Who has no troubles, why is it known to the world?

You are still young, slower than complaining.

Text: Su Ge

You sigh, complain and even curse in the street, saying that fate is unfair and society is unfair. People are born with ups and downs, and society is changing rapidly. No one can escape the unbearable side of the years, without exception, but those who have suffered the same have not told you.

Do you think it's unfair to everyone? Then I tell you, this is the greatest fairness.

Recently they have absorbed too much "negative energy" directly or indirectly. After listening to what they called how to be "trampled" by fate and society, they complained bitterly, as if the whole world had lost itself. Why? You tell the world that you are strong, but you tell yourself that you can't stand it. In my opinion, your misery is not so pitiful. You can't wait to let the world know that your misery is your real misery.

1. Are you Miss M?

Because everyone likes to write articles, Miss M added me to WeChat and never spoke. College students, claiming that "travel painting and writing is the whole of life", in 20 10, my mother was diagnosed with uterine cancer, and this year my father was diagnosed with advanced colon cancer. Later, I learned that she had a sister whom I had never met. My sister was sent out for various family reasons when she was a child, and her father died. I wanted to meet her, so Miss M wrote an article calling for affection.

What's the matter, miss m? What a pity! Yes, I think so too. A little girl who has just grown up, her parents are both seriously ill and her relatives are separated. The fate is really heavy for her. After learning this, as an irrelevant person, I deeply regret it. I occasionally saw her paintings and words through my circle of friends, which was quite appreciated.

One day, I received her help, briefly introduced her situation, and then said, "Please help my family". Out of appreciation for her talent, regret for her misfortune in life, or a little because she is the same as my undergraduate major, I expressed my kindness and support, even though I am just a friend in a circle of friends who have never talked. I hope her life will be better.

For me, this matter is over, nothing special.

Because, even a stranger, it is too normal to lend a helping hand.

It is also because there are too many misfortunes in this world, and there are too many things waiting for us to do, including avoiding misfortune as much as possible, or having more capital to resist when encountering misfortune.

Speaking of it, there is nothing wrong with Ms. M asking me for help, or asking everyone around her for help, not at all. Because at this time, the flash of protecting family members has covered up a little incomprehensible. At this time, a girl's tenacity and courage should be praised and supported.

However, things are changing little by little.

I am concerned that the title of Ms. M's recent article is "Counselor told me to be a normal college student". In the article, she attacked her counselor, her college and even her school in a unique way, pouring out all kinds of darkness around her, her injustice and her negative energy ... but I just don't know, this is the real unbearable and negative energy.

She prides herself on being a maverick.

In fact, it is inevitable that the world sometimes doesn't make things difficult for anyone: if you work hard and your grades are not satisfactory, you may get into trouble. Others' mistakes will give you less "0". You will be abandoned by your good friends and even your closest relatives, but it rained that day without an umbrella ... and then what?

The strong know how to make big things small, make small things small, constantly accumulate positive energy and control life; The weak tend to entangle themselves and complain about themselves, just like a small universe that is erupting, not letting go of the slightest darkness and negative energy, and then describe how unbearable they are, and at the same time highlight how difficult and strong they are in the face of such unbearable.

I think these people can be described as "emotional robbers".

In fact, many times, a lot of darkness is for yourself. Even if there is a little positive in my heart, the sunshine outside is not afraid of not finding the direction to come in.

This reminds me of the law of attraction:

When thoughts are concentrated in a certain field, people, things and things related to this field will be attracted to him.

This makes sense. If you miss someone, you will probably contact him, which will naturally dispel your miss for him. When you think about one thing, you will naturally and unnaturally associate everything with it, and naturally you will gain a lot of new ideas and connections. If you think about it day and night, you will naturally do better.

More specifically, you really want to exercise recently, so you search for all kinds of fitness knowledge, and you will learn more invisibly; You will go to the gym to hire a professional coach, so you know new friends who like fitness; If you share the fun of fitness in a circle of friends, then you may attract the attention of a wave of friends who love fitness. "Ah, you have been working out recently. Let's talk it over sometime. I tell you, since I became healthy, I ... "Your fitness has achieved initial results, and someone may come to consult ... You see, when your mind is focused on fitness, you are like a powerful magnet, attracting many people and things related to fitness.

So I said, the law of attraction makes sense.

Then, the following argument: if your thoughts focus on "how dark and unfair society is", you will really attract a lot of "unfairness", so you will feel more and more unfair in society and miserable in life.

A misunderstanding or trivial matter, the counselor is biased against you. You don't minimize it and explain it clearly, but you are determined, add drama yourself, and write articles for publicity for fear that people don't know. At this time, right and wrong people are not concerned about the origin of things, but your attitude towards things. Of course, it is natural to continue to hold a negative attitude towards you, so in an evaluation, he certainly has the right and obligation to point out your shortcomings. So, you may be excellent in other grades, but you just happened not to be on the list in this evaluation. Although it is understandable to outsiders, it may develop into "the counselor must be partial, so he is given a place." This is of course an inappropriate judgment based on a wrong fact. How should eccentricity be defined? You are not qualified in some ways. Is it biased towards another person if you don't choose this evaluation? So you may even think that the counselor failed you, so you continue to be arrogant and roll a bigger snowball ... Of course, everything you could have won't belong to you, so your inner imbalance is getting more and more serious and the vicious circle is getting more and more serious.

But many times we forget that we are involved in more darkness.

So, you see, the unfairness around you is born unfair or caused by yourself. In fact, this is the greatest fairness, because, don't forget, besides you, there are others who have been quietly and actively paying.

This is not aimed at anyone, just an example of brother Su. The argument is over.

Run a little further and come back and say miss m.

Look at the titles of these articles:

"After three years of high school in a poor county, I committed suicide."

"I hate having a bike and ruining my home."

"This university is really boring."

"My mother has uterine cancer and my father has colon cancer."

"Sister, dad hopes to see you in his lifetime."

……

Yes, all the above are autobiographical articles written by Ms. M, which makes me feel a little depressed. How much hardship life has given a girl. However, unlike the sympathy at the back of the article, after understanding Miss M's misfortune, I may say something different, even harsh:

A girl in her twenties likes to "kill to the death", which is synonymous with the war years. Although you have experienced hardships in life and feel a little unbearable or unfortunate, don't forget that "I have thought about suicide several times, and the world makes me sad" can be a trace of fear in your heart, but don't regard it as a capital worth sharing or even showing off. If you want to say it's worth it, ask someone close to you for help, and ask a psychologist for help. This will be more decent.

Girls in their twenties should not be easily hated. It's innocent to enjoy a bike. I don't know how many people have traveled, how many jobs have been created, how much convenience and development have been given to this society, and why have you destroyed your home? First of all, we should analyze the reasons from the inside of the family, and we can't blame * * * for liking bicycles at once. This is logically unreasonable. You should at least know that your expression is an extreme idea.

I would like to say a few words about Ms. M's writing: You have repeatedly mentioned your misfortune in your article, and I hope you can transfer money to reward yourself. Time and time again, you really ask for help. Third, you may be forced by reality and have to do it. But if you repeat it endlessly, you may be suspected of speculating on your family.

Writing an article is an expression of emotion, a self-expression and a form of your self-cognition. Behavior itself is a very meaningful thing, but it should not be a tool for you to win everyone's sympathy, otherwise writing itself will lose its meaning to you. At any time, winning everyone's sympathy in any form is a sign of weakness, and you just pretend to be strong.

I have browsed the messages left by Ms. M's readers, including sympathy for the flood, warnings from objective thinkers, and of course direct attacks from extremists ... To my shock, I saw Ms. M reply when others questioned her personality: "Her personality is indeed distorted."

If you have a twisted personality, see a doctor. No writing for the time being. The words written by distorted thoughts and distorted personalities can easily distort those who wander on the edge. This kind of you, not only can't save yourself, but also hurt others. I don't think this should be what you expect. The world is gentle!

Having said that, I suddenly feel that the tens of dollars that I transferred to Miss M before didn't really help her solve the fundamental problem.

Many problems really cannot be solved by money. A few dollars to buy a bottle of water can quench your thirst; Homesick, a few thousand yuan plane ticket can solve the problem, even if you have cancer, money may solve the problem.

But what about personality? What about the problem of thought?

Sorry, we don't know each other well enough to lend you money.

Miss l, a college student.

A "dream show" competition, as a mentor, I became attached to the girl L.

I haven't been in touch much since the game.

But I can often see her screenshots in the circle of friends: from her experience of being cheated of money, to how difficult her family is, to how difficult it is to run for her dreams, how difficult it is to earn money by working, and even being targeted by the underworld, etc ... Although sometimes it is full of positive energy, it is so capricious to tell her in the circle of friends that she can't stand it.

Begging for mercy? Seeking understanding? Ask for help? Or just complaining?

I have no time to think about it, because the reality is: it has nothing to do with me.

Once, Miss L suddenly asked me for a loan. I'm surprised that college students can apply for national student loans when they are short of money, and they can work to earn money and be self-sufficient when their living expenses are not enough. What can they do with extra bank loans? Although I was confused and a little confused, I helped to inquire about the policy, but it didn't help. Banks don't lend money to such people.

A few days later, Miss L directly borrowed money from me, 2000 yuan, and I was shocked. So short of money? What happened? But then I thought, are we related? No. Are we friends? No, do we have such dependence as "teacher-student love"? No, that girl does have difficulties, I understand, but she can't reach the level of borrowing 2000 yuan casually, so naturally she can't help her. This matter has also gone away.

During that time, I often saw Miss L describe how unbearable, hard, difficult and inspirational she was in her circle of friends, about her family, studies, dreams and so on.

There was almost no direct contact afterwards. I can answer professional questions. Of course, sometimes I don't return my messages. For example, suddenly one day, a message was sent to me to the effect that my major was among the top in my class, but I still didn't get the first-class scholarship. How can I regret such a time? I finally know that I am a blank sheet of paper, and there is still room for improvement in my major.

I didn't reply. I can't think of a reason to reply.

Then I met him in a circle of friends because of the scholarship, and attacked teachers, colleges and even the education system in China. Then a bitter tear came again, and I told him again how difficult, inspiring, humble and unbearable it was. ...

In this way, the attitude towards girl L went from understanding, support, encouragement, and even a little numb in the end. Sometimes I feel that others are so humble that I have no feelings. Is it because I'm too cold or something?

Recently, I saw her circle of friends again, and I became more and more angry when I read it uncultured. I endured it several times and ignored it. Why should we consider it? What the fuck is this? But in the end, I convinced myself with a kind excuse that since I was her mentor, I dared to "point out" a few words! Wishing is not pointing, it brings her thinking.

This circle of friends that makes me a little angry is like this:

She doesn't have a computer to do her homework, but more than 50 students don't have computers, so her homework is affected. So the teacher severely criticized her in front of the whole class, saying how miserable and wronged she was, how difficult the economy was, how hard it was to buy a computer, how hard it was to borrow a computer to do homework, and often stayed up all night ... Finally, she even bought herself a computer in a circle of friends ... To put it mildly, crowdfunding for her dream. ...

This time, I finally didn't feel numb to brush, and decided to give her a few words in private.

Reply to the general idea:

Yes, many problems can be solved with money, but your problems can't be solved with money. I think the person who raised money for your computer is not helping you, but hurting you. If you don't have a computer, you can establish friendship with your girlfriend. If you have no friendship with your best friend, you can do it in an Internet cafe for a few dollars, and you can use the school's public computer for a few dollars.

Is China's educational resources so pitiful? A computer that has no resources to do homework for several poor students.

I remind Miss L that it is illogical to raise money in a circle of friends to buy her a computer to do her homework.

I said that compared with what I suffered, the state I presented because I was "unbearable" was really unbearable.

Seeing my private letter reply, I received more than a dozen replies in succession, including screenshots and words. The content still revolves around what unfortunate family I grew up in, what selfish parents I had, and what tragic experiences I had ... I was forced to do so.

Forgive me for not looking carefully, and replied, "Come on!" Just do your own thing. I'm busy.

I opened my eyes this morning, opened WeChat, and saw the WeChat sent to me by Miss L, which was similar to just finishing my homework after staying up late. I didn't read it all, didn't reply, and deleted the conversation with her under pressure.

Sorry, I don't care if you stay up late to finish your homework; In contrast, I am more concerned about whether the person sleeping next to my pillow has slept well. This is the naked reality.

Are people like Miss L common in life? Or maybe it's just not as exaggerated as her. It is said that the looks before the age of 30 are given by parents, and the looks after the age of 30 are given by themselves, but how many people in this world unconsciously become sad.

Life is cruel and makes you so miserable.

Life is not cruel at all. Everyone is the same.

Do you think that Ms. M and Ms. L are very similar, both brave and inspirational, and at the same time they are not strong in life because of full negative energy? They can't bear it not because fate is unfair to them, but because they are conscious of this unbearable consumption. They are miserable not because of bad environment, but because of inner distortion.

This girl is a little different.

Miss X, I don't know why I became attached to her. I know something about her anyway.

In the year of re-reading, because of her unsatisfactory grades, Miss X was not admitted to her parents' ideal school, so she could not get their support in tuition fees, and advised her to continue re-reading. The stubborn girl X doesn't listen to her parents' arrangement. She went to various departments to apply for student loans and went through the college entrance examination alone.

This is only the first step to enter the university. Helpless, she still can't get the support of her parents. Like many students with difficulties, what about living expenses and future study expenses? She didn't feel sorry for herself like Miss L, complaining to everyone. Instead, she joined the student union, engaged in outreach activities, did activities by herself, sought sponsorship, and worked part-time to support her decent life at school. Finally, she graduated smoothly, and later earned hundreds of thousands of dollars a year. Those days were colorful and charming.

In fact, compared with parents' inability to help themselves, shouldn't parents' ability to choose not to help their children feel desperate? Comparatively speaking, isn't the latter more qualified to complain? But the strong don't complain about how selfish their parents are. The strong will not complain about how unfair the environment is, because those are just excuses for their cowardice.

On the help from family, girl X didn't get as much as girl L. As a daughter, why did she show different growth states? There are many reasons for this, but there must be self-choice.

If you choose to be a weak person, you will accumulate resentment, become a disease, and you will be angry. You think everything you meet is unfair to you. You want to say that you can be strong, but why can't you escape from the cycle of the weak?

If you choose to be strong, you will be full of motivation and determined to change. You will know how to find reasons from your own side, and you will know how to be grateful. Although life is still cruel to you, others are willing to accept your "strong inside and weak outside" So, you will get more help, get more help, get help, become stronger, and you will finally show a strong appearance.

He was suffering from leukemia, but he chose to open his heart to the sun.

Wen Baoming, graduated from Communication University of China with a master's degree, won the first prize of the China Prize for Journalism three times, and won the golden microphone. His career rose step by step, and he was once promoted to the channel director of Heilongjiang TV Station. But just a few days ago, I learned that he was unfortunately suffering from leukemia.

Awkward.

I became attached to Wen Baoming because I saw the fundraising information forwarded by his circle of friends and the self-report he wrote. Because of the same level of graduate school, we should have been in the same classroom and should have met. So it is even more regrettable that the beginning of the impression turned out to be a very sad story, although he didn't show it himself.

The disease is so terrible that it has consumed 2 million yuan on him, and this consumption continues at a rate of 20 thousand yuan a day, thus ruthlessly destroying a life that strives for the upper reaches.

Through his description, I learned the story of this "classmate". He was born in a small family with extremely limited family economic conditions, but with the unyielding step by step, he has made dazzling achievements in his career and is heading for the peak of his life. Inspirational! Full of positive energy!

But fate will not let him go, will not give him any reward, but will suddenly attack and die at any time.

What could be more frightening and sad than watching fate push you to the top of your life, suddenly drag you into hell and deprive you of all your senses? The feeling of despair is hard to imagine, no matter how we outsiders imagine it! Language is powerless at this time.

If such people show weakness, accept their fate, complain and beg for mercy, I think it's time! But he didn't. "Open your heart to the sun" is a self-report written by Wen Baoming recently, which tells the mental journey of a leukemia anchor.

"Open to the sun" is a kind of life facing the test of withering.

He said; "I don't want to write so sadly, in fact, it's not so sad and pitiful ..." You know, this is Wen Baoming, a leukemia patient named "Gehua" from WeChat, who hasn't seen the sun for three months?

Fate gave him the most severe test and threw him a suffocating "terminal illness", but he said, "I don't want to complain. Life gives everyone different gifts. This gift of mine is a bit special. It makes me feel extremely painful and gives me an education in life, which makes me know the meaning of living and what can be precious and what should be cherished in life. "

Some people, still young, have experienced infinite self-pity and licking only a little bit, but they don't know that more suffering may be coming to you. No one is the darling of fate.

So, by contrast, is it suffering rebirth or groaning excessively?

Every parent is a child's teacher.

I am a little hesitant to write this passage, because the next example is a mother with cancer and a father I don't know very well. Fortunately, I won't be upset.

Remember that girl M who is a little cynical and domineering? Unfortunately, her mother has cancer. Miss M recently wrote an article called "Counselor told me to be a normal college student". Mother forwarded it. No matter what articles children write, it is understandable for parents to forward them. Who can deny the love for children? But what makes my heart tremble is my mother's forwarding recommendation and message.

Mother said, "there is no word fairness in today's society."

Think about it, I'm extremely scared.

I don't know how unfair the powerful short sentence has been treated by society, which can make it almost cruelly promote such distorted values in the circle of friends.

The mother left a message below, saying, "Everyone has read the forwarding, and I hope your descendants will receive better education in the future."

Still thinking about it.

Please allow me to get dirty once, maybe more than once.

"Everyone read the forwarding", is it for the whole country? Sometimes, writing words and outputting opinions is to "QJ" a person in a more elegant way, which means "overlord is hard to bow". As for whether the other party will pick it up or not, that is another matter. When my daughter writes the official WeChat account, she definitely wants to increase the exposure, but what kind of views and ideas are worth exposing? Not exactly.

"I hope your descendants will receive a better education in the future" is ostensibly for the sake of others, but in fact it hides deep dissatisfaction-the educational environment of your daughter is not good enough. Let's not talk about her daughter's educational environment for the time being, but I have to say that one should receive family education as well as school education. Perhaps, school education can be given by a strong family, but family education can't be given by domestic first-class universities such as Peking University and Tsinghua.

Not only Miss M, but also anyone is good or bad without his family background.

Therefore, no matter how optimistic I am, I can't think of a mother who thinks that "there is no justice in today's society" can give her children a suitable family education. If not, then school education will really feel overwhelmed.

Remember miss l?

A girl who described herself as miserable.

Probably glanced at her chat with her father. Miss L asked her father for help, asking for money or something. Father's reply "Don't make me feel better?" L The girl said that she wanted to die, and her father replied "Don't talk nonsense" ... I can't remember the details, but I just felt an unspeakable discomfort. I don't think this should be a way of communication between father and daughter or close people. It's a little rough

I recently read a book about "emotional violence", which tells the story of how love turns into a knife and hurts loved ones. Associated with the state presented by girl L, although it is not certain that girl L is experiencing or has experienced emotional violence, it also draws a big question mark in her heart.

What is emotional violence?

Simply put, verbal attacks, moral kidnapping, refusal to communicate, personal insults and emotional threats against close people all belong to emotional violence. Emotional violence often carries out "psychological killing" under the cloak of love Compared with physical violence, emotional violence is more hidden and difficult to be detected.

In the parent-child relationship, "are you a pig's brain?" Might as well die! ""You look like your father! " "I am for your own good!" "I worked so hard to raise you, how not easy, you do this to me? "

In the relationship between marriage and love, "you are a soft rice!" "Being an individual is better than you!" "Look who that is ..." "Look at you now, you are really worthless!"

In the relationship of friends, "How have I helped you before? Now you won't borrow this money from you. Really chilling! " "How can you be so blx? I'm kidding! " "I really went too far that day. I'm sorry, I did it for your own good!"

These are all emotional violence! Will make a person lose the ability to love and feel love.

6. Close people should be kind to each other.

The reason why I advise you not to tell everyone about your misery and misfortune is because what you expose is unbearable and others understand and help you. What's left? The rest are people who don't care about your jokes. On the other hand, your behavior will only make you more and more unbearable and make people afraid to avoid it.

Be realistic and cruel! That's it. Is this society dark? No, of course not! This is only human nature, or everyone has important and unimportant things that can't be completed. Who has so much energy to take care of you So what should we do? Everyone has unbearable times. Can you only bear it silently when you are sad? Don't! Of course not!

Don't forget that you still have close friends and relatives, but please remember that people around you, even those who are praised by your circle of friends every day, may not be close to you.

Friends are precious, but family ties are priceless.

Then, in turn, what can we do as people close to someone? Be kind to her or him. If you treat her badly, no one will treat her better.

Therefore, emotional violence is terrible. If one day everyone who gives me warmth becomes an executioner, who am I? Where is the land I come from? where am I going?

7. Write it at the end

You see my smiling face is like a flower, which shows that I am terminally ill;

You see, I have a good figure. Five minutes ago, I was severely criticized by the leader at the meeting.

You see that my grades are among the best, and you see that I have struggled and paid countless days and nights;

You see my grades are soaring, and I am crying in front of my parents under great pressure;

You see, I travel around the world and work overtime every day, and I know every dawn I meet;

You see my son and I are very happy together, and I worry about him day and night;

You see, I have money, and I spend a dollar twice at a time.

You see that I am dazzling, and you see that I have been suffering from swords for ten years;

……

You always look at me so brilliantly, in fact, I also have an unbearable side.

It's just that I won't tell you.

-End-

Brother Su said | Give you warmth.