Mathematicians' humorous stories, good, quick, quick, quick! ! !

The math professor travels by train. When the conductor came to check the ticket, he couldn't find it. The math professor was sweating with anxiety. The conductor said, forget it if you can't find it. Buy another ticket. Professor of Mathematics: How is that possible? If I can't find that ticket, I don't know where I'm going!

Physicists, biologists and mathematicians

A mathematician, biologist and physicist sat on the open-air coffee table and looked at the people coming and going in the shop across the street leisurely.

First, they saw two people walk into the shop. After a while, they found three people coming out. Three friends expressed their views on their major:

Physicist: This proves the uncertainty principle.

Biologists: These people reproduce themselves.

Mathematician: If one more person enters this shop now, there will be no one inside.

The application of logic

A student asked a mathematician what logic was for.

The mathematician asked him, "Two people climbed out of the chimney. One had soot on his face and the other was clean. Which one do you think should take a bath? "

"The dirty one, of course." The student said.

"No .. the dirty side sees the other side clean and thinks it won't be dirty. Where will he take a bath? "

Mathematicians' humor

A statistician met a mathematician, and the statistician made fun of the mathematician and said:

Not that if x = y and y = z, then x = z! Then I think if you like a girl, then you will also like the boy that the girl likes! ? "

The mathematician thought for a moment and asked.

Then you put your left hand in a pot of 100 degree boiling water, and your right hand in a pot of 0 degree ice water, and you'll be fine! Because they are only 50 degrees on average! "

Empirical equation

The physics professor walked across the campus and met the math professor.

The physics professor is conducting an experiment. He summed up an empirical equation, which seems to be consistent with the experimental data. He asked the math professor to look at the equation.

A week later, they met, and the math professor said the equation was invalid. But at that time, the physics professor had predicted the further experimental results with his equation, and the effect was quite good, so he asked the math professor to review the equation again.

Another week later, they met again. The professor of mathematics told the professor of physics that this equation really holds, "but it only applies to the simple case of positive real numbers." "

Knock in a nail

Engineers, physicists and mathematicians received a task at the same time: nailing the wall.

The engineer built a universal nailing machine, that is, a machine that can nail any possible nail into any possible wall.

Physicists have done a series of tests on the strength of hammers, nails and walls, and then developed a revolutionary technology-ultra-low-temperature ultrasonic nailing technology.

Mathematicians extend the problem to N-dimensional space, and consider the problem that a kinked 1 dimensional nail penetrates the N- 1 dimensional super wall. Many basic theorems have been proved ... Of course, the depth of this topic makes the existence of simple solutions far from obvious.

Fence fence

A farmer invited engineers, physicists and mathematicians to enclose the largest area with the least fences.

The engineer fenced a circle and declared that it was the best design.

The physicist stretched the fence into a long straight line. Assuming that the fence is infinitely long, they think it is big enough to surround half the world.

The mathematician gave them a big laugh.

He surrounded himself with several fences and then said, "I'm outside now."

catch fire

Engineers, chemists and mathematicians live in three adjacent rooms of an old inn. At first, the engineer's coffee machine caught fire that night. He woke up smelling the smoke, unplugged the coffee machine, threw it out of the window, and then went to sleep.

After a while, the chemist woke up and smelled smoke. He found that cigarette butts lit the trash can. He said to himself, "How to put out the fire? We should lower the fuel temperature below the ignition point and isolate the combustion products from oxygen. Watering can do both at the same time. " So he dragged the trash can into the bathroom, turned on the tap to put out the fire and went back to sleep.

The mathematician saw all this outside the window, so after a while, when he found his ashes burning the sheets, he was not worried at all. He said, "Hey, the solution exists!" "I went back to sleep.

Mathematicians become firefighters.

One day, the mathematician felt that he had had enough of mathematics and ran to the fire brigade to announce that he wanted to be a fireman. The fire chief said, "You look good, but I have to give you a test first."

The fire chief took the mathematician to the backyard alley of the fire brigade. There is a warehouse, a fire hydrant and a hose in the alley. The fire chief asked, "Suppose the warehouse was on fire, what would you do?" The mathematician replied, "I connected the fire hydrant to the water pipe, opened the water pipe and put out the fire."

The fire chief said, "Exactly! Last question: suppose you walk into an alley and the warehouse is not on fire, what would you do? " The mathematician pondered for a long time in doubt and finally replied, "I will set fire to the warehouse." The fire chief shouted, "What? That's terrible! Why did you set fire to the warehouse? " The mathematician replied, "In this way, I will simplify the problem into a problem that I have solved."

The feeling of home

Mathematicians believe that mathematics consists of 50% formula, 50% proof and 50% imagination.

Topologists can't tell coffee cups from bagels.

The head of the statistician will say, "It feels good on average."