A special joke

1. The old couple went to take pictures, and the photographer asked, "Grandpa, do you want side light, backlight or full light?" My uncle said shyly, "I don't care." Can you leave a pair of underwear for your aunt? " 2. Wife's Quotation: You are allowed to get drunk and hook up with girls, but you must return to the team at night. If you dare to break my heart and my lungs, I will definitely cripple your third leg and let your bird sleep forever. 3. Two charming children got married. After seeing off the guests, the groom returned to the bedroom and found a meatball lying on the bed! The groom was frightened and asked where the bride was. Meatball said shyly, I hate it, you don't even know people when they take off their clothes! 4. Two old couples had a whim while eating one day: naked rice! Get back to your old feelings! After undressing, the old woman said, I still have a reaction! The nursing room is as hot as when I was young! The old man squinted and said, it's drooping in the soup! 5. Four mice brag: A: I eat rat poison as candy every day; B: it itches if you don't step on a mouse for a day; C: Don't go to the streets several times a day. D: it's getting late. Let's go home and hug the cat. 6. The sky is blue and the sea is deep, and nothing a person says is true; Love is eternal, blood is bright red, and it is impossible for a man not to fight; When a man has money, he is destined for everyone. If a person can rely on it, pigs can climb trees. 7. A group of ants climbed up the elephant's back, but they were knocked down. Only one ant sticks to the elephant's neck. The ant below shouted: strangle him, strangle him, demo, it's fucking backwards! 8. The child stole a parrot from a brothel. As soon as he entered the door, the parrot called, Move! Seeing his mother, he shouted: The boss has changed, too! Seeing his sister, he shouted, Miss has changed! Seeing his father, he shouted, I'm still an old customer! 9. Long road of life, who is better! Family to take care of, lovers to get along! There is a cook at home, a kind-hearted person outside, a nice table and a missing person in the distance! Keep two, keep one, develop three, four, five, six, seven! 10. A puppy climbed onto your dining table and crawled towards a roast chicken. You are furious and say, if you dare to do anything to that roast chicken, I will dare to do anything to you. As a result, the dog licked the chicken's ass and you fainted. The dog said happily, let's see who is tough. 1 1. Legend has it that tonight, ghosts wander, dead light reappears, and ghosts turn around! May the ghost hear my call, come to your bedside in the middle of the night, touch your face with pale face, green eyes and dry hands and say good night to you for me! 12. Men are always laughing and their eyes are discharging. They are either sick or cheating! A woman with breast enhancement and thin waist is dissolute and coquettish, either taking out her pocket or letting you have a black knife! These days, freaks and banshees, look out! 13. When you were walking on the road, a bitch jumped on you, bit off a piece of meat from your foot and swallowed it quickly. When you put out your foot to kick it, the dog said with tears: You fight, anyway, I already have your flesh and blood in my stomach! 14. Mice are particularly depressed without girlfriends. Finally, a bat agreed to marry him, and the mouse was very happy. Others laughed at his lack of foresight. Mouse: What do you know? She is at least a stewardess. 15. A friend asked the bat how he married a mouse. The bat's eyes are full of tears, which is meaningful: alas! That day, he ate Brother Wei, with strong firepower, and jumped on the ceiling to let him succeed. 16. I sent you this message for ten cents to tell you that I am not a penniless person. For example, this dime message is my birthday present to you. 17. The ant lay lazily in the soil and stretched out a leg. What is your friend asking you? Ant: Then the elephant came and tripped him. 18. The magpie is coming. Mom said it was a bird or a guest. The swallow came, and my mother said it was a good bird or a guest. The crow came, and the child asked, are you a guest? The crow cried, Yes, I am a hacker! 19. A beautiful woman found lipstick too heavy, wiped it with a wet tissue and threw it on the road. An old man picked it up, looked at it for a long time and suddenly woke up. He caught up and said, girl, this ultra-thin one is easy to fall off! 20. Cucumber was lovelorn and cried. Eggplant comforted her: Love is not only sweet, but also intoxicated, heartbroken and tearful. Alas! Who made you fall in love with onions? Yesterday, I dreamed that God said I could have a wish. I took out a globe and said I wanted world peace. He said it was too difficult to change. I took out your photo and said I wanted this person to look good. On reflection, he said that I would take another look at the globe. 22. A woman is too ugly to marry and wants to be trafficked. Finally, my dream came true, but I couldn't sell it for half a month. The kidnapper sent him back, but she insisted on not getting off. The kidnapper gritted his teeth and stamped his feet: Let's go, don't want the car. 23.20 years ago, dad held you waiting for the bus. Everyone laughed at the ugly child, and dad cried. An old man selling bananas patted his father and said, "Don't cry, big brother, give the monkey a banana!" " ! Poor thing, I'm so hungry that I have no hair. "24. On the plane, a parrot said to the stewardess," Give me a glass of water. The pig said to the stewardess like a parrot, "Give me a glass of water." "The stewardess was furious and threw the parrot and pig off the plane. At this time, the parrot said to the pig, "you are so stupid, I can fly." "25. An old farmer is hoeing in the field. A crow flew by and took a shit and landed on the old farmer's face. The old farmer looked up and cursed: "Cao, you mother! I don't know how to wear shorts when I go out! " The crow said, "Cao! You shit and wear underwear! "Section 26. Xiao Ming told his mother that a guest came to play at home today, and my brother put a thumbtack on the guest's chair. I saw it. Mom said, "Then how did you do it? "Xiao Ming said," I stood by, and when the guest wanted to sit down, I took the chair away from behind him. "27. One day on a crowded bus, a conversation went like this: A standing pregnant woman said to a man sitting next to him," Don't you know I'm pregnant? " (I want him to give up his seat ...) I saw the man nervously say, "The child is not mine! 28. Just a gust of wind, but so eternal, just a dream, but so real. You bowed your head and said nothing, but I couldn't calm down. I finally can't help telling you, let me know the next time you fart!