What are the differences between men and women?

In a nutshell: Men have to live in the "upper position" throughout their lives, and women have to live in the "lower position" throughout their lives.

To explain a little, men will always live on the battlefield, and they will always fight for their dignity and face.

Women will always live in camps and nurseries. What they care most about is not their dignity, but whether they are popular and loved.

Give me an example.

When the man came home, he was very tired, and he saw a woman complaining: how hard it is to take care of children.

The man thought, so what can I do to solve this problem?

It turned out that there was nothing he could do about it, so he was asked to help his wife take care of the children? Maybe being clumsy will lead to more complaints from your wife; trying to comfort your wife in a manly way and make her feel better? "Why are you thinking so much? Don't be so perfectionistic. It doesn't matter. Children are not so delicate..."

Why do men say such mindless things?

Because in the male world, comfort is like this: if a man is in negative emotions, then another man will be responsible for giving him chicken blood, filling him with chicken soup for the soul, emphasizing the strength of the self and the difficulties. Insignificant, the longer you stay in a world of negative emotions, the more dangerous it becomes. This method is completely a duel mode in war.

But in the world of women, the most important thing is not how to overcome difficulties. What they need is love, companionship, someone to walk with at night, to help each other, to be vulnerable..." It’s really not easy for you. I feel so bad for you. I feel so uncomfortable. Don’t hold it back. Tell your husband?” At this time, women often feel that they are cared about and understood. Their love will be filled and they can continue to devote themselves to the world of "fighting" with their children.

So when a man loves a woman in a man’s way, in the woman’s eyes, he doesn’t love himself and cannot love himself.

The man is aggrieved. I tried so hard to help you solve the problem, but you turned around and attacked me?

I was frustrated and frustrated, so I withdrew. For men, they must never fight a war that they cannot win. If they cannot win, they will withdraw.

This is why many men "withdraw" from the family after having children.

Some people say, before having children, I did this when we were in love, and he was quite able to coax me. Why did he change his attitude once we got married?

Because your expectations and needs are different at that time.

His biggest need at that time was to get you, to own you, and to go to the palace of marriage with you. As a couple, this is nothing more than what he needs.

But as a marriage partner, his expectations of you and your expectations of him will be very different.

Being a playmate and being a collaborator are different roles, but many people don’t understand it. They think that cooperation is a matter of course.

But in fact, cooperation between husband and wife is the most difficult job in the world.

Because once we get married, we are all prone to "regression". We all hope that the other person will be a father and a mother, or a son and a daughter, or we will do it unilaterally, and we rarely think about whether the other person wants it. Your contribution; either you ask for it unilaterally, and you rarely think about why the other party wants to give you so much.

Compared to falling in love, marriage is really not a fun game.

It is not so happy, but when you win the challenge, there will be a sense of value; it is not so exciting, but when you complete the mission, there will be a sense of meaning.

The journey of having a baby will test your personality maturity:

Whether you can get satisfaction from taking responsibility;

Whether you find How to obtain a balance of interests in conflicts and contradictions?

If these two tasks are not completed, everything is nonsense. You are still children.

I read an article saying that a new mother saw various articles that were threatening to have children, so she and her husband carefully studied the various articles and raised questions one by one. solution, but after the child was born, everything in the article became reality, and the relationship between husband and wife could never return to its original state.

Not to mention those couples who are so stupid and naive that they think having a child will make their marriage happier.

In fact, a survey shows that among 90% of couples, the quality of their marriage plummets after giving birth to a child. When will it improve? After the child leaves the nest, the couple's life resumes.

Does having children help improve the quality of marriage? I just laughed. Research proves that children play a less than active role in most relationships.

(Of course, despite this, we still have children one after another, why? Because in addition to the happiness of marriage, we also really want a sense of meaning of "creation" and "reproduction". You have never been married or given birth to a child in your life, so it seems that you are not a "whole person")

So why does the relationship between husband and wife deteriorate after giving birth to a child?

This starts with the "Four Stages of Marriage".

Any emotion will have three stages: occurrence, development and end.

The first stage is: the honeymoon period, like glue and paint, following each other like a shadow. There is a saying that "beauty is in the eye of the beholder", which means that the main function of love is "hypnosis", which can distort reality. Originally, your lover is not that good-looking, but in your eyes and in the eyes of others, he There has been a big difference in him.

This extra part is your own fantasy. For example, you have lacked maternal love since you were a child. This man puts a coat on you when you are cold, and you fall in love with him. You think he is the most considerate and caring lover in the world, but is he? Is it as perfect as you imagined? Most likely not.

When will the illusion be shattered? In the second stage, the struggle for power. At this time, we no longer want to play the perfect lover, we want the self behind the mask to be revealed in this relationship.

For example, many times men will suppress many of their own needs in order to pursue women: I want to play football with my buddies on the weekend, but I don’t want to go shopping with you and look at women’s products. In the past, because I was afraid of losing you, I had to pretend to watch you change clothes one after another with relish. Now I want to do something that interests me and has nothing to do with you.

In order to make men love them, many women have to dress up and prepare for a date for two hours. Now that they are husbands, they can be naked and burp and fart in pajamas like a housewife. Those Any place that has no sense of beauty needs to be released.

At this time, we discovered that there are so many differences between each other.