The heart grows wildly.

Foreword: A few days ago, I heard the alarm ringing, mourned for the lost life, and felt deeply at the lightness of life. I wanted to write something to record it, hoping that times had changed, and I could remember what I felt and thought at a certain moment. I always wanted to add a slogan to my present state, and write "My heart wants to grow wildly", so that I could "go through Qian Fan and return as a teenager" many years later.

after a long time at home, many things become "daily". One day I was lying on the sofa beside the balcony, and the wind temperature in March and April was just right. It is very important to emphasize the temperature. If it is too cold, I instinctively want to keep warm and ignore my feelings. If I am too enthusiastic, I will be impetuous and unable to think. The background music just happened to be "windy", and the lyrics were linked together to become a painting, which slowly reflected into my heart: an ignorant teenager, with curiosity about the world, walked through the world with his bags on his back, saw the years of all beings, extricated himself from the world, and indulged in talking in his sleep. He could not be true or false, did not struggle, and was not afraid of jokes. He returned to his hometown in the following year, and the evening breeze blew white hair from his temples. I am often moved by my own imagination, adding some specific scenes and stories, and always joking with my friends to write a novel, and then making it into a movie, which also leaves some "spirit" in people's memory. I always try to pursue the kind of quiet years, the past with the wind, calm and calm. In recent years, I have read some books more or less, experienced some things, and after repeated chewing, I have some thoughts on people, life and living in the world. I try to write down my understanding from a philosophical point of view, not grandstanding, but just seeking self-satisfaction and self-sufficiency.

I have been doing scientific research, especially engineering for a long time, and my thinking will become more rational. To quote my tutor, I said that life and scientific research are the same, and it needs to be orderly and clear-cut. Writing this essay is also framed in advance. People's thinking habits are terrible, and they should be perceptual experiences. Finally, I tried to interpret a feeling logically by quoting classics, and I couldn't help feeling that "human beings are really a collection of contradictions", although awkward.

About human nature

I love secondary culture. Later, when I was a few years old, I gradually became bored with what I had enjoyed. I was lucky enough to "break the secondary wall" and pay attention to many Japanese film and television themes and literature. Japan is a magical country, which greatly satisfies a teenager's curiosity. To borrow a sentence to judge Japanese TV dramas, compared with the sensory stimulation of American TV dramas and the vulgarity and exaggeration of Korean TV dramas, the most remarkable thing about Japanese TV dramas is that they are brave enough to face the evils of human nature such as irreverence, abnormal love, murder and domestic violence, and tell you that there are many ways to live life-you can disagree, disapprove and dislike it, but you don't have to object. China pursues the so-called "positive energy" tirelessly from oversight to the masses, which actually highlights a kind of social abnormality, and the stereotyped domestic TV series is a kind of cultural retrogression and ignorance.

Except Japanese literature or film and television themes, there are actually traces in ancient and modern China and foreign countries: hundred schools of thought's "beginning of life inherent vice" by Zhong Xunzi; The "seven deadly sins" in Catholicism-lust, gluttony, greed, laziness, rage, jealousy and arrogance, pray to the priest every day for their sins: Freud revealed to people that "man is born selfish" and "Oedipus plot" of killing his father and marrying his mother. I don't want to argue about "good nature" and "evil nature", but compare life to a process of continuous cultivation. Everyone is not perfect. For example, in order to cater to others, you become timid and dare not refuse lightly. When you see people who are better than yourself, you become jealous. When you face one thing behind your back, you become hypocritical. When you face many desires, you become greedy ... That's what the Buddha said, "To become a Buddha, you should remove karma and demons". The weakness of human nature comes from inner weakness after all. There is no other way to get rid of the weakness of human nature except inner strength, and this process is a person's self-improvement and a person's life journey.

About the Essence of Life

In ancient Greek mythology, there was a man named Sisyphus who played tricks on the death of Hades in order to escape the disaster of death, and was finally found out and given the most severe punishment. Regionally, Sisyphus was punished for pushing a round boulder that had to be pushed with all his strength from the foot of the mountain to the top of a steep hill. The scorching flames of hell are burning around. As soon as Sisyphus slackens, the boulder keeps rolling back to the foot of the mountain, and everything must be started all over again. When he tried his best to push the boulder to the top of the mountain, he thought he could get a break, but he didn't expect the ruthless boulder to rumble back to its original place again. This goes on and on, never ending. The picture of Sisyphus pushing the boulder hard year after year is similar to our life. When I was a child, I went to school, got a good job after school, got a good job, got a good marriage, got married and had children, and your son went on [going to school, getting married and having children]. Sometimes I felt sad that I couldn't help sighing. Is life just one endless siege after another? Whether life is meaningful or not. It was not until later that I found that the sages had a spirit that transcended time and space:

Schopenhauer was pessimistic. He said that life is meaningless, that is, it is a collection of desires. When the desires are satisfied, it is empty, and the pendulum swings in pain and boredom, and the ending is death; Nietzsche read Schopenhauer's book, quit his job and hid in the mountains and forests, racking his brains to think that life is meaningless, but the process of exploring life itself is meaningful; Shakespeare interprets life like a fool's story through Macbeth's mouth, full of noise and fury, but meaningless; Roman Roland said that there is only one kind of heroism in the world, that is, you still love after you recognize the truth of life; Wang Xiaobo seems to understand that the fleeting time is everything a person has, and only this is truly yours, and the rest are moments of joy and misfortune. Everything points to an end: life itself is meaningless, but the process of chasing life is of great significance.

Learn to bear the weight of life, just like the boulder in Sisyphus. Perhaps it is not the blame of fate, but the test of human nature. Only such a heavy weight can dispel the frivolous and grandiose, fill the bottomless desire, and awaken us to cherish the plain life. My good friend once said to me that "no misfortune is happiness", and it is not a kind of happiness to have trivial distress! Therefore, if you carefully reflect on the weight of life, it must contain gifts.

Around the Three Basic Problems of Philosophy

As the basis of all human thinking, it is well known that philosophy has three basic problems, that is, who am I, where am I from and where am I going? It is analyzed from the time dimension, that is, talking about people's present, past and future. I prefer to understand and explain it at the level of "self-knowledge, self-discipline and freedom".

Self-knowledge, knowing oneself is the origin of all human wisdom. Two thousand years ago, a proverb was engraved on the stone pillar of the Delphi Temple in ancient Greece: Man, know yourself. Only when you know "who am I" can you know "where am I going". Outsiders can't answer it. The more desires there are, the more difficult it is to calm down. We can only really understand "what is inside us", which determines our hearts.

Self-discipline, absolute self-discipline will lead to relative freedom. Kant said that the so-called freedom is not arbitrary, but self-domination. When you want to indulge and do whatever you want, whether you choose to be a slave of desire, get short-term happiness, or overcome the temptation of desire, you still keep your awareness of yourself. In order to control yourself in the ideal self, I hate to always talk about "eat, drink and be merry", which is actually an excuse to compromise yourself and give up desire.

I think there are three realms of spiritual freedom, namely, the temporary satisfaction of addiction (dopamine), the sense of accomplishment after finishing things (endorphin), and the * * * sound of time, space and mind (multiple hormones). The first is to eat, drink, and be merry in time. In order to escape the "heavy life", find some "addictions" to forget for a while, brush your mobile phone, play games, drink, smoke, take drugs, and have sex. According to medical analysis, when these behaviors occur, the human body will secrete dopamine. I attribute this to low-quality happiness, because you still need to face the reality after you finish. The second is your sense of accomplishment after the dimensional transformation of time and space. It is pointed out that people's bodies will secrete endorphins at this time. Although they are tired or hard, they are very satisfied and comforted. It is especially pointed out that people will accelerate the secretion of endorphins after running and fitness. Perhaps this is the reason why the voice of national fitness is so high now.

the third way is to calm down and find the meaning of life, focus on harmony with the grass and trees, feel with your heart, and find the link between your spirit and time and space. For example, when you walk on the boulevard on the way to work, slow down, observe the fallen leaves, watch them float down slowly, and spy out their posture, so as to realize the change and reincarnation of life, or the evolution of human beings, then this walk is meaningful and find the humanistic background and background color; One night, looking up at the starry sky, there was a dust between heaven and earth, and there was a Sha Ou between the sea, looking up at the stars, my soul danced, weaving with the grass and trees around me and even the whole universe, lamenting the miracle of the creator, and every drop of water that fell on my body seemed to reflect the story that happened in this land for millions of years; When the sun sets, you can think of yourself in the twilight looking at the horizon, looking back on your life, thinking of people and things that flow in the depths of your memory and deserve to be remembered all your life. Finally, you have a smile on your lips, which is comforting and peaceful.

Principles of life cultivation

Loneliness is the only way, learn to enjoy loneliness. In fact, people are born lonely, and then they enter the noisy world, and they can get out of the crowd and listen to the inner voice, talk to themselves and be one with everything. Loneliness always gives birth to ideas, and inspiration always gives lonely people a lot of love. Thinkers vary widely, but they often have one thing in common: their thoughts germinate in loneliness, brew in loneliness, be born in loneliness, and last for a long time in loneliness, Mika. Loneliness and loneliness are twin brothers and lonely children. Humans are social creatures, and the fear of being alone will give birth to loneliness and loneliness. There are often two types of modern social interaction, either the interest-driven network construction or the mutual warmth of a group of lonely people. Mentally speaking, spiritual freedom, while enjoying loneliness, you can get a self-sufficiency, a clear and peaceful spirit, and gradually enrich your soul.

desire obsession and parting. Don't be too obsessed with love, Buddha said, the fate of the floating world, once you die, spend a smile. A flower and a world, a leaf and a bodhi, a moment is forever. Love is caring for each other, or forgetting about the rivers and lakes. It is no accident that everyone appears in your life, and they will teach you something. If you don't owe each other, how can you meet each other? Be grateful to everyone who has been with you for a while, and the origin will gather and the fate will disperse; Don't be too obsessed with fame and fortune. Life is a sea of mountains and rivers, and fame and fortune should be pursued because people want to survive, but don't give up being yourself. Self-esteem, self-love and self-knowledge are always the bottom line for you as a person, otherwise you will just live in a muddle. An interesting example is watching Camus's The Outsider. The hero Merso is indifferent to his mother's death, even to his own do or die. He can still imagine the people's expression when he is sentenced, ignoring ordinary people and society, ignoring God, and turning himself out as God. He looks at everything from the perspective of God, which is really an extreme (too extreme …). The popular "giving up" last year means a little subtraction of desires. It is very suitable for young people who are teased by desires, not only external desires, but also inner desires. There are too many desires and too deep obsession. People can't let go after they have asked for it. Because they have devoted too much effort and painstaking efforts, they are unwilling. Modern people's homes and networks are full of useless information, eroding our spirit. Although I miss the era when there was no mobile phone. Try to keep life simple, keep food, clothing, housing and transportation simple, keep desires simple, and keep information simple. In the past two years, I have always told others that I have a great desire for knowledge. Dou Wen Tao also said that his thinking as a host led him to want to understand everything, and he couldn't sleep at night. This is also a kind of obsessive desire, which breaks away from thoughts and materials and reduces his obsession with feelings and desires, which is another realm of life practice.

be honest with yourself, others and the world. In fact, this part can be attributed to the result of "self-cognition", that is, accepting and letting go of yourself. When you have a clear positioning of yourself, you will not become hypocritical in order to cover up your inner weaknesses, and accept yourself with such shortcomings. No matter whether you become excellent or down, some people will like you and some people will not like you. Some people will treat you as before, and some people will find that they are not "on the same road" with you from the beginning, so accepting the imperfect self is also a process of reconciliation with themselves, so as to treat others with leniency and gentleness. The world is also divided into what you like or don't like, or when it happens to you, you should first accept it instead of complaining. If there is a problem in your work and life, you should first accept it calmly and then think about the solution, which is the way to live a life. I also want to mention Chen Guo's phrase "I have a lot of amorous feelings, and I have no competition in the world". Only by living my true self, loving you at this moment, and loving myself deeply, can I have a different color among all sentient beings.

This year or next year, I came to a crossroads in my life. I remember when I was a child, adults asked me what you want to be when you grow up. I didn't write down happiness, but just blurted out that I wanted to be a scientist. Later, I found that, as Freud explained, many of my childhood obsessions would become your adult dreams. I am glad that I still choose to pursue my dreams, and I will question myself countless times. I am often sad and miserable alone. Take the time to think about whether these things are good or not, and waste a good time. But when I chew these words repeatedly, there is a wonderful * * * sound in your heart. I think this is not a kind of spiritual freedom, with a kind of happiness and satisfaction. I will calm down and think about myself, think about your experience in the past 3 years, and how to go on firmly in the future. After all, it is meaningful, and my heart is willing to grow wildly.

ps: Thank you, Mr. Chen Guo, for your book. After getting to know Nietzsche and Schopenhauer, it's useful to learn a little philosophy.

Lucien

22/4/6