Looking for a joke, my girlfriend wants it. Speed~!

The fat woman went to buy jewelry. After choosing it, she put it on her hand and asked: I want to buy this luminous bracelet. Waiter: This is not a bracelet, but it is also luminous. Fat Woman: What is that? Waiter: Glow-in-the-dark hula hoop.

A girl said to the boy: "I knelt down for you, please follow me!" The boy replied: "I kowtowed to you, please let me go!" Then he said: "In such a short time, you two have worshiped the heaven and the earth!"

Once in a lecture hall, a friend met a beautiful girl in the next class, so they sat down and chatted. In order to hide his nervousness and excitement, he kept pulling the chair with his hands, trying to pull the chair closer to the beauty. In the end, the beauty finally couldn't help it anymore and said: "Stop pulling, this chair is fixed."

Cricket and Bear made a bet: You can't see me when I jump into the grass. Bear doesn't believe it, so Cricket gives it a try. Jump into the grass, the bear is watching, the bear is still watching, why is the bear still looking? Bear like! Stop looking!

One day I found that my little pig suddenly stopped sleeping in. It felt very strange. When I looked over, I saw that the little pig was messing with something. When I looked closer, wow, the little pig was reading text messages!

A puppy quietly said to a mouse: Do you like me? Mouse said affectionately: I like you very much. You can understand text messages and pretend to be human.

Chinese teacher; "Where is the idiom 'half a catty and five taels'? Student; "During the math test, I answered that half a catty is equal to eight taels and got zero points. "Chinese teacher; "Remember, you can't use an old scale when composing. "

Football player's wife says: "I hate it when my husband calls eating leftovers 'overtime'. ”

I have been married for more than three years, and I still call my wife dear... I forgot her real name...

There was a couple who often had nothing to eat all day long because they were too poor. So the wife proposed to have sex with her husband three times a day in lieu of three meals! The husband agreed. When he got up the next day, he felt dizzy! Spin! The husband walked while holding on to the wall and said to himself: "My dear, this can not only be used as food, but also can be used as wine!" ”

The computer keeps going offline recently, and every time it goes offline, my wife slams the mouse hard. Yesterday, I was in the kitchen and heard my wife slamming the mouse first, and then yelling! I went over to take a look, and my wife said : “Oh my god, I dropped it by mistake and my phone broke. ”