Looking for interesting jokes, IQ questions, and short stories. The most satisfying one will be given 200 points.

1 A girl in the first grade of high school once said~~I walk more salt than you eat~

2The fish at home died and floated to the surface. I shouted: "Dad is up!!!"

3. Last weekend in front of Hualian Gate, a student-looking person asked me to donate money and show my love. My classmate only had 100 yuan in notes in her pocket and no change at all, so she blurted out - "I'm so sorry, I really don't have any love at all!" (I originally wanted to say that there was no change at all)

4 primary school students went to a condolence performance for the troops. The counselor read out a letter "Dear Leaders". Perhaps seeing a crowd of people in the audience, his mind became excited and he said: "Dear Martyrs!"

5. When I was discussing the Three Kingdoms with a classmate of mine!

I asked the general among the Three Kingdoms who he liked best. He stood up and said: "The red rabbit is among men, and Lu Bu is among horses. Haven't you heard?"

6 Go home On the road, I saw a small stall selling small turtles, and a small sign was erected next to it to attract business. I just heard my classmate read seriously to the small blackboard: "Brazil-xi-little-color-electricity!" Hao...it's obviously a Brazilian little colorful turtle.

7 When I was in college, my classmates went to a Sichuan restaurant together. When ordering, we ordered a portion of pork head. After talking for a long time, the waitress couldn’t understand it. As soon as the classmate smiled, she pointed at her head with her finger. , said to the waitress: "Here! Pig head meat!" The lady: "Oh... I understand!" From then on, this man was nicknamed "Pig Head meat".

8 When I was in junior high school, once, before the exam was over, the teacher said: Please put your desk on the test paper and you can go out. I laughed wildly, and it took a long time for the teacher and other students to react.

9 Once I was shopping with my friends. We were very excited while chatting, but I stepped on an aunt. I originally wanted to say: "I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" but ended up saying "Thank you! Thank you." !" Then we walked away while chatting... 10. The sisters in our dormitory also often make these mistakes

Because we are studying Chinese, we always say four characters

Her most classic ones are "jumping to death from the building"

and "being cheated and deceived"

When I was in high school, our class teacher said However, "Some students dare not take a ruler when taking the math test. What if they ask you to draw diagonals for a triangle? What will you do!"

Diagonals of a triangle? ! !

12 When I was in college, I went to Hengshan. I was half way up the mountain and was about to take a break when I was tired. I saw an Obasan buying souvenirs on the roadside. I went up and asked: "My wife." ........"

13 plus one: One morning at work, several employees of the unit entered the elevator with the boss. One of the department directors looked at the boss's tired face and said flatteringly : Boss, you work like this every day, it’s so hard! (You should be working on everything every day) As a result, the office building was filled with laughter all day long.

14 I used to always have pimples on my face. Medically speaking, it is called acne. I wanted to go to the hospital for a checkup. I took the registration slip and said to the doctor: "Doctor, please help me, I have hemorrhoids on my face!!"

The doctor's mouth and eyes were crooked at that time. , his mouth was open for a long time and he couldn't speak, and all the people treating the doctor next to him collapsed!

15 When the plane landed. I heard the stewardess say this in a very gentle tone: "The toilet is descending, please do not get on the plane!" (It should be: "The plane is descending, please do not use the toilet")

The end of the 16 primary school class meeting One is to sing the team song "We are the successors of communism..." The teacher asked the monitor to start. The class monitor cleared his throat and suddenly sang: "We are human beings - (with a long note)"

The whole class laughed so much that even Suzuki heard it after class. . .

17. Wearing school uniforms is required in high school. Sometimes we boys only wear school uniform tops. During a gathering, our classmates were not wearing uniforms neatly. The class teacher was furious: "Everyone who is not wearing pants, stand up... !"

18 I remember when I was in junior high school, I went to the riverside (Yangtze River) to play. Suddenly a water snake swam to the shore. The girl next to me changed her face and said: What a long snake~~~! !

19. Let’s play chicken and catch eaglets

20. When I was in high school, my class teacher taught geography. One time, we talked about my country’s mineral resources and coal pipelines. Our teacher said "my country's vas deferens...", all the "swipes" who crawled on the table and slept straightened up

20 Once, I went to eat dumplings, and the boss said there were 5 yuan and 6 yuan dumplings. It’s 10 yuan. Which one do I want?

I blurted out: How much is 6 yuan?

The boss is very cold. ． ． My face turned red at that time. ． ．

Actually, I want to ask how many are worth 6 yuan?

21 A friend’s high school mathematics teacher taught the Cartesian coordinate system in class.

The students asked: Why are the Cartesian coordinates built like this?

Teacher: I am so mean (build) I want to be so mean (build)

22 When I was in the VB class in my freshman year, a classmate did not have VB software installed on her computer. She suddenly raised Hands shouted: Teacher, teacher, my QQ cannot be opened

23 I have a classmate who is a twin, he is the elder brother, and then another idiot classmate actually asked him: "Is your brother older than you or younger?" Are you young?"... A few classmates nearby were stunned immediately, followed by bursts of laughter...

When I was in high school on 24, the school required girls to wear uniforms to school on the first day. There was an activity. The weather was not good the next day. The girls all brought their school uniforms to school. Some boys were not wearing any clothes and felt cold so they put on the girls' uniforms. The math teacher looked at the class and said: "The boys took off all the girls' clothes." ",...

The whole class was speechless and then burst into laughter for 10 minutes...

25 Last time I had a meal with my friends, I ordered 5 dishes, one cold The four hot ones. After waiting for a long time, the food didn't arrive, so my friend asked, "How many dishes did we order?" I blurted out: "Four are cold and one is cold." It's cold.

26 Oh, there is still something in the air conditioner. elevator!

During the physical examination for the college entrance examination on 27, a classmate was highly myopic, so he memorized the test form with all E’s written on it, but he still failed. We asked him what was wrong, and he said: I can’t see clearly. Where is the doctor's baton? . Fainted on the spot.

28 Last time I returned to the dormitory after squatting in the pit, and as soon as I stepped through the dormitory door, I heard my dormitory classmate say: "I really want to taste death (shit)." (What movie was he watching at the time)

I immediately replied: "If you didn't tell me earlier, I just rushed."

29 The boss of our dormitory once said: Take medicine and take injections.

One time when I was staying overnight at an Internet cafe when I was 30, after I was killed in CS, I suddenly shouted, MD picked up a bullet without a gun, and the people in the Internet cafe laughed me to death...

31 Once, a buddy went to buy meat buns and said to the boss: "Boss, give me two pieces of meat." The little girl next to her suppressed her face so red that she didn't dare to laugh

32 Another time, a buddy asked me what I had for lunch. I said rice noodles, and he asked how much they cost. I said there were big and small bowls, and after introducing the prices, the buddy said: "A big bowl or a big bowl?" "Small bowl is big" is actually accompanied by a look of confusion...

33. When I was in junior high school, the class teacher had a huge bt. Each of us is asked to bring plastic straps to contain our own trash. One day at noon, the head teacher came back and saw that the classroom was dirty. He stood on the podium and said loudly: Take out all your grenades! ! ! ! (Said in a vicious tone) The whole class was in total silence. . . . . . . .

There was a mathematics teacher in 34 high school who once said: "Although this solution is not very rigorous, it is not a bad thing if everyone can use this method during the exam.

"

35. It was a hot summer day in junior high school, and a boy was shirtless in the last row of the classroom. As soon as the chemistry teacher entered the room, he said sternly: "You boys and girls are not allowed to go shirtless to me!" "

The whole class burst into laughter

36. One time I was riding a double-decker bus in the summer. The conductor took a microphone and shouted: "It's hot, everyone, please don't crowd the door!" After saying that, I thought for a moment that something was wrong, so I changed my words and shouted: "It's hot and crowded, so don't crowd at the door!" ”

37 In high school, there were two people, A and B

A covered B’s eyes and asked: Guess who I am?

B said : I guessed it~!!

A said again: Ah, you guessed it right.

Then he took his hand and walked away. 38 I was dining in the school dining hall and ordered a dish. I was cleaning the cucumbers. I found that the cucumbers were stale and a little yellow, so I said, "Master, why are the cucumbers turning yellow?" The master said loudly, "Classmate, are the cucumbers still green?!!" I'm speechless 1

39 I remember that drinking fountains were just becoming popular in high school, and the school decided to equip each class with one in order to create a reputation. That day, the head teacher (male) hurried into the class and said happily: "Classmates, our class's drinking fountain has arrived." The classmate asked casually: "What brand? ", the teacher replied: "An'erle". We were so cold at that time... Later we found out that the water dispenser belonged to "Angel"...

40 I remember there was Once, I was talking to my colleagues in the office about someone who looked like a farmer, earthy, naive, and very cute. Everyone said yes, yes, he looked like a farmer. Suddenly the phone rang, and the colleague who answered the phone actually said, Hello, peasant! ~

41 One day I was reading "Muslim Funeral" in the dormitory, and my classmate asked, "What book am I so fascinated by?" "As he said this, he grabbed it and read: "Stalin's Funeral". I burst out laughing. Before I could finish laughing, he said, "Hey, hey, the author is Radar (Hoda). We happened to be learning radar avoidance at that time. During the class, I laughed so much that my stomach hurt.

42 When I was writing an essay when I was a child, I wrote: Our lives were bought with the blood of our uncles from the People's Liberation Army. As a result, when I got up and recited, I read "Our lives are bought by uncles from the People's Liberation Army with fresh fish..." 43. One student changed the sentence "Wang Erxiao brought the enemy into the Eighth Route Army" in the text. "Ambush circle" is read as "Wang Erxiao led the Eighth Route Army into the enemy's ambush circle"...

44 My mother has cervical spondylosis and applies medicine to her neck every day. One day I asked her: "You Do you need to apply medicine on your neck? "My mother stared at me with puzzled eyes and said, "I haven't planned to commit suicide yet! "

45 The last time I went out with my friends, I happened to see McDull (Pink Pig) in the lottery of the unit activity the day before yesterday in front of a window on the road. I said to my friend in the bus: "Look! , I am that big pink pig. "Actually, I want to say that what I picked up yesterday was the pig. I was so excited that everyone on the bus looked at me!

46 I remember when I was in school, there was a sports meeting, and no girls in our class signed up. Our sports committee member (boys) was very anxious. He took the registration form and announced to the whole class: I tell you, girls, if you don't register, you will be "forced to register".

47 Once my mother’s classmate came to my house for dinner. After finishing a bowl, my mother wanted to serve her another bowl. She said, don’t serve it to me, I don’t have enough...

48 One time, I gave it to her. My classmate called me, and the other person picked up the phone and said hello. I suddenly forgot who I was calling, and after a while I said, "Who are you?"

49 I was chatting with friends at a gathering. When someone was so sad that "tears turned red and eye circles fell", no one in the audience reacted. Afterwards, I went home and laughed for 50 years. Once I was watching Shanghai TV's Good Morning Shanghai and the host blurted out: Don't come back after the commercial. It seems that the commercials are so annoying that even the host can't stand them.

51 A new clerk memorizes formulas in everything he does. An old lady bought a bottle of soy sauce. The clerk said: "I'll charge you xx yuan. I'll give you xx yuan. Do you need a straw?" The old lady suddenly fainted...

When I was still illiterate in elementary school, my classmate pronounced "神机" as "神鸡(机) stir-fried garlic"

53 I am one of them. When I was in elementary school, the teacher asked a boy to recite a poem, but in a hurry, he recited it as "The wine and meat smell of wine, and there are dead dogs (bones) on the road." "The whole class laughed like crazy

54 Another time, when I was sleeping at night in winter, the temperature of the electric blanket was probably too high, so I said to my classmates, "Hey, please turn on the electric blanket to keep it fresh.

55 A few days ago, when the United States was fighting in Iraq, my classmate and I were going back to school. His mother said: The train is too slow. You two should take the Iraqi (Ivek) car and we will faint on the spot. .

In early 1956, a group of us went to visit relatives in other places. We took an Ivic car. When we came back, we stopped on the side of the road for a while before getting on the highway. A few people thought it was a long-distance bus. I came over to ask, and someone sitting by the window in the car shouted: This is not a car for pulling people, this is not a car for pulling people! Sweat!

57 went to buy a "Pulse" drink,

"Boss, get a bottle of 'Artery'"

Singing at 58 hours: Imperialism and imperialism run away with their tails between their legs. The people of the whole country are united

I sing, the people of the whole country. I ran away with my tail between my legs and the whole class was in chaos

On the day of 59, when I just entered the office, this plmm shouted at me: "Xiao Wang, have you bought the newspaper? Let me read today's special issue on sexual intercourse. . "I fainted on the spot. Even if everyone talks about "houses and houses" all day long, you can't pronounce "house affairs special issue" as "sexual affairs special issue"!

When I was in English class in high school in 60, the teacher asked me to translate An English sentence is: An arrow whistled past my ear. I confused the word "arrow" with "sparrow", so the translation became: A sparrow whistled past my ear. . So the whole class laughed and failed to do a single lesson.

When I was in the third grade of junior high school, there was a very pretty chemistry teacher. One day, she mentioned the airway tube. The whole class burst into laughter!

62 Chinese teacher in class: Chinese multiple-choice question: Students, why don’t you choose a, yes, because a is wrong; why not choose b, yes, because b is incorrect; why not choose c? Yes, because c is incorrect. So this question should be chosen? Yes, let’s move on to the next question.

63. He drank and said, "Where's the black Xu sesame paste?" " (My surname is Xu)

Roommate 64 spent the whole night looking for her facial mask. When we finally discussed going to Peking University to eat chicken wings, another roommate shouted: "I want to go to Peking University to eat facial masks."

65 went to eat shabu-shabu with his roommate. When he walked to the door of the store, his roommate looked at the name of the store and said, "Shut up?" "(The name of the store is Shabu Shabu Bar)

In the "Little Orange Lamp" written by 66 Bing Xin, there are orange petals one by one. The students read "the orange petals one by one"

67 When the criminal law teacher taught the case, he said: "The blood was flowing in a stream at that time. From the first floor to the second floor, it was like a river of blood..."

68 The criminal law teacher said in the case class : "That person threatens the victim, burns your house, and blows up your intestines (I think he wants to say factory)

69 My former math teacher once said while drawing a picture in class: "This It's the X-axis, this is the Y-axis, I'll put a P here.

70 Last time I asked the teacher for leave.

The result was: Teacher, I want to treat you. ..