Isn't it good to be single?

A reader once asked me about the world. He said that he was a college student and he longed for a girlfriend, but he didn't. Seeing others in pairs, he especially wants someone around him. He also said, I know you will say this is a normal thing, but I just want to know what I should do.

Another reader told me that her parents had started dating her as soon as she went to college. For three years, she has never met the person she loves. Now she clearly knows that she is still young, but she is also very anxious. My parents always say that she is too picky to get married.

According to "How do you want to know your married partner?" In the "Generation Z-China Post-95 Data Report", 87% of the respondents hope to upgrade from classmates or friends to lovers, and college students also have a high degree of acceptance of "friends and relatives introduction", accounting for 34%.

I especially want to ask a question, is it not good to be single?

1

The whole world does not buy the argument that men should get married and women should get married.

On holidays, you can see posts prohibiting forced marriage, and you are not allowed to ask questions such as whether you have a boyfriend. Is being single that scary?

According to Gallup survey, Americans are getting married less and less. Nearly half of Americans think that today's morality is very bad, and almost three quarters think that the situation will only get worse. The marriage rate in the United States, that is, the proportion of newly married people per thousand people, has been declining for several years in a row. Research institute IbisWorld predicts that the marriage rate will continue to decline in the next five years.

Statistics show that in 20 16, the number one family in Canada was actually 28.2%, and in 200 1 year, the proportion was 25.7%. Followed by families with children: 26%; Couples without children: 26%; Single parent families: 9%

According to the data survey of the German Federal Statistical Office, the marriage rate in Germany dropped from about 520,000 in 1990 to about 380,000 in 201year. There are more and more people living alone, almost one in five Germans lives alone, which is much higher than before, reaching a record high. Especially in big cities, the phenomenon of single living alone is more common.

A study published by the British Bureau of Statistics shows that from 1933 to 20 13, the marriage rate is getting lower and lower, and the marriage rate of both men and women decreases at the same time. In 20 14, there were 26.7 million families in China, of which 28% had only one member. Among the other 72% non-single families, 3 million are single-parent families and 3 million are cohabiting couples; On the census registration form, they may classify themselves as unmarried.

Japan's census data also clearly shows the current situation of Japanese people marrying late or even not. According to the census data of Japan in 20 10 (as shown below), 47% of men and 35% of women aged 30-34 have never been married. Even among people aged 45-49, 23% of men and 13% of women have never been married.

In contrast, the situation in China is optimistic.

20 10 In the same year, only 13% of men aged 30-34 in China and only 5% of women never got married, far lower than 47% and 35% in Japan. In all age groups over 40, the unmarried ratio of women is less than 1% (almost equal to zero), and the unmarried ratio of men is only about 3%. (World Marriage Data 20 12. http://www . un . org/esa/population/publications/WMD 20 12/mainframe . html)

According to the Pew Research Center, people of different ages are single for different reasons.

/kloc-among people aged 0/8-24, 33% think they are too young to settle down so early; Among the people aged 25-34, 34% are not allowed because of economic conditions; People over 35 don't get married because they haven't met the right person.

2.

From a psychological point of view, a person who can live a good single life will also handle the world of two people and live a good married life.

If only sister Lin and brother Baoyu could fall from the sky. Even if I meet one.

Nowadays, the love story, from acquaintance to love, has developed rapidly. Even the topic of explosion is that love cannot last long.

As a result, many people feel that physical needs, family needs and their own psychological needs are temporarily mixed together, or they can't tell the difference between them.

Some people, when they don't know their psychological needs at all, make choices because of physical needs or family needs.

For example, we will appreciate handsome guys and beautiful women for a while, but it is impossible for everyone to fall in love with handsome guys and beautiful women and even want to get married. Is the relationship between two people more important than sex?

For another example, many parents can't wait to get married as soon as they hear that there are children with high salaries and high academic qualifications, but marriage is an agreement between two people, and monogamy does not allow one more parent.

Here, I want to say that love is very important, and marriage is also very important. Both are the physical and mental needs of human beings, but don't rush to take off the bill, enjoy sex or get married.

There is a saying in China that "sex is more important than friends", which is usually said by friends, because when the intimate relationship between two people appears, they often don't have so much time to accompany their friends. The happiness that friends and lovers can bring is the same for most people.

Dr Anthony Mancini, assistant professor of Dyson College of Art and Science at Pace University, conducted a representative study on nearly 654.38+0.7 million people, and found that nearly 80% of married people reported the same level of happiness after marriage. 10% of people reported an increase in happiness after marriage.

The older you get, the more important your friends are. A study published in the Journal of Gerontology from April 2065438 to April 2007 found that when people associate with good friends more frequently, not only their own depressive symptoms will decrease, but also their partners will decrease.

Except that people prefer to have sex without outsiders, people prefer to be with friends, not just their spouses.

3.

How do people make friends nowadays?

( 1)

In the middle of last century, young people generally met at dances and parties, and did not have sex before marriage. Nowadays, many people don't have time to spend with their friends, whether it's mobile phones or the Internet. According to data from Pew Research Center, in 20 15 years, more than half of Americans think online dating and making friends is a good way. Of course, some people expressed doubts. The number of people who expressed doubts dropped from 29% in 2005 to 23% in 20 15.

Many dating sites often give people the illusion of chatting well in the virtual world. Two people who have known each other for a while can trust each other even if they know each other. Even if they are cheated when they meet, they will repeatedly defend each other in their hearts: We have known each other for so long ... In fact, you don't know each other at all! According to the Pew Research Center, 66% of online daters meet each other.

The internet is too easy for people to dream, either imagining each other too beautifully or pretending to be perfect. 30% of women and 16% of men will ask someone to help them modify their personal data. Even though there are a lot of video calling software now, netizens are different from friends in real life, and online dating is more different from "real people meet and fall in love". Instead of taking chances, it is better to meet as soon as possible, especially before you get obsessed, so as not to waste your youth too late.

If two people know each other in the real world, the internet may keep them in touch; If two people have never met, but talk well, the real world is likely to be a one-night stand, not a lifelong love. In real life, people who can chat online are likely to be afraid to make eye contact with others when talking. Besides, it is possible for one person to chat with a group of people at the same time on the Internet.

Recently, the US aid website landed in China, claiming to "create a high-quality social network space for high-quality and high-grade people!" In fact, let the purpose of dating become a sexual transaction. To some extent, it is challenging the moral bottom line of society. It seems that anyone can become a "prostitute" and a "client" reasonably and legally. Many criminals took advantage of some young girls' inexperience and blind worship of money, and finally brought them into the abyss.

When sex becomes commercialized, love becomes a luxury. How many girls walked into the hospital by themselves and had painless abortion? The high abortion rate and the number of abortions reflect the values of the separation of love and sex today. In this book, I will use psychology, sexology and anthropology to explain the relationship between love and sex in detail.

Finally, in online dating, only 5% people finally get married.

(2)

Blind date is like an interview. You need to list a job advertisement in advance, stating what conditions you need (education, work, height, appearance, family background, etc.). ), and the resume meets the requirements before the interview. When interviewing, you should also look at your appearance and ask questions. Often before we know the result, we may be denied by problems such as appearance, accent, eating habits, and savings.

When two people are dating, the brain often stimulates the fault-finding program to run before starting the dating mode. Even if I really meet someone who is particularly talkative and beautiful, I am particularly afraid that others will be blind date professionals. I don't know how many boats I have to step on, and I can't afford to build trust for a while.

If two people know the life they want, their personalities are complementary, and it is just the right time, then no matter how they know each other, they may get married. I am afraid that blind date is to meet the needs of my family. As a result, I made other people's decisions and lived a life that does not belong to me.

Just like that year, in order to choose a princess, Prince Charles chose Diana, who was young and beautiful, lively and energetic, with a simple love history and suitable for childbirth. Marriage is to meet the needs of the royal family. The bottom line that the royal family can accept is hereditary nobility. Camilla was born in a non-noble family and has a rich love history. The British royal family refused to let her be a candidate for the royal princess. Although it is unfair to Diana, who wants to break off her engagement, it is welcome for her parents to marry the royal family. How can she break off her marriage? Isn't that a joke and a disaster?

Finally, people saw a prince who didn't want to be a mistress and a princess who tried her best to be loved. They all paid the price for other people's decisions.

(3)

Many people are willing to consult with "emotional bloggers" and "marriage, psychology and relationship experts" to find ways to communicate. This is not impossible, but people need to know:

It is not the relationship between two people in the world that needs to be managed, but the relationship between oneself and oneself is more important and needs to be managed. Respect your heart first, then respect others.

Some people say that marriage is a person's practice. This is only half right. A good marriage is the practice of two people. The key is that two people have already started their own practice before marriage.

When we don't know how to get along with ourselves, it is difficult for us to know what we care about and what kind of lifestyle we like, but it is easy to fall into the trap of "confusion" and "depression" and cannot extricate ourselves.

Before falling in love and getting married, we'd better make sure that we are physically and mentally healthy, independent and sober, and understand love and marriage objectively and reasonably.

Instead of making love, seeing people on blind dates and specializing in skills; In order to find a "sex" partner, "wallet", "mother" and so on, evaluate the value; In order to please people, the heart is different; Regarding their age, appearance, height, cup size, weight, education level, personality and family environment ... arrogance or inferiority.

four

What should a single person do?

When you are single, you should contact more people in real life, expand your social circle and learn how to be a man. Go out of the house, understand the society, don't do illegal things, and learn to live independently; Exercise well, watch less porn, don't sleep with people casually, and learn to take care of your body; Cultivate a hobby that suits you, continue to pursue your ideals, seize the time to learn more knowledge and learn to think about tomorrow.

Friendship is an impulse in our hearts, but it is also a skill. This skill can be taught or learned.

Only if you are willing to practice and learn, can you learn to get along with others, find your own value in others' feedback, and understand your physical and mental needs. Love and marriage are very important. What is more important than love and marriage is actually how meaningful your life is without love and marriage.

Many times, it's not that there is no suitable person, but that you don't know whether she/he is the right person, or who should be the right person, or even that you don't have time to associate with people in your life. When you know yourself, you will give yourself time to know others, love will not be blind, and marriage will not let emotion prevail over reason.

When people reach a certain age, it is difficult to accept going home alone at night. No matter how successful he is, he wants someone to share the beauty of life. What I want to say is that in life, "friendship and opportunity are built and created bit by bit, not by luck." -Barbara bush ".

88% of people will marry the partner they know in life. If you are ready, that person will appear at any time. I hope you can understand the meaning of this sentence after reading this book.

five

However, if you want to commit suicide, you always feel lonely and helpless, and you don't want to associate with people at all, so you must seek the help of a doctor. Love may not suit you, but it may make you more miserable. It's important to know this!

According to the bulletin issued by the WHO representative office in China, in 20 17 years, one in every ten people in the world has experienced severe depression at least once in his life. It is estimated that there are more than 322 million people of different ages suffering from depression all over the world, and the number of patients in China is at least 54 million. In 20 14 years, there were about 39 million depression patients in China, but the proportion of people who actually received effective antidepressant treatment was less than 10%. The World Health Organization predicts that by 2020, depression may become the second biggest killer of human diseases after cardiovascular diseases.

The questionnaire survey of post-95 college students' depression shows that 56% of post-95 college students show different degrees of depression, of which 40% have mild depression, 12% have moderate depression, and 4% even have severe depression.

If you happen to fall in love with a depressed person, please try to understand. People with depression sometimes close themselves up because of doubt and inferiority, and their mood can't be explained. Love should know that it's not your fault, it's not your fault, don't blame yourself. Depression patients' despair and helplessness in life need the tolerance and understanding of their relatives, and re-establish trust and communication. However, if you don't seek professional treatment, it is very likely that everything you have paid for "love" will be in vain.

There are stories about falling in love with people with depression in the newspaper. You can search them before making a decision.

In addition to depression, there are obsessive-compulsive disorder, social phobia and other mental diseases that cannot be ignored. Patients don't want to love, but they are temporarily unable to love. Please understand them, not force them to fall in love and get married.