Urban occasional joke

After two years of marriage, Mr. Wang, who graduated from the police academy, always felt that his wife was a little strange and suspected that she was having an affair. One day, Mr. Wang always found a message from a stranger on his wife's mobile phone. The content of each message was the same: "Brother Zhao asked you to do something for me." ! At ten o'clock in the evening, Mr. Wang caught the cheating wife and the man who was having sex. Mr. Wang cursed: You underestimated the public security of our people. Do you think I don't understand that information? 10: 30 I'll help you take off your bra! One day, there were too many people on the bus, which was very hot and stuffy. I don't know who farted, which made the environment worse. My friend can't stand it, and I don't know who it is. I can't help it It happened that the conductor was asking, "Who didn't buy a ticket?" My friend suddenly had a plan and said loudly, "Fart didn't buy a ticket!" " Suddenly, a particularly fat woman, holding the ticket high in her hand, said loudly, "I have bought the ticket!" " The hostess poured the leftover chicken, duck and fish into a bucket, ready to save it and throw it away. A black mouse and a gray mouse got into the bucket and ate and drank. The black mouse said to the gray mouse, "This hostess is my friend. She asked me to take you to eat this delicious food. " Grey mouse said, "You are so lucky to make such friends!" " "At this moment, a ladle of hot water was poured into the bucket, which burned all the hairs of C mouse, and it was twisted with pain. Grey mouse asked, "What is this?" The black mouse said, "This is the hostess telling us to take off our clothes and eat with open arms!" " "If there is an afterlife, let's be a pair of little mice, stupid love, stupid living, stupid snuggling, stupid together. When the mountain is closed by snow and ice, we nest in the warm haystack, and I hold you and feed you rat poison! If a leaf represents happiness, I will send you a forest, if a drop of water represents blessing, I will send you the sea, and if a needle represents missing you, I will send you a cactus: I don't believe it! You must take care of yourself. You know, men are cows and women are land. Since ancient times, there has been no rotten land, only exhausted cows. The more arable land, the more mature the cattle. Alas, men are miserable! Besides, you cultivate more land than others. Xiao Ming has recently fallen in love with Water Margin. One day, Xiaoming was fighting with his classmates at school. The teacher asked, "Xiao Ming, why did you hit someone?" Xiao Ming sang: "Do it when you should ~" Teacher: "Hum! You go to the office! " Xiao Ming sang "Let's go ~" The teacher got angry and said, "Are you crazy?" Xiao Ming sang again: "You have everything I have ~" A drunk went to the automatic device, put in 10 cents and pressed the button. He was surprised to see a pie. So he put in coins again and again until a pile of pies appeared in front of him. A salesman found out and asked him why he bought so many. "Why?" The drunk shouted, "I'm lucky. I always win!" " Do you want me to stop? "Not my son." Hey! Look. " A passerby said to an old man, "When I passed by, your son hit me with a big stone." "Did his stone hit you?" "Fortunately,no." "Then you're not talking about my son. "Classic joke: I met money in the toilet, and one day she was too drunk in the wine field. In a daze, she strayed into the ladies' room and vomited in the compartment. At this time, a lady went to the toilet to pee. When Qian heard her urinate, he mistakenly thought that someone was pouring beer and said angrily, "I told you not to drink." Who is falling? " The lady was shocked, so she held back her urine and wanted to wait until the money was gone. Unexpectedly, she farted. Hearing this, Mr. Qian was furious, patted the partition with his hand and shouted, "I said I wouldn't drink it, but who opened another bottle?" Who starts drinking first! "