There is a joke that Zhang Fei and Zhuge Liang don't talk about couplets, but show their hands. . . .

[Funny sketch] Watching Mao Lu (sketch musical)

Wangcaotang (sketch script)

Author: lonely sun flying snow

Character: Mr. Xian-storyteller Liu-Liu Beiguan-Guan Yu

Zhang-Zhang Fei Zhuge-Zhuge Liang

First act

(a table with mallets and other items on it)

First (wearing robes and holding folding fans): Good evening, leaders, teachers and students! (fuels) Today, everyone is gathered together. I want to tell you a story (throwing down the folding fan)-Liu, Guan and Zhang San care about the thatched cottage! It is said that at the end of the Eastern Han Dynasty, there were disputes all over the world. ...

Liu (dragging a pile of shoe boxes): Hey, look! Two and a half dollars for a pair of leather shoes! Jumping off a building and bleeding on sale! After this village, there is no such shop!

First (hastily stop): What are you doing?

Pushing an old No.28 bicycle and carrying a big bag. Sing while walking, tune "Red Sorghum"): Change rice, change rice, change rice, change rice, change rice!

The first (abandon Liuqu chase)

Zhang (carrying two butcher knives): Hey, I just killed Li Zhu this morning. Very fresh! (First from the right) Dude, hit two Jin of pork!

Number one: no! Go, go, go. What are you all doing here? When this is a farmers' market! Didn't you watch the show? Come on, come on, get out of the way (Pushing the three out) Sorry, everyone, let's move on. It is said that Liu Bei, after Wang Jing in Zhongshan, was born with the appearance of an emperor, with a tiger step and a dragon shape!

Liu: Hey, I'm Liu Bei.

Guan Yu!

Zhang: I'm Zhang Fei!

First: (surprised) ladies and gentlemen, I have been talking about books all my life, and it is the first time that I have met Liu, Guan and Zhang like this! (turning to three people) Hey, it's three heroes! I've heard a lot about you!

Liu: You're welcome.

Xian: Aren't you in the Eastern Han Dynasty? Why are you doing business here?

Liu: I don't know, sir. The unit policy has been invigorated, and my old section chief has been squeezed out by the new young man Dou!

Guan: The factory optimized the combination, and my technician was laid off.

Zhang: Don't mention it. I used to be the warehouse manager of that meat factory. Once I found a sick pig in the warehouse and threw it out. Who knows, the factory director saw it, and he dragged me back with a sick pig and threw me out!

Number one: Hey-not bad luck! So, three, how is business now?

Liu: Business? Alas!

Liu: (singing "I'm more annoyed recently") I'm more annoyed recently, more annoyed, more annoyed, and I always feel that life is a bit extreme. The quality of leather shoes is so poor that others will refund them as soon as they buy them! Alas!

Guan: (I'm very annoyed recently, singing) I'm very annoyed recently, very annoyed, very annoyed, and I haven't changed half a load of rice. People in the city are smart and capable, so they don't buy rice to cook. Alas!

Zhang: (I'm more annoyed recently, singing) I'm more annoyed recently, more annoyed than you, more annoyed than you! I always feel that money is getting harder to earn every day. Colleagues all sighed like this.

Xian, Liu and Guan: What do you mean?

Zhang: It's getting harder and harder to sell a pig a day!

Liu, Guan and Zhang: Alas, it is difficult!

First of all: it is difficult to do individual business now. Why don't you three cooperate in business? As the saying goes: if you are brothers, your profits will be cut off.

Liu: Why didn't you do it? Our two brothers used to run a "Taoyuan Industrial Co., Ltd." in partnership, and their business was booming at first. But then a wicked man came from the north, calling him Cao Cao, ho-(spitting) bah! Michel platini's nephew's neighbor, eldest brother, took advantage of his cousin's brother-in-law's niece, borrowed 5 million yuan to be a director, opened the Mende Group, and stole all our business. Now I can't even pay the water and electricity bills, so I have to find some overstocked products from the warehouse to go it alone.

Zhang: Er-this is not a backlog! This is an early morning pig that just killed Li! Fresh!

Guan (pulling Zhang away): All right, stop it!

First of all, in this market economy, competition is inevitable.

Zhang (breaking free): Competition? Then Cao Cao Group is rich and powerful. How can I compare with him?

Liu: Sir, that fellow Cao Cao is really bad, doing business and playing hooligans. All our guests are taken away by him, and we ignore him when we see him! Talk about the sorrow of the bankrupt boss. Who knows? Please toss a coin to give me some money to eat and order-ah-ah-ah-(suddenly I began to cry) ah-woo-woo-woo.

First: don't make you cry, don't make you cry! (to the audience) This Liu Bei just loves to cry!

Guan: I don't know, sir. My eldest brother is too soft-hearted (Tune "Too Soft Heart", sing) He is always too soft-hearted, too soft-hearted, and tears alone until dawn. He loves this factory without regrets, and I know he is not that strong at all. (To Liu) You are always too soft-hearted, and you have to bear your own debts. Doing business seems simple, but making money is too difficult. You and I both need exercise.

Liu (crying): Second brother!

Guan (hugging Liu and crying): Big Brother!

Zhang: Well, I said this gentleman, I don't think it's easy for you to perform here. You see, all three of us are in this state. Have you thought of a way to miss it? If your method works, see? You choose!

Number one: (to the audience) Hey! Well, you can tell at a glance that he is a hero! Well, just go into the water with his pig. I have to give them a good idea. (Turning to three people) Eh, I said three heroes. I have a humble opinion. I wonder if you three would like to hear it?

Liu: Go ahead, sir!

First: I see, you actually need a sales manager. Now the boss has to take care of everything and give him all the trivial things. Isn't it good that you enjoy success?

Liu: Mr. Wang's opinion is really good!

Guan: We're hiring now!

Liu, Guan and Zhang (quit)

Zhang (running back hurriedly): Hey hey! Sir, if you win like this, I'll send you two pairs of first-class pigs into the water! Let's go (after Liu Guan)

First (and then), alas, there are three people in our family! Take three pairs!

Act ii

A table, a chair. Next to it is a wooden sign, posted on the recruitment revelation)

Zhang: This job advertisement has been posted for more than a month. Many people came, but it was useless. They are both too tired to go on. Today, I come to watch the class! (walks to the table and shouts to sit down) Hey, the recruitment has started! And breathing. get up here !

Zhuge (wearing a doctor's uniform, a doctor's hat, a pair of black-rimmed glasses and a diploma. Singing and playing with Farewell My Concubine) I-standing in the hunting wind, I wish I could be president! Hope-heaven, everywhere, diploma in hand, ask the world who is a hero! I-standing in the hunting wind, I hope I can become president! Hope-heaven, everywhere, diploma in hand, ask the world who is a hero! There are all kinds of jobs in the world. Why, I don't have anyone to use them? The school said that you were assigned to wait at home for two years, and my pockets were empty-(to Zhang) In my heart, you are the heaviest! Please use me quickly! I will organize the production and manage the operation. (to the audience) whoever uses it will be red! I will protect him and be a tycoon! If you want to be a hero, come and hire me Wolong! (Get down on one knee and pretend to be a "thinker")

Zhang: Huh? What are you doing?

Zhuge (holding glasses) You, are you the boss?

Zhang (it is inappropriate to be called "boss" for the first time)? Ah, yes, yes, I'm the boss! (smiling)

Zhuge (running to Zhang and kneeling): Boss, have pity on me!

Zhang (startled, then recovered) What? Do you want to eat? No way! Let's go! Let's go!

Zhuge: Oh, no, boss, you misunderstood! I'm here to apply. Look, this is my diploma.

Zhang (turning the diploma upside down and pretending to be serious) Ah, let me see. Uh-huh, oh. this ...

Zhuge: Boss, you, you have it backwards!

Zhang: Huh? Hum, I, I have seen it this way since I was a child!

Zhuge: Ouch ~ ~ Well, you are really good!

Zhang: That's right! Hey, don't just talk about me. Tell me about you. Please introduce yourself first.

Zhuge: My name is Zhu and his name is Kong Ming. ...

Zhang: Then what can you do?

Zhuge (Lai Spirit): I can do too much! I'll line up my troops!

Zhang: It's no use! I don't fight anymore!

Zhuge: I have the final say!

Zhang: Oh, I didn't realize you were still a monster!

Zhuge: This, this, that's right! I will also use ingenuity!

Zhang (exultation): Can you use ingenuity?

Zhuge (glad to finally have a door) Yes! Yes!

Zhang (deadpan): What is ingenuity?

Zhuge (almost died) Cough! (licking his tongue) Well, for example. Enjoying that year, I had a big fire in Bowangpo, which made Cao Jun abandon his helmet (taking out a lighter from his pocket, singing and twisting, like a cramp, extremely narcissistic). You are like that, a fire! The blazing flame (twisting my ass hard again) burned me!

Zhang (impatiently): Yes! That's right. Stop shivering there! Like that pig with a fever!

Zhuge: You! Why are you cursing?

Zhang: What should I do if I scold you? I kill pigs, that's my temper! Just when you said pig, I was inspired again. Let me ask you something! What pig is sick and can't eat any more?

Zhuge: Well, well, I don't kill pigs. How should I know?

Zhang: You don't even know what a sick pig is. What else do you know?

Zhuge: What do I know? I don't know anything. I am the famous Zhuge Liang! Haven't you heard of Zhuge Liang?

Zhang: What a Zhu Keliang dog! I've been killing pigs all my life, and I've never heard of any pig, his brother, who can shine!

Zhuge: This, this (pointing to Zhang in a rage) this, this kind of person also deserves to be the boss!

Zhang: What? what did you say ? Find a fight! (One foot kicked Zhuge Liang into a somersault)

Zhuge: Ouch! Oh, my God! (takes out another mirror from his pocket) My hairstyle is all messed up!

Zhang: Huh? Still not leaving? Find a fight!

Zhuge (seeing that the situation is not good, he hurried away)

Zhang (grabs Zhuge by the collar and the other foot) I'll give you another foot. Run faster!

Zhuge (rolling off the ground)

Zhang (sitting back in his chair): Whatever, make trouble!

Liu, Guan (two people rush to play)

Liu: Good brothers! Good brothers! Can a person who calls himself Zhu Gekongming apply today?

Zhang: You mean that Chu Keliang?

Guan: Yes!

Zhang: I was kicked out!

Guan: You!

Zhang: What's wrong with me? He doesn't even know what a sick pig is. What do I want him to do?

Guan: Pig! Pig! You know pigs! Go be a pig!

Zhang (monk scratching his head): What happened to the pig?

Liu: My dear brother doesn't know. I have an old friend named Xu who introduced me. Xu has a good eye for people, and Kong Ming is a real talent!

Zhang: (like a child who has done something wrong) So, what should I do?

Guan: Let's go. We'll invite him another day.

Liu: Alas! That's the only way!

Act iii

First of all (running on the court): ladies and gentlemen! Look at this! My story was all messed up by those three people. I have to ask Zhuge Liang today. Hey (behind him), where is this Zhuge Liang?

Guan: I heard that he sells steamed buns at the gate of the football field.

Liu: Then let's go and find him!

(Walking for a while)

Zhang: Hey, look! There he is!

Zhuge (wearing an apron, pushing a tricycle, behind a car full of buns): Hot buns! Hot buns! Doctor brand hot buns! 25 cents each! Huh? The game is over! I'll go! (Take two steamed buns in hand, run a few steps, tune the theme song "The Cup of Life" of the 98' World Cup, and imitate Ricky Martin in dance steps) It looks white and feels hot. Please guess what this is. Not only can you watch it, but you can also relieve hunger. What are you hesitating about? Come and buy steamed bread. Fans, come here quickly. Please come and buy my hot buns and white buns! The game is wonderful. You are all hungry. Come and buy my hot buns and my white buns! (Hands held high, swinging from side to side) Steamed bread! Mo! Mo! Twenty-five cents each. Mo! Mo! Mo! Authentic white bread! Mo! Mo! Mo! Twenty-five cents each. Mo! Mo! Mo! Come and buy-steamed bread!

Liu, Guan, Zhang, Xian (clapping, clapping like an opera fan): OK!

Zhuge (startled)

Zhang: Hey, I said that pig!

Zhuge (looked up and saw Zhang, turned and ran)

Zhang (catching up with Zhuge, grinning grimly) Ha ha ha, I said Mr. Zhuge Liang!

Zhuge: You, you, what are you doing!

Zhang: Don't be afraid! I tell you a good news! You have been officially hired by our Taoyuan Company!

Zhuge (overjoyed) Really?

Liu: Yes, sir, please be worshipped by the boy! (kneeling on the ground)

Zhuge (hastening to help): No way! No way! (recognizing Liu, feeling dizzy) ah!

Liu, Guan, Zhang and Xian (hold Zhuge quickly)

Zhuge: Master, it's you!

Liu: Yes! Military adviser! Unexpectedly, after two thousand years, we can meet again!

Zhuge: Master!

Liu: Military adviser!

Zhang: Ahahahaha, so it's a military adviser! (I patted Zhuge on the shoulder, and Zhuge almost fell to the ground) I haven't seen you for two thousand years, and you have grown so tall! Ha ha ha ha!

Zhuge (all fears have been removed, with a blank face): Are these three generals? Look at you, now you are white and fat, like an old lady, I don't recognize you! Ha ha! (Turn right first, hold the glasses) This must be Yun Chang, right?

Guan: Here comes Guan Yu.

Number one: Look at this guy's eyes!

Guan: Counselor, I regret letting Cao Cao go to Huarong Road!

Zhuge: Never mind! Look, everybody. (Pulls out a big stack of documents from his pocket) This is the evidence I collected about Cao Cao's smuggling, bribery and tax evasion! With these, you can sentence him to 800 years!

Zhang (learning Zhuge): 800 years! Then what the hell is he doing?

Everyone: Haha!

Liu: Go! Let's sue him now!

Guan, Zhang, Xian and Zhuge: Go!

Zhuge (rushes back to push his tricycle)

Zhang (recovering): What are you doing, sir?

Zhuge: I haven't sold out my steamed buns yet.

Zhang: Cough! Don't! (Pull Zhuge Liang down)

Zhuge (dragged by Zhang, pulling the car) steamed buns! Mo! Mo! Twenty-five cents each.

(At the end of the play)

Over the mountains

This is a play that I put out with my brothers and sisters in the literary society when I was a freshman. It once caused a great sensation in the school. The original author is our second brother. Unfortunately, we haven't heard from him for years. I wonder how he has been recently. The book that appears in front of you now was further added, deleted and modified by all of us in repeated rehearsals, which is basically what we finally touched the audience. So I still regard it as an original publication. However, in the original work, Zhang Fei speaks dialects. Because in order to make it easier for everyone to understand, I translated it into Mandarin as much as possible, but it still largely destroyed the funny elements. I'm deeply sorry.

Many years have passed, and some details have been forgotten. You can only fill it out yourself. Tears blurred when I wrote Zhuge Liang's application. There is a saying that "it is sad to laugh until you are sad." I think I understand. Memories flow like water, and those friends who have been together. It's good to have you!

I also want to say that this article is purely funny and does not involve any history, romance or personal preference.

Thanks to all the friends who like and don't like this play. Your reading is your support for me.

Finally, I sincerely hope that our forum will get better and better every day.

Thank you.