A light joke

1. The doctor asked the patient how he broke his bone. The patient said, "I thought there was something in my shoes, so I shook my shoes with a telephone pole." Who knows that a fucking bastard passed by and thought I was electrocuted, so he picked up a wooden stick and gave me two. "

2. A psychopath is singing in bed. He turned over and continued to sing on the pillow. The attending doctor asked, "Just sing, why turn it over?" Neuropathy said: "Fool, of course, after singing A side, you will change to B side."

3. I took the bus after work and heard a man say to his son, you are really useless. You are too old to beat your mother and me.

At the age of ten, your grandmother was no match for me. Hearing this, I said angrily, Do you have such a father? It is wrong for you to educate your children like this. The man gave me a white look and said, you think too much. I said playing badminton.

My girlfriend has been with me since college, and my raincoat has passed.

four

For five years, our relationship has been very good. Yesterday at work, I suddenly received a text message from her saying, let's break up. I suddenly felt a pain in my heart, so I quickly called and asked, What do you mean by this? Do you know how much my heart hurts? What did I do wrong? The girlfriend said apologetically: Don't be sad, I just sent it wrong. Then my heart hurts more.

There is a beautiful female colleague in the company. Because of office needs, I have to pass by my sister every time. I happened to find a floor tile next to my sister's seat loose. In order to attract my sister's attention, every time I pass by, I will step on the floor tile hard and make a noise. My sister will look at me and then bow her head shyly. Finally, my sister stopped me once. The landlord was very excited at that time, and my sister whispered to me, can you not fart every time you pass by me?

6. I took a bus yesterday, and there were many people on it. Accidentally scratched a girl's bag chain. The girl is very firm to me, saying that I am blind and have no long knowledge, and that she has this bag.

200 yuan. It is new. I said to her angrily, isn't it just a bag? I want to buy it. Convenient to take out

Give it to her, 200 yuan. She stopped arguing and handed me my bag. I smiled at her surprised expression. At the next stop, she got off the bus and only heard her pick up her mobile phone and call someone, saying that this method is really good. I'm online.

three

Ten-dollar bags are actually sold.

200, come and have dinner. Me: ...

7. I met a great waiter at dinner today. I ordered a stewed mushroom with Chai Chicken, and my friend asked: Are you an authentic Chai Chicken? The waiter said: Chai Chicken is indeed Chai Chicken. I really don't know if it's genuine. Jiaozi, who ordered the staple food, called the waiter and asked: Is jiaozi wrapped? Attendant: It's already wrapped. The friend said: Let's go. Attendant: Brother, are you still cooking? You laughed till you were full.

8. My best friend found a male ticket, from Shuai Shuai. It sucks, it's literary, but it's a pity that there is no money. No, her family strongly opposed it. However, my girlfriend still took the man to see my parents, and finally they agreed! Asked why, she said: He fought with me alone.

Seven aunts and eight bitches

Aunt Ba couldn't beat him as a result, and the family agreed that it was too talented, so they agreed!

9. Take my wife to the class reunion. I have a female classmate who doesn't go out to answer the phone several times every once in a while! I pointed to the female classmate and said to my wife, "Look at people, they have to answer so many phone calls at a meal. They are all women and seem to be people who do great things. " Look at you again ... "Wife:" Gee, I don't regret telling you. Those calls she received must have been made by the courier. Her' big event' is online shopping. It seems that I will learn from her in the future! "I ... 10. A melon farmer's farmland is visited by thieves every night. He thought for a long time and finally came up with a good idea. He wrote a sign: one of these melons is highly toxic! Sure enough, from that day on, I never lost a melon. A week later, the melon farmer saw a row of words on the sign, and it was half cold on the spot: now there are two!