Selected 21 funny stories. The lipstick is inserted directly into the nostrils. The picture is so beautiful that I dare not look at it...

1. I had a big argument with my wife. I was peeing in the bathroom at night. I saw a thread on the bottom of my newly bought pants. I kept pulling it with my hand. I saw scissors on the basin table, so I took it over and prepared to cut it. This is when my wife suddenly rushed over and grabbed my hand and cried: "I'm wrong, why don't you do it?"

2. The vicious witch cast a spell on the prince, and the prince only had 100000 yuan a year. He could say one word. The prince had a beloved girl. From then on, the prince kept silent for three years just to say I love you to the girl. Three years later, the prince rushed out of the door and tripped over the threshold. The prince said: "Hey Damn it”.

3. A batch of primary school Chinese papers are required to make sentences using "there are... there are... and...". One student wrote this: Yesterday I went to my grandma’s house, and grandma brought me a chicken drumstick. After I finished eating it, I asked grandma if there were any more. Grandma replied: “Yes, yes, and there are more!”

4. At the door of the operating room, the doctor, who was sweating profusely and soaked all over, said to the family members: "I'm sorry, we tried our best!" The family members burst into tears when they heard this; "Is it true... is there really nothing we can do?" The doctor shook his head. , sighing: "Your daughter is too fat, we really can't move it to the operating table."

5. Taking the bus today, a girl was putting on makeup and lipstick on the bus. Suddenly there was a bump, and the lipstick went directly into my nostril. The picture was so beautiful that I didn’t dare to look at it...

6. Funny thing, I told my mother that someone almost touched my thigh on the bus yesterday. My mother was very worried and said to me: "Your leg hair is so long, didn't you hurt anyone?"

7. Zhu Bajie teased Chang'e, and the Jade Emperor knew that he was angry, so he asked the Supreme Lord: This should be done How to dispose of it? Taishang Laojun: Marshal Tianpeng knows the law and breaks the law, and he should be punished for his crime! The Jade Emperor sighed: Alas! Just be a pig! Ever since. . .

8. I am not fat, it is swelling caused by allergies to life. We were all very happy when we were children, because at that time our ugliness and poverty were not so obvious. People are forced to do anything except math problems.

9. You are naive to the second power now, and naive and twice as naive. My boyfriend is very good-looking, has a nice voice, and treats me very well. The only bad thing about him is that he hasn't found me yet.

10. My best friend has big hair but little hair, but she likes to wear a high bun. Once on the bus, the little loli next to me suddenly shouted: "Mom, look, it's Calabash Baby!"

11. In the past, I had no money, but I was happy every day, but now it's different , not only did I have no money, I was not happy. What was even more annoying was that some people said that I would definitely not have money to go out for fun on May Day. I laughed and sat at home thinking about it all morning... who leaked the news!

12. When I was a child, I lived near the Chengdu-Kunming Railway. I often played with my friends nearby. Whenever the train came, we would chase it. Sometimes the train would spray water mist, and we would greet it. The water mist sprayed all over us, and we were so happy that we even opened our mouths to catch it when we had time. Later, after I found out what it was, every time I think about it, the originally beautiful childhood memories were instantly ruined.

13. Due to various reasons, a girl turned thirty and was still unmarried. Her father said: "This girl can't get married!" Her mother said: "You should either become a monk, Emei, or Shaolin Temple." ?" Her father said: "Let's go to Shaolin Temple, there are many men!"

14. Loyalty is hard to hear! 1. If you are a man, please don’t get a dog. 2. If you get a dog, don’t get a dog that can jump on the bed. 3. If you have a dog that can jump on the bed, you should never sleep naked. 4. If you really like sleeping naked, don’t feed sausages to your dog.

15. Xiao Ming is already in his third year of college and still has no girlfriend. Encouraged by his dorm buddies, he decided to chase a girl he had admired for a long time. One day, he saw the girl walking alone on the playground and followed her. Because he didn't know how to speak, Xiao Ming felt very anxious. Seeing the girl walking further and further away, he had no choice but to pick something up from the ground, catch up and say: "Miss, did you drop this brick?"

16. Funny talk, today's weather It’s great for playing around, and even better for kissing and cuddling.

The head teacher moved boys to one table and girls to another table to prevent early love. In fact, he was unaware of the more serious problem.

17. When we were shopping in a shopping mall with three classmates, a salesperson at the counter kept looking at us and laughing, which made us feel scared, so we stepped forward and asked, "Why are you laughing?" The salesperson said, "There was someone just now. The thief took out your mobile phone, looked at it, and probably thought it was too old. He shook his head and put it back in your pocket. ”

18. Once, the class teacher asked for a long leave, and the substitute teacher said, He was hit by a car and suffered broken bones. So, the monitor asked everyone in the class to contribute money to buy a wheelchair for the teacher. I didn’t have enough money, so I seemed to have bought a second-hand one. The class cadres carried the wheelchair to the teacher's house, knocked on the door, and then saw the class teacher coming out to open the door with a plaster hanging on one hand...

19. My classmate and I were arguing about an issue, and we were at a disadvantage for a while. In desperation, he slammed the table and stood up, shouting: "You're talking nonsense, I'm not stupid!" Fortunately, I'm ugly and haven't experienced the love and hate you all have.

20. One day, a villager chatted with the village chief and said, "Village Chief, they all say you don't know how to count. Is it true?" The village chief became anxious and stretched out three fingers. He said, "Five words for you, it's all nonsense."

21. My husband took his 6-year-old son to learn Taekwondo. After learning for a long time, when he got home, his son said to me: "Mom, if you fight with dad in the future, remember to bow first!" "I'm speechless.