Funny quotes that hurt people

Funny quotes to tease people

There was a man who was very embarrassed and could not find a job. One day he went to KFC for an interview. The manager asked: What are your specialties? He said: I can sing. So he cleared his throat and sang: More choices and more laughter at McDonald's. The following are the funny quotes I compiled, I hope you all like it!

1. Are your palms itchy? That means I miss your caress; are your lips itchy? That means I am I miss your passionate kiss; are you itchy... That means you are extremely dirty, why don’t you go take a shower!

2. Recite it with me. If you recite it correctly, you will win a grand prize: Wangwang Wanwang , the delusion is over and the delusion is late, and the sky is full of hope. Wow, your scream is really nice, let me reward you with a bone!

3. The sun is shining in the sky, and the heat is unbearable. Do you want to refresh yourself? For the sake of my friends, I will teach you a trick: get on all fours, raise your head, look forward, stick out your tongue, and bark twice: woof woof.

4. At the banquet yesterday: It was great, I sat next to the suckling pig. As soon as the words came out, I noticed that you were glaring at each other next to me. I quickly smiled and said: I'm sorry, I meant the burned one.

5. Your phone balance is insufficient, please follow the prompts to recharge: burn a hundred yuan note to ashes, open the back cover of the phone, pour the ashes and cover it again. Thank you for your cooperation!

6. A nun went to the hospital for a B-ultrasound, and a careless nurse gave her the test sheet of a pregnant woman. After reading it, the nun sighed and said: "These days, even carrots are unreliable."

7. I saw you last week, surrounded by several little girls, some of whom even touched you. feet. I was very sad on the sidelines: Is this what a good-looking person should be? What a pitiful little dog!

8. People are born from human mothers, monsters are born from monster mothers, and all things are born because of all things. , this text message is the place I was born for you. I hope that after reading it, you will smile and be happy for ten thousand years!

9. Where have you been running when the peach blossoms bloom for a long time? The weather has been hot for a long time. Have you taken off your clothes? Are you not allowed to have dog owners in the city? Please call me if you are safe so that I won’t miss you! Old master!

10. The husband and his wife were eating at a seafood stall. The husband said, "I You need to eat more oysters, this stuff is an aphrodisiac!" Wife: "Well, it works quite well. It used to be 1 minute, but now it's 3 minutes!"

11. The thief was arrested by the police when he came to the store to steal something for the second time. Caught. The policeman asked: "Don't you know you are going to be caught?" The thief said: "I know it says 'Welcome Again'."

12. The moment I turned around and left, you The helpless crying behind me and the heart-piercing pain made me realize in an instant how much I love you. I turned around and hugged you: This pig is not for sale.

13. Loving you for ten thousand years is an exaggeration! Loving you for five thousand years is hopeless! Loving you for a thousand years is absurd! Loving you for a hundred years is too long! Loving you for 70 consecutive years only requires my body. Health is my strength!

14. There was a bean that fell down and became discouraged and depressed. This bean is me. What can encourage it to stand up? The answer is you! Because there is something called "Pig Encouragement Bean".

15. A man was traveling and was attacked by a group of wild boars. He took out food and money, but the wild boars remained unmoved. Taking out his only ID card, the group of pigs knelt down and cried to him: Boss, we have found you!

16. I heard that you have been very good recently, Bawen accompanied you up the stairs, and Xiao An gave You become a pet chicken, craftsmen make things for you for free, MM cherishes you, GM helps you pick up trash, and even I send you messages.

17. If I can meet you by burning incense for one year, get to know you by burning incense for three years, and cherish each other by burning incense for ten years, for the happiness of my next life, I am willing . Convert to Christianity.

18. Keep the principle firmly in mind. One person stands beside you. There is no need to be near the water to clean. Put up road signs to instruct sheep. There is no need to touch the button with your hands. The best thing is that there is no rice in the chaff.

(Answer: I wish you good luck and health)

19. God was afraid that you would be hungry, so he created rice. God was afraid that you were thirsty, so he created water. God was afraid that you would be lonely, so he created the lovely me. The premise is that God finds out There is no bucket for serving rice, so the lovely you is created.

20. You have a gentle, graceful and noble personality. You have a broad mind and a fat body, and sleep after eating. You advocate leisure and are heartless. You don’t like to work, so you are not tired. You have a childish heart and never lose weight. You are simply perfect.

21. The phone rings once, which means I’m thinking of you! Two rings, which means I like you! Three rings, which means I love you! When the seventh ring rings... Damn, I’m really in trouble. I'm looking for you, why don't you answer the phone quickly!

22. I am desperate, Zixia left me, the master is too nagging. The Bull Demon King refused to repay his debts, and the Water Curtain Cave he finally bought was snatched away by the Bodhisattva. He only had a dime left to send text messages. How is the second brother doing?

23. Sha Monk said: I have 16 transformations! Bajie said: I have 32 transformations! Wukong said: I have 72 transformations! Tang Monk was furious: I didn’t see any of you transformation phones on the Xitian Road, and the monsters all used their phones to read text messages!

24. Person search: This person has a bit of ET in his genes, a bit of BT in his personality, weighs MT, has been engaged in IT for a long time, and often does OT at work. He once had a brain CT and found TNT in it! If anyone knows his whereabouts, call 911 immediately ,

25. You are working again! I have told you more than once not to work such a life-threatening job and to pay attention to your health, but you always say meaningfully: Why don’t you take advantage of the warm weather to get out of here? Shit ball, what should I eat in winter?

26. A man wanted to learn martial arts from a master, so he searched all over the mountains and rivers. Today he went somewhere in Hengshan Mountain and saw a large plaque in front of the door saying "Hengshan Sect". He was very excited. I quickly came closer and took a closer look, and there were two words at the bottom: "Out of the Place"!

27. I quietly covered your eyes, gently placed a banana peel under your feet, and looked at you tenderly. You step on it and watch with a smile as you look for teeth all over the floor! Then smile lightly: Let’s see if you still dare to forget me!

28. I fell in love with you at first sight, and I will never have second thoughts. I am willing to take care of you. You have 3 lives, and I dreamed of you 4 times last night. You are so charming that I am completely helpless. My heart is 7 ups and 8 downs and I can’t calm down. I said 10 words: I made a mistake!

29. The day Dumb’s son was born, the nurse took him out of the delivery room. As a first-time father, Duan was so excited that he hurriedly took his son and said habitually: Come on, uncle, give me a hug...

30. If you are unhappy in your life, I will give it to you. Care, if you feel unhappy, I will care for you. If you are not going well, I will care for you. If you are really in trouble, then I will shut down...

31. I want to please You eat, but you are penniless, and I want to invite you to dance. Unfortunately, I am short and miserable. I want to take a walk with you, but the road is closed due to construction. Fortunately, I still have a mobile phone to send you a text message to greet you: When will you invite me to dinner?

32. A Yong asked A Ming for advice: How did you catch her? A Ming: She opened a teahouse and I went there every day, that’s it. You can also use this trick! Ayong: Alas! I only have one tooth left.

33. In order to consolidate our friendship, narrow the gap between the east and the west, suppress the wealth gap, eliminate social differentiation, stabilize social security, and promote socialist modernization with Chinese characteristics... Lend me two hundred yuan!

34. On a dark and windy night, you transformed into an unknown ninja and stood majestically on the top of the Forbidden City. Suddenly I saw you turning sideways and looking back, pulling out a cold light sword and shouting to the sky. : Grind scissors and grind kitchen knives!

35. If you are a genius, I admire you; if you are an all-rounder, I will learn from you; if you are a wizard, I envy you; if you are a talent, I I recommend you; but you are a fool, I can only deceive you!

36. My son came home tremblingly: "Dad, I only got 60 points in the exam today." The father was very angry: "Next time you get a low grade in the exam, don't call me dad!" The son came back the next day: "I'm sorry, brother!"

37. On April 1 this year, you should be magical. , 365 days a year, there is a festival for you.

It is never against the rules to send blessings on holidays. Today's blessings are very necessary. I send them to you with my heart. I wish you a happy April Fool's Day.

38. One day, the child asked his father: "Dad, what is this smoke?" Dad: "Remember, the smoke is the chimney." The child: "Oh, I know! Then dad's Why isn’t the nose called ‘chimney’?”

39. God said that happiness means having a grateful heart, a healthy body, a satisfying job, and a lover who loves you deeply. A group of trustworthy friends, when you receive this message, you will have everything!

40. The stars in the sky are spinning, the rabbit is cooking, the cat is cooking, and the puppy has nothing to do. Stop watching: One front paw is still pressing. Press down. Press down. Just do it when I ask you to, what a cute little fool.

41. A German who loved Chinese culture was named Wei Te Mao. One day he met an old man and they were chatting. The old man said: "What is your surname?" "Wei." "What is Wei?" "Why? Does the surname Wei also have to tell the reason?"

42. No, I can't bear it anymore, I can't remain silent anymore, I must ask the truth, and you must answer truthfully Ah, are you ready? Are you really ready? Are you really a pig?

43. There was a shooting star across the night sky last night, and I immediately made a wish to the shooting star: I wish you Have luck every day! Winning the jackpot every time! I saw a shooting star come back and tell me: When he treats you to dinner, your wish will come true immediately!

44. According to statistics, people all over the world are calcium deficient. !There is a simple way to test whether your teeth are calcium deficient. The method is to bite ivory chopsticks with your teeth, bite them off and spit them out, haha... Who dares to say that ivory cannot spit out ivory from a dog's mouth!

45. The first thing I do when I wake up in the morning is I miss you. The only thing I do during the day is I miss you. The last thing I do before going to bed at night is I miss you. The most important thing in my dreams is I miss you— —When will you pay me back?

46. You are not easy to fool. Money can’t buy a smile in this season. Things that are in vain are not fun. I will send you away. The secret is hidden in the first and last word of each sentence. Don’t be angry if you understand. I’m just kidding!

47. I drove to eat with my colleagues. There was no parking space, so I had to park on the side of the road. I was worried. Question: Will I get a ticket? Friend: It’s okay! After saying that, I took out a ticket and stuck it on the car window. Sure enough, everything was fine.

48. I built the Great Wall, I rotated the earth, I played Spider-Man, I deceived Zhuge Liang, I managed the Transformers, and I welded the mothership. I'm really not that good, I was taught all this by reading text messages.

49. If you feel bored or empty, please call my number! To talk about love, please press 1, to talk about work, please press 2, to talk about life, please press 3, to introduce me to someone, please press 5, please let me know. If you want to eat, please speak up. If you want to borrow money from me, please hang up.

50. After taking the CET-4 test, A said to B: The person in front of me was so bad, he wouldn’t let me copy at all! B said: That’s not as bad as the person in front of me. Thirty questions He gave me twenty-nine answers to the multiple-choice question. How do you think I should copy it? ;