Country joke bar

1, five yuan was kidnapped by a criminal gang, and called the hundred-dollar bill: "Hey! Your son is here. If you don't want us to kill the ticket, you can exchange yourself for him! "

The hundred-dollar bill thought for a moment and said, "tear it up, you don't even have five dollars!" " "

2. The earthworm family was bored this day, so the little earthworm cut himself in two and played badminton.

Mother earthworm thinks this method is good, so she cuts herself into four sections and plays mahjong.

Father earthworm thought about it and cut himself into minced meat. Mother earthworm cried and said, "Why are you so stupid?" You will die if you cut so hard! "

Father earthworm said weakly ... I suddenly want to play football. "

4. tortoise and rabbit race ... the rabbit quickly ran to the front. ......

The tortoise saw a snail crawling slowly ... and said to him, come on up, I'll carry you ... and then ... the snail climbed up. ......

Soon ... the tortoise saw another ant ... and said to him, come up, too ... so the ant came up.

When the ant appeared ... he saw the snail on it ... and said to him, Hello! Do you know what the snail said?

Snail said: hurry up, this turtle is so fast. .......

5. A man and a woman are eating. Girls keep asking boys: Do you love me?

The boy glanced at the girl and went on eating dinner.

The girl was very angry and asked, Do you love me or not?

The boy finally said: love!

The girl asked again, then how do you prove it?

Suddenly, the boy took out thirty dollars from his pocket and asked the girl, do you have ten dollars?

The girl gave the boy ten yuan. ......

The boy put forty yuan on the table, and after a while. .....

The girl was very angry and asked the boy, Do you want to prove that you love me?

The boy said: I have been proved! Forty is just around the corner!

One day, a family caught fire, and both parents escaped, leaving only one son inside. Mother was very nervous and shouted outside:

"Son ... what are you doing ... it's on fire ..."

The son replied, "I'm wearing socks ..."

Mom said again, "What socks to wear in case of fire ..."

After five minutes, my son hasn't come out yet. ......

Mother shouted nervously again, "Son, what the hell are you doing?" Come out ~ fire, stay inside ... "

The son said, "I'm taking off my socks."

7. When a man went fishing by the river, he first wore a leaf ~ no fish took the bait for a long time, and then he changed a piece of bread ~ no fish took the bait for the same long time ~ no choice but to change earthworms ~ no fish took the bait for the same long time ~ ~

In a fit of pique, he took out a hundred yuan stir-fry and threw it into the water to scold:

"He * *, what to eat! Buy it yourself! "

8. "I can't see things too far away," the patient said to the ophthalmologist.

"Please follow me," the doctor took the patient outside and pointed to the sun in the sky. "What do you think that is?"

"the sun." The patient replied.

"Then how far do you want to see!"

9. One day, the animals smelled an unpleasant smell in front of Guan Gong Temple.

The snake said: I am too young to fart so smelly. It must be a cow.

The cow said: I eat grass, and I won't fart so smelly.

The pig said: People who fart will blush.

Suddenly, Guan Gong rushed out and drove the pig away, saying, How many times have I told you, I was born blushing.

10, a person met God one day, and God was suddenly kind and gave that person a wish. ......

God asked, do you have any wishes? The man thought about it and heard that cats have nine lives. Please give me nine lives.

God said: well, your wish has come true.

One day, a man was idle and bored, such as going to the grave. In short, he has nine lives, lying on the tracks. ......

As a result, a train passed by ... and the man was still dead. Why? Because that train has 10 cars.

1 1. One day, three people were sent to the funeral home. Strangely, their smiles after death ..............................................................................................................................

The policeman said: yes ... it's a long story ... look at the man on the left. In the spring night, he was with his wife ... the most passionate moment, he couldn't stand it, and hung up.

The administrator replied: Alas ... it's romantic to be a ghost when people die. How did the one in the middle die?

Policeman: The one in the middle, oh, he is a real human tragedy. He was walking on the road when he suddenly heard that he had won the lottery with a prize of over 700 million yuan. ..

While he was laughing happily, he was hit by an oncoming car. And he hung up.

The administrator replied, alas, he really doesn't have the blessing to enjoy the rest of his life. What about the rest?

Policeman: Unfortunately, this one is dead. He was killed by lightning while climbing a tree.

The administrator replied: there is something wrong with this. Why did you laugh when you were struck by lightning? ...

The policeman said: because after he climbed the tree, there was a flash of lightning ... he thought ... someone was taking pictures of him. ......

12, it is said that thousands of years ago, both male and female dogs were squatting when urinating. It was not until the Tang Dynasty that the situation changed. ...

Everyone has heard of Emperor Taizong! His old man raised a pair of Beijing dogs. Once Emperor Taizong went to Huashan to worship heaven, he took the pair of ... in the middle of the sacrifice. The bitch suddenly became anxious and ran under a tree to solve it. This is a very disrespectful behavior during the sacrifice, which annoyed the Jade Emperor. The Jade Emperor ordered Lei Gong to hit a thunder, which hit the tree right. The tree fell down and killed the bitch. The male dog was very scared when he saw it. ...

From then on, every time the male dog urinates under the tree, he will put out a foot and push it hard to prevent the tree from falling down and pressing himself.