Miscellaneous Talk: How to reject others without hurting their feelings? It turns out that the ancients already had a method

Because "I" is the nature of human beings, we cannot say that it is good or evil. It is most reasonable to say that there is neither good nor bad in human nature.

In social interactions, we often encounter unreasonable or excessive requests from some people, but the other party may be someone with whom we have a better or deeper relationship, such as friends, classmates, colleagues, bosses, etc. If you agree to the other party's request, you will suffer losses or even get into trouble, and you will be indecisive and hesitant for a while. If the other party's request has little impact on you, you can be "open-minded" and agree to it graciously. Maybe you will get something in return from the other party in the future; however, for some major and principled issues, you have to think carefully. .

Houhei Xue points out that when it comes to issues involving major issues of right and wrong, and matters involving your personal interests and future, if the other party makes some unreasonable demands to you, then you should not take human feelings into account. Be bold when it's time to be bold, say "no" resolutely to the other person, and refuse them.

During the reign of Emperor Wen of the Sui Dynasty, there was a man named Hou Bai who was good at telling jokes. The jokes he tells are not only good, but also often contain some life principles. Everyone loves to listen to his jokes. Even the Prime Minister Yang Su, the Duke of Yue State, liked hearing his jokes the most. On this day, he was invited to tell many jokes to Yang Su. Yang Su got excited and forgot about the time. By the time Hou Bai left Yang's house, it was already evening. Who would have thought that as soon as he left the house, he would meet Yang Su's son Yang Xuangan again. Like his father, this young man also liked the jokes told by Hou Bai very much. This time when he met Hou Bai, he refused to let him go home no matter what, and insisted on listening to his jokes. With no choice but to stand on the roadside, Hou Bai told a joke to the wayward Young Master Yang.

Hou Bai said: "Once upon a time, there was a tiger who was very hungry and went to the wild to look for food early in the morning. At this time, it saw a hedgehog lying on the ground. The tiger thought it was a piece of good meat. He wanted to swallow it in one gulp, but as soon as he opened his mouth, his nose was pinched by the hedgehog. The tiger was so frightened that he encountered some kind of monster, and ran back to the deep mountains and forests, feeling sleepy and frightened. Then he fell asleep. The tiger kept holding the hedgehog on his nose. When the tiger fell asleep, the hedgehog let go of the tiger. Then the pain stopped. The tiger then remembered that his belly was empty and there was nothing there since last night. When I was eating food, I was so hungry that I jumped up to look for food. Not far away, I saw an oak tree. When I looked down, I saw that the fruit of the oak tree was fluffy, like a little monster (hedgehog). Then he said with lingering fear: 'I met your father this morning, and now I meet you again. Please give way and let me go home! I haven't eaten yet.'"

Yang Xuangan couldn't help but blush after hearing this. Didn't the acorn in this story refer to himself? Only then did I realize that I had delayed others' dinner by pestering Hou Bai to tell stories, which was really impolite. He sincerely apologized to Hou Bai and never bothered Hou Bai again.

In the process of interpersonal communication, rejecting others often damages their face and hurts their self-esteem. Therefore, sometimes it is not appropriate to directly use the word "no", which has a strong confrontational color, but to express negative statements in a positive form. This can often achieve unexpected results. While achieving the purpose, it also does not It will hurt each other's feelings.