Funny quotations short sentences

1. I'm drunk and won't accept anyone, just hold the wall!

2. Wife: Before marriage, you said I was as beautiful as a movie. What movie? Husband: Silent movies.

The teacher said that a wrong question is a kind of wealth. I read my paper and found that I am a local tyrant.

4. The ideal man in a woman's mind is actually: Guan Yunchang has something to do and Ximen Qing has nothing to do.

Boyfriends don't smoke, drink or fight.

6. When women comfort women, they often say that they are miserable; When a man comforts a man, he often says that another man is miserable.

7. Praise a female classmate in person: You are really a lotus flower!

8. See you soon after graduation; Have a wife a year after graduation; Later I regretted having a wife; Later, there was a stepmother; I regret having a stepwife the most.

I was raped by Sichuan University. The only thing I can do now is to try to put my posture in the right position!

10. Chang 'e, you can go up from the canopy. Look how old the Jade Emperor is!

1 1. A good friend is two people smiling at each other for no reason!

12. To be a white-collar worker, you have to prepare more white shirts, which are both professional and easy to expose the color of the bra!

13. It is said that sandstorms have blown to Taiwan Province Province. Many old people took to the streets, spread out their hands, looked up at the sky, burst into tears, took a deep breath and said excitedly, for many years, for many years, they finally smelled the soil in their hometown.

14. I used to like her broad mind, but it was just an airport!

15. I haven't been cheap for a long time, bitch. I heard that you became a man and a woman?

16. Men fool women and call it flirting; Women fool men, called seduction; Men and women fool each other, which is called love.

17. What do you want to see most on the way to school late? A: Other students who are late!

18. Some people give birth in the car and some people get pregnant in the subway. Beijing is really a vibrant city …

19. What would face do if it wasn't for making money …

You can't insult Zhou Zhenglong's wisdom too much. At least he didn't have a leaf, and then he called himself the South China Tiger!

2 1. When I left the subway station this morning, the escalator broke down. I was stuck up there for over an hour, so I was late.

22. When you see a beautiful woman, touch your pocket first to see if you have any money!

23. Contraceptives are valid for three years and condoms are valid for five years. Many times, love expires before drugs and condoms expire.

24. Honey, are you dead? Hold me tight when you die, and let the corpse collector know that we are a couple!

25. There is only one sentence in the world that has lied to me 10 million times before I believe it, and that is: the teacher is coming!

26. Wechat is so awesome that it is difficult to make a mobile phone into a walkie-talkie.

27. I will still remember that summer, when he was all big.

28. It takes a hundred years to build a boat and a thousand years to build bunks.

29. Someone asked me why my skin is black. It's really funny that one white covers all the ugliness. You hide your ugliness for nothing, but I'm not ugly.

30. You can't eat a fat man in one bite, but the fat man is eaten in one bite!

3 1. Wife is an operating system, but it is very troublesome to install and uninstall; The little secret is the desktop, you can change it every day as long as you are interested; Lover is the internet, the scenery is infinite, and money is constantly spent; Miss is pirated software, remember to kill virus first when using it.

32. Cucumber lies in shooting, and life lies in hey.

33. People are not smart, and they are as bald as others! !

34. among reasonable people, you can believe some words, but you can't believe them all. One is an expert and the other is a fortune teller.

35. I shine in this beautiful moment with the attitude of God, and mortals don't bother me.

36. Bitter vines grow old and crows faint. The price of school canteens has increased, and students are hungry. The sun has set, mom. I want to go home.

37. I have always been by your side, and I have been worried about you again and again. Are you full today? Did you sleep well? Will it be cold late at night? I always knew you couldn't take care of yourself. Every time I walk away, you jump out of the pigsty.

38. People always deceive themselves, because it is easier than deceiving others.

39. I am here to shout in a low-key way that I have no time to participate in your past and I don't want to participate in your future.

40. What girls need now is not a prince, but a male god who can assist mathematics.

4 1. If you don't fall asleep in class, you will get drunk on the wine table.

42. I don't want to fail, I want to; If I don't study, I want what I want. You can't have your cake and eat it, so I'm leaving.

43. A woman's character depends entirely on what kind of clothes she wears today.

44. Rats never waste time at night, but we humans waste one third of our day.

45. It is said that all? What Alice loves to say to the goddess can also be summarized as a couplet: Part I: What are you doing? Oh, nothing. Have a good dream and go to bed early. Bottom line: it's cold outside. Put on more clothes. Don't play too late. Horizontal criticism: Is he good to you?

46. I have the ability to pick up girls, but I am a girl!

47. You said that doing something every day is not good for you. Why do you have to hurt others? Is it because you watch too much TV and admire those villains?

48. The reason of constipation is that the gravity of the earth is too small.

49. I am not RMB. How can I make everyone like me?

50. Although the famous flower is taken, I will loosen the soil.

5 1. A tree without skin will surely die; People are shameless and invincible in the world.

52. I came up with a trick to find a seat in the library today: step one: find a seat with sister paper; Step 2: hand in a prepared note and write: classmate, I like you for a long time and hope to associate with you; Step 3: If sister paper immediately puts away her schoolbag and leaves, then congratulations, you have a seat; If sister paper smiles at you, congratulations, what else is there for self-study? Of course, the possibility is very small.

53. No one has blown the cow so fresh for a long time.

54. While waiting for the bus, I heard an old man say less: Run, the road is coming.

55. The most painful thing in the world is not the parting of life and death, but the exam is coming, others are reviewing and I am previewing.

56. Tongue lives longer than teeth, and software lives longer than hardware.

57. What do young people do for a living? First-class young people rely on birth, second-class young people rely on relationships, third-class young people rely on talent, fourth-class young people rely on hard work, fifth-class young people play literature and art, sixth-class young people play games, travel is not good, watch American dramas.

Fortunately, a beautiful woman became a queen. After looking in the magic mirror, she found that only Snow White was more beautiful than her, so she took a poisonous apple to kill the princess. If it's you, you're probably in the billionth place. You need to go to the farmer's market to wholesale poisonous apples, and you can circle the earth twice together.

59. Actually, I am a homesick person. It's just a matter of who I live in.

60. The news said: As grassroots cadres, people's affairs are their own. Then he went on to say that most of his own affairs are trivial matters.

6 1. When I was a child, I liked guns. I spent five dollars on a toy gun. Me: Boss, boss, I want to buy a gun. how much is it? Boss: How much money do you have? Me: five dollars, boss: five dollars each.

62. Borrow a friend's car, and the friend said to refuel it when returning it. When I returned the car, I rushed to the car and applauded. My heart was full of joy.

63. The standard of otaku and otaku: take the computer as the center and take things in bed with the arm length as the radius.

64. Those who can earn a catty of pork a month now are barely white-collar workers.

65. A man's lies can lie to a woman for one night, and a woman's lies can lie to a man for a lifetime!

66. From primary school to university, the only constant is a heart that doesn't want to learn.

67. I am lying on the sun earth, lying on the sun universe!

I really don't know what to say about you. Talking to you will really lower my IQ. Is this really good for you? Anyway, I can't bear to look you in the eye. Don't think that the whole world revolves around you. You are not RMB, why does everyone like you? Save it! Look at your bear first!

69. Going to the train station to buy tickets at school may be because we are born obscene and don't look like good people. A middle-aged aunt came running to strike up a conversation. Brother, let's have fun. Cheap price, beautiful female thief. I have no time to talk to her. She may have been nagging me for a long time. I took out my student ID card to prove my identity. I said I was a student. When I hesitated to see her, I thought it was all over. I was just about to give me a hand. Hello, students. We can get a student ID card at half price.

Only when there is a long queue at the railway station can we really realize that we are descendants of the dragon.

7 1. A woman with amorous feelings is a lighter, and a woman without amorous feelings is a fire extinguisher.

72. Teacher, there are no beautiful women in our class. How can I have the motivation to come to school?

73. Life is not rehearsed, but broadcast live every day, which not only leads to low ratings, but also low wages.

74. Facing the people in front of me, I want to cross and be smart. I know you're watching. It's fake ...

75. There are girls who don't bubble, rebellious; If you meet a girl, you will pick it up and do good for heaven.

76. My son saw his father wearing a watch and asked, can my father buy me a watch? Dad said: no, you can't wear it until you grow up. My son thinks that only adults can wear watches, so it's no wonder that there are deputies.

77. The biggest pain in life is that I didn't see the rainbow after the storm and caught a cold.

78. One day in the future, you will find that at the age of eighteen, you farted, and everything smells good.

79. The sky is falling, you hold it, I hold it!

80. You said that you had no family changes, no childhood shadows, no terminal illness, no unexpected troubles and no political persecution. Who are you to pull a long face all day? It's just that you are a little ugly, a little fat, a little short, have no money, no special skills, no boyfriend and girlfriend, and no good friends!

8 1. Shareholders all heard that they were making money, and they all suffered losses. Don't believe when the bull market comes, and don't admit when the bear market comes.

82. I want to cry when I hear I love you for the first time, laugh when I hear I love you for the second time, and laugh when I hear I love you for the third time.

83. The farmer's three punches hurt a little.

84. Girls don't think they are good, so they don't have to study. Boys don't think they can be ugly if they read well.

85. Who does McDull secretly love? Answer: robot cat. Because "McDull Advertising Song".

86. Give me a beautiful photo of you at home to ward off evil spirits.

87. Everything in Dont Ask For Help is definitely not human.

A four-year-old boy kissed a three-year-old girl! Girls say to boys, if you kiss me, you will be responsible for me. The boy patted the girl on the shoulder maturely and said with a smile: Don't worry, I am four years old, not a child of one or two years old.

89. Sleeping after midnight equals to chronic suicide, skipping breakfast equals to chronic suicide, frequent barbecue equals to chronic suicide, turning on the cell phone for several hours in a row equals to chronic suicide, staying indoors for a long time equals to chronic suicide, complaining too much equals to chronic suicide, and lacking exercise equals to chronic suicide. I suddenly found out that I did nothing all day and fucking committed suicide!

90. Today, a group of Japanese came to visit our school-to be honest, this is the first time I have seen a Japanese in clothes!

9 1. Your depression is melodramatic, your procrastination is lazy, your obsessive-compulsive disorder is idle egg pain, and your insomnia is not sleepy at all.

92. If you have money to kill people, you don't want to pay for it. Money is naughty and goes to jail.

93. It's not too cold this winter, because we have the Guangzhou subway, which runs twice a day to keep warm and drive away the cold. There are not many free things these days. You missed the Olympic Games, the World Expo and the Asian Games. The furthest distance in the world is not between life and death, but when I was on the subway, you didn't squeeze in.

94. According to statistics, poor study is the most frequently used reason for breaking up.

95. Your little boyfriend is simply the Hobbit of Voldemort and a clown named Bucky in One Piece. He is simply a magic fairy in heaven.

96. Don't count the stars after work every day, but sometimes you can watch the sunrise.

97. Give me your bank account number, and I'll pay you back now-I was deeply moved by this message.

98. Christmas Eve is coming. On Christmas Eve, I will give apples to whoever gives them to me.

99. Reading today, I was depressed to see that Emperor Kangxi became the king of a country at the age of 23. But when I saw that the Tongzhi emperor was 23 years old and had died for four years, my heart was balanced.

100. Don't be lazy with me, I'm too lazy to compare with you.