What funny stories and jokes are there?

1, just after the lights in the cinema went out, a thief reached into L's pocket and was immediately found by L. The thief said, "I tried to reach for my handkerchief, but I was wrong. Please forgive me! " ""that's all right. " L answered calmly.

After a while, the thief got a heavy slap with a bang. "Sorry, wrong number, there is a mosquito on my face." I said.

2. A chief has a hobby of listening to stories. One day, he entertained his guests. At his repeated request, a foreign guest told a very interesting story:

The guest met a very pretentious person in the city. The guest said to him, "Please guess what I put in my pocket. If you guess right, I will give you half of these eggs;

If you can guess the number of eggs, I will give you ten. "

The man thought for a long time and said, "friend, although I am not stupid, I can't know everything." I can't guess. "

The guest said, "Guess again, this thing is white outside and yellow inside."

"I guessed it!" The man said loudly, "It must be a pile of white radishes with a potato hidden in the middle."

Hearing this, the guests all laughed, and the chief laughed even more. At last he asked, "That's a real fool. Dear friend, now please tell us what's in your pocket? "

3. My son was about to get married, but he didn't know how to perform the rites of the Duke of Zhou, so he asked his father what to do.

Father said vaguely, when the time comes, you will be above and she will be below.

On the wedding night, the bride locked the door angrily and refused to let the groom in.

The son shouted at the door: Dad! I can't get in!

Father replied: Push!

The son then pushed hard, and his knee broke and bled, and he couldn't help shouting: Ah! It's bleeding!

I only heard my father say calmly in the room: Yes!