Joke Collection Website - Cold jokes - A long philosophical story
A long philosophical story
Survival 1: Bullshit will get you to the top, but you can't stay there.
The crow stood in the tree and did nothing all day. The rabbit saw the crow and asked, can I do nothing all day like you? The crow said, of course, why not? So the rabbit began to rest in the open space under the tree. Suddenly, a fox appeared. It jumped up, grabbed the rabbit and swallowed it.
Survival 2: If you want to stand and do nothing, you must stand very, very high.
A bird flies to the south for the winter. It was so cold that the birds almost froze. So, I flew to a large clearing, and a cow passed by and pulled a pile of cow dung on the bird. The frozen bird lay in the dunghill, feeling warm and waking up gradually. It lay in a warm and comfortable place and soon began to sing. A passing wild cat heard the noise and went over to see what was going on. Following the sound, the wild cat quickly found the bird lying in the dunghill and dragged it out to eat it.
Survival 3: Not everyone who shits you is your enemy. Not everyone who pulls you out of the dunghill is your friend. When you are lying in the dunghill, you'd better keep your mouth shut.
There is a bottle at the bottom of the sea, and there is a troll trapped in the bottle. 500 years ago, a fairy put a troll in a bottle. The troll once made a wish that whoever could pick up the bottle, open the cork and rescue him would be given a golden mountain. However, 500 years later, no one picked up the bottle. The troll was very angry. He cursed and said, "If anyone comes to save me in the future, I will swallow this person in one gulp." There was a young fisherman who cast a net for fishing. When he closed the net, he found an old bottle in it. He opened the cork. A thick smoke spewed out, slowly spewing out a troll bigger than a mountain. "Ha ha ha ha!" The troll's laughter made the waves rough. He said, "Young man, I should thank you for saving me, but you did it too late. If you had saved me a year earlier, you would have got a golden mountain! Alas, I've been waiting for 500 years, so I'm impatient. I made a bad wish to eat the person who saved me! " The young man was taken aback, but immediately said calmly, "hey, how can I hold you in such a small bottle?" You must be lying. Please go back to the bottle and show me! " "Ha ha ha ha, I won't be fooled!" The Arabian Nights has already told this ancient story. If I put the bottle in again, and you put it in again, wouldn't the story be over? ""what? Have you seen The Arabian Nights? You are really a learned man! Have you read Socrates' philosophical works? " "Ha ha! For 500 years, I have been hiding in a bottle, reading world classics and practicing hard, not to mention western masterpieces. I have read the universities, the golden mean, the Analects of Confucius and Mencius in the East very thoroughly. " "Ah, China seeks the historical records, you also have a lot of research? Are there any works by Mozi? " "Stop it, there is nothing wrong with the subset of classics and history!" "However, I don't think you have read the manuscript of A Dream of Red Mansions. It is a rare version! " "Ha, ha, ha, you underestimate me. The collector of this book is me! Let me show you! " The troll immediately turned into a thick smoke and slowly entered the bottle. At this time, the young fisherman stopped the bottle without hesitation.
Once upon a time, two hungry people were blessed by an elder: a fishing rod and a basket of huge fresh fish. that
In the game, one person asked for a basket of fish, and the other asked for a fishing rod, so they parted ways. The person who got the fish built a bonfire with dry wood and cooked the fish on the spot. He wolfed down the fish and didn't taste the meat of the fresh fish. In a flash, he ate all the fish and soup. Soon, he starved to death by the empty fish basket. The other man continued to starve with a fishing rod, and walked hard to the seaside step by step, but when he saw the blue ocean not far away, his last strength was exhausted and he could only die with endless regrets.
Two hungry people also got a fishing rod and a basket of fish from their elders. It's just that they didn't part ways, but agreed to look for the sea together. They only cook one fish at a time. After a long journey, they came to the seaside. From then on, they began to make a living by fishing. A few years later, they built a house, had their own family, children and a fishing boat made by themselves, and lived a happy and healthy life.
A person who only cares about immediate interests will eventually get short-term happiness; One should aim high, but face the real life. Only by organically combining ideal with reality can we become a successful person. Sometimes, a simple truth is enough to give people meaningful life enlightenment.
6. When one of Confucius' students was cooking porridge, he found something dirty falling into the pot. He quickly scooped it up with a spoon.
When I got up, I just wanted to pour it out. It suddenly occurred to me that a porridge and a meal were hard to come by. So I ate it. /coincident hole
Zi walked into the kitchen and thought he was stealing vegetables, so he taught the classmate who was in charge of cooking. After the explanation, everyone immediately rejoiced.
Enlightenment. Confucius said with emotion, "What I saw with my own eyes is not true, let alone hearsay?"
Revelation: selling business is an organizational business, because there are many people and many personnel problems. We often hear right and wrong.
Difficult words, such as one company attacking another company, often confuse right and wrong and affect confidence. So find out.
The truth of the matter is not to believe rumors easily, so that the hard-won career will not be destroyed.
7. A scholar went to Beijing for the third time to catch the exam and stayed in a shop where he often lived. Two days before the exam, he had three dreams. First of all,
One dream is that he grows cabbage on the wall. The second dream is that it is raining. He is wearing a hat and holding an umbrella. The third dream is a dream.
Lying naked with my beloved cousin, but back to back.
These three dreams seem to have some profound meanings, so the scholar hurried to find fortune-telling dreams the next day. Hearing this, the fortune teller patted his thigh continuously and said
"You'd better go home. Think about it, isn't it futile to grow vegetables on high walls? Isn't it unnecessary to wear a hat and an umbrella?
Isn't it impossible to lie naked in a bed with my cousin, but back to back? "
Hearing this, the scholar was disheartened and went back to the store to pack his bags and prepare to go home. The shopkeeper was surprised and asked, "isn't there an exam tomorrow?"
Really, why did you go home today? "When the scholar said this, the shopkeeper was happy:" Hey, I can also interpret dreams.
. I think you must stay this time. Think about it, isn't it high to grow vegetables on the wall? Wearing a hat and umbrella doesn't mean
Are you ready this time? Lying naked in bed with your cousin doesn't mean it's time for you to turn over.
have you finished? "
Hearing this, the scholar made more sense, so he took the exam happily and got a flower exploration.
Positive people, like the sun, shine wherever they shine, while negative people, like the moon, are different on the fifteenth day of the first month. Creative decision-making
Our life, what kind of ideas, what kind of future.
One day, the city zoo found that the kangaroo ran out of the cage, so they held a meeting to discuss and agreed that it was a cage.
The height is too low. So they decided to raise the height of the cage from 10 meter to 20 meters. The next day,
They found that kangaroos were still running outside, so they decided to raise the height to 30 meters again.
I didn't expect to see all kangaroos running outside the next day. The administrator was very nervous and decided not to stop.
Raise the height of the cage to 100 meter.
One day a giraffe was chatting with some kangaroos. "Do you think these people will continue to keep your cage?" long
Asked the deer.
"It's hard to say." Kangaroo said, "If they keep forgetting to close the door!" "
In fact, many people are like this. They only know that there is a problem, but they can't grasp the core and foundation of the problem.
9. In a small village, there was a very heavy rain, and the flood began to flood the whole village. A priest is praying in the church.
Seeing that the flood had flooded his kneeling knees. A lifeguard came to the church in a sampan and said to the priest, "Father,
Come on up! Otherwise the flood will drown you! "The priest said," no! I am convinced that God will save me. You go first.
Save others. "
Before long, the flood had flooded the priest's chest, and the priest had to stand on the altar reluctantly. At this moment, another policeman came.
Cha came by speedboat and said to the priest, "Father, come up quickly, or you will really drown!" " "The priest said," No,
I want to keep my church, and I believe that God will save me. You'd better save others first. "
After a while, the flood flooded the whole church, and the priest had to hold on to the cross at the top of the church. one
The helicopter came slowly, and the pilot put down the rope ladder and shouted, "Dad, get up quickly. This is the last chance."
We don't want to see you flooded! ! "The priest said firmly," no, I want to keep mine.
Church! God will save me. You'd better save others first. God will be with me! ! "
The flood rolled in, and the stubborn priest was finally drowned ... The priest went to heaven and asked angrily after seeing God.
Lord, I have dedicated my life and I am afraid to serve you. Why don't you save me! God said, "How can I?
Can't save you? The first time, I sent a sampan to save you, and you didn't want it. I thought you were worried about the danger of the sampan. The second time, I
Send another speedboat, you still don't want it; The second time, I sent a helicopter to save you with the courtesy of the ambassador.
You, as a result, you are still unwilling to accept it. So, I thought you were anxious to come back to me, and you could have a good time with me.
. "
In fact, too many obstacles in life are caused by excessive stubbornness and ignorance. Give a helping hand to others.
At this time, don't forget that only if we are willing to reach out, can people lend a helping hand! ! !
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2006- 1-24 9: 19:00
1 Floor: RE: Classic Philosophy Story
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/kloc-When he was 0/0 years old, five-year-old Hank went to work in the forest with his parents and brothers. Suddenly it began to rain, but they only brought one.
A poncho. Dad gave the poncho to mom, mom gave it to my brother, and my brother gave it to Hank. Hank asked, "Why, Dad?
Dad gives it to mom, mom gives it to my brother, and my brother gives it to me? Dad replied, "Because dad is stronger than mom,
Mom is better than brother, and brother is better than you. We all protect the weak. Hank looked around,
Run over and spread a poncho to block a delicate flower swaying in the wind and rain.
The real strong man is not necessarily how powerful or rich he is, but how much he helps others. Responsibility allows us to put
When things are completely done, love can make us do things well.
1 1. One night, it was very late. An elderly couple walked into a hotel. They want a room. stage
The waiter replied, "Sorry, our hotel is full and there are no vacancies." Watching the old couple exhausted.
Exhausted, the waiter added, "But let me do something ..."
At this point, do you want the continuation of mathematics or the ending of literature? But anyway,
Samples, mathematics and literature are scattered.
The story of mathematics is this: the kind waiter began to solve the room problem for the old couple: he woke up.
Guests who have already slept in the hotel, please ask them to change places: 1 Room guests change to Room 2, and Room 2 guests change.
Go to room 3 ... and so on until each tenant moves from his room to the next. Then a miracle happened.
Now: 1 The room is actually empty. The waiter happily arranged the old couple in. Without adding rooms,
Without reducing the number of guests, when the two old people arrived, all the rooms were full-but only by letting each guest
Move to the next room, and the first room will be empty. Why? /It turns out that two old people went in.
Mathematically famous Hilbert Hotel-it is considered as a hotel with countless rooms. This story is great.
Mathematician david hilbert said that he introduced the concept of infinity into mathematics. This concept is very important to me.
This subject is so important that it is hard for us to imagine how mathematics would exist without it. As long as you can count
As we all know, every integer has a successor until infinity (so in the Hilbert Hotel, behind every house,
There will always be a room until infinity) ... Mathematics is a science about infinity.
Ok, let's go back to where the waiter said "Let me see what I can do". The story of literature goes like this. This article
Waiters should be more humane and caring. Of course he couldn't bear to let the old couple go out late at night to find another place to live. Here it is.
Like a small town, I'm afraid other hotels have long been full and closed. Won't the tired old man shed in the middle of the night?
On the street? So the kind waiter led the old couple to a room and said, "Maybe not the best, but now.
That's all I can do. "When the old man saw that this was actually a neat and clean room, he settled down happily.
The next day, when they came to the front desk to check out, the waiter said to them, "No, because I just put mine."
I'll lend you my house for one night-have a nice trip! "So that's it. The waiter stayed up all night by himself. He was at the front desk.
I took an all-night class. The two old people were very moved. The old man said, "son, you are the best trip I have ever seen."
Store manager. You will be rewarded. "The waiter smiled and said nothing. He walked the old man out and turned to pick him up.
Go about your own business and forget all about it. Unexpectedly, one day, the waiter received a letter that read
Look, there is a one-way ticket to new york with a brief postscript inviting him to find another job. He can fly.
When I came to new york, I followed the route indicated in the letter to a place. When I looked up, a magnificent hotel stood there.
In front of his eyes. It turned out that one night a few months ago, he received a billionaire and his
Wife. The rich man bought a big hotel for the waiter, convinced that he would manage it well. that's all
The legendary story of the first manager of the famous Hilton Hotel.
It all started with the wisdom of a sympathetic and caring waiter: "Let me see what I can do ..."
Entering the field of mathematics requires strict logic, reasonable reasoning and accurate verification; Come to the day of literature
Nature depends on beautiful human nature, touching plot and unexpected happy ending. But did you find out: whether it is
Literature or mathematics has a magical ending-love and wisdom can create miracles.
12. There are two brothers. Their family lives on the 80th floor. One day, when they came home from a trip, the power went out in Eureka Tower.
! Although they are all carrying big bags and small bags, there seems to be no other choice, so my brother said to him, let's climb.
Go upstairs! So they began to climb the stairs with two big bags of luggage on their backs. You get tired after climbing to the 20th floor, brother.
The elder brother said, "The bag is too heavy. How's this? Let's leave it here and take the elevator to get it after the phone call. " So,
They put their luggage on the 20th floor, which was much easier. They kept climbing.
They climbed up talking and laughing, but it didn't take long. By the 40th floor, they were really tired. I thought I was only halfway up.
The two began to blame each other, accusing each other of not paying attention to the notice of power failure in the building, which would end up like this. They are arguing.
Climb all the way to the 60th floor. By the 60th floor, they were too tired to quarrel. Brother to brother
Brother said, "Let's stop arguing and finish climbing it." So they continued to climb the stairs silently and finally reached the 80 th floor! excitedly
When they arrived at the door, the brothers found that they had left their keys in their bags on the 20th floor. ...
Some people say that this story actually reflects our life: before the age of 20, we failed to live up to the expectations of our families and teachers.
In that case, I bear a lot of pressure and burden. I am not mature enough and lack of ability, so my steps are inevitably unstable. 20
/kloc-after 0/8 years old, I left all the pressure, unloaded my baggage and began to pursue my dreams with all my strength. I am so happy.
Twenty years passed quickly. But at the age of 40, I found that my youth had passed away, and it was inevitable to have many regrets and regrets, so I started.
Regret this, regret that, complain this, envy that ... so I spent 20 years complaining. At the age of 60
When you find that your life is running out, tell yourself to stop complaining and cherish the rest of your life! So silent
I have successfully completed the rest of my life. At the end of my life, I remembered that I seemed to have unfinished business ... Originally.
All our dreams remain in our 20-year-old youth and have not been completed yet. ...
13. Before a master performer came on stage, his disciples told him that his shoelaces were loose. The master nodded his thanks and squatted down to tie it carefully.
All right. Disciple turned his back and squatted down to untie his shoelaces. A bystander saw all this and asked inexplicably, "Big!"
Teacher, why did you untie your shoelaces again? "Because I played a tired traveler, Chang."
The trudge to loosen his shoelaces can show his fatigue and haggard through this detail. ""Then why don't you just tell him?
Where's your disciple? ""He can carefully find that my shoelaces are loose and enthusiastically tell me that I must protect him.
This enthusiasm and enthusiasm encouraged him in time. As for why you want to untie your shoelaces, there will be more opportunities in the future.
Teach him to perform. We can talk about it another time. "
People can only do one thing at a time, and only by grasping the key points can they become real talents.
14. A man caught an eagle in Ying Chao on the top of the mountain. He took the baby eagle home and put it in the henhouse. this
A young eagle pecked, played and rested with the chicken. It thinks it is a chicken. The eagle is growing up and full of wings.
Now, the owner wants to train it into a falcon, but because it is mixed with chickens all day, it has become exactly like a chicken.
There is no desire to fly at all. The master tried all kinds of methods, but to no avail, and finally took it to the top of the mountain.
It was thrown away. The eagle fell like a stone and flapped its wings desperately in panic, that's all.
It finally flew!
Secret: hone the power to summon success
15, there lived a man named Abage on the grassland in Inner Mongolia. Once, young Abag and his father were on the grassland.
Lost, Abag was tired and afraid, and finally he couldn't walk any further. Dad took five coins out of his pocket and put one down hard.
Buried in the grass, he put the other four gold coins in Abago's hand and said, "Life, childhood, adolescence and youth, a total of five gold coins.
Year, middle age and old age have one each, and you have only used one now, that is, the one buried in the grass. You can't put 5.
All the flowers are thrown on the grassland. You should use them bit by bit, each time they are different, so as not to waste your life. today
We must go out of the grassland, and you must go out of the grassland in the future. The world is very big, so people should walk around more places when they are alive.
Look more and don't throw away your gold coins, because they are useless. "With the encouragement of his father that day, Abag walked out of the grassland.
When he grew up, Abag left his hometown and became an excellent captain.
Secret: cherish your life and you will get out of the swamp of frustration.
16. I have two brothers, only four or five years old. Because the bedroom window is closed all day, they think the room is inside.
It's so dark that I feel envious when I see the bright sunshine outside. The two brothers discussed it and said, "We can put the outside together.
Sweep in a little sunshine. "So, the two brothers took brooms and dustpans and went to the balcony to sweep the sun. Wait until they put
When the dustpan moved into the room, there was no sunshine inside. I swept the room many times again and again.
There is still no sunshine at all. Mother, who is busy in the kitchen, saw their strange behavior and asked, "What are you doing?"
? "They answered," it's too dark in the room. We should sweep in some sunshine. "Mom smiled." Open the window,
The sun will naturally come in, so why sweep it? "
Secret: Open the closed heart door, and the sunshine of success will dispel the darkness of failure.
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2006- 1-24 9:2 1:00
Second floor: RE: classic philosophical stories
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17, after the rain, a spider struggled to climb to the broken net on the wall, but it climbed to a certain height because the wall was wet.
Height, it will fall, it climbed up again and again, and fell again and again ... The first person to see it was him.
He sighed and said to himself, "isn't my life like this spider?" Too busy to get anything. " So, he
Gradually depressed. The second man saw it. He said, this spider is really stupid. Why not go around the dry place next to it?
Climb down? I can't be as stupid as it in the future. So, he became smart. The third man saw it, and he
I was immediately moved by the spider's spirit of repeated battles and defeats. So he became strong.
Secret: People with a successful attitude can find the power of success everywhere.
18, someone was hiding from the rain under the eaves and saw Guanyin walking by with an umbrella. The humanitarian said, "Guanyin Bodhisattva, please be lenient with all beings.
How about taking me for a while? "
Guanyin said, "I am in the rain, you are under the eaves, and there is no rain under the eaves." I don't need to spend it. " The man immediately jumped off the eaves and stood up.
In the rain: "now I'm in the rain, too." Is it my turn? " Guanyin said, "You are in the rain, I am in the rain, and I am not there."
It rains because there is an umbrella; You were caught in the rain because there was no umbrella. So it's not me, it's me. If you want to spend it, no
If you must find me, please find your own umbrella! "Say that finish and went away.
The next day, the man was in trouble and went to the temple to ask for Guanyin. Walking into the temple, I found there was also a Guanyin statue inside.
A person is worshipping, and that person looks exactly like Guanyin.
The man asked, "Are you Guanyin?"
The man replied, "I am Guanyin."
The man asked again, "Then why do you still worship yourself?"
Guanyin said with a smile, "I have encountered difficulties, but I know that it is better to ask for help than to ask for help."
Secret: Winners help themselves.
19, an old man accidentally dropped his new shoes from the window on the high-speed rail, which was twice as crowded as the people around him.
I felt sorry, but the old man immediately threw the second shoe out of the window. This move is even more surprising. Solutions for the elderly
Shi said, "No matter how expensive this shoe is, it's useless to me. If anyone can find a pair of shoes, just say. "
Maybe he can still wear it! "
Secret: Winners are good at giving up.
20. A big company intends to hire a car driver with a high salary. After layers of screening and assessment, there are only three skills left.
Best competitor. The examiner asked them, "There is a piece of gold on the edge of the cliff. If you drive to get it, you think you can hang up far away. "
How close is it to the cliff without falling? "
"Two meters." The first one said.
"Half a meter." The second man said confidently.
"I will try to stay away from the cliff." The third person said.
As a result, the company accepted the third place
Tip: Don't compete with temptation and try to stay away from it.
2 1, Lao Tzu, a great philosopher in ancient China, called his disciple to the bed one day, and he opened his mouth and pointed his finger at his own.
Then ask the disciples what they saw. None of the sons present could answer.
So Lao Tzu said to them, "the teeth are gone, but the tongue is still there", which means that the teeth must be hard but their life span is not long; Lingual whiskers
Soft, but more important.
22. Tang Bohu, a talented scholar in Jiangnan, met Chou-heung who came to burn incense in a temple in Jiangnan. It was love at first sight, and he was born with the meaning of * * *.
. To this end, he followed Chou-heung all the way to Taishifu, and tried his best to sneak into the mansion as a companion and got in touch.
Chou-heung's opportunity was rejected by Chou-heung, who later contacted Chou-heung many times in the mansion to express her wishes. Once I was locked in firewood by Chou-heung.
Room, but Tang Bohu was not discouraged, and invited his friend Zhu Zhishan to help, and won some Chou-heung marriages under the guidance of his friend.
Opportunity, at this point, the dream of Jiangnan gifted scholars has come true. The only bad thing is that Tang Bohu secretly left a surname mansion after getting married.
Leaving without saying goodbye seemed to have no face, but it was also his best choice at that time.
Revelation: 1, the goal should be clear; 2. Effective measures should be taken to achieve this goal; 3, to defeat and fight again and again, please be high when appropriate.
People help, after all, sometimes beauty is in the eye of the beholder; 4. You can change jobs in time after your dreams come true.
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2006- 1-24 9:2 1:00
The third floor: RE: classic philosophical stories
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23. The old monk and the young monk traveled together and met a river on the way; I saw a woman trying to cross the river, but she didn't dare. The old monk is in charge.
The woman stepped back and crossed the river, then put down the woman and went on with the young monk. The young monk couldn't help whispering all the way, master.
What happened? How dare you cross the river with a woman on your back? After walking and thinking all the way, I finally couldn't help saying, master, you broke the rules.
Is it? Why are you taking a woman? The old monk sighed: I have put it down, but you still can't put it down!
Revelation: Honest people are magnanimous, while villains are often sad. Broad-minded, open-minded, affordable and open-minded, can last forever.
Keep a healthy mind.
25. A psychology professor visited a mental hospital to learn about the living conditions of mental patients. After all, I think these people are crazy.
Epilepsy, acting unexpectedly, is an eye-opener Unexpectedly, when I was ready to return, I found that my tire had fallen off.
. "Some madman must have done it!" The professor thought angrily and began to get the spare tire ready to install. This is serious.
The man who got off the tire actually dropped all the screws. You can't get on without screws and spare tires! The professor was at a loss. In front of him.
When I was in a hurry, a madman skipped over and sang an unknown happy song. He found himself sleepy.
Professor Jing, stop and ask what's going on.
The professor ignored him and told him out of courtesy.
The madman smiled and said, "I have an idea!" " He dropped a screw from each tire, so he got three.
Tighten the spare tire.
The professor was pleasantly surprised and very curious: "How did you come up with this idea?" The madman laughed a few laughs.
"I am crazy, but I am not a fool!"
In fact, many people in the world always behave differently from ordinary people because they find pleasure in their work.
This fanaticism is hard to understand. When many people laugh at them as crazy, others may laugh at him as a fool.
. Stupidity and cleverness are especially a good attitude in China.
26. There are two monks living next door. The so-called next door is the mountain next door. They live on two adjacent mountains.
In the temple. There is a stream between the two mountains, so the two monks go down to get water at the same time every day.
Over time, he became good friends.
In this way, five years passed unconsciously in carrying water every day. Suddenly one day, the monk on the left mountain didn't get off.
The mountain carries water, and the monk on the right thinks, "He probably overslept." I don't care.
I don't know if the monk on Zuoshan still didn't go down to fetch water the next day, nor did he on the third day. A week later.
Still the same, until a month later, the monk on Youshan finally couldn't stand it. He thought, "My friend may be ill."
Well, I'm going to visit him and see what I can do. "
So he climbed the mountain on the left to visit his old friend.
When he arrived at the temple on the left, he was surprised to see his old friend, because his old friend was playing Tai Chi in front of the temple.
Boxing is nothing like a man who hasn't drunk water for a month. He asked curiously, "You haven't carried water down the mountain for a month. It's hard. "
Dao, can you stop drinking water? "
The monk on the left mountain said, "Come, let me show you." So he took the monk from the mountain on the right to the temple.
In the backyard, he pointed to a well and said, "In the past five years, I have taken time to dig this well every day after finishing my homework, even if I was busy sometimes.
Dig as much as you can. Now I have finally dug a well, so I don't have to go down the mountain to fetch water, so I can have more time.
Practice my favorite Tai Ji Chuan once in a while. "
How much salary we get in the company is just a waste of water. And grasp the time after work to dig a well of your own, no
Older people are physically inferior to young people. I still have water to drink, and I drink it very leisurely.
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