Seriously, jokes are inevitable.

On this day, the hotel owner was patrolling the lobby. A beggar came forward and said, "Can the boss give me a toothpick?" The boss gave him one and sent it away. After a while, another beggar came to ask for a toothpick. The boss thought, why do beggars want toothpicks instead of rice now? I also gave him one to send away, not too old, and another beggar came. The boss said to him, "Are you here to get a toothpick, too?" The beggar said, "Someone threw up and I came late. The first two beggars ate everything they could, and now there is only soup left. " Can you give me a straw?

64. Eldest brother and second child fly, and second child gets airsick and keeps vomiting. A bag is full, so the boss has to get it. When he came back, he found that the whole plane was vomiting. The boss asked the reason, and the second child said, "I think this bag is full, so I had to drink half of it and throw up."

65. A priest is playing golf and a nun is watching. The first shot missed. The priest scolded: "TMD, missed!" " Hit again, the priest scolded again: "TMD, missed again!" "The nun said," God will punish you for swearing as a priest. " As soon as the voice fell, I heard a thunder chop the nun to death. The priest wondered: Why am I the one who cursed? Why should I chop a nun to death? At this time, I only heard the voice of God from the sky: "TMD, I also missed!" " "

66. The head coaches of the football teams of China, Japan and South Korea came to heaven together and asked God when their respective football teams would win the World Cup. God said: Korea needs 50 years. The Korean coach burst into tears: I won't see you again. God also said: Japan needs 100 years. The Japanese coach burst into tears: I won't see you again. China Coach quickly asked, What about us? God burst into tears: I'll never see it again.

67. Three white rabbits picked a mushroom.

The two big ones let the small one get some wild vegetables to eat together.

The younger one said I wouldn't go. If I leave, you will eat my mushrooms.

The two older ones said no and went ~ ~ ~

Half a year has passed and the white rabbit hasn't come back yet. The big one can't come back. Let's eat. Another big one said, wait ~ ~ a year has passed, and the little white rabbit hasn't come back yet. The two big ones don't have to wait for us to eat. Just then, the little white rabbit suddenly jumped out of the nearby jungle and said angrily, Look! I know you want to eat my mushrooms.

68. We say that a bear without a tail is called a koala, so what is a bear without a penis called? The answer is the female bear, because the female bear has no penis.

69. In the music class, the teacher played a Beethoven tune.

Xiaoming asked Xiaohua, "Do you know music?"

Xiaohua: "Yes"

Xiaoming: "Do you know what the teacher is playing?"

Xiaohua: "Piano."

70. Once upon a time, a man fished and caught a squid.

Squid begged him: let me go, don't bake me to eat.

The man said, well, let me ask you a few questions.

Squid is very happy to say: you take the exam!

Then the man roasted the squid.

7 1. Xiaoming lost a leg in a car accident.

Xiaoming lost another leg in a car accident.

Xiaoming lost his other leg in another car accident.

Xiaoming lost another leg in a car accident.

It screams and screams in pain ~ ~ ~ Poor thing.

In fact, Xiaoming is a dog.

72. One day, a lump of black shit saw a lump of white shit.

The black stool asked, Why are you so white and beautiful?

White shit is very angry!

He said: I am not shit! I am ice cream! ! !

73. Once playing mahjong on a hot day, the power suddenly went out, so I had to buy candles to continue playing. After half an hour, the heat was unbearable. One man said, "Let's turn on the electric fan. It's too hot." Another man said, "you can't open it, it will blow out the candles." Aura = = "

75. One day, the teacher took a group of children to the mountain to pick fruit.

He announced: "children, we can wash the fruit together after picking it, and we can eat it together after washing."

All the children went to pick fruit.

As soon as the assembly time came, all the children got together.

Teacher: "Xiaohua, what do you have?"

Xiaohua: "I am washing apples because I picked them."

Teacher: "What about you, Xiaomei?"

Xiaomei: "I'm washing tomatoes because I picked tomatoes."

Teacher: "The children are great! What about Amin? "

A-Ming: "I'm washing cloth shoes because I stepped on shit."

76. A mental patient screamed: I am the president, and you all have to listen to me!

The attending doctor asked him: Who said that?

Patient: God said.

A patient next to him jumped up at once: I never said that!

77. There is a family, and the whole family is very lazy. Dad asked his mother to do housework, and if her mother didn't want to, she would let her do it, and if her sister didn't want to, she would let her dog do it. One day, a guest came home and was surprised to find that the dog was doing housework. Ask the dog: Puppy, can you do housework? ! The dog said, no way. If they don't do it, they will let me do it. The guests are even more surprised that you can talk! ! ! Puppy: Shh! Keep your voice down, or they will know that I can talk. Let me answer the phone! !

78. Lele went to the zoo one day to feed the monkeys ... threw peanuts to the monkeys ... but one monkey always put peanuts in his ass first ... and then took them out ... Lele felt sick and ran to ask the director ... why did the monkey behave so strangely? The director explained: because someone threw him a big peach last year ... the seeds of that big peach could not be discharged from his ass smoothly. ...

79. Devil: "Princess, if you shout your throat out, no one will come to save you!" " "

Princess: "broken throat!" " "

No one: "Princess! I'm coming to save you! "

Devil: "Damn it."

Ghost: "Who found me?"

Who: "What's it to me?"

The devil is dead! !

80. Once upon a time, there was a white cat and a black cat. One day, the white cat fell into the water and the black cat saved it. The white cat said a word to the black cat.

I'm sorry ... what is this sentence? A: Meow. ......

8 1. The little white rabbit skipped to the bakery and asked, "Boss, do you have a hundred buns?"

Boss: "Oh, sorry, not that much."

"well. . . "The little white rabbit left in dismay.

The next day, the little white rabbit skipped to the bakery. "Boss, do you have a hundred steamed buns?"

Boss: "Sorry, there is still no"

"well. . . "The little white rabbit left in dismay again.

On the third day, the little white rabbit skipped to the bakery. "Boss, do you have a hundred steamed buns?"

The boss said happily, "Yes, yes, we have a hundred buns today! ! "

The little white rabbit took out the money: "Great, I'll buy two!" " "

82. Fire Brigade: Where is the fire?

Alarm person: My home.

Fire brigade: I mean, where?

Policeman: In the kitchen.

Fire brigade: I mean, how do we get there?

Policeman: Don't you have a fire truck? !

83. The coffee cup and the water cup crossed the road together. At this moment, an old man shouted, "Be careful, it's a red light." But after a while, the coffee cup crossed the road smoothly, but the water cup was hit by a truck and flowed into the note. Why? Because coffee cups have "ears" and water cups don't.

84. Two tomatoes went shopping. The first tomato suddenly walked very fast, and the second tomato asked, "Where are we going?" The first tomato didn't answer, and the second tomato asked again. The first tomato didn't answer, and the second tomato asked again. The first tomato finally turned slowly and said, aren't we tomatoes? Can we talk?

85. Xiaoming plays with his classmates and guesses "Andy Lau".

Xiao Ming shouted, "It's one of the four heavenly kings!"

This classmate said confidently without hesitation: I know it is "the Monkey King!"

86. One day, the little penguin asked his grandmother, "Grandma, am I a penguin?" "Yes, of course you are a penguin." The little penguin asks his father again, "Dad, Dad, am I a penguin?" "Yes, you are a penguin. What's wrong? " "But, but why do I feel so cold?"

87. Three college students were kidnapped. The bad guy tied him to a telephone pole and asked him, where are you from? I'll electrocute you if you don't tell me! College student A: I'm from Jiaotong University. B: I'm from Peking University. College student C: I'm from TV University (Electric Power University)! The result was electrocuted ... cold ~ ~ ~

88. Once upon a time, a horse walked into a bar, sat down at the bar and asked the bartender for a glass of wine. The bartender said, your face is so long. ...

89. The prisoner was executed by firing squad. The first shot didn't go off because of the poor quality of the bullet, and then the second shot was fired. . . The third shot. . . At this time, the prisoner cried and hugged the bailiff's thigh and said, Brother, strangle me! It's fucking horrible. .....

90. Three people compete in marksmanship, and a black man holds something as a target.

The first man put an apple on the black man's head, and then at a distance of 10 meters, he raised his hand and shot it and broke it. He blew his gun and said, I'm Zorro!

The second man put a cherry on the black man's head, and then at a distance of 50 meters, he raised his hand and shot it and broke it. He blew the muzzle and said, I'm m007.

The third man put a sesame seed on the black man's head, then raised his hand at a distance of 100 meters and shot the black man in the head. He also blew the gun and said, I'm sorry.

9 1. Xiao Wang works in the personnel department on the 10 floor. A month ago, he was transferred to the administrative department on the ninth floor ... Today, Xiao Wang called the personnel department to find him: "Is Xiao Wang there?"

The colleague who answered the phone said, "Xiao Wang is no longer in the personnel."

Xiao Wang: "Ah! ? When did this happen? I don't know. I haven't had time to send it to him yet? "

"Never mind, you can find him below."

92. My wife spent a lot of money on plastic surgery and turned into a beautiful woman to go home in a few days! When he came in, he said to his puzzled husband, "What's the matter? Don't know me? " The husband paused, then said in surprise, "Come in quickly, my wife is not at home."

93. A woman was walking at night when she suddenly saw a man coming towards her with open arms and hugging her. He took a step forward. The man fell to the ground crying and said, it's the third piece. Who did I piss off? Is it so difficult to take a piece of glass home?

94. I chatted with a group of female colleagues this afternoon. Suddenly someone said I was not a man, and I was very angry. I said, if you say I'm not, I'll show it to you. The girls all laughed. One of them is the best, saying, if you take it out, I'll take out my ID card.

95. A little boy went to the country to spend his holiday with his relatives. His relatives live on a farm, and the children have a good time and see many things they have never seen in the park. After returning home, he told his mother everything. He said that what impressed him was a sow with a piglet.

What do sows do? The child said, "The pig chased the sow, then turned it over and began to tear the buttons on its stomach."

96. Mom: "Son, son! Come on! "It's so easy!" What is this? "

Son: "'this is too simple'."

Mom: "Why not make it simple?"

Son: "Oh, it's so easy!" "

Mom: "You didn't think I would hit you, did you?"

After speaking, he taught his son a lesson.

Then, my mother asked again:

"What do you mean by the word' what'?"

Son: "What?"

Mom: "What do I mean by' what'?"

Son: "What!"

Say that finish, the mother taught her son a lesson again. ...

After the punishment, mother asked again:

"Well, I'll ask you again. It's okay to tell mom."

Son: "Um U_U~"

Mom: "What do you often hear' fuck'?"

Son: "(whoops) ..."

97. Lang Ke said, "People call me a ronin, which is very nice!"

The samurai said, "It's nice to be called a samurai!"

The expert said, "It's nice to be called an expert!" "

The swordsman said, "You talk, I'll go first."