Tell everyone a joke.

My roommate is nearsighted, often occupying the first row of seats, suffering from the splashing of foam in the mouth of the senior math teacher, which is irresistible. A * * said to me: The math teacher in senior three bowed his head and gave lectures, and the first row of tables were all wet; When the math teacher looked up to lecture, the second row of tables were all wet. I fainted on the spot.

Step 2 share the pain

The teacher asked the students: how to explain "sharing pain with others will halve the pain?"

Xiao Lun replied, "If my father hits me, I will hit his cat."

Step 3 show up

The teacher assigned a question: Please sum up your appearance in four words. After the test paper is collected, the students' answers are divided into several types:

The critics' answers are: occasionally yes, terrible, I hate heaven, I want the afterlife, and so on.

The realistic answer is amphibians, orangutans, apes piracy, atavism and so on.

Modernists include: be original, ask my wife, etc.

And the only surreal answer is-it turned out to be people.

4. The headmaster is blacker

Freshmen are reviewed by the principal when they enter military training.

"Hello, classmate!"

"Hello, headmaster!"

"Students have worked hard!"

"Serve the people!"

"The students are tanned!"

Freshmen were suddenly speechless and didn't know how to answer. After a moment of silence, a boy loudly replied, "The headmaster is darker!" " "

5. Sentence conversion

Teacher: "Please turn the sentence" The horse has run away "into a question."

Little Ivan: "Can a horse run?"

Teacher: "Correct! Very good! Now turn it into an imperative sentence. "

Little Ivan: "Drive!"

6. Difference

In biology class, the teacher asked: What's the difference between frogs and toads?

Zhang San replied: Frogs are conservatives, sitting in the well and watching the sky; Toad is an innovator and wants to eat swan meat.

7、***

Teacher Zhang, the head teacher, walked into the classroom angrily and said sharply, "You call me Zhang from China, and I put up with it;" Why do you call her * * * (Fan)? "

8, dormitory don't solution

Xiao Lei took a high school classmate who came to see him to visit the university dormitory. He pointed to the dormitory group on the left side of the road and said, "This is the girls' dormitory area, called Vega Department." He pointed to the dormitory group on the right side of the road and said, "That's the boys' dormitory area, called the Cowherd Galaxy." He pointed to the road under his feet and said, "This road is called Yinhe Road."

At this time, the female cadre in charge of the student dormitory walked by with a straight face. Xiao Lei said calmly, "This is the Queen Mother."

9. Wall clock

There is a classroom in the university and there is something wrong with the wall clock. As long as something knocks, it will knock faster and faster, and it takes 5 minutes to knock once.

One day, when the professor was in class, he found that when he was writing on the blackboard, all the students threw a wall clock with an eraser, but the professor kept quiet and still rang the bell. Before long, the final exam arrived and everyone was immersed in it. I saw the professor practicing losing the clock with the blackboard eraser.

10, change the world

The geography teacher asked Li Anni: Why didn't you finish drawing the world map?

Li Anni bowed his head and replied cautiously, I'm afraid my map will change the world.

1 1, curiosity

The teacher asked, "children, do you want to know how the first man appeared?" "

Little Ivan stood up from the back row and replied, "Madam, we are actually more interested in how the third person in the world came out."

12, life insurance

The teacher who teaches economics is talking about the relationship between the insured and the beneficiary. In order to be more vivid, he gave an example: "For example, I took out personal insurance, and one day I was killed by a car, and your mistress can get compensation. She is the beneficiary, then who am I? " A classmate replied, "Dead man."

13, hard to beat

A professor said to a precocious boy, "When is your birthday?"

A: "April 8"

The professor said, "What year?"

A: "Every year."

14, insurance measures

As soon as the chemistry experiment was handed out, the students all scrambled to read the teacher's comments. I only heard A pick up B and read, "When concentrated sulfuric acid drips on the skin, you should first dry it with a cloth, then rinse it with plenty of water, then dry it with a cloth, then spray some perfume and apply a layer of corn oil skin cream."

The teacher instructed, "Do you want a sauna or a massage?"

15, take notes

In order to take CET-4, everyone is desperately trying to learn English, and some notes have to be taken in other professional classes.

One day, the history teacher was surprised to find that the audience had been busy all their lives, so he stepped down from the podium and went to see him quietly.

The students were busy for a while and felt that the atmosphere was wrong. He suddenly looked up and saw the teacher smiling and saying to him, "Do you think you can take notes in English faster than in Chinese?"

16, three products

After the exam, three students filed a lawsuit to complain.

A said, "I didn't do well in the Chinese class, and the teacher said I was a loser."

B said, "I can't keep up with physical education class. The teacher said I was a defective product. "

C said, "I failed the political class and the teacher said I was dangerous."

17, wonderful solution

In a Chinese class, the teacher explained four idioms to the students: "panic", "don't know what to say", "rest assured" and "as always".

As it happens, a student is asleep. As soon as the professor struck the table, the students immediately sat up, picked up the book and began to read. The teacher said, "This is panic." Then, the teacher asked him to answer the question, and he stood up and faltered for a long time. Then the teacher said, "I don't know this." Please sit down! " "The classmate took a deep breath and sat down. The teacher added: "This is a relief. "The teacher went to the podium and the students fell asleep again. The teacher turned sharply and pointed at him and said, "This is as usual. "

Subject: 18, homework

After class, the teacher said to Ivan, "Let your grandfather come to school." Ivan asked the teacher, "teacher, don't you need to call me dad?"

Teacher: "no, Ivan, just call you grandpa." I want to tell him that his son made some mistakes in your homework. "

19, count to one hundred.

Start class. The teacher stood with his back against the stove and said to the students, "Think twice before you speak, count to at least fifty, and count to one hundred for the important things."

The students scrambled for the number, and finally "98,99, 100" broke out in unison. Teacher, your clothes are on fire. "

20. Flowers are in full bloom

The teacher asked Joo Won?, "bees add life to the garden. What does this mean?"

Joo Won? replied: "Bees steal flowers, and flowers get angry!"

Everyone burst into laughter. Joo Won? retorted, "How can flowers bloom if they are not angry?"