Jokes about the Japanese! !

Japanese, American, China. I was so thirsty when I went to the Indian tribe that I stole the sacrificial fruit. The chief found it, tied it up and said: You have redeemed God (forgot how to pronounce it), but God has the virtue of living well and gives you a chance. 10 samples of the same fruit were found. Then three people went to look for it. Americans came back first and found 10 bananas. The chief said, you should peel the banana. Stuff it in the anus. Don't cry or laugh, or I'll kill you. Americans are very helpless and can only do it. Very painful. Cry, boss. He killed him. Then China people came back. Found 10 grapes, Chief: You put the grapes in your anus, don't cry or laugh, or I'll kill you. When the Chinese saw that the Americans were killed, they were scared, so they did it. Then he stuffed nine grapes into it and smiled. The chief killed him, too. Later, when China ascended to heaven, God asked him, "Ten grapes are easy to plug. What are you laughing at? " . China people said: Because I saw the Japanese come back with 10 watermelons.

1)

Four surgeons sit around and talk about who they like to operate on. The first doctor said, "I like operating on librarians best." When you open their bodies, everything inside is arranged alphabetically. The second doctor said, "I like operating on accountants best." When you open their bodies, everything is arranged in numerical order. The third doctor said, "I like operating on electricians best." When you open their bodies, everything is color coded. The fourth doctor said, "I like operating on Japanese best." The other three doctors looked at each other in disbelief. One of them asked what. The fourth doctor said, because they have no heart and no spine, and their butts and heads can be exchanged.

(2)

A man called a Japanese businessman and said, "I'm looking for Mr. Taro." The operator said, "I'm sorry, he died last week." The next day, the man called again and wanted to speak to Kazutaro. This time the operator was a little annoyed and said, "I always told you that he died last week." Why are you calling? " The man said, "Because I just like listening."

(3)

A Japanese is eating in a restaurant in China. When the waiter brought a panlong shrimp, the Japanese asked, what should I do with the remaining shrimp shells? ""Of course, "said the waiter." Don't! Don't! Don't! "The Japanese shook his head and said," In Japan, the leftover shrimp shells are sent to the factory to make shrimp cakes, and then they are sold to you in China. "After a while, the waiter brought a plate of fruit, and the Japanese pointed to one of the lemons and asked," What should I do with the remaining lemon peel? ""Of course, "said the waiter." Don't! Don't! Don't! The Japanese shook his head and said, "In Japan, the leftover lemon peel is sent to the factory and then sold to you in China. "When checking out, the Japanese asked the waiter with a smile while chewing gum," What should I do with the remaining gum? ""Of course I threw up, "said the waiter." Don't! Don't! Don't! "The Japanese shook his head and said proudly," In Japan, chewed gum is sent to the factory to make condoms and then sold to you in China. The waiter asked impatiently, "Do you know what to do with used condoms in China?" "Throw it away, of course. "Japanese humanity. The waiter shook his head and said, "No! Don't! Don't! In China, used condoms are sent to factories, made into chewing gum and then sold to you. "

A plane crashed on an island. Only one American, one China and one Japanese survived, but they met cannibals on the island. The patriarch told them that as long as the total length of DD of the three of you exceeds 20 cm, we won't eat you. The Americans first measured it, which was 12 cm long, and then it was from China, which was 7 cm long. The United States and China are loose. It's time to measure the Japanese. His length is exactly 2 cm, and the length of the three people adds up to more than 20 cm. Everyone breathed a sigh of relief ... after the cannibal left, the American said, "I am more than half of my length. Without me, you would have been finished." China people are unconvinced and say, Ya, my length is equal to the average. Without me, you would have finished. After a while, the Japanese broke out. If I didn't get an erection just now, you're all finished! !

An American, a Japanese and an China were exploring in the jungle. They were all caught by the cannibal tribe, but the tribal chief said, "I am in a good mood today and don't want to eat you, but you must all get a hundred boards, but before you get the boards, you can realize a wish." Americans were the first to board the springboard. He said, "Before taking the board, put 10 cushion on my ass." The mat board rained down on the front 70 boards. After 70 boards, the mat was smashed, and then the boards were bloody ... After the fight, the United States always left by touching its ass. After seeing it, the Japanese also asked for 10 mattress, 1, 2, 3...65,438+000. After the fight, the Japanese got up and patted their ass, and then bragged about their imitation ability and re-creation ability with their mouths open, wanting to sit and watch.

One day, there was a meeting at the United Nations, and representatives of all countries wanted to speak ... The chairman of the meeting was an Englishman, and when everyone was fighting for the right to speak, the Japanese raised their hands ... The chairman said, you can speak! Japan said a lot ... but the chairman said, can you speak English? The Japanese said: I'm just speaking English! ! The Japanese continued to talk ... then the chairman said, can you stand up and talk? The Japanese said: I stood up. ..........

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There are an American, a German, a Japanese and a China on a plane. Halfway through, the plane suddenly ran out of gas. The captain announced that someone had to jump off the plane to reduce the weight, so the American showed personal heroism and went to the door of the plane and shouted: Long live America and other countries! ! Then I jumped! The plane continued to fly ... at this moment, the captain announced that the weight was still too heavy, and one person had to jump! So the Germans stood up, walked to the door of the plane and shouted: Long live the German Empire! Jumped down, too The plane continued to fly ... At this moment, the captain announced: No, it's still heavy, and one more person must jump! China glanced at the Japanese, stood up and walked to the hatch of the plane. The Japanese rushed to hold China's hand: Good brother, I won't forget you! The people of China shouted: Long live the people and country of China! ! Then I kicked the Japanese down with one foot! ! ......

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A bowl of shit

One day, a little devil who claimed to know a few Chinese characters was wandering in the street, hungry and began to look for a restaurant. It arrived at the door of a small noodle restaurant and saw several big characters written on the water sign at the door: beef noodles, large rows of noodles, simple meals. He wanted to taste it, so he went in. The busy waiter ran over and asked, "What noodles would you like to eat, sir?" "I will eat ..." As he spoke, the little devil wanted to show off his recognition of Chinese characters, so he turned his head to look at the words written vertically on the water label and read horizontally: "I eat a bowl of' cow',' big' and' poop' ..." The voice of wanting to eat "shit" was quite loud, word for word. So all the diners in the restaurant looked at the little devil in surprise and whispered, "This beast is really fierce!" " "

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Who are you trying to fool?

A Japanese came to Beijing to study Chinese. He worked very hard.

Ten years later, he can speak not only Mandarin, but also Cantonese and Hakka without any Japanese accent.

"No one should treat me like the devil anymore …" he thought.

One day he traveled to a small fishing port in Tianjin and saw an old man catching shrimps.

So on a whim, he confidently greeted the old man in Mandarin: "Old man! Do you know where I come from? 」

The old man replied, "I can't hear your accent clearly ..."

The devil was very happy and thought, "I didn't expect my Chinese to improve so much." Can be said to be perfect ... "

At this time, the old man glared at him and said, "If you can count the shrimps I caught clearly, I will know where you are from."

The devil began to count with a fairly standard pronunciation: "One, two, three, ... fifty ... one hundred ... two hundred ..."

After counting for more than an hour, he proudly replied, "Nine thousand seven hundred and eighty-seven shrimps! Old man, I think you'll never guess where I come from! ! 」

The old man smiled and said, "I know! You must be Japanese! Ha ha ha ... "

The devil was very surprised, but he still asked the old man in standard Mandarin: "You ... you ... why do you know?"

The old man replied, "Ah, this is simple. China people ask about the weight of fish and shrimp, not as stupid as you! "

-

Americans, British, China and Japanese discuss their own military affairs together.

The Japanese said, "We advocate Bushido and are not afraid of sacrifice. I dare you to test your marksmanship with an apple on your head. "

It was he who put an apple on his head.

The American turned and walked back 20 steps, then walked back with a gun, and the apple was smashed. He proudly said:

"I'm Hunter."

The Japanese put another apple on his head.

The Englishman turned and walked back 50 steps, then walked back with a gun, and the apple was smashed. He proudly said:

"I am Boone (Bond)."

The Japanese put a small apple on their heads.

China people turned and took three steps back, then turned and shot, and their heads were blown off. He proudly said:

"I'm sorry."

-

I dyed the wool and cut my hair short when I came home.

In the bar, there is a Japanese who is drinking beer alone. He suddenly felt that he was going to the bathroom. He was afraid that someone would steal his beer after he left, so he wrote a note on the table: "I spit in the cup." When he came back, he found another sentence added to the paper: "I threw up, too."

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A taxi is driving on the way to Chicago airport, and a Japanese tourist is sitting on it. At this moment, a taxi passed by and the Japanese shouted, "Look, Toyota! Made in Japan! How fast! " After a while, another taxi passed by. "Look, Nissan! It's made in Japan! It's too early! " Another taxi passed by. "Ah! It's Mitsubishi made in Japan! Very fast! " Taxi drivers are 100% American. Seeing that so many Japanese cars have surpassed their American cars, coupled with the arrogant language of the Japanese, he was a little annoyed. When another taxi overtook it, the taxi pulled into the airport parking lot. "It's Honda! Made in Japan! Very fast! There is no medicine to save! " The taxi driver stopped and pointed angrily at the meter and said, "1500 dollars." "So close to 1500 dollars? ! ""forget it! Made in Japan! Very fast! There is no medicine to save! "

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A China man called a Japanese businessman and said, "I'm looking for Mr. Taro." The operator said, "I'm sorry, he died last week." The next day, the man called again and wanted to speak to Kazutaro. This time the operator was a little annoyed and said, "I always told you that he died last week." Why are you calling? " The man said, "Because I just like listening."

-

Four surgeons sit together and talk about who they like to operate on.

The first doctor said, "I like operating on librarians best." When you open their bodies, everything inside is arranged alphabetically. The second doctor said, "I like operating on accountants best." When you open their bodies, everything is arranged in numerical order. The third doctor said, "I like operating on electricians best." When you open their bodies, everything is color coded. The fourth doctor said, "I like operating on Japanese best." The other three doctors looked at each other and said

Wondering what one of them asked. The fourth doctor said, because they have no heart and no spine, and their butts and heads can be exchanged.

A German, a Frenchman and a Japanese are going to work in the mine.

The boss is American. He said to the Germans: You have a good physique and you are in charge of coolies.

Say to the French: You said you were an engineer and you were in charge of the mining plan.

He said to the Japanese: You are very thin. You are in charge of supply.

Then every other week, they start to work.

A few days later, the Germans and the French found that the Japanese had disappeared. After searching for a long time, they decided to go back to work first.

When the Germans started to work, the Japanese suddenly jumped out and shouted:

"surprise! 」

Responder: sweet magic fairy-magician level 411-1612: 42.

Modify the reply: close the sweet magic fairy, and the reply you want to modify is as follows: integral rules.

A German, a Frenchman and a Japanese are going to work in the mine.

The boss is American. He said to the Germans: You have a good physique and you are in charge of coolies.

Say to the French: You said you were an engineer and you were in charge of the mining plan.

He said to the Japanese: You are very thin. You are in charge of supply.

Then every other week, they start to work.

A few days later, the Germans and the French found that the Japanese had disappeared. After searching for a long time, they decided to go back to work first.

When the Germans started to work, the Japanese suddenly jumped out and shouted:

"surprise! 」

/kloc-answer within 0/0000 words.

References:

If your answer is quoted from other places, please indicate the source.

A Japanese, an China and an American went to Egypt to explore.

When they arrived, they were caught in a sandstorm, which flooded all the food and water.

When they were thirsty and hungry, God suddenly appeared.

God saw their pity and gave each of them a wish.

First, Americans make a wish.

American: I hope I can go home soon.

With that, the American disappeared and returned to his home.

It's the Japanese's turn

The Japanese said: I hope to go back to my hometown, there are many beautiful women and a lot of money.

As soon as I finished, the Japanese all left.

It's China's turn

China thought for a moment and said, I hope the two of them will come back to accompany me. !

Strong resistance to Japan.