Any new funny jokes? Some sponsor some. Don't copy those that are not funny.

I am a man of status. What is a man of status? People with ID cards are people with identity!

Although I am not a celebrity friend, I have never been to countries around us, such as Malaysia, Thailand, Vietnam, Singapore and Russia.

3, you are so ugly, you still come out for a walk and stay at home! Just watching you hit a tree!

Oh, dear, I really want my small bag. 320.。 . . After discount 15

I think you look young. This cosmetic is very effective. Who can tell when you look at a 60-year-old man?

Who among sixty people hasn't opened a flower?

Yes, the cactus blooms once every sixty years.

I went to the night market that day. When I saw a dress, I asked, how much is this dress?

80

Do you sell at 35?

Sell!

I said no, let's go!

7. Others say that I am poor-looking, but my mother is very rare. My mother said that when I was a child, she took me to the park to play. Many old people surrounded my mother and asked,' Sister, where did you buy this monkey? Now I have grown up.

8. Brother, I just looked at you and felt like the sea!

Sister, don't you care about me? Don't you love me?

Brother, don't get me wrong. I have been seasick since I was a child, and I feel sick when I look at the sea.

9. If you become famous, you should develop slowly. Look at this dress I'm wearing. Hey, you said that my red color is not good with big green. Don't look down on people. I bought all my clothes from a specialty store.

10, four or five big men chased me and I ran to a grave. They saw me lying motionless on a grave and asked me what was going on. I said, I'm home. Are you still chasing me? Scared them away! After he ran away, I saw an old man digging a tombstone with that hammer, so I asked, "What are you digging, uncle?" Listen to the uncle said: I don't know who wrote the name wrong, I'll come up and change it!

1 1, just a friend ~ it's okay ... I just like shopping. Well, I'm just browsing ... hey, I won't look back ... I'm just walking ... and dancing after that ~ ~ That's naughty ~ ~.

12,-I've had enough with you in my life. I must find a prince riding a white horse in my next life.

It is not necessarily a prince who rides a white horse. Tang Priest sometimes rides a white horse.

-Tang Priest is better than you! !

Yes, you can't eat meat if you can.

Actually, Valentine's Day is very short. One hand lets go, a lover tears ~ ~ One hand can't let go, and a bunch of lovers cry ~ ~ What is the most painful thing in life, do you know? I won't spend Valentine's Day with you! ; Do you know what is the most painful thing in life? All lovers are looking for you on Valentine's Day, howling. What is the most painful thing? "The gift is ready, the lover has it, but the wife has found it ... howling ~ ~ ~?

Valentine's day, in fact, can also be very short, one hand is pulled and one hand is loosened, and the lover is not hung up ~ ~

If you can't let go, your lover will become a wife, hang up ~ ~

Do you know what is the most painful thing about Valentine's Day? Valentine's day is not spent with lovers!

Do you know what is the most painful thing about Valentine's Day? All lovers are looking for you on Valentine's Day!

Do you know what is the most painful thing? On Valentine's Day, your lover is with someone else. ...

Valentine's day is actually very short ~ ~ ~

When the hand is pulled loose, the lover is gone. Howl ~ ~

If you can't let go, you will become a wife. Howl ~ ~

Do you know what is the most painful thing about Valentine's Day?

It means "spend time with your lover and don't even let your hand pull."

Do you know what is the most painful thing about Valentine's Day?

It means "the hand is finished, and the lover and others have passed."

Do you know what is the most painful thing about Valentine's Day?

Walking in the street, holding the hand of the little lover, I met my wife holding the hand of others.

In fact, the working day is very short. As soon as the computer was turned on and off, the day passed. Howl ~?

The computer is on and off, and another day has passed, howling ~?

As soon as the computer is turned off, it can't be opened, and the contract expires again, huh?

Do you know what is the most painful thing on the day of work? It means "off duty, the work is not finished yet!" "

Do you know what is the most painful thing on the day of work? I haven't finished my work yet. I'm finished.

"The most painful thing is that there is no work to do at work, and I will go to work soon."

Do you know what is the most painful thing on the day of work? I didn't go to work at work, I didn't go to work after work, and I called to tell you to live when I got home from work.

1. When a hungry wolf was looking for food, he heard a woman training her child: If you cry again, I will throw you out to feed the wolf!

The child cried all night, and the wolf waited outside until dawn and sighed, liar, women are liars!

2. A prisoner was shot. Because the bullet was inferior, the first shot was not fired, and then it was fired.

The second shot ... the third shot ... then the prisoner cried: eldest brother, strangle me, it's really fucking scary!

3. After watching the black 100 meter run, an old lady said with tears that she was scared to death! Several coal diggers knelt in a row and were shot.

Shoot, shoot without aiming, the children are too scared to stop the rope!

Looking at the stars last night, I found that you made a lone star recently. The only solution is:

1) Go to the dormitory door 2) Handkerchief.

3) Hold the doorframe with your left hand 4) Throw a handkerchief with your right hand.

The spell is: come and play!

6. On your way to xishuangbanna tourism, Yunnan, you were besieged by a group of wild boars.

The tourists took out food and money, and the wild boar was unmoved.

You took out your only ID card, and the pigs knelt down and cried, boss, we found you!

7. Mr. Huang loves the revolution. In order to commemorate the Red Army, he named his son "Jun".

One day, I sent my son to class and saw the No.8 bus stop.

So he shouted at his son: Huang Jun, run, the Eighth Route Army is coming! ~~~

8, cannibal father and son hunting, the son grabbed a thin man, the father said: put, no meat!

My son came back and caught a fat man. Father said, let go, too tired!

After a while, the son captured a beautiful woman, and the father said, take her back to eat your mother tonight!

9. A little bear went to the mountains to start a business. The farmer gave him a sickle and the carpenter gave him a hammer.

When the bear came to the mountain and met the tiger, he was so scared that he raised his sickle and hammer and hit him on the head.

The tiger said: I didn't see it. Are you a bear or party member!

10, the wife asked her husband: Do you like my tenderness and loveliness? Or am I smart and beautiful?

Husband: I like your sense of humor!

1 1. A group of ants climbed up the elephant's back, but they were knocked down.

Only one ant sticks to the elephant's neck.

The ant below shouted: strangle him, strangle him, demo, it's fucking backwards!

12, farmers are carrying shit. The foreigner looked at it and asked, Grandpa, how much is this sauce?

The farmer didn't say anything, but the foreigner put some in his mouth and thought, if you don't tell me how much it is a catty,

I won't tell you that your sauce stinks!

When toad saw the tortoise, it was taking a bath in the river.

Tortoise: Haven't you seen a beautiful woman like me? Look, your eyes are popping out.

Toad: Sister, don't tease me. Can't you see I have goose bumps?

2. The oriole saw the weasel looking for food and said, "You thief have been sneaking around all day, losing the face of the old Huang family."

As soon as the voice fell, the oriole was shot down, and the weasel scolded, "Silly X, you don't even know how to sweep pornography now!" "

Dragonfly made a girlfriend "cicada". Mother dragonfly asked anxiously, what does she do?

Dragonfly: That's a singer!

Mother Dragonfly: Singer? I've dug tunnels before!

4. An ant quarreled with the crow in the tree!

Ant: Come down if you dare!

Crow: Come up if you have the guts!

Ant: OK! You wait for me, and you will know!

Crow: What do you want?

Ant: I'll let all my brothers shake you down and kill you immediately!

5. Two dung beetles discuss the welfare lottery. A dung beetles: If I win the grand prize, I will buy all the toilets within 50 miles of Fiona Fang and eat enough every day!

B dung beetles: You are so vulgar! If I win the lottery, I will pack a living person and eat fresh food every day!

6. The male butterfly sings to the female butterfly, "You are my lover, a woman like a rose!" " After singing, I flew to pick roses.

Then there was a scream, and Mother Butterfly sang, "Honey, fly slowly, be careful of the thorny rose in front!" " "

7. A pair of ducks went to play by the river and saw the frog couple hibernating in the cave by the river. Drake: Look, how happy I am. Mother duck said to the drake: Don't look, it's the big boss, living in a villa, honeymoon, let's never think about it in this life!

8. On the first day, the little white rabbit went fishing by the river, caught nothing and went home.

The next day, the little white rabbit went fishing by the river again, but found nothing and went home.

On the third day, the little white rabbit just arrived at the river, and a big fish jumped out of the river and shouted at the little white rabbit:

If you dare to use carrots as bait again, I will kill you!

(1) A village head drank too much and went home by mistake in the pigsty. He lay beside the sow and said, Wife: Give me a glass of water, and the sow snorted. The village chief said, if you don't fall, you won't fall, and you won't scatter. Feel casually and say: buy leather clothes, or double-breasted ones.

(2) When the old couple went to take pictures, the photographer asked, "Do you want to measure light, backlight or full light?" Grandpa said shyly, "I don't care." Can you leave a pair of underwear for your aunt? "

(3) One day, a barber beat a candied haws seller and went to the police station to ask the barber: Why do you sell candied haws? The barber said, * * *, I was perming my hair in the house, and he shouted "burn it" outside.

(4) A man is constipated when he goes to the toilet. Suddenly, he saw a man rushing in, and suddenly it was stormy. "Dude, I really envy you, so fast." "I envy you, I haven't had time to take off my pants yet!"

(5) When a foreigner was playing in Laiwu, he met an old lady teasing the cat and asked: What are you doing? The old lady replied: ancient cat! Foreigners are frightened, even the old people can speak foreign languages! Give it chocolate, and the old lady thinks it's dried sweet potatoes and says, I have it in Laiwu! Foreigners are dizzy!

(6) The butterfly said to the bee: You are so stingy. You pretend to be full of sweet words, but you won't give me a word. The bee said: Hum! Still talking about me, why didn't you text me with two antennas on your head?

(7) {Peer} dung beetles fell in love with mosquitoes. Dung beetles: "What is your occupation?" Mosquito: "What about you, nurse?" Dung beetles smiled: "Fate, peer, I am a Chinese medicine pinch pill."

Husband: What time is it? Wife: Ten o'clock. Husband: Is it sharp? Wife: It's too early. No one else is sleeping! I mean, ten o'clock sharp? Wife: Eleven o'clock sharp.

(9) The young couple fought and threw pillows downstairs. A beggar happened to pass by and was very happy. Then he flew away from the quilt. The beggar was ecstatic and cried upstairs with tears: Eldest brother, please throw that woman down.

Wife: Do you want to exercise in the evening? Husband: I've been thinking, wife: Then don't say you're tired from work, but you can't fool around at night. Husband: Of course, wife: I washed all my clothes that night.

(1 1) A young woman took out the garbage, accidentally slipped in the garbage and was about to get up. She was held in her arms by an old rag-picker. The old man said with emotion: people in the city just can't live, and such a good daughter-in-law said no.

(12) A big toe suddenly turned green. The doctor diagnosed it as cancer and removed it. A few days later, his second toe turned green. After taking it out, three days later, his soles turned green and he had to be transferred to a big hospital. The final expert consultation diagnosis is: socks fade.

A farmer drove a donkey into the city, and the donkey ran a red light and was fined 10 yuan. The old farmer drank the donkey: "You think you are a military vehicle! Dare to smash the red light. " After a few steps, the donkey knocked down a fruit stall and lost 200 yuan. The old farmer was even more angry: "Do you think you are an industrial and commercial city manager? You can lift whoever you want. " The old farmer led the donkey home and passed a meadow. The donkey chewed the grass and was punished in 30 yuan. The old farmer was very angry and scolded, "Do you think you are an inspection team going to the countryside? You can eat anywhere! " After the old farmer scolded him, he took the donkey to the river to drink water, but the donkey was stubborn and refused to drink. The old farmer was angry: "You think you are rich and don't drink without a young lady." The donkey turned and ran, drying a fishing net on the shore, and the donkey broke it. Fishermen claim compensation from 500 yuan. Tears welled up in the old farmer's eyes. "Do you think this is China Telecom? It costs so much money to surf the internet. " The donkey turned and kicked the old farmer. The old farmer scolded 1 helplessly, "Do you think you are a group owner? Kick whoever you want. " The donkey was very angry. He ignored the old farmer and became very silent. The old farmer said, "Do you think this is a QQ group? You can stop talking all day!

The boss calls his secretary: I will accompany you to Beijing to play these days. Please get ready.

The secretary called her husband: I'm going to Beijing to have a meeting with my boss these days.

Husband calls his lover: My wife is not at home these days, so she is with me.

The lover called the tutor: the teacher has something to do these days, and classes are suspended.

The student called grandpa: there will be no class these days, so you can play with me.

Grandpa called his secretary: I can't go to Beijing, but my grandson wants me to accompany him.

The secretary called her husband: the boss suddenly had something to do and didn't go to Beijing for a meeting.

Husband calls his lover: My wife is not leaving, let's talk about it next time.

The lover called the tutor: classes will be held as usual these days! ! !

The student called grandpa: the teacher said that classes would be held as usual these days.

Grandpa telephoned his secretary: Let's go to Beijing. Are you ready?