Talking about Shanxi

Shanxi people want hukou (stand-up comedy)

Now let me talk about a stand-up comedy. You see, cross talk is not easy. This language should have a rich vocabulary. Especially after ten years of liberation, new things appear every day, and there are more new terms; Some old terms were eliminated and entered the history museum. Words such as "old lady" and "Meidochan" have become historical terms. Do you think they still call it that? There is no guarantee. If you hear me, I will be punished. That time, when I said this, a man stood up under the podium and said, "Then you should be punished. Now I hear it. " I said, where is it? He told me it was in the Beijing Opera "Three Highs and Five Years". This is nonsense.

Also, take the Chinese New Year as an example. When this comrade meets, he will also say a New Year greeting: "New love, new love, I wish you happiness." Look how beautiful it is. If the old society met on the first day of New Year's Day, this one threw his fist at that one: "Oh, meet and make a fortune!" " Does this look like it to you? Thirty nights later, the two of them went to him together to collect accounts, and they made a fortune at dawn? This one said "meet and make a fortune", and that one also said: "You have two thousand gold, and more gold every day!" This one quickly shook his head: "Oh, don't stop counting." He is still too few. You can't listen to a language like "Meet and Get Rich" and "Two Thousand Gold".

But there is also this sentence: "Happy New Year to you." It was said before, and it is said now, but it has two meanings. Now say "Happy New Year to you", we are getting better and better every year. In the past, saying "Happy New Year to you" meant misfortune and luck. Because it was hard at that time, thirty children not only didn't eat or drink at night, but also the account owner piled up doors, which might cause an accident. Look at it in "White-haired Girl", it's just because Master Zhang forced it. So saying "Happy New Year to you" at that time was a surprised expression: "Oh, you are still alive, didn't you let the account owner force you to death?"

The landlord was really aggressive in the past. There are accounts of landlords and rich peasants, and buyers and sellers also have accounts of Shandong and Shanxi. What is the name of Shandong hukou? Because in the Qing dynasty, Beijing was the imperial capital, with five mixed places and merchants gathered, and people from all over the world came here to do business. You are like the business of Shandong people, what big restaurants, meat cabinets, grain shops, old rice mills; Shanxi people buy and sell pawn shops, pigment shops, jars, dried fruit shops, dyeing shops and oil and salt shops, not only doing business, but also lending usury; I can also give you something on credit. You can also borrow cash. Borrowing money requires paying interest. In fact, credit is worse than asking for money. Buy in cash. Fifteen cents; Credits should be calculated according to 20 points.

Shandong and Shanxi have different ways of collecting accounts; Shandong people have to pay the bill, which is the "bang door" of the great smokehouse; Shanxi people want a hukou called "Maoji".

For example, Shandong people have to pay for meals, and they come from Zhuangzi. Go there to eat, uncle is long, master is short. Enter your family account and everything will change. When the pipe knocks, bang! (Learn from Shandong accent, the same below) "Hey, I said, is Wang at home? What's going on here? Red mouth and white teeth don't pay for catching things. If you have money to see them, if you have no money to see them, you will hide in the house and not come out. How can you be shameless? " Listen, it's far from asking uncle to eat. I think they want too much money. I intend to give him more than ten dollars less. I haven't paid him for months. He's really anxious. My family came to me and said, "Hey, Xiao X, you haven't paid for a meal for months, so be shameless!" "As soon as I heard that he was coming, I let our children go out and angered him with words, which would make him angry. I said, if you go out, just say that our children are out; (talking like a child) "Uncle, who are you looking for? "He knows my son-he has dinner with me:" Hey, Xiao Li is so stupid. Is your father at home? " "My father is not at home." "Where have you been?" "I went to the opera." He listened to the fire: going to the opera has money, but he has no money to pay the bill! At that time, I dumped two gossips: "What? Went to the opera. Have money to go to the opera, but no money to pay for it? Come back and tell him not to let him go to the opera and let him listen to me. "That is to say, I am a bookkeeper, so I have to listen to you. Two days later, I came again, and I let our children go out. I said, let it go this time. He ran out: "My father is not at home." "Where did it go?" "I went to the movies." "What? Did you go to the movies? Come to the movies, come to the movies, come back and tell him not to let him see the movies, let him see me. Where is it! "It was gone again. In the evening, he came again: "Is Little X at home? "Hearing this, I am getting tighter and tighter. Why come twice a day? We have to think of a good way to stop him from coming for the time being. I called our child, and I said, if you go back and say so, he won't come first. Our children ran out: "Dad is not at home." "Where did he go?" "I went to play ball." "Come and play, come and play. When you come back, tell him not to play ball and let him ... play ball. "He asked me to play ball. Think about it. If you don't play ball, hit him.

Shanxi people's hukou can't be so evasive. Because Shanxi people have to pay the bill. You are walking in the street with your friends, and you can't stand being asked for money. It doesn't matter what he said in the first sentence: "OK, uncle, help us and lend us some money." Now he wants to save face and make his friends sound like borrowing money from you. But you must give it to him as soon as possible. If you don't give it, I'll give you another word: "well, you are richer than us anyway, and you won't be much shorter after all." Still want the bill. This account is the most difficult to escape. But I also have an idea. The man said, what can you do? The more he earns, the better, so I took advantage of his financial obsession. We have a grocery store across the street. I owe him 25 cents, and I delayed it for more than a year. I am a short account in April, and I should give it to him on May Day, which will be a great face for me! How can I put him off for a year? It's almost May Day. Don't let him find me. I beat him first. As soon as he entered the door, he said, "Third shopkeeper, look at the account." He was very happy when he heard this. He thought I paid the bill, so he quickly took the ledger. In fact, he wrote this note two days ago. He knows how short it is. As soon as he took the account book and didn't wait for him to hand it over to me, I said to him, "Third Boss, I'm sorry to delay your use. I do have a note at home. You are still 48 cents short ... is it 49 cents? " Hearing this, he said, no, it's twenty-five cents. Oh, he remembered wrong. Hearing this, he put down his ledger and made friends with me: "Oh, Mr. X, we are not strangers. If you remember 48 cents, there is nothing wrong. Let's give it 48 cents. We all have friendship. " I thought of Doby's "friendship", and I said, "Oh, boss, I'm so ashamed. I really can't open this section. Remember this forty-eight cents again. I'll send you some money in a few days. " He thought so as soon as he heard it. If I had asked for money, I would have been in a hurry. At first glance, it is twenty-five cents. What if I leave? I can change it into 48 cents. Besides, how can you say no to friendship? At that time, he also said two beautiful words: "well, it doesn't matter, we are not outsiders, not 48 cents." Let's put it away first, we are not rich, and August Festival is counted together. " Let's overcome it. He means, can he really wait until August? In a few days, I won't send it when I have money. How did he know I was serious? Just wait until August Festival. Sever the customer's credit. I haven't bought anything from him during this period. I waited until August Festival, but I didn't wait until he found me on August Festival. I went to see him again: "Oh, three manned, I'm really sorry, there are more and more accounts, and this section is too much." When a wife gives birth to a child, she takes chicken, brown sugar and dried noodles from you, and then the child takes bits and pieces from you. There is a note at home. Is it two dollars and six dollars or two dollars and seven dollars? "Hearing this, how could he come up with so many? Probably what he took elsewhere was charged to the grocery store. This time it can be copied. I quickly put away my smile and left the ledger: "Ah, Mr. X, you have a good memory. Yes, not two dollars and seven cents, but two dollars and six cents. It doesn't matter, we all have friendship. "As soon as he saw my pocket, which meant taking money, he added two beautiful words:" Oh, I'm not busy. If there is not much money, we will work together next year! " "I said," OK, let's count together. " Oh, really forget it together! There is nothing he can do. At the end of the twelfth lunar month, I went to see him again. When he entered the door, he said, "Third shopkeeper, look at the account. I remember it wasn't $5.70 ... "As soon as I said this, he came to cover my mouth:" Hey, you don't have to pretend to play, just give me 25 cents. " Hey, he got it!