Joke Collection Website - Cold jokes - What will happen when Fanka wakes up?
What will happen when Fanka wakes up?
Nine-year-old Fanka zhukov was sent to the shoemaker Ariadne as an apprentice three months ago. On Christmas Eve, he didn't lie down to sleep. He waited for the boss, the proprietress and some guys to go to church, so he took out a small bottle of ink and a rusty pen from the boss's closet, smoothed a crumpled white paper and wrote a letter.
Before writing the first word, he looked anxiously at the door and window, then glanced sideways at the dim statue, with two rows of shelves on both sides, and the shelves were filled with the last trees. He sighed, knelt in front of the workbench and spread the paper on the workbench.
"Dear Grandpa Konstantin McAuliffe," he wrote, "I am writing to you. Merry Christmas to you and God bless you. I have no parents, only you are a relative. "
Fanka looked at the black window, which reflected the dim shadow of candles; He imagined his grandfather Constantine McAuliffe, as if in front of him. Grandpa is the night watchman of Mr. Rifalovich's house. He is a funny little old man, 65 years old, always smiling and blinking. During the day, he always sleeps in the big kitchen. In the evening, he put on a wide sheepskin coat and knocked on the bangzi, walking around the villa. The old bitch Kahidanka and the male dog loach followed him with their heads down. Misgurnus anguillicaudatus is a very obedient and lovely dog. It is black and as long as the weasel, so it is called loach.
Now, grandpa must be standing at the gate, squinting at the bright red window of the country church. He must have stamped his foot in high felt boots, and his banger hung on his belt. He was huddled up with cold and shrugged his shoulders. ...
The weather is really good, sunny, windless, dry and cold. It was a moonless night, but the whole village-white roofs, plumes of smoke from chimneys, silvery white trees covered with thick frost, and snowdrifts-could be seen. The sky is full of happy twinkling stars. Tianhe looks very clear, as if someone polished it with snow for the festival. ...
Fanka sighed, dipped the pen tip and continued to write.
"I got a beating last night because I fell asleep unconsciously while shaking the cradle of their cubs. The boss grabbed my hair, dragged me into the yard and beat me with a belt. This week, the proprietress asked me to pick up a herring. When I picked it up from my tail, she picked it up and poked me in the face with its mouth. Those guys played a trick on me They asked me to go to the hotel for a drink. They asked me to steal the boss's cucumber. The boss picked up a guy and hit me. Where is the food? There's nothing. Eat some bread in the morning, porridge at noon and some bread at night; As for tea, only the boss eats and drinks by himself. They let me sleep in the aisle. As soon as their baby cries, I don't want to sleep, so I have to shake the cradle. Dear grandpa, have mercy and take me away from here and go back to our village home! I can't take it anymore! ..... I kneel for you, and I will always pray to God for you. Get me out of here or I'll die! ……"
Fanka skimmed her pie, rubbed her eyes with the back of her dirty hand and sobbed.
"I will rub the tobacco leaves for you," he continued. "I will pray to God for you. If I do something wrong, you can give me a good beating. If you're afraid I can't find a job, I can go to the housekeeper and, for God's sake, let me shine my shoes. Or I'll make Fichika promise to help him herd sheep. Dear grandpa, I can't stand it any more, only a dead end! ..... I want to run back to our village, but I have no shoes and am afraid of the cold. When I grow up, I will take care of you, and no one dares to bully you.
"Speaking of Moscow, this is a big city. These houses belong to gentlemen. There are more horses and fewer sheep, and dogs are not fierce at all. At Christmas, children here don't walk around with star lights, and people are not allowed to sing in the church choir. Once, I saw a fishhook seller with a fishing rod and fishing line in the window of a shop. You can catch all kinds of fish, which is very expensive. There is a giant catfish that can even weigh up to one pole. I also saw some shops selling all kinds of guns, just like our boss's guns. I think a gun is worth 100 rubles. There are marmots, partridges and rabbits in the butcher shop ... but where those things come from, the guys in the shop won't say.
"Dear Grandpa, when he hangs candy on the Christmas tree, please pick a golden walnut and hide it in my green box."
Fanka sighed sadly and stared at the window again. He remembers that grandpa always went to the Woods to cut down the Christmas tree, and grandpa always took him there. What a happy day! Haw in the frozen mountain forest, grandpa has a cold and cough, he has a cold and cough ... cut down the Christmas tree, grandpa smokes a pipe first, smokes snuff for a while, and laughs with the frozen little Fanka for a while. ..... Many small fir trees covered with thick frost stood there motionless, waiting to see which one should die. Suddenly, a rabbit jumped out of nowhere and went through the snow like an arrow. Grandpa couldn't help crying. "Grab it, grab it, grab it!" Hey, short-tailed ghost! "
Grandpa dragged the cut tree back to the host's house and everyone began to decorate the tree.
"Come on, dear grandpa," Wanka went on to write, "I beg you to take me out of here for God's sake. Have pity on me, an unfortunate orphan. Everyone here hits me. I'm starving, I'm lonely, and I'm speechless. I always cry. One day, my boss hit me on the head with a shoe last. I fainted and finally woke up. My life is hopeless, even worse than a dog! ..... I greet Liao Na, one-eyed Igor, and the coachman. Don't let others take my little organs. Your grandson Ivan zhukov. Dear grandpa, come on! "
Fanka folded the paper full of words into four folds and put it in an envelope, which was bought by a Gaby the night before. He thought for a moment, dipped in ink and wrote down the address.
Grandpa in the country
Then he scratched his head, thought for a while, and added a few words.
Constantine Makarik
He was very satisfied that no one bothered him to write letters, so he put on his hat, didn't even wear a worn-out coat, only wore a shirt, and ran to the street ... The night before, he asked the butcher's people, and he told him that these letters should be left in the mailbox and distributed to all places by mail truck from there. There are three horses on the mail car, ringing the bell and sitting with a drunken postman. Fanka ran to the first mailbox and stuffed his precious letter into it.
An hour later, he fell asleep with sweet hope. In his dream, he saw a warm kang, and his grandfather sat on it, pulling his legs and reading his letters ... Loach walked around the kang, wagging his tail. ...
But dreams have to wake up after all. On the streets of Christmas, you will occasionally pass a carriage, which is used by young ladies and gentlemen of aristocratic families to sell gifts or go to parties in aristocratic schools. A carriage came slowly to the door of the shop. This horse is not like the mayor's carriage. Fanka has seen the mayor's horse. It was the year before last, when the Tsar passed by the city. In winter, most people still don't wear warm clothes, but under the coercion of the police, they have to go barefoot and take flowers and ribbons to the streets to meet their great czar in the biting cold wind.
The czar and empress wore velvet robes made of polar bears hunted from Siberia, and the empress wore a scarf made of arctic fox fur around her neck. The scarf sold in Old Kaga's shop is far from this, but he smoothed the shirt collar full of oil stains and wrinkles, just put the second button into the first buttonhole-the first button was torn off when he quarreled with Xiao Lina's mother-and then wiped his face with money in his hand. He didn't understand why the tsar and queen came so early, which made him get up early and greet him without washing his face. However, the old Ka family is still very excited, because after all, it is the czar. He really wants the tsar or queen to take a look at him, just as he wants the whole city to come to his shop to buy things.
By the way, it's time to talk about the mayor's horse, and follow the czar's Ford car-although there are factories in Russia, the cars that can be made are not as good as those in the United States. Some people say that the jewelry brought by the Queen was bought with the money for making cars-it was a white horse covered in meat-Fanka didn't know the word "plump", so it could only be described in this sentence-its hair was as white as snow, like Fanka. The mane and tail hair are probably just brushed by the horse father this morning. As soon as the wind blows, a familiar fragrance wafts from the horse. Oh, that's the smell of shampoo used by the proprietress-she often says that shampoo is the best and most expensive, at least in the city. I wonder what she will say when she smells a horse-from top to bottom, it's all silk made in China.
It happens that the boss's family has a horse served by Fanka, which is not as fat, fragrant and noble as the mayor's, but the boss thinks his horse is still good, just like his character. The bony horse pulled the boss's car to the door of the shop with his legs like Grandpa Vanka's crutches.
Fanka woke up. He woke up just in time because the boss came back. He saw the horse's tail through the window-the tail is the most conspicuous position of the horse, so-called "the horse has a lot of fine hair"-and it was braided into a beautiful flower braid by a colored rope. Of course, this is a description of the pig's tail, but if the pig's tail is a ponytail and it is the boss's ponytail, it will be miserable. It's like Xiaolan Shen's mother's hill next door. It's in tights and ballerinas. You can imagine what it looks like. But the horse in front of the door is like this, but from the boss's aesthetic point of view-he often compares the proprietress to the Mona Lisa-it is very beautiful. This tail was hand-woven by the boss to go to church on Christmas Eve, which took up his usual time. Because he thinks that although his shop is a little small and his horse is a little poor, he still has to try his best to save face, such as braiding ponytails, so that he can boast in front of ladies and gentlemen-but if Fanka, who has not attended much school, hears his boss speak with a ponytail (in fact, in the eyes of people with little cultivation, it is actually a big joke that can win prizes), Fanka will.
The boss wriggled-he usually wriggled instead-and walked into the shop. Finally, Fanka knew why the boss was so abnormal. When the door of the shop was pushed open, a strong smell of Volga came to my face. The boss stumbled and almost fell on Fanka, but it seemed that the bedroom attracted him more, and a figure plopped down on the bed. At this moment, the door opened again, and it was the proprietress. The smell of tequila hit her face, and she almost fell on Fanka, but she finally fell on the bed. In this way, after a burst of footsteps, the store was silent again. After a burst of fear, Fanka calmed down again. He should be busy mopping the floor at this time. Now he sits still. If this is normal, he will die.
Now, Fanka thought, it's okay to sit by yourself, and no one knows that it's the same whether the floor is wiped or not. He gradually relaxed and remembered the letter to grandpa. Just as Van Gogh leaned against the table and thought about his grandfather, a pair of eyes stared at Van Gogh. The owner of these eyes is not an adult, but he is thinking about an evil thing with the thinking of an adult.
That man is back, too He wanted to put the old lady in a nearby house, but he thought they were faster than rabbits and didn't need the man's help at all. He walked to bed like an apple. Seeing that the boss and the proprietress have left and gone to bed, the man himself is deeply tired. Yesterday's party at Vladimir's house on the third street was really noisy, and now I have a headache when I think about it, so the man decided to go to bed by himself. Just as he settled his horse and went into the house to sleep through the back door, he saw a man in the aisle, and that was Fanka. Although he is also a stranger and not yet an adult, the man has no good impression of Fanka. Because although he is only 16 or 17 years old, he has given birth to a lot of thoughts in his heart, which makes him a hypocritical person who is full of fraud and jealousy in advance. Dude didn't allow anyone outside the owner and his family to dare to disobey him, so Fanka became the next unpopular person under his tyranny. Yes, as an apprentice, Fanka is not liked by the boss, but his cleverness and dexterity make the guys feel sorry for him. Dude has always regarded Fanka as a thorn in his side, fearing that Fanka would take his place one day. That's why this man has an evil plan in his mind-he wants to get rid of his competitors.
Although the boss and proprietress drank too much, they were fine after all and woke up in the afternoon. When the boss came out of the room, he stretched out his arms, slapped his pants, and then sighed. Finally, he woke up and found that there was no difference in peacetime in the shop. He went to get some money, but the boss's daughter-in-law didn't have as many bad habits as the boss. As soon as she got up, she rushed out of the shop and went out. Where's Fanka? He was cleaning the floor, and the footsteps coming and going didn't disturb his heart. He is still thinking about his grandfather.
Dude finally started his plan. When the boss gives money, he looks very focused. Even at this moment, the sky won't let him move. That man came in. He came to help with the bookkeeping. As a result, the sound of money passing and the sound of pen tip sliding come and go. The boss is really an old hand. His job, especially when it comes to money, is absolutely speed plus quality. The boss leaned back in his chair and found that the man worked much harder today, and made himself tea. The boss thought, this boy is good today, so he said to the man, come and have dinner with us today, and then went out by himself. However, men are also secretly happy. He finally got a chance to talk to the boss and proprietress.
After all, it's Christmas, and the boss seems to have relaxed a lot. As long as Fanka continues to work, his wife will ignore him, and he won't find fault in eggs as before. This made Fanka a lot easier. Although he did a lot of things, it was really easy for ordinary people. Finally, it's evening. Fanka doesn't expect his boss to give him anything delicious, but he can dream about his grandfather when he sleeps. He is still full of hope for its letter. Fanka is drinking porridge and eating bread, while in the restaurant not far from the corridor, the boss, the proprietress and the guys are eating big fish and big meat. Just then, the man spoke. Seeing that Fanka was lazy and didn't work, he added a lot of vinegar and oil and returned it to the boss and proprietress together. The consequences can be imagined. Where are the boss and proprietress still eating? Anger rose to the sky. The boss would go home to get a whip, and even grabbed a fork from the table and rushed out. Naturally, the man was very happy, so he just went out arm in arm because he didn't want to fall into death.
In the dim light, Fanka howled, because he was beside the whip, but he was thinking in his heart, why did the drunken boss and proprietress know that he was lazy, and he never thought that the man would tell him. The boss dressed heavily while hitting, and scolded Fanka: "I called you a lazy son of a bitch, didn't work, and dared to steal bread, which really contradicted you." Fanka can't deny that he is lazy, but where did he steal the bread? Fanka really feels wronged. He held back the pain and said, "Boss, I didn't steal bread." Hearing this, the boss stopped his whip. "Really didn't steal it?" "Really. Even if you give me courage, I dare not steal bread. " After listening to this, the boss became more and more breathless. Fanka thought the boss was tired, but the boss suddenly waved his arm and shone on Fanka's leg. At first, Fanka thought it was a punch. Unexpectedly, Fanka felt a heart-wrenching pain, and blood suddenly penetrated into Fanka's pants. It turned out that the boss stuck a fork into Fanka's meat. "It's really retrogression, how dare you quibble ..." The boss was a little tired. Ignoring Vanka's wound, he said to the man, "Put him in the stable." The man pretended to care about Fanka and said, "Boss, look at Fanka. It's too cold outside. Look ... ""Do as you are told! " The boss was still angry, but tired, so he went back to the house.
After the boss left, the man looked back at Fanka and seemed to faint. Looking at Fanka's bloody leg, the man smiled. Thought: Farewell to Fanka, who told you to be so unlucky? Say that finish, he dragged Fan Ka and left. Not to the back door of the stable, but to the front door and the street.
Here's the plan, man. Van Gogh was injured and it was so cold outside. If he goes out, he won't live. If the boss asks, tell him he ran away and froze to death in the street. So Fanka was left in a dumpster a few blocks away by a friend. Looking at Fanka's weak figure, the man smiled again. He didn't expect his plan to succeed so soon.
And Fanka, who is only nine years old, is dying step by step. In his trembling mouth, there are two words-grandpa.
At dawn, Fanka slowly opened her tired eyes. But what he didn't know was that the boss and the proprietress had been waiting for him to wake up in full gear. As soon as Fanka opened his eyes, the boss angrily shouted at Fanka, "Boy! How dare you be lazy and not work! Want to rebel? I killed you today! "
The "earthquake" started from the boss's side, and the "volcano" on the boss's side also erupted. The evil couple came forward and beat the unarmed Fanka together until they beat him black and blue.
After being beaten, Fanka was very sad and angry. He thought, "I can't stay here any longer. Grandpa may not receive my letter for a while, so I have to go back to the village myself ... OK! Go tomorrow night! "
The next night, when Fanka finished her work, she saw the boss, proprietress and men in the shop sleeping, quietly took a pair of shoes in the shop and quickly fled Moscow.
He walked for three whole days, not far from the village, but he was cold and hungry. One kilometer away from the village, he finally fell down.
Fortunately, the loach just came out to feed. When he saw the long-lost young master, he immediately dragged him home and let grandpa take care of Xiaofanka, hoping that the young master would get better soon.
Fanka returned to his home and was very excited because he could live with his grandfather again.
After two hours, Fanka woke up, and the boss and boss Liang looked at him angrily. The boss fought with a wooden stick, beat Fanka to pieces, and kept cursing: "You ate bear heart and leopard bravery, and you are still sleeping. Yes, I know that I am lazy, dare to tease me, and start to learn bad. " The boss's voice rose eight degrees.
Suddenly, the boss's "volcano" also erupted, grabbed Fanka's hair and beat her skinny and fragile Fanka with a belt, and Fanka fainted.
He finally woke up and wiped the wound with the back of his dirty hand like a knife. Fanka cried so sadly that even the stone would be moved by him.
His tears dried up and he was determined to run away. He ran out of the shop quickly and went straight to the village. Just as he ran to a place not far from the village, suddenly he saw a very familiar and fierce face. Ah! It was the boss who pulled his hair back to the shop and tied the weak Fanka to a branch and whipped it hard. How can Fanka stand such abuse? His eyes blurred, tears welled up, and he cried so sadly, so sadly. At this time, his eyes were black and he could see nothing. He only saw his grandfather Constantine McAuliffe come to save him with a male dog Rocky and an old bitch Kahidanka. Grandpa took Ariadne to court with a complaint, and Ariadne, a demon, was hanged on the spot so that his bullied people could come to him for revenge. ...
Fanka wants to go back to grandpa. He looked forward to it and said ...
"Bang-"the boss kicked the door and saw Fanka hiding in a corner and sleeping. Suddenly, he flew into a rage, picked up a bucket of water and poured it on Fanka. Fanka opened her sleepy eyes. He thought it was grandpa who came to pick him up, so he shouted, "Grandpa!" "Grandpa? Who's your grandfather, you son of a bitch! When I go out, it's time to go to bed. My wings have hardened, haven't they? I want to fly out! I must teach you a lesson today! " Fanka knows that the vicious boss is back. The boss shouted, "man, bring my skin." I really want to teach this smelly boy a lesson today! "Guys immediately took out a hard belt. The boss clutched the belt with both hands and his eyes were full of anger. He walked towards Fanka step by step, and the danger of Fanka will be approaching step by step. The fierce boss threw Fanka to the ground, pulled off his pants and slapped Fanka's ass with a belt. Fanka had a sharp pain, but he didn't cry, because he knew that once he started crying, the boss would be more cruel. Instead of helping Fanka, the waiter laughed at poor Fanka: "Look at him, he's such a hillbilly, he doesn't know anything! "
Then, Fanka had to endure the severe pain of being beaten by the belt, and began to work again: cleaning the floor, cleaning the glass, and cleaning up the herring ... Fanka, who was already weak, could not stand this toss, and almost fell down with fatigue. ...
It's time for lunch Fanka rubbed his boss's whipped ass with a belt, beat his waist, picked up a bowl of gruel and plopped down his throat. And the boss and the proprietress! Then eat and drink in the living room, and the rich lunch on the dining table is full of fragrance, which makes people drool at first sight. Look, even the boss's dog ate the delicious giant catfish! Fanka looked at the boss and his lunch: the bowl of porridge that could be finished in one bite, and could not help but sigh. He recalled the good times he and his grandfather spent in the country. ...
"Smelly boy, still stare blankly after the meal, do you want to find a fight, never change! Don't give me work! " The angry boss cursed and raised the belt again. ...
Fanka is busy again. He kept thinking: Grandpa, why didn't you pick me up?
As night fell, Fanka touched her hungry belly and looked at the snowflakes flying outside the window.
"Whoa, whoa, whoa ..." Van Card was awakened by the little boy's crying, and the boss heard it: "You smelly boy, are you lazy? Make my little boy cry, happy! " "No, no ..." The boss wouldn't let Van Kar tell the difference. Like a mad dog, he slapped the belt on Van Kar's weak body.
Once again, I was beaten by a cruel boss, so that Fanka clearly knew that I couldn't stay in the shoemaker's shop and suffer any more, or I would be killed by the boss one day! He thought of running! He resolutely got up and rushed into the vast snow.
When the cold wind blows, people in the street are wrapped in thick cotton-padded jackets, while Fanka is wearing a thin rag with 5 or 6 patches. Where are the pants? Only half a pair. Because, the boss thinks that Fanka is sometimes too disobedient and can't get over being beaten, so he asks his beloved dog to pull Fanka's pants. Over time, Fanka's pants were pulled to half. Fanka has no socks and shoes. He can only walk in the cold street with bare feet dyed red by snow. Every now and then, Fanka has to tighten her belt. ...
Suddenly, a carriage flew past Fanka. Fanka didn't pay attention and suddenly fell in a pool of blood. "Whoops-"The carriage stopped. It turned out that the drunken postman drove the carriage into Fanka. Instead of getting off the bus to save Fanka, the postman said contemptuously to Fanka, "Poor child, you should die!" " Write a letter-no stamps, no address, who will send it to you! "With that, he tore, tore, tore, tore ... When his hand was raised and the wind blew, Fanka's letter to grandpa turned into thousands of butterflies, flying all over the sky ... Fanka gently let out a cry with his last breath:" Ye-Ye ... "With all his last strength, he picked up a fragment, put it on his chest and slowly died.
The sun rose, and the soft sunshine shone on Fanka's thin body. His lips are white, but there is a smile on his lips: he may be thinking that grandpa will definitely come to take him out of his misery. ...
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