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Jokes and stories Internal emergency
Joke Story: Internal Urgency
Joke Story: Internal Urgency
Unexpectedly, I really encountered internal urgency. It still happened during morning exercise in the wild.
Every time I do morning exercises in the field, I clear the warehouse waste in time according to the seasonal changes. In winter, it doesn't get dark until seven o'clock, and for morning exercise I get up at five-thirty, and run into the fields as soon as I get up. When faced with internal emergencies, they would just work in fields, woods, or ditches. No one who does morning exercise notices that there is someone else doing this work next to them. In summer, it gets bright early. The first thing you do when you get up is to clear out the debris in your stomach. There is no room for such work in the fields.
On this day, I clearly remember doing odd jobs when I went out.
According to custom, I go due north, turn east for a while, and then due north. This is a reserved new administrative area. The framework has been stretched and the cement ring road has been repaired. Since there are few places for morning exercise, this circular road has become a good place for county residents to exercise.
From afar, Lao Lu could hear Lao Lu imitating Tang Xicheng’s melodious singing tune after firing three cannons outside the west gate. In fact, his surname was Lu. Because his wife often cuckolds him. They all jokingly call him Lao Lu. Over time, I got used to it.
Old Green is used to standing on a slightly prominent high ground. Every time I come here, I give him a round of applause. I walked forward, walked backwards, expanded my chest, and kicked my legs. After a while, the circular road was halfway through. Turn due south and walk fifty meters ahead. There is a dirt road that can cross the ring road. I love going from here. Firstly, you can get close to nature, and secondly, you can applaud and cheer for Laolv, because the highland of Laolv is on the south side of the road. More importantly, there is a road ditch on the north side of the road, where internal emergencies can be solved on the spot.
I saw Lao Lu from a distance, struggling to find Tang Xicheng’s singing voice. When I was very close to him, I didn't applaud him. Instead, I looked into the ditch for a long time.
This ditch was a drainage ditch during the collective period. It was very wide and deep at that time. Now, with the encroachment on both sides, it is only half waist deep. If there is an internal emergency, it can barely hide people. I looked at this section of ditch, which was for Lao Lu to see. Because, just a few days ago, I personally saw his internal crisis, and personally saw his embarrassing appearance when solving his internal crisis.
That morning, he walked deep into the fields leaving behind the Tang style singing. The string suddenly broke. I saw him running towards the ditch in a hurry. I followed him from a distance to see what happened to him. I still wanted to call him, he was running in such a hurry, please catch me. I also thought that maybe I was in a hurry, so I wanted to help him with his good deeds. Sure enough, he ran to the ditch and squatted down.
I followed him. From a distance, it looks like a big black dog lying in the ditch. He noticed someone, and didn't know it was me, so he turned around. As a result, my buttocks were completely exposed to me, and they were extraordinarily white and translucent in the hazy morning. He also felt that exposing his privacy to others was too indecent, so he turned around again. As I got closer, his head dropped lower and lower. I deliberately slowed down my steps, but he hooked his head into his crotch like a dying old vulture. I took a few steps, hummed a few times, and imitated him by singing three blasts of cannon. Unexpectedly, he actually fired three cannons. I sneered at his ugly appearance. Just a moment ago, he looked like a human being, but now he has turned into a big old turtle, with his head shrinking into his stomach. He thought to himself, Lao Lu, let Lao Zhang see how you look like a bear with a red face and a loud bang on your neck.
I don’t know what the conditioned reflex is, but my stomach rumbled twice and I became anxious. At this time, there were still few people doing morning exercises, and they would not stop doing them for a while, so they might as well learn from the old green and solve it on the spot.
Lao Lu still exposed her buttocks to me. His back was to the sun, and the morning glow illuminated his round, tender, and shiny buttocks, which looked extremely beautiful. At this time, I touched the camera with itchy hands. Why not leave a souvenir for Lao Lu and let him appreciate the body art when he is happiest. Hey, wait a minute, it’s illegal to take secret photos of other people’s privacy. Will he sue me for infringement of his portrait rights? I'm not afraid, people's buttocks are not all the same, nothing like him. He sued me, and I asked him, is this your portrait? Does your portrait look like a bear? Can he answer that? So, I took out my camera, zoomed in, and clicked a few times to freeze Old Green.
I looked at Lao Lu’s innermost feelings and felt funny in my heart. Lao Lu, why are you afraid of people? Why are you afraid of me?
Are you afraid of people even if you do shameful things? This moment you are like Wu Yunzhao in the lyrics, and at that moment you are like a damn evil old eagle.
Lao Lu stopped singing and said preemptively, "You kid, even if I slap the donkey's paw, I'll know it's you." A few days ago, you were walking like a donkey.
Haha, your butt is so big, round and white. It has good legs and sells at a good price when put on the shelves. I didn’t reveal that I was taking pictures of him.
Old Lu said seriously that as people get older, the floodgates loosen. When I went out to practice my voice, I checked the terrain first to prevent any unexpected events. He added, "Looking at your face, it looks like you drank alcohol last night. After drinking, your intestines and stomach become numb and you have indigestion. Is this indigestion? It's like internal urgency." I'm sure it will start before you get home.
I said, when I came out, it had already been solved once.
He said slyly, you are going to come again soon, it is very urgent. This time it was my turn to laugh.
My stomach growled twice and that was the real signal. I scolded you, you are such a stupid person. Just walked back.
I know my own affairs well. This paragraph is indeed what Lao Lu said. Drinking too much will cause bad gastrointestinal problems, and internal distress will be like the rainy season when the sky rains. What Lao Lu said made sense. At this moment, I really felt anxious. I guess if I really can't get home, something annoying will happen.
The sun has already risen, and more and more people are doing morning exercises. The wheat has just been harvested, and the seedlings have not yet grown tall. There are people walking around by the road and ditch from time to time. It is extremely difficult to deal with internal emergencies in the fields. Unrealistic. The only way is to cross the ring road and walk to the northern section of Binhe Road, where there is a peach orchard. In the spring, I pretended to take pictures and solved it there many times. Haven't walked there for a long time. Going there is the best option.
At this time, I was like a woman who was seven months pregnant, and my stomach was ready to move. Without stopping, I rushed towards the peach orchard in a violent manner. That piece of peach orchard is my shelter and my life-saving place. There is my happy paradise. There, I felt so happy after all my worries were resolved.
Immediately, I turned a corner, and when I turned a corner, I found Taoyuan. Taoyuan, my dear Taoyuan, just open your arms and embrace me!
As I turned the corner, I was stunned by the rumbling sound of the machine, and my heart was broken by the sound of the crawling tracks. What about the peach garden? What about this peach garden? Why did it become a piece of flat land? How did it become a construction site? I secretly scolded the stupid Land and Resources Bureau, how could you destroy the Taoyuan where I solved my internal problems? You didn’t know that I had internal problems today? You sold land yesterday, today, and every day, making the people shit and piss. Is the place also sold? If I were the director of land and resources, I would keep this peach orchard forever. Let the people poop and pee, poop and pee, poop and pee.
This is great, leaving the near for the far away, getting further and further away from home. Occasionally, the internal urgency becomes more and more urgent. I was really anxious!
My brain quickly searched for nearby public toilets and more secluded places. There are two public toilets in the north and middle sections of Binhe Road, and they are of high quality. You, you, why did you neglect them? Come on, I'm waiting for you there.
At this time, the baby in my belly slowly slid down. I tried my best to concentrate on holding back my strength and raise my Dantian to ensure that it would not miscarry.
I wanted to turn my rampage into a trot, but who knew that bumping up and down in a trot would be the same as inducing labor. So he switched to rampaging again and reached the public toilet in the northern section as quickly as possible. When I came to the public toilet, I felt dumbfounded. The door to the public toilet was closed, and a cigarette and alcohol seller next to it said that it had not been in business since it was built. I was so angry that I gritted my teeth. These urban management officials were just for nothing. What's the difference between setting up a stove at home and not cooking? It won't starve people to death. This, this, won't suffocate people to death? It's annoying, it's annoying, it's killing, it's killing!
< p>I didn’t dare to think too much, so I quickly walked to the south, where there was another one.Because I had to deal with internal emergencies twice, the child in my belly became anxious. They were upset in their stomachs, as if I had lied to them twice and they were going to punish me. I thought to myself, torture me. You are anxious, I am more anxious than you. I don't want you guys to come out.
At this moment of rampage, I became a world champion. No wonder, many people doing morning exercises looked at me approvingly.
Fortunately, the road is not long, and we soon reached the public toilet in the middle. I felt discouraged even though I was far away. The door is closed and it says, closed. I cursed again, damn, it’s not open for business, can’t it be a trial opening? I’m going to choke myself to death. Urban management, urban management, control the sky and the earth, can't control shit and fart. You really control the shit and farts of our little people. Gou Ri’s urban management is awesome! Gou Ri’s urban management is awesome!
After three twists and turns, my defense line was in danger of collapsing. My Dantian was also mentioned to the extreme. Although, there are a few acquaintances not far away. However, it is absolutely forbidden for a grown man to borrow the toilet at someone's house early in the morning. The only hope now is to go home.
Persistence, persistence. Hold on for the last five minutes! Hold on, hold on, hold on for the last two minutes! Hold on is victory! On the way home, I silently chanted in my heart.
Hey, Lao Zhang, please get over your anxiety. It’s Lao Lu who’s back from his morning exercise.
Old Green walked towards me with a ghostly smile on his face. He said he was still practicing qigong before going home.
All I say is, give way. Want to hide away.
He stopped me in front and said, I have something urgent to tell you.
We will talk about it later. I want to get away.
Now, it’s urgent. He stopped me.
I said, I am more anxious than you.
He was careless, why are you in a hurry? Is it a headache, a worry in the heart, or a worry in the stomach? Impatient people cannot eat hot tofu.
The gate below me is slowly loosening, as if a flood is coming and is about to burst. Damn old green, you won’t let me go home even one minute away from home. Damn old green, you have done evil and have a bad conscience, I will make you a cuckold for the rest of your life. I thought so in my heart, but said in my mouth, Lao Lu (I won’t call you Lao Lu this time), please spare me, I really can’t support it anymore. Lao Lu, good brother, let me go, I'm already past my due date. Brother, don't mess up. If you don't go home, three cannons will be fired soon.
Old Green laughed loudly and got out of the way. He said it in his mouth, letting you taste the feeling of internal anxiety.
When I saw the rabbit, I ran home like a dog. I quickly called my wife and quickly opened the door and the toilet door. ;
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