Classic Chinese version of funny sentences

1. Classic classical Chinese funny sentences

1. Chirp again chirp, Mulan flies a plane, what kind of plane is she flying, Boeing 747.

2. I am from He resigned from Beijing last year and was relegated to Tokyo where he was sick. Tokyo was a remote place with no music, and he never heard of Sima Guang throughout his life.

3. Money is what I want; beauty is what I want too. You can't have both, just give up money for beauty.

4. If you don’t leave me here, I will leave you somewhere. If you don’t leave me everywhere, I will go to the railway.

5. I have many diseases and cannot survive at the age of nine. Lonely and lonely, as for the founding of New China. There are no handsome men, but there are always beautiful women. If the door is weak and the gate is weak, there will be rest in the evening.

6. Liu Suying’s illness is always in heaven. Chen Shiwei Decoction has not expired.

7. I love Rejoice in the Holy Dynasty; Li Kui, the former prefect, loves Lafang even more. Later, Leslie Cheung, the governor, promoted ministers and servants.

8. The edict is strict and the official Ultraman is responsible. People all over the universe are forcing him to hang himself. I had no choice but to obey.

9. A minister without a grandmother can live a hundred years; a minister without a grandmother can live a thousand years. Mother and grandson are incomparable to a turtle.

10. Chen Mi is twenty-two this year, and grandma is ninety-nine this year. Please forgive me for the personal relationship. 2. What are the classic funny sentences in classical Chinese?

1. In an extremely cold place in the north, a woman sat on a wall to urinate. Her urine was frozen before she was drowned, and her vagina was still caked on the rocks. Call her husband to come and greet him with your mouth. A man with shortsightedness and a beard will not melt when he touches it, even his breath will freeze into ice, and his beard and hair will freeze together and will not dissolve. He ordered his boy to chisel it open and said: "Look carefully and see that the hair is connected to the straight seams and the whiskers are connected to the horizontal seams."

2. Two brothers went to bathe in the river together. The brother's penis was bitten by a water snake and it couldn't be taken off. The brother held a knife and wanted to cut it. The brother said: "Look at the knife carefully! Two eyes." It’s a snake head; the one-eyed one is a crook.”

3. A slave girl accidentally farted in front of her master. The master was angry and wanted to scold her. Seeing that her buttocks were very white, he got angry without realizing it. Tomorrow, when the master is in the study, he suddenly hears a knock on the door. He opens the door and sees that it is the maidservant from yesterday. When asked why, he replied: "I just farted again."

4. There are those who have never been close to women in their lives and don't know what vagina is like. When I asked someone about it, they said, "It's just like an eye raised up." This person takes it to heart. One day, the prostitution suddenly broke out, and I didn't know where the brothel was, so I ran into the street and saw a sign with eyes on it. I accidentally placed it sideways, thinking that it must be a prostitute's house. When he came inside to explain his purpose, the doctor was furious and scolded him to chase him away. The man said: "It's not a brothel, how can we put so many things outside?"

5. A person who is good at divination and also loves humor. When a pregnant man or woman came to ask, after the divination was over, they held their hands in congratulations and said, "It's a woman with an egg inside her." The woman was very happy and said that she was undoubtedly pregnant. When she gave birth, she turned out to be a daughter. Because of the past, the fortune teller said: "Only men have eggs, and only women can hold them. If there is something to hold the eggs, why is it not a woman?"

6. The husband and wife are about to get into trouble, but it is unknown whether the two sons are sleeping soundly next to each other. Then each called out to test it. The two sons did not respond to each other, knowing that they wanted to do this. When there are heavy clouds and rain, his mother is so happy that she almost dies. One son suddenly laughed, and the mother was ashamed and scolded him. Another son said: "If you beat her well, if you beat her well, your mother will not cry after she dies, but she will laugh instead."

7. An unmarried girl secretly asked her sister-in-law: "Is this a pleasant experience?" The sister-in-law said: "What a pleasure it is to make arrangements for the couple as a courtesy to Duke Zhou." When my daughter returned to Ning after she got married, when she saw her sister-in-law, she laughed and scolded her, saying, "What a liar."

8. On the bride's first night, the groom is not very good at it and puts his penis in without moving. The female *** said: "Oh, that's not good, it hurts"! The husband said: "Take it out"? The woman said: "Oh no, it hurts!" The husband said: "It feels bloated and painful when it goes in, and it feels empty and painful when it comes out. What do you want?" The woman said, "Just take it in and take it out."

9. A woman was lying awake during the day, and a man put an eggplant into the female's body. When the woman woke up and saw the eggplant inside, she knew that she had been deceived, so she kept cursing her. A neighbor woman said, "This is very ugly. Madam, please save your words." The woman said: "That's not what you said. If you don't scold me if you stuff the eggplants this time, then the winter melons and gourds will come all at once."

10. When a married girl is rich and the boy is poor, the husband’s family is afraid that the girl will not get married, so they lead a group of people to snatch the bride, and accidentally carry the aunt to escape.

The female family member shouted urgently: "It's time to rush!" The aunt said on her back: "Not bad, not bad! Come closer, don't believe he is trying to coax you."

11. On the wedding night, send off the bride. Xi San. The next day, the chef checked the table and found no candy hat. After asking around, the newcomer burst into laughter. Xi Niang was standing by and asked: "What are you laughing at?" The girl replied: "No wonder a man's tongue was so sweet last night."

12. A man meets two boats, holding his hands outside the window sill, I pinched a finger and complained to my wife. His wife was horrified and told him, "If you encounter two ships from now on, remember not to urinate."

13. Dong Yong performed filial piety, and God ordered a fairy to marry him. All the fairies saw him off and said: "Go down below. If there are any filial piety people, be sure to send a letter."

14. A woman complained to the official: "When I went to draw water from the well, I was killed by someone. The official said: "Why didn't you stand up at that time?" He replied: "If you stand up, you may come out of the ear." 15. If you have sex again, you will have sex on the first night. Not aware of it. Asked her husband: "Are you going in?" He said: "Go in." The woman frowned and said: "Well, I feel a little pain." 3. Funny version of ancient Chinese short sentence translation

Funny ancient Chinese translation of Zeng Zi said : I examine myself three times a day.

The host Zeng Zimo said: My body traveled three provinces in one day. Confucius said: If your parents are here, you will not travel far away.

There must be a way to travel. Confucius said: When my parents were around, I didn't dare to swim too far.

If you swim, you must have a steering wheel. Confucius said: Those who fail to make promises are rare.

Confucius said: Losing your virginity because of dating sounds new to you. Confucius said: Virtue is never alone, it must have neighbors.

Confucius said: Germany was not isolated after World War II. It must have neighboring countries. The Master said: Rotten wood cannot be carved.

Confucius said: No precious sculptures can be placed on rotten wood (it will be easily broken). Confucius said: I have not seen anyone who is strong.

Confucius said: I have never seen anyone like Guo Degang. Confucius said: When three people are walking together, they must have me as their teacher.

Choose the good ones and follow them, and change the bad ones. Confucius said: When playing 3P, there must be one person who will get wet by me. Choose the person who is good at (3P), and ask the person who is not good at it to correct it quickly.

Confucius said: Prosperity comes from poetry and establishes itself from etiquette. Be happy.

Confucius said: When you are happy, you will be wet; when you stand up, it will be like a salute. After you have accomplished something, you will be very happy. Zigong said: There is beautiful jade here.

Zigong said: There is a piece of beautiful jade in Russia. Confucius said: I will defend myself against Lu, and then I will be happy.

Confucius said: I was quite rude when I had sex, but I was quite happy afterwards. Confucius was on the river and said: "The dead are like a man! They don't give up day and night."

When Confucius went to Sichuan to eat hot pot, he said: The dead are like Stalin and Khrushchev, they died overnight. Confucius said: I have never seen anyone who likes virtue as much as he likes lust. Confucius said: I have never seen anyone who likes Germany as much as he likes Israel. Not now? If you are in your forties or fifties and are unknown, it is not enough to be afraid.

Confucius said: People born in the 1980s are terrible, but you don’t dare to say that they are not as good as today. People are scary. If you don't feel scary at the age of forty or fifty, then it seems that there is nothing to be scared of. Confucius said: When the year is cold, you will know that after the pines and cypresses, there will be eagles. You will know where the mountain eagle is hidden in the forest and snow. Confucius said: Those who are near will tell you, those who are far away will come.

Confucius said: If you whisper to the people next to you, the people far away will definitely listen. Come and listen. Confucius said: If a state has a way, warning words can be dangerous.

Confucius said: After the paint is painted, if there are still words on it, it will be dangerous for you to talk and walk (it is probably a dangerous building). ). Zeng Zi said: A gentleman cannot think about his position.

Zeng Zimo said: A good man always thinks about how he cannot succeed in his position. Confucius said: Don't worry about what others don't know.

Confucius said: People who are not sick do not know that they are impotent only when they are sick. Confucius said: There are few people who know virtue. It’s so refreshing to know how to govern a country with virtue! Confucius said: If a worker wants to do his job well, he must first sharpen his tools.

Confucius said: If you want to improve the quality of your sexual life, you must first sharpen your words.

Confucius said: If a person has no long-term worries, he must have immediate worries. Confucius said: If a person does not consider his farsightedness, he will definitely worry about his myopia.

Confucius said: Nature is similar, habits are far apart. Confucius said: The postures of women are mostly similar, but the habits of women are mostly very different.

Confucius said: Only superior knowledge and inferior ignorance remain unchanged. Confucius said: Only by letting those above know that those below will be fooled has not changed since ancient times.

Confucius said: A gentleman regards righteousness as the highest priority. A gentleman who is brave but without righteousness will lead to chaos; a villain who is brave but without righteousness will be a thief.

Confucius said: People are guided by Marxism-Leninism. Good people who have the courage but do not adhere to Marxism-Leninism must be like rebellion; bad people who have the courage but do not adhere to Marxism-Leninism must be corrupt. Original text: When your mother is getting old, if it were not for me to stay and take care of you, I would definitely say no less than two or three sentences today about me closing my eyes and taking a nap. Angry, those who take a nap are not just me, why should I point it out? What's more, I haven't lost my mind yet, so I am unjustly accused.

What can you do? If they were really capable, why would there be more than half of the students lying on the desk? There are at least six out of ten people who dislike you. Are you kind? The number can be seen. Don't blame me for what happened in the past, but what happened today is abominable, so don't be angry about it.

! Mother, I am sincere and my mother is not happy. Vernacular ***'s dead teacher. If my score hadn't been decided in your hands, I would have fallen asleep in class today and I would have contradicted you no less than two or three sentences. I'm not happy! I'm not the only one dozing off. Why do you only miss me? Besides, I haven’t completely fallen asleep yet, which is really unfair! What talents do you have? If you are really capable, why are more than half of the students sleeping on their desks? Six out of ten students hate you. Are you teaching well? You can tell from the number of people sleeping. I won’t argue with you about what happened before, but what happened today is really hateful and makes me really angry. Damn, I’m so fucking unhappy. 4. Funny classical Chinese essays

The butcher had only just started his business, but he could not damage the father's hill.

Today there is a vast area of ??water with a radius of seven miles. In this city, trees with an inch diameter can be used to form dips, islets, kennels, and rocks. However, the servants of the bodyguard can't stand their filthy behavior. The loyal people are frozen thousands of miles away, and the snow is drifting thousands of miles away. The butcher Gai is looking at the beauty in the scene all day long, and the more he looks at it, the more he becomes fascinated.

It is sincerely appropriate to cut down bamboos and take the road to visit the country and miss the hometown. It is not appropriate to open the door to listen to the saints and criticize the mistakes of others in order to block the road of loyalty and admonishment. In the palace and in the mansion, everything is full of stinking oil and bad sauce, and they are row after row.

If there is an adulterer or a loyal person, it is advisable to show off his or her tail and bare breasts to show His Majesty's displeasure. The ministers in charge, Yu Shinan, Zhang Suiyang, and Zhang Fangping, are all beasts with huge leaps and bounds. Therefore, the simple butchers seem to be enjoying themselves with tourists.

If you are ignorant of the matter of reading and consult it, you will be able to read "Click" to the fourth drum without getting tired. General Qian Zhi's donkey was very fond of singing and knew a lot about military affairs. He tried to use it in the past. The butcher said that "the two sides are fighting, and they almost want to go first." Therefore, Zhongyong was elected as the prefect.

Those who foolishly think that discussing war matters will be able to make their banners rumble, their paths chaotic, and they will be unable to win if they attack them in a circle. The feet in front of you are confused, and the eyes in the distance are confused. This is why the early Han Dynasty was in ruins and prosperous;

When the butcher was here, every time he and I held our knives and stared at each other, we would always sigh that I couldn't ejaculate. Taihang, Wangwu, the son of the neighboring Jingcheng clan, the god of snakes, this minister who knows the Zhenliang death festival, I hope your majesty will trust him, and the overthrow of the Han Dynasty will be achieved in vain.

I am a pure Han who has no idea about it. He is a man with two millet grains and works hard in the north of the hidden land. He spends his whole life wandering around and leaning against the dangers. He does not seek to learn and reach people in Chu. The butcher did not think that the minister was fierce and chivalrous, but looked around him. He visited the minister three times in the Poshan Temple. He was so grateful that he allowed the butcher to live in the Qing Dynasty and not stay for a long time.

After the value was overturned, at the end of the period, I was ordered to be between the two stocks. When you come, you will be useless. The butcher knew that his minister stopped his cup and threw chopsticks, unable to eat, so when he was about to die, he sent him a piece of wood an inch in diameter.

Since being appointed, I have held the yellow on my left and the blue on my right. I only know how to bend my bow and shoot at the big eagle. I am afraid that the entrustment will not work and I will hurt the late emperor's youthful madness, so I brush Zhang Suiyang with my sleeve and play with it in fear. Incessantly. Now that the South China Sea has been settled, the military revolution is not weak, and there is not a lot of rice and millet. The reward is to lead the three armies, and the people under his command for 800 miles are burned, and those who go forward are mixed.

The reason why this minister repays the butcher's duty is to ride the wind back. As for the losers singing on the road and the travelers resting in the trees, then Yu Shinan, Suiyang, and Fang Ping are all in charge.

May your majesty make people haggard for the sake of Iraq. If it doesn't work, kill him and bring him to the butcher's knife.

If there are no novelists to comment on, then Shinan, Suiyang, and Fang Ping will be blamed for their slowness. Your Majesty will also entertain guests at a banquet, cut their throats, and drain their flesh.

I am so grateful that I should stay away now. I stretch out my sleeves and arms, fighting with each other, almost wanting to leave first. 5. Looking for funny phrases in classical Chinese, the more concise the writing, the better

Huaishi Pagoda

Wu Mingxuan ①, Nan Lanling is a fable Jin Zhi said: Huaiyou Pagoda guest Wu, day drinking In the market, he is drunk and crazy, and he rushes into the market with his arms and arms, and all the pedestrians avoid him. The city soldiers heard about Wu Mu. Mu recorded it and armed it, and gave it five hundred as a talisman, so that he could protect it and return to Huaiyou. Wu Bai criticized the pagoda and said: "Kang Kun, you have to sit here for thousands of miles, and I am suffering." Every morning, he kicks the road, and he pounces to drive behind him, and he can't rest; at night, he kicks his feet and runs to the ground. Niudai. The pagoda came out of the waist gold market to fight with wine. At night, he was five hundred drunk and had his head tied up. Tomorrow, when the sun is getting late, Wubai will wake up. The pagoda is nowhere to be seen, and the wall is already slumped. He said: "Hey, he's escaped." He looked at the clothes on his body and saw that he was ink, and when he started to follow his head, he didn't make a sound. He also had his weapons and clothes and couldn't leave the house. He yelled to the counter traveler and said: "Kang Kun, that's why I'm here. I'm alone." "My ears"

Whenever guests see Wu people saying this, Wu people also laugh to themselves.

Old man Qianyan said: This is definitely not a fable. The only person who has lost me in this world is Wu Wubaizai who was born with this me. It is also true that there is no loss for glory and haggard. What I see as glory and languor are all external things, not the so-called suave coming②? Those who died in the past are now prosperous, and those who have come to gather their bodies are becoming more and more prosperous day by day, and their bows and steps are also changing day by day. The people who passed away in the past now see the good as different from those of the past, and their self-view is almost no longer the same as me. . Is there some connection between it and Wu Wubaiguo? My old friend or Liojun ③ Huayao should write this legacy. (Volume 20 of "Southern Song Dynasty Wenlulu·Wu Wubai")

[Note]

①惃: chng is stupid.

② Suanlai: came by chance.

③骎鎎: qn The way a horse runs fast, here it means suddenly. 6. Who can give me some funny ancient poems

*When George Bernard Shaw was young, he liked to ride bicycles. Once he broke his leg when he fell. His female classmate took good care of him. George Bernard Shaw was worried that he would not be strong-willed and would ask for help. The female classmate proposed to him, so he decided to run away. However, he accidentally fell from the stairs to the bottom of the stairs and broke both of his legs. As expected, he asked her if she would marry him. When the female classmate nodded, George Bernard Shaw fainted. In the past, a woman said to Somerset Maugham: I have been with a man for a long time, but I am not sure whether I have fallen in love with him. This famous writer has a very unique view on the test of love. He said: Only One way to test whether you really fall in love with him is whether you are willing to brush your teeth with his toothbrush* Someone asked Alexandre Dumas: Why can you calmly enter your old age? He retorted disapprovingly: It took me all my life to live until today.* Fang Xuanling, a famous prime minister in the Tang Dynasty, was seriously ill once when he was not an official. He said to his wife Lu: If I die of illness, you Don't be a widow, marry again. Mrs. Lu went to the room and dug out an eye to show that she would never change her virginity. Later, Fang Xuanling recovered from her illness and rose to the position of prime minister. She always respected his wife very much. *Female novelist Agatha Christie's husband is an archaeologist. Once, a friend asked him at a gathering: How would you feel if an imaginative woman like you married a man who plays with antiquities? The detective novelist said: An archaeologist is the most ideal husband. You think, the older something is, the more he likes it. * Voltaire visited Britain in 1727 and found that the British hated France very much. A group of British people shouted at him: Kill him, hang this Frenchman! Voltaire said: English! You want to kill me because I'm French. Isn't it enough to punish me because I'm not British? The British laughed loudly and even sent him back to his apartment safely.

7. Who can give me some funny ancient poems

*When George Bernard Shaw was young, he liked to ride bicycles. Once he broke his leg when he fell. His female classmates took good care of him. George Bernard Shaw was worried that he would not be strong-willed and would ask for help. The female classmate proposed to him, so he decided to run away. However, he accidentally fell from the stairs to the bottom of the stairs and broke both of his legs. As expected, he asked her if she would marry him. When the female classmate nodded, George Bernard Shaw fainted. In the past, a woman said to Somerset Maugham: I have been with a man for a long time, but I am not sure whether I have fallen in love with him. This famous writer has a very unique view on the test of love. He said: Only One way to test whether you really fall in love with him is whether you are willing to brush your teeth with his toothbrush* Someone asked Alexandre Dumas: Why can you calmly enter your old age? He retorted with great disapproval: It took me all my life to live until today.* Fang Xuanling, a famous prime minister in the Tang Dynasty, once fell seriously ill when he was not an official. He said to his wife Lu: If I die of illness, you Don't be a widow, marry again. Mrs. Lu went to the room and dug out an eye to show that she would never change her virginity. Later, Fang Xuanling recovered from her illness and rose to the position of prime minister. She always respected his wife very much. *Female novelist Agatha Christie's husband is an archaeologist. Once, a friend asked him at a gathering: How would you feel if an imaginative woman like you married a man who plays with antiquities? The detective novelist said: An archaeologist is the most ideal husband. You think, the older something is, the more he likes it. * Voltaire visited Britain in 1727 and found that the British hated France very much. A group of British people shouted at him: Kill him, hang this Frenchman! Voltaire said: English! You want to kill me because I am French. Is it not enough to punish me because I am not British? The British laughed loudly and sent him back to his apartment safely.