A complete collection of jokes and quotations in life

One day, my classmate called and handed it to me, saying, "Your mother's phone."

As soon as I answered the phone, I casually said, "A man and a woman."

Everyone laughed wildly. I was laughed at for four years.

2. A classmate's high school classmate (a boy) walked into the noodle restaurant and tossed his hair: "Boss, no onion rice noodles!" After that, I added: "More rice noodles!" Boss: "Do you want rice noodles or onions?"

In high school, everyone has a name tag. . Before a physical examination, the class teacher ran to the classroom and shouted, put on your bra and come to Zara. . The audience was silent.

4. A teacher probably played mahjong all night, and when he saw that the blackboard was not wiped, he was furious: "Who is the farmer today?" Don't clean the blackboard! "

5. Once my uncle saw my sister-in-law wearing a big treasure and suddenly shouted, "You have such good skin, why do you still use soothing treasure?"

6. The female classmate and her cousin invited me to dinner and asked me to eat more during the dinner. I don't know why I made the following mistake: "Thank you, I have no sexual desire recently, please eat more!" " At that time, everyone was spouting rice. .

7. My colleague had a quarrel with someone and opened his mouth in a hurry. "Do you think I grew up eating?" I've always wondered what he grew up eating.

8. A woman can't get married because of her small breasts. One day, she said to a blind date man,' Do you not like my small breasts?' The man said,' Is it as big as steamed bread?' The woman said yes! On the night of the bridal chamber, the man rushed out of the bridal chamber and knelt in front of the sky and shouted,' Oh, my God, Wangzai little steamed bread!'

9. My son sleeps with his mother every night. Mom said that you grew up, married a daughter-in-law and slept with your mother. Son: Yeah. Mom said: What about your wife? The son said, let her sleep with her father. Dad said excitedly: this child has been sensible since childhood!

10. A beautiful girl keeps a parrot. One day, the girl was taking a bath in the bathroom. The parrot said, "Yes, look.

Here we are. The girl said angrily to the parrot, "If you bark again, I will pull out your hair." "The next day, a bald guest came.

Arriving at home, the parrot sneaked on the guest's shoulder and whispered, "Did you see it, too?

1 1. The mother fly takes the little fly to eat. They fly on a pile of cow dung. The little fly asked gloomily, "Mom, why do we always eat cow dung?" The mother fly slapped the little fly and scolded, "This unlucky child, don't say such disgusting things when eating!" " "

12. Three poor farmers are chatting in the field. A: I'm going to be a big official, so let's eat steamed buns. B: Then I'll eat a big bowl of beef noodles every day. C: I'm going to be an official. No one is allowed to pick up dung in the village. They are all mine!