Humor and funny quotations: a complete collection of home funny quotations (selected 80 sentences)

The night gives you black eyes, but you roll your eyes with them.

2, riding a white horse is not necessarily a prince, but may be a Tang priest; Those who have wings are not necessarily angels, but also birdmen!

Gradually, gradually, some people will become mean.

I counted my fingers and found that I was missing in your life.

5, since you are not allowed to fall in love, don't send school uniforms, lest others say they are lovers' clothes.

6, where to fall, where to get up ... always fall there, I suspect there is a pit!

7. Every time I face delicious food, I tell myself, "If I eat too much, I will die." But it turns out that I'm really not afraid of death.

8, sit with a big milk name and enjoy the treatment of mistresses!

9. When buying baked sweet potatoes, please ask the boss loudly what the stuffing is.

10, a man's words are like an old lady's teeth, how much is true.

1 1. I haven't weighed myself for half a year because I know.

12, it's almost the end of the world. If you have money, spend it quickly. If you die, it's useless.

13, I hope Santa Claus can put the answers to the final exams of all subjects in my bedside socks on Christmas Eve.

14, there are always a few friends who were very gentle when they first met, and after a few days they didn't know about the mental illness released from that hospital.

15, girl, turn on Bluetooth and send me some love.

16, everyone says I'm ugly, but I'm just plain beautiful.

17, once, I always envied my deskmate having the best deskmate in the world.

18, if I don't hit you, you won't know that I am both civil and military.

19, yes, you are the first step of genius!

20. I have two hobbies, static and dynamic. Quietly sleeping, moving over.

2 1, no money, no power, no longer good to you, can you follow me?

22. There are six eggs in the world, the chicken lays eggs, the duck lays eggs, the explosion is * *, the idiot is watching, the idiot is angry, and the idiot does not forward it.

23. I am really comfortable to see people who are not pleasing to the eye add trouble to your hearts.

24, don't look at the information! Then what are you looking at? See how it works!

25. Your IQ is out of balance. Please charge it.

26. Women conquered men with * *, and men conquered banks with * *.

27. Nowadays, people are talking with each other on the surface, but they are actually playing with their brains.

28. It is not necessarily a virgin who cries, but a bitch who seduces a man.

29. I received a short message yesterday asking me to remit money to an account of China Agricultural Bank. I replied: Don't worry, I'll burn it for you right away!

30. When I have money, I will buy two lollipops, one for you to see and the other for you to eat.

3 1, God, I will never call you grandpa again. You don't love my grandson.

32. The difference between me and Telunsu is! I have low purity, and Telunsu has high purity!

33. Rome was not built in a day, and the three layers of the lower abdomen were not built in a day.

Actually, I bent the moon.

35. If someone tells me "the end of the world" again, I will not hesitate to call 1 10.

36. Can eggs from all over the world unite to break stones? ! So be realistic. ...

37. In order to cooperate with the completion of family planning work in China this year, I decided not to contact friends of the opposite sex for the time being. Thank you for your cooperation.

38. There are two ways to pollute a place: garbage or money!

39. Whenever I have enough to eat and have nothing to do, I will think of the serious matter of losing weight.

40. If I look listless, I may be tired, I may be ill, and the biggest possibility is. hungry ...

Talk about interesting things at home.

1. As a typical loser, you are really successful.

When God closes a door for you, he always leaves you a lot of phone numbers on the wall.

3, hooligans are not terrible, they are afraid that hooligans have culture.

It doesn't matter if your head is empty, the key is not to get into the water.

A fat pigeon walked into the central hall from the balcony, bravely took a shit and floated away! Don't be infatuated with pigeons. Pigeons are just a legend.

6. My brother smokes because he hurts his lungs and is not sad.

7. Why do you have to sleep for a long time before you die?

8, people are unlucky, drinking cold water will also plug their teeth; Water is even more unlucky, even if you drink it, you will be trapped between your teeth.

9. When you go home during the Chinese New Year holiday, you must kneel down first: Sorry, Mom, I don't have a girlfriend yet.

10, they said the internet was fake, and I laughed as if the reality was true.

1 1. According to the pig's aesthetic, I am basically a handsome guy.

12, how did people die? It's boring.

13, I don't usually walk, and the road I usually take is not an ordinary road!

14, I always feel that others are full after eating a few bites, and I can eat more when I am full. ...

15, there is an attitude called nonsense, which means that our life is so tough that we don't need to explain it at all.

16, those who can't lose weight are always in turmoil, and those who can't gain weight are fearless.

17, ask why the sky is clear, find someone to add a pair of cotton trousers.

18, I am not RMB, why does everyone like me?

19, is Maya's prediction accurate? If I am accurate, I won't have to do my homework.

20. By the end of the year, I found that all I earned was age.

2 1, abused me thousands of times in winter, and I was like the first love of a quilt.

22. The crowd searched for him for thousands of Baidu, and suddenly looking back, the man was in the canteen at the door.

23, heroes don't ask for a way out, hooligans don't look at age!

24. Don't tell me to grow old together. I want to have black hair all my life. ...

25. The math teacher took us swimming in the ocean of problems. As a result, she went ashore and we all drowned.

26. Women's clothes are called capital, and men's clothes are called perverts.

27. As soon as others praise me, I am worried that others will not praise me enough.

28. Failure is not terrible. The terrible thing is that you still believe this sentence.

29. What age is it? There is no sense of hooliganism at all.

30. The alarm clock is the third child of all sleeping supplies and bedding. I should change it frequently.

3 1, it is said that the weight is only 100, either flat-chested or short.

32. Bed, let me go. Come on, I have to go to school.

33. Never leave a name when doing a good deed, only a business card.

34, life is sometimes like being raped by a eunuch-resistance is pain, not resistance or pain!

35. Eating is also what I want; Fat, I am also; You can't have your cake and eat it, so I'm leaving.

36. What is the head teacher? Is to ruin your friendship! Destroy your love again! Don't let go of your bad guys!

37. Don't be afraid that your enemies are like tigers, but your teammates are like pigs!

38. What should I do if I suddenly have the urge to study? A: Don't panic. Drink some water and lie down for a while.

39. Getting up is the pain of breathing. It struggles in every cell of me. It hurts when people wake up, it hurts when the alarm clock rings, and it hurts when the alarm clock rings.

Teacher, if you ignore the bell again, we will ignore it.