My surname is Yuan, and I am an ape among apes.

I said this when I introduced myself in the first grade of primary school. I still remember that after I finished, the students burst into laughter, and the teacher on the side also showed an embarrassed smile, blaming me for not listening to her. "My surname is Yuan, is it a local prefix?" Yes, I did hear what she said, but I didn't hold back because I didn't like it.

Stubborn, ignorant but overconfident, this is my description of my primary school life. I am very tall. From primary school to the end of the first day of junior high school, I was the highest in my class and my grades were also in the forefront. Today, when asked about the time I miss the most, I will still say without hesitation that it was from Grade One to Grade One. It was my happiest time. I was with my good friends. I didn't have to live in school or expect to go home.

? When I was in the second grade, I transferred to a county middle school in my hometown of Anhui. I used to be an excellent student, a cadre or a good student, but when I went through the transfer formalities, the teacher looked suspicious when I saw my certificate. This is an expression of distrust and contempt. They all agree that these are the only reasons for Shanghai students to transfer back.

? From grade two to graduation from high school, I stayed in my hometown for five years, and finally I was admitted to the university. I don't want to recall that time, but I met a girl I like in senior one, which made my hard life at home more glorious. I have always believed that I am extroverted, but my inferiority will be revealed in the crowd. I have always been an introverted boy, and I feel a little inferior.

? This inferiority complex has been with me for so many years. I don't know where the source of inferiority complex lies. I'm afraid of losing and failing. However, in the whole year after my sophomore summer vacation, I found my life again. I think life has reshaped me. When I was diagnosed with tuberculosis, what scared me most was not the name, but that I would take a whole year off school, which meant that I would be separated from my former friends and could not graduate with them. I don't know why I think so, but maybe they are my most precious. Freshman, sophomore, junior and senior, my life is part-time. As a result, I squandered all my money, but I was very weak. I used to envy my classmates' living expenses, but later I found that my parents gave me a lot. What I envy is their attitude towards life. Maybe life in my eyes should have been plain.

? The day before tuberculosis was detected, I was lying on the operating table in the hospital preparing for the next operation. This is to confirm my illness. Actually, I know I have to. I even had hemoptysis when I was at school, and I thought I was going to die. Sure enough, the condition was finally diagnosed. It was an incurable disease in ancient times. Now I take medicine and rest for a year.

? Later that year, when I was taking medicine at home, I pretended not to know that my mother was crying, and I also felt my classmates' complaints about school in my circle of friends. I envy them. I finally spent a whole year. During this time, I have thought a lot, but I am most grateful for fate. I'm such an asshole that I didn't thank the doctor in particular. I thank fate for noticing my illness, forcibly interrupting my life and giving me a chance to be born again.

? Now that I have graduated from college, I miss my college days very much. I don't leave early, nor am I late for class. This is what a student should do, but I don't know why it has become a weather vane for a good student. I didn't cheat and studied hard, but I didn't get a scholarship. I don't like finance and want to be a teacher, but the epidemic delayed my plan until it was suppressed. It seems that life doesn't want me to be a teacher, or I don't deserve to be a teacher?

? I don't complain anymore. That mean and useless coward disappeared a few years ago. I believe in cause and effect, so I won't complain if I fail the exam. I believe in cause and effect, so I won't dream of a once-and-for-all job, a perfect encounter or a lie like getting rich overnight.

? I used to be a boy who was afraid of the dark, but living in my hometown made me feel the night sky for the first time. I used to be a pretentious boy, but in those five years, I became strong, attracted girls' attention and became confident, so it seems that I miss not only the girl in shining white, but also myself growing up.

? Maybe that's why I said my last name that day. My surname is Yuan, and this name has a profound meaning, which can't be interpreted simply by radicals. You don't know me, teacher. I don't feel inferior because of apes, and you don't know other students. They just laughed at me for the word ape.

? I like apes, free, strong and happy, but I'm not an ape. My family name is Yuan, which was given to me by my father and will accompany me for the rest of my life.