The cry of a 36-year-old divorced woman: I neither seek high nor marry low, so why do my parents scold me for being demanding in blind dates?

01

"I have eaten more salt than you have eaten, and the bridges I have crossed are longer than the roads you have walked. We have been here before."

Growing up, it is not difficult for us to often hear our parents say such things to us. Parents continue to instill their thoughts and behavior patterns into us, and they never tire of it.

Hold up the guise of "we are people who have been here before" and make sure that their thoughts and decisions are right. However, they do not realize that they are doing harm to their children in the name of love, but they are not aware of it.

On the phone with my father that night, I told him that we couldn’t get along with the blind date introduced by my aunt last time. We were not suitable, so I unilaterally announced that the blind date had failed.

After hearing this, the father on the other end of the phone immediately changed his tone and became very angry. He shouted: What kind of partner are you looking for? Why are your requirements so high?

The blind date introduced to me by my aunt this time is taller than my previous boyfriends. His family conditions are very good. His parents run a breakfast shop. After meeting him, I have a good impression of him. , but just can’t get along with him.

While chatting with him, I learned that he had just fallen out of love within two months. Every day he complained to me about his ex-girlfriend and some trivial things at home. His negative energy was overwhelming. He had not yet gotten over the shadow of broken love, so he actually regarded me as the person he confided in.

While I was trying to get along with him, I hinted at him going out on two dates, but he rejected both times, and he was too chauvinistic for my liking. In this case, I I don’t want to continue talking to him.

Our parents always say that they do this for our own good, but whether it is love or marriage, we are always the participants and beneficiaries, and we can only feel the ups and downs ourselves.

What do people who get married for the sake of getting married want? Will life really be happier and more colorful if you marry someone you don't get along with than if you live a high-quality single life? What should we do in the face of this "unacceptable love" given by our parents?

02

“To be honest, I really don’t want to go out on blind dates every day, and I don’t want to keep arguing with my parents on this topic. I can understand their anxiety, but I really I hope they can also understand my thoughts.

I want to find a mutually agreeable person to marry, instead of just finding someone with similar conditions to live together and make do with marriage for others to see. I need it. What’s more, it’s a high-quality married life.”

Less than a year and a half after her last failed marriage, Huang Lijuan’s parents once again helped her arrange a blind date. From the initial cooperation to the fear now. , the behavior of her parents made Huang Lijuan miserable.

Huang Lijuan has always been a good girl in the eyes of her parents and will never resist them. Huang Lijuan's obedience comes from her understanding of her parents and knowing that they have eaten a lot for this family. suffering.

But it was this bottomless obedience to her parents that gave Huang Lijuan a bad marriage history. The painful marriage life made Huang Lijuan feel resentful towards her parents, and at the same time she became more cautious about marriage.

Long before obeying her parents’ blind date arrangements, Huang Lijuan had two relationships, but they ended up in vain.

My first boyfriend, because they had just left school and had different choices, they broke up. With my second boyfriend, the reasons for breaking up were on the one hand the personality differences between the two, and on the other hand the other's parents disapproved of her and disliked her as a future daughter-in-law.

Later, Huang Lijuan obeyed her parents' blind date arrangements, and got married to her ex-husband after getting married for less than half a year.

Huang Lijuan’s ex-husband’s family was in moderate condition. He had a house in the town, and the house in his hometown was just in time for demolition (the two were in a hurry to get married because they listened to his ex-husband’s mother’s words. (multiple demolition houses), her ex-husband was driving an excavator at the construction site. Seeing that her husband's family was in good condition, Lijuan's parents tried every means to bring the two of them together.

Although when they got along, Lijuan discovered some bad habits in her ex-husband: he was lazy, had a bad temper, and had no independent opinions... But seeing that her parents were satisfied with her ex-husband, she agreed to the marriage.

However, when Lijuan gave birth to her second child, her ex-husband had sex with another woman on the construction site behind her back. The two still lived together. After that, her ex-husband coldly and violently forced her to divorce.

Unable to bear this depressing and painful married life, Lijuan took the initiative to file for divorce, leaving her children with her ex-husband's family and getting a house for herself.

I originally thought it was the beginning of a happy life, but unexpectedly it was the beginning of a nightmare.

03

“I really don’t understand my mother. When someone introduces me to a blind date who is younger than me, I always ask them over and over again if they mind me. Are you so inferior to my age?”

Lijuan originally got married later than her peers, but now she is 36 years old. Isn’t she now an older divorced woman who wants a second child? It is very difficult to find a satisfactory partner for marriage, and my parents are also very anxious about this.

So if Lijuan disagrees with any blind date they think they can talk to and get along with, they will show her face at home.

"I don't know what kind of partner you want to find, but judging from the blind date conditions you just mentioned, they are very harsh. You really don't plan to get married for a second time, and you want to see me and you Is it a joke about your relatives?”

Lijuan’s mother’s words were a bit difficult to understand. Why did she connect her marriage with their face issues? After all, your blind date requirements are also based on your own happiness, so why should you scold your blind date requirements for being harsh!

Last time, a distant relative of Lijuan introduced her to a blind date. Not to mention the age of the other party, he was accompanied by his son from his ex-wife. They all said that it was difficult to be a stepmother, and the child's problems would inevitably affect her. It affects the quality of life of two people in their second marriage.

Let’s talk about him again. Counting the blind dates, the two of them only met three times in total. Each time, they never said that they were going to treat each other to a meal, and they never asked each other to pay the bill. According to the requirements of the AA system, Lijuan paid for one meal.

Lijuan really didn’t dare to think about living with a carefree, stingy, and child-rearing person. Would it be more painful than her last marriage?

There is also a blind date who I only met in the past few days and was introduced by my family. We haven’t met yet, we just added our contact information.

When he first added his contact information, the other party took the initiative to contact Lijuan and chatted for a few words. Later, Lijuan also took the initiative to send him a message. The other party responded enthusiastically, and then nothing happened.

Lijuan had already lost interest in the blind date. Seeing that the other party did not take the initiative to contact her, she stopped contacting him.

“To be honest, I am not a celibate person. I also hope to meet a man who is really good to me and have a warm home, but I am also prepared to be single for the rest of my life. Because I’m really tired.”

04

Perhaps in the eyes of Lijuan’s parents, their daughter is so old that she will be taken care of by others before she even finds her husband. She is gossiping behind her back, and she is already 36 years old and is still married for the second time, so she should not choose between them. Marriage is not about living together.

As the saying goes, a blind cat encounters a dead mouse. When it comes to their daughter’s blind date arrangement, they think about quantity, but what the daughter thinks about is the quality of the blind date, because what she needs in her heart is love. Joy is no longer a passing feeling.

In fact, the conflict of ideas is due to Lijuan’s parents’ inability to let go and understand. If they could understand Lijuan’s choice from the bottom of their hearts, instead of demanding her in the name of love, “ Morality kidnaps her, and there will be no quarrels between them.

At the same time, as a child, you must understand one thing: getting married is not for your parents, but for yourself.

Faced with your parents' urging to get married, you may feel bored, anxious, and defensive, but you must not let these negative emotions affect your choice.

Remember what Mr. Zhou Guoping once said:

“Among all the responsibilities in this world, the most fundamental responsibility is to truly become yourself and live out your unique personality and value. Come.”

Don’t climb high or marry low. Carefully calculate what you want. You must know that you are still young and work hard to improve yourself. If the flowers bloom and the bees and butterflies come, you will definitely have excellence. People are waiting for you.