Classic jokes that can make people laugh to death

Classic jokes that make people laugh to death Classic jokes that make people laugh to death

1. You must come when I lose weight, because seeing you makes me lose my appetite.

2. It’s not that I don’t want to lose weight, I’m just afraid of rebounding.

3. We must look forward. How can we know what is good without missing some bad dates?

4. What the top students write in one night, the low-achievers finish in one morning reading.

5. What are CF, LOL, speeding, DNF, Internet cafes, and KTV. There is nothing better than a lively daughter-in-law.

6. "What's it like to take math class?" "Do you know what it feels like to watch Korean dramas without subtitles?" "..."

7. All the choices are on the chest instead of the face. The meat served is all sensible meat!

8. "I have been feeling very sleepy since the beginning of school, as if I have some illness." "To what extent?" "I feel like falling asleep as soon as the bell rings."

9. Never underestimate the charm of a fat girl after she loses weight!

10. My deskmate’s pen fell to my feet. He said he couldn’t reach it and asked me to pick it up. I silently picked up the pen and threw it within his reach.

11. Girl, when your hair grows to your waist, you can cut it off and sell it for money.

12. “Are you willing to be my sun?” “I do” “Then please keep 92955886.7 kilometers with me.”

13. I just don’t want to be brutal and It doesn't mean I don't have the fighting spirit.

14. I like my shadow in the sunset, it makes me look tall and thin.

15. I am born to smoke and drink, to live a plain life, and to be arrogant like you.

16. I just want to be a quiet beautiful girl, but I can’t be quiet with my stunning appearance.

Seventeen. Time has taught me that I don’t have to wait for anyone except express delivery.

18. People who don’t understand me, please don’t communicate with me!

19. You regard my coquettishness as unreasonable, so can I throw away your pleas as garbage? .

20. Don’t repeat what I said, don’t repeat what I did wrong, and don’t love those I loved again.

21. I can regard you as a treasure, but I can also regard you as nothing.

22. Every girl who shouts about losing weight has a mouth that can’t stop.

23. Other classes have good grades, good discipline, and please the teacher, but our class has nothing but good looks.

24. Women say, Sister is a brand you can’t afford. Brother, here’s a message for you, Li Ning, everything is possible!

Twenty-five. "Why can't fish live without water?" "Because of love." "Why can't you live without him?" "He still owes me money."

Twenty-six. The start of school Not long ago, a friend from the School of Foreign Languages ??told me that many majors had more boys than girls. Their class was extremely miserable with only two boys. What was even worse was that the two boys were better...

27. Hide the gun in your windbreaker and I will kill you if you don’t come home.

Twenty-eight, eating is what I want, and losing weight is what I want. I can’t have both, so I’m done with it.

29. Weather forecast: Recently, a master of flirting with girls is emerging. Girls, please pay attention.

Thirty. I learned the tricks. I am sincere in teasing you.

31. Fortunately, I am a little fat guy. When I feel sad, I can still touch my belly. 1.Give me your heart and you can go away!

32. I don’t understand the world of rich people, but this does not prevent me from being friends with them.

Thirty-three, don’t seduce me. I have a hundred ways to seduce you.

Thirty-four, a common problem among women, do not change seasons and you will never have any clothes, as if you came naked from the previous season.

Thirty-five. Every time I go shopping, many people send me small advertisements and flyers. Oh, this is me. I am so beautiful that it makes people laugh.

Thirty-six. People must learn to be ruthless and be a person who is not in pain or itchy. Talk about the super jokes that can make people laugh to death

1. One day at noon, Lao Liu happened to meet Lao Zhang on the road. He greeted Lao Zhang quickly, took out a dime from his pocket and handed it to him. Got Lao Zhang. Lao Liu said: Lao Zhang, I lent you a dime the day before yesterday, and I didn’t pay you back until today. Lao Zhang said: Forget it, it’s just a dime, what else do you want! Pay it back, pay it back! Lao Liu forced a dime into Lao Zhang's hand. Lao Zhang had no choice but to accept it and said: If you really want to pay it back, I won't be polite. When I go back later, I will close the account!

2. Hang a mosquito net and sleep naked inside to tease the mosquitoes and kill them.

3. When I have money, I will take the person I hate the most to the best mental hospital!

4. I remember when I was in college, one night during a self-study class, I wanted to make a fool of my classmate, so I stuck a piece of paper behind him with a pig drawn on it. There was a very fat girl at the table behind him. The fat girl laughed fiercely when she saw it, and her laughter became louder and louder. The monitor asked her why she was laughing. The fat girl smiled and pointed at the monitor and said: There is a pig behind you

5. A certain gentleman often lost his wallet when taking the bus. One day before getting on the bus, a certain gentleman folded a thick stack of paper and put it away. Put the envelope in, and when I got out of the car, I discovered that the envelope had been stolen. The next day, shortly after I got in the car, I felt something hard on my waist. I touched it and saw that it was the envelope from yesterday. The envelope said: Please don't make such jokes and affect your normal work. Thank you!

6. My girlfriend who just established a relationship was on a business trip. On the phone, she said she bought a pair of pajamas, which is so sexy! My brother immediately became obsessed with it. I said: Send me a photo to see! miss you! Girlfriend: Should I take photos with my clothes on or with my clothes off? I was so happy when I heard that, I took off my clothes and took a photo! Then I received a semi-transparent sexy pajama photo, NND! Hanging on a hanger

7. The weather is very good today. I am watching the scenery from the window with my colleagues. There is a large field of rapeseed planted downstairs, all of which are in bloom. The golden color is so beautiful that I can’t help but be intoxicated. Colleague: What do you think of? I said: Flowers bloom like a sea, and thoughts become a disaster. What about you? The colleague replied: Summer is coming, you can take off your long johns.

8. How to respond gracefully: Why aren’t you in love yet? My mother told me not to harm people.

9. I saw a woman on the road today. She had no expression on her face. She had just lost love. She crossed the road without looking at the traffic lights and was almost hit by a car. The driver yelled: Are you looking for death? The woman yelled back: If you knew it, you would brake! lz is extremely messy, looking at his chic back.

10. The old couple were watching TV, and suddenly a beauty pageant was broadcast. When the old man saw it, his face turned red, and he turned around and went into the room. The old lady laughed: The old man is quite feudal. After a while, the old man came back, sitting upright, with a pair of reading glasses on his face

11. A child asked a rich man: Sir, why are you so rich? The rich man said: When I was a child, I had nothing like you. My father gave me an apple, so I sold that apple, used the money I earned to buy two more apples, and then sold it to buy four more apples. The child was thoughtful and said: Sir, I seem to understand. Mr. Rich said: You know your sister. Later, my father died and I inherited all his inheritance.

12. I dreamed that I and my friends were kidnapped. When we were discussing how to escape, the alarm clock woke me up. When I got up and got ready for school, I suddenly thought that running away like this was not enough, so I went back to bed

13. Watching the time is not to get up, but to see how long you can sleep. . .

14. When school starts, the teacher will tell you that school is your home. When you were sleeping in class, the teacher said you thought school was your home. When cleaning, the teacher will tell you that school is your home.

When you don't wear school uniform, the teacher says you think school is your home!

15. There is a kind of meanness that forgets the pain when the scar is healed. . .

16. For more than ten years, I have worked hard to copy every exam. Why? Is it for myself? Not just to improve the average score of the class, but also for the face of the teacher, for the grade director’s evaluation, and for the principal’s face when going to the Education Bureau meeting to show off. Every time I copy, I feel terrified and sweat all over my body. I’ve said it before A complaint? You are so selfless, what else do you want from me?

17. What is a class teacher? He is a person who will destroy your friendship and then your love, but will not let go of your family affection!

18. If you don’t risk your life now, your life will play tricks on you in the future.

Hilarious animal jokes

1. Sample, you want to rob me!

Ants don’t want to be animals anymore recently,

He learned to be a robber, and met an elephant the first time he committed a crime.

Ant: I opened this road and planted this tree.

If you want to live from now on, leave money to buy the road.

The elephant inhaled and exhaled, and only sneezed once.

The ants were no longer in sight.

Elephant: You kid, you still want to rob me!

Let’s see if I don’t blow you away!

2. It’s amazing to be able to do some magic!

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The gecko went to play in the forest and met the chameleon.

Chameleon: Boy, this is not the place for you. Go away where you came from!

Gecko: Why are you so arrogant! If you are bigger, it will be great if you can do magic!

Classic hilarious jokes

1. Different wording

The cardinal drove his car at a speed,

A policeman caught up with him on a motorcycle Stop him.

Bishop asked: Am I driving too fast?

Police: No, Your Majesty.

Your car is not going too fast,

but it is going too slow.

2. Riding on a bicycle and drifting away

One day, I was sitting on campus, and a young man (visually estimated to be six or seven years old) passed by on a toy bicycle. , just wanted to tease him, so he used his hand as a gun:

Bang, bang, fire twice! Unexpectedly, the elder brother got out of the car and took out a gun from the basket. A real guy (a big toy gun)

shot at me crazily, and after I fell to the ground,

looked disdainful and drove away on his bike! A hilarious joke

A farmer drove his donkey into the city and met a rogue. The rogue asked: Have you eaten? The farmer said: Eat it. Scoundrel: I asked about the donkey. When the farmer heard this, he turned around and slapped the donkey twice: Damn it, even if there are relatives in the city, they won’t even say a word.

I saw a girl in the Internet cafe, wow! She is a beautiful sister!

After hesitating for a long time, I finally plucked up the courage to walk next to her and whispered: Can I talk to you?

MM actually shouted loudly: No! I won't sleep with you!

Everyone in the Internet cafe was staring at the two of us. I was very embarrassed, blushed and said nothing, and retreated to my seat.

After a while, the girl walked up to me and whispered: I'm sorry... I just wanted to test people's reactions in extremely embarrassing situations. I shouted: What? You want three hundred dollars? Too expensive!

Nine out of ten households in the community had anti-theft doors installed, and only one did not. One day, all nine households were robbed at the same time, and only the household that did not have anti-theft doors escaped. , and the thief wrote on the door: "Don't worry about me, and I'll trust you too!"

On the bus, the old lady was afraid that she would ask questions at every stop.

After the bus arrived at a certain station, she kept poking at the driver with her umbrella: "Is this an exhibition center?" The driver: "No, this is pork ribs!"

A young woman coaxes her child and sleeps with your grandfather at night , the child didn’t want to go, and the young woman said: If you don’t want to go, I will go. Grandpa said sternly from the side: Educate children to be honest. You can't coax children and old people at the same time.

In the past, when the exam teacher handed out papers, the girl behind him took an extra paper and shouted, "Teacher, I have it, I have it." Then the boy sitting next to him said, "It's mine, it's mine." "The whole class was shocked~~~

The mouse went to the convenience store and saw the bear. He was too frightened to say anything. The bear looked at the mouse and said, "Can you shed your hair?" The mouse shivered and said nothing. The bear came again. Asked, will the hair fall off? The mouse said, no! The bear grabbed the mouse and wiped its butt and left.

There is an auto parts factory that has been in disrepair for a long time. The word "piece" has become the word "cow". An old man brought a cow and said: "The car-partnering factory has to assemble the cow, and the worst thing is a tractor!"

A man kept farting loudly in the office, and his colleagues couldn't help but say: You Can you keep quiet? Then I saw him sitting there shaking and shaking, and asked: What are you doing? He replied: I have set it to vibrating.

There was an English class outside. There was the sound of motorcycles starting up. The sound lasted for a long time, making people uneasy. At this time, the teacher noticed everyone's annoyance and shook his head and said, "China." p>'s motorcycle... well! "After class, we discovered that it was workers logging!

A pair of lovers were caught by savages in the mountains and said, "If you eat each other's feces, they will let you go." They did it. The woman cried loudly on the way. , the man asked the reason, the woman said sadly: You don’t love me, otherwise you wouldn’t poop so much!

A woman was walking at night when she suddenly saw a man walking towards her with open arms and giving her a hug. Like, he stepped forward and kicked him. The man fell to the ground and cried loudly, saying: It’s already the third piece of glass. I’ve offended someone. Is it so difficult to bring a piece of glass home?

The dog said to the bear , marry me, you will be happy if you marry me. The bear said: I won’t marry you, marrying you will only give birth to a bear, I want to marry a cat, and giving birth to a panda will be noble! The wife who had an affair with her husband suddenly came home. The adulterer jumped out of the window and escaped and mingled with the morning joggers. Some curious people asked why he was not wearing clothes, and the answer was: streaking, I have never seen it? Curious people: I have seen streaking, but I have never seen streaking with a condom. .

At the teacher appreciation banquet, a classmate said to the teacher: "Good teacher, I must give you a toast!" You are so kind to me. Every time you finish a question, you are the first to ask me if I understand. "The teacher said: "Actually, I think that if you understand, everyone will understand..."

Cats are very delicate. In the afternoon at my friend's house, her cat lay down and slept behind my butt. I drank too much beer and accidentally farted on the cat's head. As a result, the cat stood up with a squeal, fluttered its hands in front of its eyes a few times, fell backwards, passed out, and stood up straight. It scared my dad to death. . . . My friend quickly took him to the pet hospital. Later, his friend called and told me that he was diagnosed with alcoholism and asked me to visit him and apologize to him.

A friend lent me 500 yuan. It took a long time to return it, and I was embarrassed to ask for it, so every time we went to KTV to sing, I would click on "Your Backpack", and in the last sentence I would sing to him affectionately: "Why not borrow something?" return? "He applauded me without knowing it: "You sing so well, so well." I was speechless...

I was sitting in the last row of Chinese language class in junior high school playing poker with a classmate. It was boring. Flower. I took a handful of old K and said, "Five laps." He said, "Ten laps." I looked at him, are you sure? I said, "Okay." Open. You show your cards first. He hits JQK straight. I show three old kings and you lose. He stood up and pointed at me and said, "Teacher, he is playing poker in class."

A grandma who has been smoking for most of her life said: "Granddaughter, never marry someone who has quit smoking. "I was very puzzled and asked her why.

She said: "Men who have quit smoking are cruel! Think about it, even if you quit smoking, you still can't do anything!" After hearing this, the grandfather said to his grandson: "You must not be successful in losing weight when looking for a partner. A woman! If a woman can even control her mouth, what else can she not be cruel about?"~