Tencent QQ joke collection. Anyone who has imagination and likes jokes can make up jokes (note: only Tencent ones)

Li Wei takes the bus...

Pregnant woman: Can't you see that I'm pregnant? (The pregnant woman wants Li Wei to give up her seat...)

Li Wei: (nervous)...I can see...but the child is not mine...

Pregnant woman:...< /p>

Chen Xiang: Xiaoyi...look...that man is feeding tea leaves to the hens~~

Wuyi: That man is really stupid...

Chen Xiang: Why do you say that about him...

Wu Yi: Even if you feed the hen hard to drink tea...it is impossible for the chicken to lay a tea egg...

Chen Xiang:...

Wang Ye: Xing Liang... let me tell you a story... Once upon a time... there was a male deer. He walked faster and faster... Guess What will it become?

Xing Liang: I don’t know..

Wang Ye: It will become a highway..

Xing Liang:...

< p>Junyu: You can take this bag too...

Jianbo: I already have 4 bags... Are you sorry if you don't take anything?

Junyu: I’m still holding your arm. You weigh dozens of kilograms. The things I carry are much heavier than the things you carry..

Jianbo :...

One day... Wei Chen went to the boys' dormitory to visit the fast boys... got up to leave...

Chen Xiang: Senior brother... let's eat before leaving. ..

Wei Chen: No..I still have something to do..

Chen Xiang: Why is it so urgent?..I don’t even want to eat..

Wei Chen : Eat...

Chen Xiang:...

Junyu: Jianbo...you lost in guessing yesterday...it's time for you to clean the refrigerator...

Jianbo: I have cleaned it up a long time ago...

Junyu: Is it true or false?

Jianbo: Of course it is true..Everything is delicious..

Junyu:...

Chen Xiang: What do you think? , a turtle with four legs walked over a large pile of cow dung, leaving only three footprints. Why?

Martial Arts:. . . . (Oh cow dung, oh, you can say such dirty words)

Junyu: Hey, Brother Xiang, aren’t you? I’m eating, 555555~~~~~

Li Wei: This, this, you tell me the answer. If you are cold, I will dub it for you! ! ~~~~

Chen Xiang: Haha, you can’t guess, because the turtle held its nose and walked over. Of course, there were only three footprints left. Haha. ~~~~~

Li Wei: One night a group of fireflies were flying in the sky...and suddenly one of them didn't light up...why do you think it didn't light up?

Chen Xiang: Because it is dead...

Li Wei: Wrong!

Chen Xiang: That's why...

Li Wei: Because that firefly didn't pay the electricity bill last month...

Chen Xiang:... .

　

Martial arts: Do you know why Yao Ming can’t catch Pikachu?

Chen Xiang: Huh? Why does Pikachu have electricity?

Martial Arts: No, no, it’s because Yao Ming is on the Rockets, he’s so stupid! ! ~~~~~

Chen Xiang: .............

Wu Yi: I met a foreigner last time and he asked me about China Why does the character "cup" in the Chinese character "cup" have the character "木" next to it? Let me test you.

Li Wei: I don’t know.

Chen Xiang: That’s right, tell me quickly!

Martial arts: I told him, because there is a word "NO" next to it, it means it is not made of wood. hehe!

Martial arts: What is a mouse that walks on two legs?

Chen Xiang: I don’t know.

Martial Arts: Stupid, it’s Mickey Mouse. What is a duck that walks on two legs?

Chen Xiang: Donald Duck.

(Wu Junyu secretly ate Chen Xiang’s snacks and said: Stupid, ducks all walk on two feet!

Chen Xiang: Little goldfish, don’t talk when you commit a crime... .

Chen Xiang: Let me ask you, if a turtle fell into the river, what would it be like to give it a fancy name?

Martial Arts: Lotus?

Chen Xiang: No

Li Wei: What is that?

Chen Xiang: Rose (No Turtle)

Martial Arts Li Wei:···

Chen Xiang: Next question,

Ahem, another turtle fell into the river, let’s call it a flower

Martial Arts: White Rose?

Li Wei: Red rose?

Chen Xiang: No, it should be wild rose (no turtle either)

Martial Arts Li Wei: ==

One day... Chen Xiang went to buy a drink. .I came back on the way and saw Wu Yi and Wu Xing...

Chen Xiang handed a bottle of drink to Wu Xing..

Wu Yi: Wu Xing... Brother Chen Xiang gave you a drink. .What do you want to say...(I want Wu Xing to say thank you...)

Wu Xing: Where is the straw?

Chen Xiang, Wu Yi:...

Wu Xing: Brother...I am the strongest in our class...

Wu Yi: Why do you say that? Acridine...

Wu Xing: The test results were announced today. The teacher said that I alone was holding back the whole class...

Wu Yi:...

Girl: (blushing) Brother Wuyi... Actually... I have liked you for a long time...

Wuyi: Haha... Really?

Girl: Hmm...then what do you think...

Wu Yi: (shy) Actually...I too...I also...quite...

Girl: (excited) How about you too...

Wu Yi: (sorry) I like myself quite a lot...

Girl:...

Chen Xiang: Xiao Wei...do you hold a grudge?

Li Wei: How could it be...I never hold grudges...

Chen Xiang: Really or not...I can't...

Li Wei: Usually when I have a grudge, I take revenge on the spot...

Chen Xiang:...

Liu Xin broke up with her girlfriend...

Girlfriend: Xinxin...forget about me...

Liu Xin: This...but me...

Girlfriend: You don’t have to say anything...remember You must forget me...

Liu Xin: But I have never remembered you...

Girlfriend:...

See Jun Yu bullying Wu Yi...

Xing Liang: Jun Yu... don't do this...

Jun Yu: What's wrong...

Xing Liang: Don't rely on the strong to bully the weak...

Junyu: But I didn't know that Xiaoyi was weaker than me before I bullied him...

Xingliang:...

< p>The dormitory kitchen is on fire... Wu Yi quickly called 119...

Wu Yi: It's on fire! It's on fire!

Firefighter: (⊙ o ⊙ )Ah! ..Where is it...

Wu Yi: Where...you are stupid...of course it is my home...

Fireman: If you say this...how can we go to you? Home...

Wu Yi: That’s strange...don’t you have a fire truck?

Fireman:...

Li Wei: Why do some people die the next day after reading this diary?

Martial Arts: ...I don’t know.

Li Wei: How stupid! Because they forgot to repost it!

Martial Arts:...