'm afraid I'll be surprised if I open the lid and enjoy one more bottle.

18, skipping classes too much. I wanted to go to class yesterday. Seeing the teacher, the teacher was surprised and said, I haven't seen you for so long, and I have grown so big.

19, upper-class people always like to do some dirty work.

20. After having a heart and a face.

2 1, you can't satisfy everyone, because not everyone is human!

22, cut off JJ worship god-this hurts yourself and offends God!

23, the crowd looked for her thousands of Baidu, suddenly looking back, that person still shrugged off me.

24. I think it's good to call. Everything I say is valuable.

25. I didn't know what I should be good at since I was a child. In desperation, we have to develop in an all-round way.

26, strayed into a barber shop, teased the shampoo girl in every way and refused. After the haircut, I gave 20 yuan change. The shampoo girl admits that she has no change: touch three, keep the change!

27. I think the earth is too dangerous. I miss Mars.

28. Although I am not very handsome, when I was a child, someone praised my left nostril as an idol.

29. How to lose weight if you don't have enough to eat?

Before I met you, I really didn't realize that I had a problem with judging people by their appearances.

3 1, don't worry Master, big brother will come to save us!

32. If you abolish my present, I will abolish your future.

33. Brother, can you lower the resolution of your face a little?

When I have a son named Shuai, people will say "handsome dad" when they see me.

If the teacher hadn't said you couldn't litter, I would have thrown you out.

36. Since I came to this world, I have never intended to go back alive.

37. The furthest distance in the world is not that you and I live far away, but that our classmates are in different rooms.

38. If you want to get ahead of others, you must suffer after others.

39. A man who doesn't want property at the time of divorce must not be a good man; A divorced woman who doesn't want property must be a good woman.

40. Roses are cheap. You can give them to your wife.

4 1, the heart is a little small, but it is not lacking; I have a good temper, but not without it!

42. Acne is the last battle that youth and years stubbornly resisted on my face.

Be good to yourself, because no one treats you as the world.

44. I skipped classes too much. One day I wanted to go to class and met a professor. The professor said in surprise, I haven't seen you for so long, and I have grown so big.

45. I am also an infatuated seed, but it rained ... and I drowned.

46. There must be a road in front of the driveway, and I can't stop it.

47. When arguing, the difference between a man and a woman is like the difference between a rifle and a machine gun.

48. The sunshine is warm and the years are quiet. How can I get old before you come?

49. I'd rather be lonely for three thousand years and scream at once than provoke frivolous women into the gauze account to solve loneliness!

50. A man gives a woman a bra to show that he wants to establish a lover relationship; A woman gives a man underwear, indicating a lover relationship.

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