Ask a few jokes that make you laugh for more than half a minute.

Chapter 1 Scholars, Carpenters and Farmers Once upon a time, a scholar, a carpenter and a farmer ate at the same table. Carpenters are craftsmen, scholars are scholars, and they look down on farmers as mud legs and deliberately leave them aside. The carpenter said to the scholar, "I cut it with an axe and cover it with an axe." Who doesn't like the tables and chairs I made? Sir, please ask Caicai! " "The scholar was very happy and immediately replied," I write with a pen and cover it with paper. Who doesn't love my articles? Master, please invite Caicai! ""two people compliment each other, you come and go, very lively, leaving the farmer alone. The farmer became more and more angry, thought about it, stood up and said loudly, "I plow and rake, who doesn't love the food I grow?" If you dare not eat my food, I dare not eat yours! "After listening to the farmer's words, scholars and carpenters knew that they had lost their gifts, and they quickly apologized to the farmer and invited him to eat food. Chapter 2 It is said that people can kill people by shouting their names on the battlefield. During World War I, there was a joke: the British and German armies confronted each other, and the soldiers of both sides squatted in their respective trenches, looking for an opportunity to kill the top soldiers on the other side's position with one shot. First of all, the British thought of a good way, because there are many Germans named John, so it is often the British position to shout first: "John? ！” A man in the German trench immediately stood up and replied, "What is it?" "pa! "A shot was fired, and that John died like this. Every time the British tried, the Germans finally discovered the mystery. Angry, they decided to fight back with their fists. So one day, there was a shout from the German position: "Jack? ！” The British trench quickly replied, "Who? Where are you? " "I'm here! "A man stood up quickly in a German trench." Bang! "The gun rang again. O(∩_∩)o Chapter III Drinking Order: Only my grandfather said that on the Mid-Autumn Festival a year ago, a landlord enjoyed the moon in the yard, and there were also teachers invited by his family, carpenters working in his family, bricklayers (construction workers) and pockmarked laborers. The landlord was so happy to enjoy the moon that he gave it to the four men. At this time, the landlord suggested that it is a beautiful place to drink the bright moon alone, and there can be no order and no wine. Each of the four people said a wine list, and whoever said he had the most would drink this pot of wine. This time, the teacher was proud and said the first paragraph: I am an inkstone, and I am the magistrate in the city. Only the magistrate can manage the people. No one is in charge of the magistrate. Say that finish, he proudly looked at the other three people. The carpenter traveled all over the country, knowing a lot, and didn't take the poor gentleman seriously. He picked it up without hesitation: my axe is an axe, and I am the county magistrate of the state. Only the magistrate of a county governs the magistrate of a county, and the magistrate of a county does not care about the magistrate. Bricklayers are not fuel-efficient lamps. He thought for a moment and then said, I will be emperor in the capital. Only the emperor is in charge of the magistrate, and no magistrate is in charge of the emperor. After that, he proudly looked at the long-term worker and waited for him to give up. In his view, he is the emperor himself, and no one is greater than the emperor. When the long-term worker had an accident, everyone became emperors. Who will be greater than the emperor? But I really don't want to give up like this. Suddenly, he had a brainwave, and then he said, I'm numb-faced. I'm the grandfather of the emperor (pronounced ya, which means father in Hunan dialect)! I am the only one who cares about my baby in the world, and there is no place where my baby cares about me! Say that finish, looking at the stunned three people, I took the hip flask in my hand and drank it beautifully. Chapter four The princess held a competition to recruit relatives. The first warrior who shot through the pear on the princess's head said: I 9m Han Zhiyong shot through the pear on the princess's head for the second time and said: I 9m Hou Yi shot the princess with the third arrow. Chapter 5 Sorry, in ancient times, if you wanted to know how deep the cave was, you usually threw stones into it. One day, a man was wandering on the mountain and found a cave. He began to wonder how deep the cave was. It happened that there was a big stone beside him, so he found a wooden stick and used the lever principle to get the stone in. Touch! ! Touch! Touch …, at that moment, I saw a cow running wildly and jumped into the hole at once! The man sat at the edge of the cave, puzzled for a while. A farmer came up and asked, "Young man, have you seen my cow?" "Yes, but the cow jumped into the cave by itself!" "How is that possible? I tied my cow to a big stone! " Chapter VI Donkey's ears are too long, causing trouble. It is said that in ancient times, there was a man driving a donkey cart across the bridge. The arch at the bridge head is not high enough. He was worried that the donkey cart could not pass, so he took a rivet from the cart and carefully knocked off some stones in the vault. Someone passed by here, saw it and said, "There is such a fool in the world! Wouldn't it be easier for you to scrape the soil under the arch? " The driver was not convinced: "You are a fucking fool! Not because the donkey's legs are too long, but because the donkey's ears are too long. " Then he turned to the donkey and said, "These are your damn donkey ears." Chapter VII The difference between Cao Cao and Liu Bei farting. One day, Cao Cao and Liu Bei were drinking to discuss heroes. After a few drinks, Liu Bei suddenly farted, which was embarrassing. When I was embarrassed, I heard Guan Yu behind me calmly say, "Don't take offense, fart comes from feather (rain)!" " As Guan Yu's voice dropped, Zhao Yun stepped forward and said, "Don't take it amiss, fart comes from the clouds!" After Zhao Yungang finished, Zhang Fei went on to shout, "Where did the fart come from just now!" Everyone burst into laughter. Liu Bei has also returned to normal. Cao Cao didn't laugh. He is deeply touched by this. After seeing Liu Bei and others off, Cao Cao said to his subordinates, "When Liu Bei's subordinates saw the master's mistakes, they rushed to take responsibility and make up for them. It's really loyal. If it is your turn, can you do it? " Everyone was indignant and thought, "It's nothing, what's difficult!" A few days later, Cao Cao invited Liu Bei to drink again. During the dinner, he wanted to fart and see how his men reacted. After holding back for a long time, I finally managed to hold back a small Pi. Everyone has been waiting for a long time. When they heard a "goo", the general quickly shouted: "Chu (pig) put the fart!" The waiter Wang Lang immediately said, "Lang (Wolf) farted!" As soon as Cao Cao stared, others thought that Cao Cao was too slow and rushed to take care of himself. Xia Houdun insisted: "Fart comes from London!" "no!" Huang Xu heard a retort, "I'm shaking my ass!" Xun You said, "You let the fart out!" Man Chong said, "Fart is a pet!" Jiang Ji said: "Fart comes from the economy!" Guo Tu said: "Fart is a picture (vomit)!" Zhong Youdao: "Fart is coming!" Then Taurus: "Fart is gold!" Cao Hong: "Fart is red!" Zhang Nan: "Fart is south (blue)!" Cao Cao was already flushed and was about to get angry. Counselor Guo Jia shouted, "None of them are right, none of them are right! Everyone is wrong! " Worthy of being my number one strategist. Cao Cao secretly thought. Guo Jia went on to say: "The fart was released by Jia (clip)!" Liu Bei and others have fainted from laughter. Chapter VIII eunuch joke Qin Shihuang returned to Beijing after years of inspection. Suddenly, he heard that a noble princess had given birth to a child, and thought: I have been away for so long, how can she be pregnant and have a child? Must be the eunuch next to me. So he called all eunuchs in a rage and told them to queue up to count off: 1, 2, 3, 4 (eunuch's soft voice), 5 (coarse voice). "No need to report!" The emperor said: "put the person who reported 5 in death row and come back tomorrow for another copy!" " ! "After midnight, the imperial concubine sneaked into death row with her baby in her arms and told reporters," I have bought off the prison administration. Let's fly away and live a happy life in a place where no one can find it. "5 said," it's too late, it's too late (softly). "The eunuch is gone! Two of them are telling jokes: A said, I'll tell you a smile and make sure you can laugh. B said, are you kidding? A said: A eunuch suddenly stopped talking about it. B said: What's next? A said: no! During the Jiajing period of the Ming Dynasty, a eunuch was ordered to go to Zhejiang to handle affairs and drink with Cao, a resident of Sibeiguan and a worker of Sinanguan. During the dinner, the eunuch looked down on the two officials and made an insulting remark, demanding that the officials be right. The sentence is: "The south is in charge of the North, and the north is in charge of the South. As soon as the hand passes, it will pass, and it will also bear the hard work of merchants from all directions. "The eunuch himself was originally in a low position and used to be the gatekeeper of the palace, so the official sneered:" Take the back door in front, the front door in the back, kowtow a thousand times, kowtow a million times, shout a few times, and long live the ancestors standing by. "Eunuch gave birth to * * * One day, in chemistry class, the teacher was talking about the chapter of phthalein, saying that phthalein would generate * * * under chemical reaction. A gentleman had just returned from negotiations with Duke Zhou, when he suddenly heard this, he asked: eunuch, what else can a eunuch give birth to? The whole class is in an uproar! The eunuch kept watch, and the eunuch kept watch. The topic "How terrible the afterlife is" came up, and everyone covered their mouths and laughed. Asked why, the tutor said, "It is too difficult for students to ask questions, so it is better to subtract one word." Yan smiled and said, "In that case, let's just be awesome without saying the word' Hou'." Chapter 9 An idiot went to the county government to complain and told the magistrate, "I lost a hoe tomorrow, please ask my master to investigate." The county magistrate scolded, "you dog slave, you will lose your hoe tomorrow." Why didn't you complain yesterday? " The officers standing by couldn't help laughing at their dementia. When the magistrate saw that all the officials were laughing at him, he was so angry that he threw the gavel on the mountain and immediately closed the case: "You must be a slippery official who stole a hoe. "Also asked him what's the use of stealing a hoe. The catcher smiled and said, "The villain stole a hoe and killed that idiot." Chapter 10 Zhong Wang Su Gong, a lecherous minister, doesn't like joking. One day, on his way home from North Korea, he saw a minister who was always staring at a beautiful woman passing by. The beauty has gone far away and the minister comes back to see her from time to time. At this time, Wang Zhong Su Gong, who has always been unsmiling, couldn't help joking with the minister: "This beautiful woman who just passed by is really strong." The priest asked quickly, "My Lord, how do you know she has power?" Wang Zhong Su Gong replied, "If she has no strength, how can your Old Master Q's head be pulled around by her? "