Rare classic joke.

1、? Have you ever thought about being a programmer when you use pirated software? ! How do they support their families? ! ?

? Ha ha ha, don't be ridiculous. Programmers have no family to support. . . ?

2. A crow was thirsty and saw a bottle by the roadside. There is not much water in the bottle, and the mouth of the bottle is very small. What should we do?

The clever crow put pebbles into the bottle one by one.

When the water reached the bottle mouth, an old lady came over with a bow, emptied the stone and picked up the bottle.

The young wife of an executive gave birth to a son. The executive wanted to know who his son looked like, so he quickly sent his deputy to the maternity hospital.

The deputy came back and said to the supervisor: Just like you! ?

? That's right. Tell me more. ?

? Take a closer look. Your son is bald, hairless and has a big belly. He can eat and drink. He either sleeps or cries all day, and there are a group of people around him. ?

4. Murphy. Ask the new female guests to talk about their own mate selection criteria. ?

Female guest:? In my mind, he should be compassionate, self-motivated, responsible and tolerant?

Murphy:? Can you make it simpler?

Female guest:? Oh, he should be rich. ?

He and she often teamed up to fight monsters and upgrade together, but one day, she suddenly went offline.

He couldn't find her anymore, so he began to practice alone with his pet.

After a long time, he happened to find her character stuck in a copy and couldn't get out. After helping her solve this problem, the two of them lived happily as a team again.

Well, friends, this is the story of the condor heroes.

6. Bajie wrote in his memoirs: Master is a very serious person. Every time he passes by the place where fireworks are set off, the girls always pull him and say, come on, senior, we have one-stop service to make you happy.

The host will blush and refuse:? I have to do this. ?

Then he patted his white ass and said, I do. ?

7. Little oranges bounce home:? Dad, dad, I'm going to play in the final of Go tomorrow. ?

? Is it? Who is your opponent?

? The next class is kiwifruit. ?

Father orange's look suddenly became dignified. He said slowly. You cannot underestimate your enemies. I heard it's all called chess achievement. ?

8. Hong Qigong bent his arm inward, drew a circle in the palm of his right hand, and pushed it out with a whoosh. The palm wind blew everywhere, and a pine tree broke.

Guo Jing was surprised, seven male:? This move is called Kang Long has regrets? .

Say that finish leaping in the air, a palm volley cut off? This trick is called flying dragon in the sky. ?

After landing, I twisted my hips and stamped my feet, stepping on a piece of smoke, as if riding a Mercedes-Benz vilen.

Guo Jing exclaimed:? What's this trick called? ?

Seven men laughed:? Jiangnan style! ?

9. At the age of 60, Huang Zhong and Liu Bei and Jiang Ziya became prime ministers at the age of 80, the Monkey King went to the West to learn Buddhist scriptures at the age of 500, and the White Snake 1000 fell in love. Young man, what's your hurry?

Gates became the richest man in the world at the age of 39, Sun Quan 19. According to Jiangdong, Kangxi became emperor at the age of 6, Beethoven could compose music at the age of 4, and the gourd baby would fight monsters when he was born. Oh, mom, do you think we can relax?

10, A: Although mountains and rivers are high, people can pull them up.

How is that possible?

Haven't you heard? At the end of my rope, complaining about others? Really?

What about the river? Can we pull it out?

Haven't you ever played tug of war?

1 1, a woman died, a man killed hundreds of guards and finally took her away from an American movie;

After a while, it was English movies that made her struggle to become a vampire;

Suddenly a group of people appeared, singing and dancing in Indian movies.

12. If a writer doesn't use many flowery words, his works won't be affected.

If you can't use flowery words, it won't be vivid and the article will be boring.

13, the Friday when Jesus was crucified, was once the most desperate day in the western world, but three days later, Jesus was resurrected in the same place, so people should learn to wait for another three days in trouble!

If you think you can't last that long, please refer to Ma Yun's words: Today is cruel, tomorrow is even more cruel, and the day after tomorrow is beautiful, and many people will fall down tomorrow night!

14, hearing the sound of erhu, a passing woman suddenly stopped. After a while, she cried as she listened.

Hearing the woman crying, I played the erhu and asked the woman, Why are you crying?

The woman said:? Your erhu reminds me of my dead husband. ?

The erhu player continued to ask:? Your husband used to play erhu.

The woman shook her head and said, no, he is a carpenter and often saws things. ?

15, traveling to a certain place, one of the local characteristics is that there are not many people who live long, so I asked an old man for a way to live long. Grandma, how old are you?

? 102.？

? You are in such good health, what do you usually eat?

? What else can I eat? Only some corn, sweet potatoes and vegetables. ?

? I really envy you, you can live so long! ?

? I envy you too. You can eat meat every day. If I had meat to eat every day, I would rather live a few years less. ?

16, a girl went to visit the castle museum, but she heard that the castle was often haunted and asked the librarian: Is there a ghost here?

The administrator replied:? I've worked here for more than 500 years, and I haven't seen any ghosts. ?

17, Grandma: Why did the man with a stick hit the woman in front on TV?

Granddaughter: The conductor with the stick didn't hit her.

Grandma: No, what did she shout?

18, the Zen master asked: Which do you think is better, a piece of gold or a pile of soil?

The visitor said: Gold, of course. Very good! ?

The Zen master smiled and said, What if I give you seeds?

The visitor thought for a moment and suddenly smiled. Then I'll leave you an email! ?

19、? See your majesty, I have something important to say. ?

? Ai Qing, go ahead. ?

? I forgot what I said. . . ?

? Alas, Ai Qing stood back and recalled, as the saying goes, many people forget things on their knees. ?

20、? How many arhats are there under the Buddha?

? Eight hundred arhats?

? Hehe?

? What are you laughing at?

? I see why you are Guanyin.

? What are you trying to say, dead monkey? ! ?

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