Joke point

A man from other provinces walked into a restaurant in Sichuan and ordered a fish-flavored eggplant, so the following passage happened.

"Boss, boss! ! "

"What's the matter?"

"Why didn't you catch any fish from this fish-flavored eggplant?"

"Fish-flavored eggplant has no fish!"

"Why is it called fish-flavored eggplant without fish?"

"God, you are an ancestor ... according to your baby, you want a" tiger skin green pepper ".Do I have to get you a tiger skin? ; Order an "old woman cake" and I'll give it to your wife? ; You order a "couple's lung slice", do I have to kill two people for you ! "

[yi tooth] joke 1

Sparrows and crows form a dragon gate array together.

The sparrow said, what kind of bird are you?

The crow said: I am your phoenix!

Sparrow said: How can there be a phoenix as black as your turtle son?

The crow said: You know a shovel, and I am the phoenix sulfur that burns the boiler.

[Yi Tooth] Joke 2

A teacher assigned a task to her students, making sentences with "pleading" and "demanding".

After the exercise book was handed in, one of them answered all his life: Yesterday my mother stewed a pot of pig's trotters. When it was not ripe, my father ate a piece and said, "Please don't move." Mom said, "I ask you to chew!" " "

[Yi Tooth] Joke 3

The plane shook violently.

Stewardess: "Ladies and gentlemen, there is always something wrong with the plane, and both engines are broken." We may be late. " . "

Passenger: "When I drove your mother, it was a wave. If all four engines are old, aren't we going to spend the night in the sky? "

[Yi Tooth] Joke 4

Before the opening of the Olympic Games, two Sichuanese traveled to Beijing and looked at the map in the car.

A: "We will kill Tiananmen first, and then Zhongnanhai ..."

B: "If we want to, we will kill all the way along the route you said! ……"

Before I finished speaking, I was immediately reported by people in the same car. After getting off the bus, he was handed over to the public security organ, explaining the situation and being released after n hours.

Party A and Party B came to Tiananmen Square again, watching people coming and going, speechless. ......

A couldn't help it: "Are you too talkative?"

B: "If you don't even open your mouth (gun), how dare I?" . As soon as the voice fell, it was handed over to the public security organs.

(single nightclub beauty asks for a gun, micro signal: mn3040 has everything that a dissolute otaku wants! You know)

A week later, they walked out of the gate of the detention center. You look at me, I look at you.

A said, "Leha, don't worry, all the bags are empty. Where can we get some bullets? " ......

The armed police at the door immediately rushed up and knocked them to the ground. ……

The Central Committee of the Communist Party of China issued an urgent notice: Sichuanese are not allowed to participate in the Olympic Games, which is terrible! This is another story.

[Yi Tooth] Joke 5

CCTV reporter asked Chengdu bus fire survivors: Is there a hammer on the bus?

Survivor: There is a hammer!

Reporter: Do you have a hammer? Why didn't you break the window?

Survivor: Mod! A hammer! A hammer!

Reporter: What? There are two hammers!

Survivor: Oh, there's a shovel!

Reporter: Shovel? That can also be used to smash windows!

Survivor: smash a hammer window!

Reporter: It's breaking a window, not a hammer. ...

Survivor: Oh, I'll tell you a hammer!

Reporter: I said the window!

Survivor: Hammer!

Reporter: What's in that car?

Survivor: There is a wool!

Reporter: Oh, no wonder it burns so fast!

Summary: Be sure to bring a hammer when you go out. If you don't have a hammer, you should get close to it. If you have a hammer, you should hold it tightly. Where there is a hammer, there is a hammer.

[yi tooth] joke 6

There are two Hong Kong people coming to check in at the front desk, which may not have been booked in advance.

I heard the receptionist ask him with Trump: "Excuse me, are you Xuan (Sichuan dialect, which just means temporary)?"

Hong Kong people obviously don't understand the meaning of "from the Xuan", and their expressions are at a loss.

So the waiter repeated with emphasis: "I mean, are you there?" .

Hong Kong people still hesitated, thought hard for a while, and finally said, "I … I didn't come by plane!" " "

The waiter quickly covered his mouth and rushed into the toilet, laughing and vomiting …

Cantonese and Sichuan dialect (smile))

A Cantonese man went to a fruit stall in Chongqing to buy apples.

Cantonese: How much is your ass (apple)?

Female vendors in Chongqing: hooligans

Cantonese: sixty cents is sixty cents. I want your ass (apple)

Chongqing people called the police, and Guangdong people were inexplicably taken to the police station.

Policeman: Where are you from?

Cantonese: Lixian people (Japanese ancestors)

Policeman: I asked where are you from?

Cantonese: Lixian people (your ancestors)! ! !

The police are very angry.

Policeman: I asked where are you from?

Cantonese people are also on fire

Cantonese: Lixian people (your ancestors)! ! ! ! !

Cantonese people were beaten.

Policeman: Tell me honestly, where are you from?

The Cantonese replied sadly: I am still from Lixian (your ancestor)! ! !

Helpless, the police dropped a piece of paper to let Cantonese people reflect and write down what happened.

Cantonese wrote: I went to buy apples and asked him how much it was. He said sixty cents a catty, and then I was inexplicably taken to the police station.

The police uncle asked me where I was from, and I said I was from Calendar County, and then I was beaten. All of the above are true! Ho ho. ..........................

Hehe, turn around when you laugh ~

Bring excitement to more friends.

Funny phone recording:

Woman: "Hello, I'm from the National Bureau of Earthquake Disaster Statistics. How many people were killed or injured in your family? "

The man replied, "I am the only one in my family."

Female: "1 1 person?"

The man said, "Not 1 1 person, but a person."

Female: "2 1? How did it become 2 1 person again? "

The man sat patiently and said, "You heard wrong, but you are alone."

Female: "7 1 person? How can there be so many? "

The man finally broke out and shouted, "Just one person!"

Female: "9 1? Oh my god ... "

The man suddenly fell down. ...

The man finally stopped swearing and shouted: "

250, is a person. "

woman