I joked with my female classmate and made her cry and ignored me. How can I coax her back?

Here are my jokes for you:

I swear, these are the ones I have painstakingly selected from many jokes on the Internet and in books that I think are the best. Funniest joke ever! If you don’t believe it, you can take a look at it carefully and patiently for yourself, and we will speak according to our conscience.

1 There was a lunatic who got a pistol from nowhere. He was walking in a small black alley.

Suddenly I met a young man. Psycho 2 put him on the ground without saying a word and put a gun to his head! Asked: 1+1=how many?

The young man was frightened! After pondering for a long time, I answered: equal to 2```? Psycho shot him without hesitation!

Then he pulled the gun in his arms and said coldly: You know too much

2 One day, a man named Ah Shuang died, and his family cried bitterly. : "It's so cool! It's so cool!" At this time, a passerby felt strange after seeing it, and asked, "Why are you crying?" After hearing this, the family members cried even harder and shouted: "It's so cool!"

3 The rehearsal plan for the Olympic opening ceremony directed by Zhang Yimou has been finalized:

40,000 mahjong tables will be placed in the center of the Bird's Nest,

16 Thousands of people danced wildly to the passionate folk music,

The music suddenly stopped at the climax,

Then they shouted in unison: "Hu!"

At this moment, the General Secretary made a shining appearance on the rostrum,

announced the official opening of the Olympic Games

When I was four years old, I listened to the theme song of Brother Yixiu as: "Geji, Geji, Geji." ,Gegegegegegege. Auntie washes the spittoon..."

5 In Fei Xiang's "Clouds of My Hometown": "Come back, come back!" I heard it as "Come on ghosts, come on ghosts! !"

6 The first sentence of "Song of Macao" that was popular when Macao returned to China: "Do you know that MACAO is not my real surname.

"My cousin always thought it was "a piece of sesame cake, I can't do it without eating it!"

7 I helped my wife buy sanitary napkins, but after looking at the store for a long time, I didn’t know what to buy, so I just took a pack and asked the store owner: "Boss, is this useful?" The boss (male) He looked at me blankly for 5 seconds and said, "I've never used this before!"

On August 8, I went with my parents and younger brother to worship Guanyin

I didn't Why do you wake up, stand forward and say:

The suffering Guanyin Bodhisattva...

Parents: -____-|||

Brother ：-____-||||

Bodhisattva: T_____T||||||

9 years ago, when the exam teacher handed out papers, the girl behind took an extra one and shouted " Teacher, I have it, I have it."

The boy sitting next to him said, "It's mine, it's mine." The whole class was shocked~~~

10 Announcement Transcript Original text: Two gangsters injured 110 police officers and fled

The announcer read: Two gangsters wounded 110 police officers and fled

(The reincarnation of Huang Feihong!) < /p>

11 Our general manager’s surname is Zhou. Once he called me while I was driving. When I was nervous, I opened my mouth and said: "Premier Zhou..."

12 I was eating at a rice noodle shop one day. It was served very slowly and I was very hungry

Finally I couldn’t hold back anymore and slapped the table and roared. I originally wanted to say that if the rice noodles were not served, I would turn over the table!

The result was: "Boss!!!! If you don’t serve rice noodles, I will eat the table!!!!"

13 When I was in college, a teacher gave a lecture and talked about something A new type of material, he said: "The sexual function of this material is incomparable to the old materials... Oh, no, the performance and function..."

I just entered college at 14, During military training, the company commander didn't know his accent and shouted the command - "Drill to the left!" "Drill to the right!"

15-year-old college senior sister, majoring in educational psychology. Late... walked into the classroom . glanced sideways at the blackboard. The old professor was angry and asked his senior sister to answer the question on the blackboard. The senior sister hesitated for a long time and said: ", this is too difficult to talk about." The whole class fell on their backs.

(Note. Professor’s original topic: "On Reason and Sensibility")

16 was drinking with the leader and others, raised his glass and loudly said: "Let us die together. !" My mind was too hot at that time...

17 There was a teacher who stayed up all night at mahjong. When he saw that the blackboard was not wiped, he was furious: "Who is playing banker today?"

During the military training at the 18th university, the instructor yelled: Use your peripheral vision (peripheral vision) to align~~~~ I want to laugh but don’t dare to laugh, that’s so sad...

Title 19: Thriving - a metaphor for beautiful growth.

Student A wrote: My brother is growing prosperously.

Comments: My child, is your brother a vegetative state...

There is another one who is even more blind...

Student B wrote: Xinxinxiang Rongrong confessed!

Comment: Don’t watch too many TV series

When will the bright moon come out on 20th, __________

Classmate’s answer: A star will last forever

(At that time Laughing wildly, now I think it’s quite classic.

The correct interpretation is "asking the blue sky for wine")

The couplet came out in the 21st semester final exam, the first couplet is: The hero's sword is not old

The second couplet of the third-year junior high school student is: My mother is full of charm

22 In an exam in the fifth grade, I got "Three Stooges, __________"

Student answer: The smells are all the same

(Compare the invigilator and the principal outside I laughed so much)

23 An old farmer was hoeing in the field. A crow flew over and dropped dung on the old farmer's face. The old farmer raised his head and cursed: "Damn it! I don't even know when I'm away from home. Wear some pants!" Crow said, "Damn it! You're wearing pants when you poop!"

24 A man likes to fart.

One day, he farts again. A loud and smelly fart

A female colleague said: Could you please not play so loud next time?

In a moment, there will be a meeting.

The man in the meeting Suddenly the shaking stopped, and everyone was surprised and asked.

The man replied: "I adjusted it to vibrate."

25A: Who is coming?

B: It’s me who’s coming.

A: Who am I?

B: I don’t care who you are!

26 The leopard can be seen in the tube, ＿＿＿＿＿

The classmate answered: It scared me (hahaha! The correct answer is "it can be seen")

27 There was a test on Li Qingzhao's question: Meng Ling, "Do you know? Do you know? ＿＿＿＿＿＿"

Student answer: SORRY, I DON'T KNOW...

28 Four mice brag: A: I take it every day Rat poison is eaten as candy; B: I don’t step on mice all day and itches my feet; C: I don’t feel safe on the streets only a few times a day; D: It’s getting late, let’s go home and pick up the cat

29 A mutton kebab maker was transferred to work as a cremator and was fired within a few days because he would always ask the family members of the deceased: How cooked do you want it to be?

30 A county magistrate with a heavy accent came to the village to make a report:

"Rabbits, shrimps, pig tails! No pickles, pickles are too expensive!!"

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(Translation: Comrades and villagers, please pay attention! Don’t talk, the meeting is now!!)

After the county magistrate finished speaking, the host said: "Pickles, sausages and pickles, please" ! "

(Translation: Let the mayor speak now!)

The mayor said: "Rabbits, the dog has eaten today, everyone is a bastard!"

p>

(Translation: Comrades, today’s meal is enough, let’s all use big bowls!)

“No pickles, I’ll pick up dog poop for you to lick... "

(Translation: Don't talk, let me tell you a story...)

31 First line: Hahahahaha, second line: Hehehehehehe. Hengbiao: Mental illness

32 There are 5 eggs side by side in the refrigerator.

One day, the first egg said to the second egg: "Look, the fifth egg has hair on it."

The second egg immediately said to the third egg Said: "Look, the fifth one has hair on his body."

The third egg was about to say to the fourth egg, but the fifth egg couldn't help it and cursed: "Fart, I It's a kiwi fruit."

33 When I was in high school, my teacher wrote a couplet, which goes like this: The country is prosperous, the family is prosperous, and the country is prosperous! One classmate was right: Damn you, fuck you, fuck you!

34 After dinner, I was smoking and enjoying on the balcony. Suddenly, a light spot flashed across the night sky, and I was excited: Meteor! So I immediately made a wish... After making six or seven wishes, I opened my eyes, I had finished my cigarette, and threw it out of the balcony. Suddenly I heard the voice of a girl downstairs: "Wow! Shooting star! Make a wish quickly..." ."

35 The turtle builds a house - a new roof; a turtle builds a new house - a new roof; a turtle meets a turtle - a golden partner; a turtle wears a dragon robe - golden armor; all turtles Wearing dragon robes - the whole city is covered with golden armor.

36 is studying by himself at school and peeing in the toilet.

Just when I was having fun, I suddenly saw a mosquito slowly flying over and landing on the wall in front of me. Then I just looked at it. After a few seconds, the mosquito suddenly fell straight down. He fell down and fell into the urinal... Oh, what an embarrassment!

37 Zhu Bajie went out to beg for alms, and came back with a bruised nose and face, saying: "I asked someone for jelly and got beaten up!" Sun Wukong asked: "How did you say that?" Bajie said: "Tomorrow tomorrow, you still Will you give me a crystal love?"

When I was in middle school, I fell in love with a beautiful girl in the Italian liberal arts class. Although we knew her, I had no chance to get closer. For a long time, we could only watch from a distance but nothing else. I have discussed with my deskmate many ways to get close to beautiful women, but most of them are too shameless and unfeasible. Later, I came up with a simple idea, which is to strike up a conversation with her when you meet her. The content of the conversation is: Hey, what a coincidence, you also XXXX. The content of XXXX depends on the situation. For example, if you meet someone in the library, you might say: Hey, what a coincidence, you come to the library too. When they met at the station, they said: Hey, what a coincidence, you also take this bus. Then you can expand the topic and continue the conversation. After keeping this in mind, I thought about meeting her every day. Finally one day, I came out of the toilet and saw her washing her hands by the sink. I was so excited that I hurried forward and turned on the faucet to wash my hands too. She smiled at me, and I said excitedly: Hey, what a coincidence, you...you...you...peeed on your hands too?

39 The resident on the first floor got a big dog from nowhere. When he first arrived, he was very alert and barked at the slightest noise. My house is on the sixth floor. Even though I tiptoe up and down the stairs every day, I still get barked at ten times. I am timid, so I run as fast as I can when the dog barks, for fear that it will suddenly rush out.

On Sunday, I went to pick up my little nephew who was taking an English training class to have dinner at home. As soon as I entered the first floor, the big dog barked "woof, woof, woof" as before, which made me jump with fear. The little nephew was not afraid at all. He shouted at the top of his lungs: "Tap, vomit, vomit, vomit, vomit, vomit." The strange thing is that after a few "vomit" sounds, the big dog actually stopped barking and made a pitiful "hum" sound.

When I got home, I asked my nephew how he could control such a ferocious dog. The little nephew said proudly: "When a dog barks at you, it is actually saying one, and you reply two. At this time, the dog is very ashamed because it cannot reply three to you, so it stops barking."

When I was in school at age 40, one day I was in the dormitory preparing to change my pants. I had just taken off my belt when several female students came in. I had no choice but to carry my pants and go to the dormitory next door.

When I unbuttoned my shirt and was about to take it off, a few more female students came in unexpectedly. I had no choice but to hold my pants up and walk to the door of the next dormitory.

Because I was holding my pants with both hands and was very anxious, I had no choice but to kick open the dormitory door and shout at the same time: "Is there a woman in there? Is there a woman?"

I saw only There were a lot of girls sitting in the room, looking at me in horror...