Who has some classic jokes?

Category: entertainment and leisure >> Humorous.

Analysis:

& gt Chief: Hello, comrades! Soldier: Hello, sir! The chief patted a soldier's chest and said, how well this muscle is trained! Soldier:

& gt& gt Chief, I am a female soldier.

& gt& gt A village woman was carrying a basket of eggs, and several big men were running after her in Lu Yu. The peasant woman got up and patted the dust: How old?

& gt& gt Yes, I thought I was robbing eggs!

& gt& gt When Comrade Lao Jiao went abroad and went through the customs for the first time, customs officer: Is his surname Jiao? Lao Jiao wanted to think, and finally became very firm.

& gt& gt tone answer: * * *, about twice a week!

& gt& gt A farmer hired a veterinarian to raise pigs. The veterinarian said that it seems that artificial breeding is needed. The farmer hesitated for a long time and summoned up his courage.

& gt& gt said: Yes, I'm afraid it will bite me.

& gt& gt Someone farted on the bus. A coquettish woman spat, "bah-bah-bah-". A man said, why, eat?

& gt& gt You fart? !

& gt& gt One day, 0 and 8 met in the street. 0 disdainfully looked at 8 and said, fat is fat. Why are you wearing a belt?

& gt& gt A sister-in-law saw a man who was about to get off the bus and dropped a pack of cigarettes on the pedal, so she quickly told the man.

& gt& gt People say: Comrade, you dropped your cigarette! The man is furious: you just castrated!

& gt& gt A village woman went to town for the first time and wanted to go to the toilet. She didn't meet for a long time, so she asked the policeman, Comrade, there is a public toilet in front. Excuse me.

& gt& gt Where is the mother toilet?

& gt& gt Freshmen on campus: Students who repeat a grade are called "international students", and those with money at home are called "highly wealthy students", who doze off in class.

& gt& gt students are called "poor students".

& gt& gt An American called Bush a * * * in front of the White House, and was immediately arrested for leaking state secrets.

& gt& gt The thief stole a chicken and plucked its hair by the river. When the police passed by, the thief threw the chicken into the river and explained to the police: this chicken.

I looked after his clothes while he was swimming.

& gt& gt A person was constipated when he went to the toilet, and suddenly he saw a person rushing in, and it was stormy in an instant. "Dude, I envy you, that?

& gt& gt, let's go. ""envy what, didn't take off your pants? "

& gt& gt man: What would you do if I hugged you? Woman: resist! Man: What would you do if I kissed you? Woman: Resist. M: If

& gt& gt I ... Woman: It's over! After all, a woman's strength is limited.

& gt& gt A foreign youth in China can't understand the difference between "iron" and "steel". One night he came home very late, and the door couldn't be opened, so he had to

& gt& gt shouted: landlady, will you open your steel door? I can't get in!

When the nurse saw the patient drinking in the ward, she went over and whispered, "Sweetheart!" "The patient smiled and said," Bao Xiao.

& gt& gt bay. "

When Bush visited the Pentagon, he said sadly, "The Pentagon has become a four-corner building." Powell said: "The President

Mr.>& gt, the Pentagon is a hexagonal building with no corners. "

When & gt& gt leaders visited the countryside, the village chief asked the peasants to shout slogans, but only repeated the last two words. Leadership arrived, the steward shouted

& gt& gt "Stop whoring" and farmers follow "whoring! Hey! "

& gt& gt A company is recruiting, and the English name of the next girl to be interviewed is "spring". The secretary wants to show off her own.

& gt& gt English level, shout: Hi! That one named "Chun", it's your turn!

& gt& gt The tortoise said to the mouse, "I work in a five-star hotel!" ""nonsense ""really, they put my bath water again just now.

& gt& gt is used to make soup. "

& gt& gt A woman felt tired in the park, so she lay on a bench and relaxed. A beggar came to flirt with her. She is a big woman.

& gt& gt angry, beggars don't want to: since you don't want to, then why are you still lying in my bed?

On the>& gt bus, the pregnant woman standing said to the strange man sitting next to her, don't you know I'm pregnant? See a man

& gt& gt The child looked nervous and said, but the child is not mine!

& gt& gt A leader gave a report: "Now that men and women are equal, lesbians have stood up ..." All the lesbians present stood up and waited.

& gt& gt take instruction. The leader turned over a page, which read: "Le"

& gt& gt A wife searches her husband thoroughly every day to see if she can find a woman's hair. One day, she searched for a long time.

& gt& gt Nothing, but I still reprimanded: Now I want a nun!

& gt& gt people: Do you have military prostitutes in your army? Jun: Yes, there is no military discipline! Min: Really! Do I have to pay? Jun: Here you are.

& gt& gt What money do you need? Our military discipline is unified and handed down from above.

& gt& gt The old man confessed to his wife before he died: I once had an affair, please forgive me! Wife: What's the big deal, can you?

& gt& gt Sleep with your eyes! Which of our children looks like you?

& gt Teacher visited the home and asked the students: Is your family happy? The student proudly replied: happiness! Father came over and slapped him in the face.

& gt& gt "Boy, who told you to change your surname!"

& gt& gt After years of marriage, a white couple finally had a child, but the result was black. The husband complained to his wife, "Both!"

& gt& gt It's all your fault! You must turn off the light every time you go to bed.

& gt& gt One day, I saw a rooster chasing a hen with a feather duster. I won't know until I ask.

& gt& gt Please, that hen just laid a duck egg!

& gt& gt The swimming coach goes straight and has a loud voice. One day, he met a female student in the shopping mall, greeted him, and then loudly said

& gt& gt Arrival: I really didn't recognize you when you put on your clothes.

& gt& gt A man stutters when he sees a beautiful woman: Little … Sister … I … I … Last name … Wu … Can … Can … Can you … Can you talk to … you? Beauty: no sex

It doesn't matter whether & gt& gt can or not, maybe there is a way to cure it!

& gt& gt A heavy smoker goes to space to experience life. He brought 50 kilograms of cigarettes. A year later, I returned to earth, looking yellow and angry.

& gt& gt Ping said, Shit, I forgot to bring my lighter.

& gt& gt's husband is staring at an oil painting, which shows a naked woman, and only a few leaves cover her shame. The wife yelled at her husband.

& gt& gt: "Do you want to stand until autumn, when the leaves fall?"

& gt& gt The word "piece" on the signboard of an "auto parts factory" fell off the edge and became "cow". An old farmer saw it and muttered: this car matches.

& gt& gt cow, at least have a tractor!

& gt& gt Sorry, my chicken ate your vegetables. It's nothing. My dog has eaten your chicken. A: No wonder.

& gt& gt I found chicken bones in the dog's stomach.

& gt& gt A man rushed into a unit and shouted: Is this the Animal Protection Association? Staff: Yes,

& gt& gt Who bullied you?

& gt& gt A foreigner wanted to hold a party, but his single dormitory was not big enough, so he borrowed the venue from Lao Zhang: Hello, Lao Zhang, I want it.

& gt& gt Fang, but the family is too small, and I want to borrow your mother!

& gt& gt Farmer: I often feel cold after sleeping at night. Doctor: Me too. At that time, I will hug my wife and warm up.

& gt& gt Yes. Farmer: That's a good idea, but when will it be convenient for your wife?

& gt& gt A * * * took his children to a restaurant to eat, and lifted his skirts in public to feed them. A waiter came over and pointed to the notice on the wall.

& gt& gt Sorry, this restaurant forbids eating food that is not served.

& gt& gt Xiaoming: Dad, in ancient times, the emperor called himself a widow. What should the queen call herself? Father: Silly boy, the queen should be.

& gt& gt is really a widow!

& gt& gt Clinton's wife came to heaven and asked, "The more time a person spends on the earth, the faster his clock goes. I've been looking for it for a long time, why not? "

& gt& gt The receptionist said, "I found my husband's clock." We use it as a fan. "

& gt& gt Before the execution, the warden asked the condemned man sitting in the electric chair: Do you have any other requirements? Death row: I only hope that when you are executed.

& gt& gt Waiting to hold my hand will make me feel better.

& gt& gt When the husband turned on the light, he accidentally left his handprint on the newly painted wall. The next day, my wife called the painter: I want to let

& gt& gt Look at the place my husband touched last night. The painter fainted. ...

& gt& gt female secretary: "Boss, your wife called. She said on the phone that she would kiss you." Boss: "Hold it for me first,

& gt& gt come and give it to me later. "

& gt& gt Two drunks were walking on the tracks, and one of them complained, "Why isn't this staircase finished yet?" . The other snorted and said, "It helps!"

& gt& gt My hands are still so weak. "

& gt& gt Fat shaved his head, and my roommate touched it: fleshy like my girlfriend. Fat people also unconsciously touch.

& gt& gt After a pause: Don't say, it's really like it.

& gt& gt Xiaoli: Mom, Xiao Qiang wants me to marry her today! Mom casually asked: Does he have a regular job? Xiaolixiang

& gt& gt He is responsible for cleaning the blackboard in our class!

& gt& gt Melon vendor: "Come and eat watermelon, if it's not sweet, it's free!" "Hungry passerby:" Wow! Great, boss. No.

& gt& gt that's great. "

The lawyer & gt& gt asked a married man: Are you happy in your sex life? Answer: Very happy! Lawyer: Then why do you want to be with you?

& gt& gt too divorced? M: How does my sex life help my wife?

& gt& gt Monkey Mountain Manager: It's mating season, and the monkeys are all in the cave. Pretty girl: If I throw some peanuts,

& gt& gt Will they come out? Librarian: If it were you, would you come out?

& gt& gt An old farmer has been longing for Tiananmen Square in Beijing for a long time, but he has only seen it on posters. N years later, I finally met by chance, but I lost everything.

& gt& gt Hope: Fake! Why don't you shine?

& gt& gt

& gt& gt I have two bad habits that bother me. The first bad habit is to sleep naked. B: Nothing!