Please write an English joke. It’s about two people. I want it to last three minutes. It’s about two men. I want it to be funny.

I Wasn't Asleep

When a group of women got on the car, every seat was already occupied. The conductor noticed a man who seemed to be asleep, and fearing he might missed his stop, he nudged him and said: "Wake up, sir!"

"I wasn't asleep," the man answered.

"Not asleep? But you had your eyes closed."

"I know. I just hate to look at ladies standing up beside me in a crowded car."

I didn't fall asleep

When a group of women got on the bus, all the seats in the bus were occupied. The conductor noticed that a man seemed to be asleep. He was worried that the man would pass the station, so he gently touched him with his elbow and said: "Sir, wake up!"

" I'm not asleep," the man replied.

"Not asleep? But your eyes are closed?"

"I know, I just don't want to see a lady standing next to me in a crowded car That's all."

The poor husband

"You can't imagine how difficult it is for me to deal with my wife," the man complained to his friend. "She asks me a question, then answers it herself, and after that she explained to me for half an hour why my answer is wrong.

Poor husband

“You can’t even imagine being with my wife "It's so hard to deal with," one man complained to his friend, "that she asked me a question, answered it herself, and then spent half an hour explaining to me why my answer was wrong.

"Where is the father?

Two brothers were looking at some beautiful paintings.

"Look," said the elder brother. "How nice these paintings are!"

"Yes," said the younger, "but in all these paintings there is only the mother and the children. Where is the father?"

The elder brother thought for a moment and then explained, "Obviously he was painting the pictures."

Where is the father?

The brothers were looking at some beautiful oil paintings.

"Look," said the brother. "How beautiful these paintings are! "

"Yes," said the younger brother, "but in all these paintings, there are only mothers and children. So where did dad go? "

My brother thought for a while, and then explained: "Obviously, he was painting these paintings at the time. "

Does the dog know the proverb, too?

The little boy did not like the look of the barking dog.

"It's all right," said a gentleman, "don't be afraid. Don't you know the proverb: Barking dogs don't bite?"

"Ah, yes," answered the little boy. "I know the proverb , but does the dog know the proverb, too?"

Does the dog also know this proverb?

A little boy disliked the way the dog barked very much.

"It doesn't matter," one gentleman said, "Don't be afraid. Do you know this proverb: 'A barking dog never bites.'

’”

“Ah, I know, but do dogs also know? ”

Can we have our teacher back?

Once a superintendent of schools was visiting a three-room school. One room was very noisy, so the man grabbed a tall boy who had been standing up talking. He took the boy into another room and stood him in the corner. Five minutes later, a small boy came out of the first room and said, "When can we have our teacher back?"

Can our teachers go back?

Once, an inspector went to inspect a school with only three classrooms. One of the classrooms was very noisy, so the inspector caught one of them standing and talking. They took him into another classroom and asked him to stand in the corner. Five minutes later, a little boy walked in from the first classroom and asked, "When will you let our teacher go back?" ”

二Who's More Polite?

A fat man and a skinny man were arguing about who was the more polite. The skinny man said he was more polite because he always tipped his hat to ladies. But the fat man knew he was more courteous because, whenever he got up and offered his seat, two ladies could sit down.

Who is more polite?

A fat man? I was arguing with a thin man about who was more polite. The thin man said he was more polite because he often raised his hat to ladies, but the fat man thought he was more graceful because whenever he gave up his seat to others in the car, there were always two. A lady can sit down

Three Expensive Price

Dentist: I'm sorry, madam, but I'll have to charge you twenty-five dollars for pulling your son's tooth.

Mother: Twenty-five dollars! But I thought you only charged five dollars for an extraction.

Dentist: I usually do. But your son yelled so loud, he scared four other patients out of the office.

Expensive price

Dentist: Sorry, ma'am, I have to charge twenty-five dollars to pull your son's tooth.

Mother: Twenty-five dollars! But I know you only need five dollars to extract a tooth?

Dentist: Yes.

But your son screamed so loudly that he scared away four patients

Asker's comment

Thank you!

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え宫あかね|Level 4 adoption rate 15

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2009-12-26 09: 14wang757649046|Level 4

A man was hit by a cab in the street. He was brought to the hospital. His wife who was standing up by his bed, said to the doctor: "I think that he is very ill." "I am afraid that he is dead." said the doctor，

Hearing this, the man moved his head and said: "I'm not dead. I'm still alive." "Be quiet, "said the wife. "the doctor knows better than you !"

A man was hit by a taxi on the street and sent to the hospital. His wife stood in front of his bed and said to the doctor: "I think he was seriously injured." The doctor said: "I'm afraid he's dead." After hearing the doctor's words, the man turned his head and said, "I'm not dead, I'm still alive." The wife said, "Quiet, the doctor knows better than you."

The busis is very crowded. Aman tries to get on, but no one gives way to him.

"Hey, let me get on the bus." the man shouts.

" It's too crowded. You'd better take the next bus." a passenger says to him.

"But you can't go without me.I'm the driver." the man says.

The bus was very crowded. A man wanted to get on the bus, but no one made way for him.

"Hey, let me get on the bus!" the man shouted.

"The car is too crowded, you'd better sit down in one" a passenger in the car said to him.

"But you can't go without me. I'm the driver!" " said the man.

One day, a father and his little son were going home. At this age, the boy was interested in all kinds of things and was always asking questions. Now, he asked, "What's the meaning of the word 'Drunk', dad?" "Well, my son," his father replied, "look, there are standing two policemen. If I regard the two policemen as four then I am drunk."

"But, dad," the boy said, "there's only ONE policeman!"

One day, the father went home with his young son. This child is at that age where he is interested in everything and always has endless questions. He asked his father: "Dad, what does the word 'drunk' mean?" "Well, son," the father replied, "Look there are two policemen standing there. If I think of them as four, then I Even if you're drunk. " "But, Dad," the child said, "there's only one policeman there!"

The hostess apologized to her unexpected guest for serving an apple-pie without any cheese. The little boy of the family left the room quietly for a moment and returned with a piece of cheese which he laid on the guest's plate. The visitor smiled, put the cheese into his mouth and then said: "You must have better eyes than your mother, sonny. Where did you find the cheese?" "In the rat-trap, sir," replied the boy.

Since there was no cheese at home when the guests were eating apple pie, the hostess apologized to everyone. . The little boy quietly left the house. After a while, he returned to the room with a slice of cheese and placed the cheese on the guest's plate. The guest smiled and put the cheese into his mouth and said: "My child, your eyes are better than your mother's. Where did you find the cheese?" "On the mousetrap, sir." said the little boy.

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2009-12-25 20:02V々|Level 5

A man goes to church and starts talking to God . He says: "God, what is a million dollars to you?" and God says: "A penny", then the man says: "God, what is a million years to you?" and God says: "a second" , then the man says: "God, can I have a penny?" and God says "In a second"

A man entered the church and talked to God. He asked: "Lord, can I have a penny?" How much does it mean to you?" God replied: "A penny." The man asked again: "What about a million years?" God said: "One second." Finally the man asked: "God, can I get a penny?" "?" God replied: "In a second."

Four best friends met at the hospital since their wives were giving births to their babies. The nurse comes up to the first man and says, "Congratulations , you got twins." The man said "How strange, I'm the manager of Minnesota Twins." After awhile the nurse comes up to the second man and says, "Congratulations, you got triplets." Man was like "Hmmm, strange I worked as a director for the "3 musketeers." Finally, the nurse comes up to the third man and says

"Congratulations, you got twins x2." Man is happy and says, "Ironic, I work for the hotel "4 Seasons." All three of them are happy until they see their last buddy jumping all over the place, cursing God and banging his head on the wall. They asked him what's wrong and he answered, "What's wrong ? I work for 7up"!

Four good friends met in the hospital. Their wives were giving birth. The nurse came over and said to the first man: "Congratulations, you have twins." The man said: "How strange, I am the manager of the Minnesota Twins." After a while, the nurse came over and said to the second man: "Congratulations, you have triplets." The man liked it very much: "Well, what a coincidence. I am Director of 3M Company." Finally, the nurse came to the third man and said, "Congratulations, you have two sets of twins." The man said happily:

"It's ridiculous, I work for the Four Seasons Hotel." All three of them were happy, but the fourth partner was as anxious as an ant on a hot pot, cursing God and banging his head against the wall. They asked him what was wrong, and he replied : "What's wrong? I work for Qixi Company!"

Haha, one is more efficient than the other.

Osama Bin Laden, a Canadian, and President Bush were walking down the street when they saw a golden lamp. They rubbed it and a genie came out and said, "I will grant each one a wish that's 3 together." The Canadian said, "I am a father and my son will be a farmer so I want the soil in Canada to be forever fertile." The genie said the magic words and the wish came true. Osama looked amazed so he wished for a wall around Afghanistan the genie said the magic words and again the wish came true. President Bush said "Genie, tell me more about this wall," the genie said, "It's 50 feet thick and 500 feet tall so nothing can get in and nothing can get out." President Bush said, "Wow! That's a big bridge... Fill it with water!!!

Laden, a Canadian and President Bush were walking on the street and saw a golden lamp. They wiped the lamp and a genie appeared. The genie said: "I There are three wishes to be fulfilled for each of you." The Canadian said: "I am a father and my son will become a farmer, so I want the land of Canada to be fertile forever." The elf said the spell and the wish came true. Bin Laden watched He was surprised. He wished for a wall to surround Afghanistan. The genie said another spell and his wish came true. President Bush asked: "Genie, please tell me about this wall." The genie replied: "The wall is 50 feet thick and 500 feet high." feet, so nothing inside can get out and nothing outside can get in." President Bush said: "Wow! That's a big bridge... filled with water!!!"

My Baby Swallowed a Bullet

Young Mother: "Doctor, my baby swallowd a bullet. What shall I do?

Doctor: "Don't point him at anybody."

Notes

1. to swallow a bullet: swallow a bullet

2. to point at: aim at...

allybaby

Once two hunters went hunting in the forest. One of th

em suddenly fell down by accident. He showed the whites of his eyes and seemed to have ceased breathing. The other hunter soon took out his mobile phone to call the emergency center for help. The operator said calmly: "First, you should make sure that he is already dead." Then the operator heard a gunshot from the other end of the phone and next he heard the hunter asking: "What should I do next?"

Two hunters went into the forest to hunt. , one of the hunters accidentally fell down, his eyes turned white, and he seemed to have stopped breathing. Another hunter quickly took out his cell phone and dialed the emergency number. The operator said calmly: "The first step is to make sure your friend is dead." So, the operator heard a gunshot on the phone, and then heard the hunter ask: "What about the second step?"