Ask the great god for help

The first grade teacher taught us poultry and animals. Teacher: "There is an animal with two feet. Every morning when the sun comes out, it will wake you up and wake you up. What animal is it? " I replied, "Mom!" Laughing so hard that the teacher almost died! After I came home from the mid-term exam, my mother asked me how I did in the exam. My baby son said I didn't fill in a question. My mother asked what it was. My precious son said, there is a question asking me how much I get when I multiply 3 by 7. I don't care. I filled in 15. My mother sprayed the water she just drank on my father's face. Hey ... I'm great! My father asked me how school was. "Dear son," the father asked, "is your female teacher satisfied with you?" "Ah, yes, Dad, very satisfied." "How do you know? Did she tell you herself? " "Of course, dad. The day before yesterday, she said to me,' If all the students are like you, I will leave school at once!' This shows that I have learned everything. "My dad's brain will be ready soon! @#$#@! $% $ # @ @ One day in math class, the teacher asked 1+ 1=? , I said I don't know. The teacher asked me to ask. I asked my mother who was cooking to let me out. I asked my father, who watched the ball again and shouted' cool'. I asked my sister, and she sang until the baby. I asked my brother and he said on the phone; I'll wait for you outside. The next day, the teacher asked 1+ 1=? I said; Fuck off, the teacher slapped me, I yelled, the teacher called me a loser, and I called me mean. Old saying; Get out. I said; I'll wait for you outside. Our math teacher had a high blood pressure on the spot and fainted ... When the Chinese class was in primary school, all the Chinese teachers in the whole school went to listen to Teacher Ni's class. Teacher Ni wrote a word "Bei" on the blackboard and asked me, "Do you know this word?" I answered "no", so Teacher Ni began to inspire me: "Do you have a bed at home?" I answered "Yes" and "What's on the bed?" "Summer sleeping mat" "Where is the summer sleeping mat?" I replied, "My mother", and Teacher Ni thought, this is also true. My mother was covered with a quilt, and then I was inspired: "What about your mother?" "My dad". Teacher Ni didn't expect me to say this. She made a fool of herself in front of so many teachers and asked anxiously, "What about the quilt?" I replied, "The quilt is on the ground." Teacher Ni was so angry that she got lamb disease in the general hospital! Later, the new teacher at school asked us to make sentences. I finished my homework calmly. The teacher was impressed with me. The sentence I wrote is: sad-the big ditch in front of our house is very sad. If canned food is not as nutritious as fruit juice. Naive-it's really hot today. This is a good day for swimming. Ten points-it's a pity that my sister only got ten points in the math exam. Relax, I always start with simple things. Ginseng-the teacher said that we should take part in the relay of the brigade tomorrow, so we must do our best. Quilt-Xiaoyu's sanitary quilt was stolen. Lunch-Xiaoming takes defecation as the first thing when he gets up every morning. The teacher touched my head and said sternly, "Go home from school and strive for 10. When I got home, I was ready to finish the homework assigned by the substitute teacher when there was no one there. I went to the toilet and began to paint the walls with feces. I painted the bathroom with ten strips, and I was satisfied with my homework before I stopped. " My family came back to scold me. The next day, my mother told the principal that the substitute teacher misunderstood the child. Later, the substitute teacher was fired. Alas ..... I said to myself psychologically, "I am very active, and ugliness is not my intention. God don't lose your temper, I will live bravely and set off the beauty of the world. ! ! ! ! ! ! ! "One morning in class, when I was chewing gum, I put my foot in the aisle. At this moment, the teacher said to me, "Please spit out your mouth and put your feet in." In the days after my brain said "@ $ # $% # $ #", several teachers suffered misfortunes one after another. Fortunately, no one died and there was no big leak. But my fame spread like wildfire and I became a celebrity in the city for a time. However, celebrities also have the pain of celebrities, and I deeply realized this. When I was in junior high school, the physics teacher asked me in physics class: You say, how to change tracks? Me: According to the Diamond Sutra, if a person does something bad in Yangshiguang, he will become a ghost after death! It turned out that the teacher was talking about how the satellite changed its orbit! I was awakened by the teacher when I was sleeping in history class. The teacher asked me, "Who did Princess Wencheng marry?" Little Wang Sheng told me, "Songzan Gambu." I didn't hear clearly, so I opened my mouth and answered, "Song Dynasty cadres." Later, history failed. One day, I came back from the barber shop to be cool. As soon as I opened the door, all the girls exclaimed, "Cool Brother is here!" I am embarrassed to scratch my head: "Where! Where! Just cut a cool head. " It happened that the headmaster passed by and said solemnly, "I want to pay for a trouser head!" " "Our brains are on horses! ! Yeah, it's nothing. I walked to the dormitory and went downstairs from the girls' dormitory. I saw a good friend and boasted loudly, Look, I got a cool haircut. On the second floor, a girl immediately put her head out and said, my waistband, you took off my waistband! ! ! ! ! The next day, the biology teacher brought a bird wrapped in cloth. Then he exposed the bird's legs and asked the students to guess what kind of bird it was. I really don't know, so I handed in a blank sheet of paper. The teacher looked very angry and asked, "Why did you hand in a blank sheet of paper?" What's your name? "When I heard this, I rolled up my trouser legs angrily and said," Now it's your turn to guess who I am? "The biology teacher immediately fell down ~ ~ ~ ~ when I was promoted to junior high school, my fame caused me great trouble. For the safety of teachers, all middle schools in the city refused to accept me. No way, I went to the countryside with infinite yearning for key middle schools. Although the conditions of middle schools in rural areas are a little bitter, I still live very comfortably without the pressure of public opinion. However, gold always shines, and the unique silence of rural middle schools did not restrain my outbreak. By chance, I was born again, suddenly emerged, and quickly occupied the rural market. It was a quiz, and our class was tied with another class after the final. So the host announced the final decision: each class draws lots to send a representative. Two representatives will guess the coin again. The right person asks the wrong person a question. If the wrong person answers correctly, the wrong person wins. On the other hand, the category set in which the correct guesser belongs wins. Spirit of heaven, spirit of the earth, my job is to hide. As a representative, I was drawn, successfully guessed the wrong coin and entered the question-and-answer stage. Teachers and classmates suddenly became nervous, and everyone looked at me with eager eyes. Teacher Li, in particular, looked heavy and said nothing. I also felt some pressure, but not because of this, but because of my opponent, Wang Xiaofo, who was the most powerful "teacher killer" in our school at that time, and he also saved several cases. It is said that the last principal was destroyed in its hands. However, I still have some confidence, because in any case, I am also a person who has criticized. The problem begins. Wang Xiaofo put his hands in his trouser pockets and said slowly, "My mother cooked some eggs in my pocket today. Do you know how many? " "hey!" There was an uproar around. I don't know why everyone is booing, but I know this question has aroused my great interest. Eggs! I hardly heard what he asked. I only heard the word "egg" clearly. You know, in the hard years in the countryside, there was almost nothing to eat. There are two eggs that are really delicious. I seem to see shiny egg white and yellow and tender yolk … "If I get it right, will you give me one to eat?"? "I have long forgotten what quizzes, what class honor. I am only interested in eggs, eggs! " If you get it right, I will give you two eggs. ""hey! "There is a commotion again. I saw the other classmate's face startled, and the classmates cheered and hugged each other to celebrate the victory. Miss Li also gave me a happy look. I don't know what they are happy about, but everyone is smiling at me. I smiled shyly at them and then answered, "Is it five?" The students' smiles suddenly stopped, and gradually, the ebb tide generally disappeared without a trace. Another classmate suddenly shouted and laughed. Things in this world change quickly. In a blink of an eye, everyone was crying and laughing and didn't know what to do. I haven't had time to think about what is going on. The meeting was suddenly in chaos. I saw a man lying on his back, spraying blood in his mouth, and then slowly fell down. "Miss Li! "It's our teacher in charge! I rushed there, too. I saw that the teacher was pale, his eyes were closed and he was unconscious. " He killed Miss Li! "ah! Hey! Hey! Hey! Swish swish swish swish swish! ! ! Angry eyes shot at me like sharp arrows. My eyes went blank, and a voice came back to my ear: "Duo Long! Close the door! Let the dog go! Idle people must retreat! "Later, it is said that Mr. Li did not die, but was seriously ill. After he was discharged from the hospital, he saw through the world of mortals, cut his hair and became a monk in Wutai Mountain, and never taught again.