A two-minute humorous and happy story

1. Yesterday, I dreamed that God said I could have a wish. I took out a globe and said I wanted world peace. He said it was too difficult to change. I took out your photo and said I wanted this person to look good. On reflection, he said that I would take another look at the globe. 2, the woman is ugly, can't marry, and hopes to be trafficked. Finally, my dream came true, but I couldn't sell it for half a month. The kidnapper sent him back, but she insisted on not getting off. The kidnapper gritted his teeth and stamped his feet: Let's go, don't want the car. 3. Twenty years ago, dad held you waiting for the bus. Everyone laughed at the ugly child, and dad cried. An old man selling bananas patted his father and said, "Don't cry, big brother, give the monkey a banana!" " ! Poor thing, I'm so hungry that I have no hair. On the plane, a parrot said to the stewardess, "Give me a glass of water. The pig said to the stewardess like a parrot, "Give me a glass of water." "The stewardess was furious and threw the parrot and pig off the plane. Then the parrot said to the pig, "don't be silly, I can fly." "5. An old farmer was hoeing in the field, and a crow flew over and took a shit and landed on the old farmer's face. The old farmer looked up and cursed: "Depend on your mother! I don't know how to wear shorts when I go out! " The crow said, "Shit! You shit and wear underwear! "Do you have any content requirements? I'm going to write all four of them as little red riding hood pranks. I'm so talented: p (kicking) Tell me the general content, and I'll just get in a word. Do important words have to have prototypes? Past tense, plural and so on? 1. After defeating the wolf, Little Red Riding Hood quickly became a hero in the forest. However, this has not changed her life. At present, she is still a little girl living in a poor family. She saw her mother immersed in grief every day, especially when preparing food for her to take to her grandmother. There is not much food left at home, let alone for others to eat. However, she seems to be unable to do anything. She is too young to do any useful work at home or in the fields. So, every week, she still goes through the forest to visit her grandmother. She looks more naive than before, but she has a plan. She noticed that the hunter who killed the wolf went to the forest every other week. His pockets were full of gold and jingled, but he never told anyone where the money came from. After careful consideration, Little Red Riding Hood decided to sacrifice her morality for her stomach and "borrow" some dazzling treasures for herself. He was not a born hunter. He was told from birth that he was descended from noble blood, but all this changed when the new king was crowned. His father was hanged for treason because one of his men leaked the plan to the king for a handful of gold. He was too young to know what happened at that time. He just watched silently, stupefied and watched his father stumble out of his sight and out of his life. He vowed revenge. He spent twenty years studying every detail of this failed usurpation, and finally he narrowed down the scope of traitors to a village, a family, a family with a lovely little girl named Little Red Riding Hood, a family that she would destroy one at a time. "Stupid little girl," the hunter thought. He knew very well that when the girl thought he didn't see it, she would reach into the bag tied to his saddle and steal some gold, but he saw it. He watched her every move. He had to seduce her, seduce her and catch her off guard, so that he could sneak the necklace stolen from the palace into her bag. The palace guards are tracking down the thieves who stole the necklace. Once they find this jewel in her bag, she will be in danger. 3. Little Red Riding Hood looked at the diamond necklace in surprise, which is definitely not hers. The diamond sparkled in the sun, even more than the gold coin she stole from the hunter. She fell in love with it at once. Although she knew that jewelry like this could only belong to ladies and nobles, she couldn't help keeping it for herself. Her mother is not so smart, and neither are the guards in the town. She is sure that she can fool them. In any case, the nobles never appreciated anything the Mona people did. If she turns in the necklace, she may be slapped on the head if she is lucky. More likely, she will be shackled because she is a thief. The girl decided to bury the necklace in the forest and hide the stolen gold in her fireplace. Nothing will go as planned. The hunter hopes to avenge his father; Little Red Riding Hood had hoped to sell the necklace and live a lady's life. None of them got what they wanted. The king's guards soon surrounded the village. Although they are not as terrible as Little Red Riding Hood imagined, they are enough to make her mother tell everything she knows, although she doesn't know much. But it was enough for them to find the gold hidden by the girl in the fireplace and convict her of stealing, which can be sentenced to death. The girl didn't live her 10 birthday. The guards tracked the gold to its original owner, and they immediately recognized him as the son of the traitor Hong twenty years ago. Therefore, the hunter was burned to death at the stake before his revenge was completed. This necklace has been buried, Forten. Year after year, forests are cut down and plowed into fields. A farmer dug up this necklace, sold it and bought himself a considerable piece of land. He lived a quiet life until one day he saved a frozen snake, but that was later. It's too difficult to spoof fairy tales, so it's better to write jokes directly. I gave you the words you wanted. At dusk, a butcher was leaning on the counter when a dog with a basket pushed through the door. Then what is this? " He asked, half surprised and half mocked. The dog slammed the basket into the butcher's calf. "You stupid dog. When he reached out to hug the dog, he noticed a note and a ten-dollar bill in the basket. The scrawl on the note asked for three pounds of his best ground beef. The butcher thought it was too easy. He went to the window and reached for the dry things that had been left all day. The dog growled at him. If it starts raining diamonds, the butcher won't be more surprised. He stares at the puppy. He takes the best minced meat from the refrigerator. He weighs about 212 pounds and puts his thumb on the scale. Uh-huh, a little shy. Who would know? "The dog growled menacingly again." All right, all right, "he threw a generous half pound. He wrapped it up, threw it into the basket, and then changed it from a five-dollar bill. The dog threatened to bite off his ankle. There are five more in the basket. The butcher was so impressed that he decided to go home with Pitty's puppy. The dog quickly enters a high-rise building, presses the elevator button, enters the elevator, and then presses the 12 floor button. The dog walked across the corridor and skillfully bumped the basket into the door. The door opened and the owner of the dog screamed at the dog. "Hey, what are you doing? "Your dog is really great. You didn't appreciate it as much as you could." The butcher said that he was a stupid dog. This is the third time he lost his key this week. The poor economy has no less influence on the supernatural world than the human world; The reduction of human spending and holidays means that these blood-eating creatures have less food. _ _ _ At present _ _, many vampires have fallen into poverty. Vampire bats wake up in the middle of the night, eager to suck blood. One said, "I'm too hungry to sleep." The other replied, "There is no gold in my pocket, and there is no blood in the refrigerator. We have nothing else to eat." "Let's fly out of the cave and get some blood." The first one reacted quickly. "We are new here," said the second man. "We haven't received any training. We are not going out alone. Let's wait until the other bats go with us. " The first bat replied, "Who needs them? I can find some blood somewhere. " He flew out of the cave. When he came back, he was covered in blood. The second bat said excitedly, "Where did you get the blood?" The first bat turned around and its partner followed quickly. The first bat stopped at the mouth of the cave, pointed to the night and asked, "See the black building over there?" "Yes," replied another bat. "Well," said the first bat, "I didn't." 2. A blonde, who has no money, is unlucky, because she bought a glass necklace at the price of diamonds, because it is more shiny, and she needs money badly. In order to raise cash, she decided to kidnap a child and demand a ransom. She went to the local playground, grabbed a random child, took her behind a building and told her, "I kidnapped you." Then she wrote a big note and said, "I kidnapped your child. Tomorrow morning, put10,000 dollars in a paper bag and put it under the apple tree next to the slide in the south of the playground. Signed, a blonde. " The blonde tied the note to the child's wrist. The poor child was scared and went home to show it to his parents. The next morning, before checking under the apple tree, the blonde made sure that everyone was not there. Sure enough, a paper bag was there. The blonde looked into the bag and found10,000 dollars, and a note that said, "How can you treat a blonde like this?" Tom is employed as a long-term repairman for Mrs. Peterson, because she has moved to a nursing home, but if her grandchildren visit, she likes to keep her house tidy. She told him, "I'll put the key under the mat." I come once a week to fix things that need to be repaired, put the bill on the counter, and I will send you a check every month. By the way, I have a big snake named killer inside. It may look a little scary, but it usually only buries itself in a pile of sand in the corner. He won't bother you. I have a parrot, too. Whatever you do, don't talk to this bird! " Well, the repairman thinks that the terrible viper killer really ignores the repairman, but every time Tom goes over, the parrot curses, screams and screams, which almost drives him crazy. Year after year, Tom hates this parrot more and more. One day, when he was about to leave, he couldn't help saying, "You stupid bird, why don't you shut up!" " The bird replied, "killer, catch him!" ! ! "