Ask a joke

There is such a conversation on the bus ...

Woman: Help me dig the P shares, will you?

man: no! You can't dig yourself? !

female: help others dig it! !

The people next to them began to pay attention and turned to look at them.

M: All right! But it's inconvenient on the bus, so I'll dig it when I get off ...

Female: I don't want it, so I'll help others dig it now!

Male: Ok, I really can't stand you ...

Everyone on the bus stared curiously ... only after the man picked up his cell phone and dialed the phone number ...

Male: Hello! P shares? I am a dog! I'm on the bus, May is looking for you ...

** One day, the devil took the princess, and the princess kept calling for "help".

Devil: You can scream your throat, and no one will come to save you!

princess: broken throat! Broken throat!

Nobody: Princess, I'm coming to save you!

devil: speak of the devil!

Cao Cao: Devil, what do you want me to do?

devil: wow! I saw a ghost!

ghost: oh ~ it's been discovered!

ha: nonsense, who found me?

who: it's none of my business!

devil: oh~my god!

god: who called me! ?

who: nobody called you!

nobody: I didn't! !

It is said that the demon king has suffered from schizophrenia since then ~ ~ ~ ~

The priest and the nun went to play golf.

The first one missed, and the priest: damn it, it missed.

Sister: Please don't say that, it's disrespectful to say that.

The second one missed, and the priest: damn it, it missed. Abbe: Damn it, it's wrong.

Suddenly the thunder roared in the sky, and there was a loud noise, and the nun was killed by lightning.

There was a voice from the sky: Damn it, it's wrong.

The first egg in the refrigerator said to the second egg

"Hey, look ~ look ~' Look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look !

It is said that an old farmer went to town and couldn't find the toilet, so he went to a high-class hotel and told the waiter that he wanted to use the toilet.

the waiter said it was ok, but he had to pay 5 yuan money. The old farmer bit his teeth and said, "Bingo!"

then run into the toilet. After going in, the old farmer found that there was no pit like his home in the toilet, so he found a newspaper on it and wrapped it carefully. Seeing a hole in the wall, I stuffed it in. When he came out, he said, "The toilets in this city are really strange. . 。”

Half a minute later, the waiter who went in to clean came out with a 1 yuan bill and said, "Grandpa, I'll give you one hundred yuan. Can you tell me how you pull it?"

-I saw poop all over the wall in the toilet-the hole that the old farmer had plugged was a toilet vent (with a fan). . .

A bear and a rabbit found a bottle in the forest. When they opened the bottle, a fairy appeared. The fairy said, thank you for letting me out. I can satisfy each of your three wishes.

The bear said, I hope all the bears in this forest are females except me. Well, the fairy helped him realize his wish.

The bear said, No, I hope the whole world is a female bear except me. Well, the fairy helped him realize his wish.

The bear finally said, I hope all these females love me. Well, the immortal realized his wish.

next is the rabbit.

Rabbit says, I want a scooter. The fairy gave the rabbit a motorcycle.

The rabbit said, I want a helmet. The fairy gave the rabbit a helmet.

The rabbit finally said, I hope this bear is gay.

This is the funniest joke I've ever heard in my life. It's about penguins going to play with polar bears. There have been four versions ~

Marketer: Little friend, do you have any dogs, kittens, rabbits or birds at home?

Child: No, my mother gave birth to me!

Q: what animal is the best?

A: pigs, because pigs (beads) are good at calculation.

Q: what animal is the easiest to stick on the wall?

A: sea (newspaper) leopard

Q: what happens when a fat man falls from the 12th floor?

A: fatso

Q: who will help you with your meal when you are full?

A: Fei long, because Fei long added

Q: A puppy was traveling in the desert and died. How did he die?

A: he suffocated because there was no telephone pole to pee in the desert.

Q: a puppy was traveling in the desert and found a telephone pole, but it still suffocated. why?

A: "No urinating here" is posted on the dotted pole.

Q: A puppy was traveling in the desert and found a telephone pole. Nothing was posted on it, but it still suffocated. Why?

A: many puppies are waiting in line.

Q: a puppy was traveling in the desert and found a telephone pole. There was nothing posted on it, and he stood in line. As a result, he still suffocated. Why?

A: because there are two beautiful dogs MM behind him, he is embarrassed.

The little white rabbit skipped to the bakery and asked, "Boss, do you have a hundred buns?"

boss: "Oh, I'm sorry, there aren't that many"

"I see. . 。” The little white rabbit left dejectedly.

The next day, the little white rabbit skipped to the bakery. "Boss, do you have a hundred buns?"

boss: "I'm sorry, but there isn't."

"I see. . 。” The little white rabbit left dejectedly again.

On the third day, the little white rabbit skipped to the bakery. "Boss, do you have a hundred buns?"

The boss said happily, "Yes, yes, we have a hundred buns today! ！”

The little white rabbit took out the money: "Great, I'll buy two!" "

There was a person who looked like a bicycle, and one day she was riding away.

There was a person who looked like an onion, and one day he cried while walking.

One day two bananas were walking on the road, and the one in front said it was really hot, so he took off his clothes, and the one behind fell down.

One day Xiaoqiang asked his father: Dad said, "Silly boy, how can you be a silly boy?"

What happened to a rabbit in the company

The first company

Boss: Bunny, are you busy at work today?

tutu: I'm not busy.

After work, the boss said to Tutu: You don't have to come tomorrow.

tutu: why?

boss: because you can't work for the company more, you are not busy. What does the company want you for?

* The second company

Boss: Tutu, are you busy with your work today?

tutu: very busy.

After work, the boss said to Tutu: You don't have to come tomorrow.

tutu: why?

Boss: Because you are not organized, you are busy all day. What does the company want you to do?

* The third company

Boss: Tutu, are you busy with your work today?

tutu: not bad.

After work, the boss said to Tutu: You don't have to come tomorrow.

tutu: why?

boss: because you do things irrationally, there is nothing "ok" or "not ok". What does the company want you for?

* The fourth company

Boss: Tutu, are you busy with your work today?

tutu: just finished.

After work, the boss said to Tutu: You don't have to come tomorrow.

tutu: why?

boss: because you are too inefficient, can't you check it after you finish? What does the company want from you?

* The fifth company

Boss: Tutu, are you busy with your work today?

tutu: some of them have been finished and checked, and now they are doing other things. After work, the boss said to Tutu: You don't have to come tomorrow.

tutu: why?

boss: because you are not systematic, won't you do some things together? What does the company want from you?

* The sixth company

Boss: Tutu, are you busy with your work today?

tutu: I have finished all my work and am helping others. After work, the boss said to Tutu: You don't have to come tomorrow.

tutu: why?

boss: because you have no plans, won't you plan what you will do tomorrow? What does the company want from you?

* The seventh company

Boss: Tutu, are you busy with your work today?

tutu: today's work is finished, so is tomorrow's work. After work, the boss said to Tutu: You don't have to come tomorrow.

tutu: why?

boss: because you don't consider the whole, won't you help your colleagues share their worries and relieve their pains? What does the company want from you?

* The eighth company

Boss: Tutu, are you busy with your work today?

tutu: I have finished today's work and tomorrow's work, and now I am helping my colleagues.

After work, the boss said to Tutu: You don't have to come tomorrow.

tutu: why?

Boss: Because you are too pushy, your help is likely to cause laziness or pressure on others. What does the company want you for?

* Ninth Company

Boss: Tutu, are you busy with your work today?

tutu: wait a minute, I'll think about it before I answer you.

After work, the boss said to Tutu: You don't have to come tomorrow.

tutu: why?

boss: you are arrogant. I asked you questions repeatedly. What does the company want from you?

* The tenth company

Boss: Tutu, are you busy with your work today?

tutu: I ... I ... don't, I don't know ... how to answer you.

After work, the boss said to Tutu: You don't have to come tomorrow.

tutu: why?

boss: because you don't even know whether you are busy or not, what does the company want you for?

* 11th company

Boss: Tutu, are you busy with your work today?

Tutu: Fuck you, I resigned ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Boss: Hey! If you have personality, our company will not let you go!

● The white rabbit and the big bear

The white rabbit and the big bear were walking in the forest and accidentally kicked over a pot.

A genie came out of the pot, saying that it could grant them three wishes each.

the bear said, turn it into the strongest bear in the world. Its wish has come true.

the little white rabbit said, give it a small helmet. Its wish has also come true.

the bear said, turn it into the most beautiful bear in the world. Its wish has come true again.

the little white rabbit said, give it a bike. Its wish has come true again.

the bear said, turn all the other bears in the world into bitches!

The little white rabbit got on the bike and said as he ran, turn this bear into a homosexual ...

● Wife: I was blind and stepped in dog shit before I married you.

Dave: I'm the one who's really blind and stepped in shit to marry you.

...

Shit: I'm so unlucky! Lying there, you two stepped on it ...

● A man went fishing by the river, first wearing a leaf, but no fish took the bait for a long time. He changed a piece of bread, but no fish took the bait for a long time, so he had to change the earthworm, but no fish took the bait for a long time ...

He was angry and took out 1rmb! Fall into the water!

tnnd~~ what to eat! Buy it yourself! !

An old woman stopped a bus in front of the bus stop sign.

as soon as the car door opened, grandma asked the driver: driver! Excuse me, have you been to Xingtiangong?

the driver replied: yes!

At this moment, Grandma didn't get on the bus, just nodded, answered "Oh" and walked on.

The driver feels strange. I have already answered you. Why don't you get on the bus?

The driver was considerate of Grandma's old age, so he followed Grandma and slowly drove the car forward without closing the door.

driver: I went to the heavenly palace!

grandma: oh!

driver: it really arrived!

grandma: oh!

driver: I really arrived!

at this moment, grandma said impatiently, I know! I'm not going until tomorrow!

"I can't see things too far away", the patient said to the ophthalmologist.

"Please follow me", the doctor took the patient outside, pointed to the sun in the sky and asked, "What do you think that is?"

"the sun", the patient replied.

"Then how far do you want to see!"

● One night, when a young woman passed a mental hospital, suddenly there was a "wow" behind her. The woman turned her head and saw a naked man running after her. The woman started to run in fear, and the man behind her gave chase. No, there is a dead end ahead. The woman is desperate, kneeling on the ground and crying and pleading, "Do whatever you want, just don't kill me." The man smiled cunningly and said, "Really? Then now you start chasing me. "

● There is an old lady in a mental hospital. Every day, she wears black clothes and holds a black umbrella. She squats at the gate of the mental hospital. The doctor thinks: To cure her, we must start by getting to know her. So the doctor also wears black clothes and holds a black umbrella. They squatted there with her. They squatted for a month without saying a word. The old lady finally spoke to the doctor: Excuse me …

● One day Xiaoqiang asked his father, "Dad, am I a stupid boy?" Dad said, "Silly boy, how can you be a silly boy?"

● One day, the teacher took a group of children to the mountain to pick fruits.

He announced, "Children, after picking fruits, we will wash them together. After washing, we can eat them together."

all the children ran to pick fruit.

when it's time to gather, all the children gather.

teacher: "Xiaohua, what did you get?"

Xiaohua: "I am washing apples because I have picked apples."

Teacher: "What about you, Xiaomei?"

Xiaomei: "I'm washing tomatoes because I picked them."

teacher: "the children are great! What about Amin? "

Amin: "I'm washing cloth shoes because I stepped on shit."

● One day, a lump of black shit saw a lump of white shit.

Black shit asked: Why are you so white and beautiful?

white stool is very angry!

he said: I'm not a shit! I am ice cream! ! !

● It will move one day.