About the issue of remarriage of the elderly

With the advent of the 21st century, my country's elderly population continues to increase, and the average age has reached more than 70 years old. As the children of the elderly all work, the number of three-generation families under one roof continues to decrease, and the number of empty-nest families increases. Especially the elderly living alone have a sense of isolation, loss, and loneliness, which is detrimental to health. The author conducted a survey among 876 retired elderly people at Hubei University. There were nearly 60 elderly people without a partner (including widowed, divorced, and single), accounting for 7. Here, the author would like to share some insights on the issue of remarriage among the elderly. 1. Several attitudes of single elderly people towards marriage in old age. 1. There are some widowed elderly people, most of whom are women, who, because of their deep relationship with each other and their loyal love for their late partner, will never marry again. For example, an old man said to me that remarriage is seeking wealth and killing one's life. This means that remarriage costs money, affects physical health and shrinks... Society should establish some places for the elderly such as "senior chat stations" and "senior universities" to provide them with some communication opportunities. Two elderly people discuss ancient poetry in a class at Tianjin University for the Elderly. Xinhua

According to Chinese traditional customs, every Spring Festival the family must reunite to celebrate the New Year in a lively manner. However, Lin Guicheng from Shandong spent his New Year's Eve arguing with his sons, which caused a fire. Suo is Lin Guicheng's soon-to-be wife.

Lin Guicheng is 67 years old this year. He has been a widow since he was widowed in middle age. He raised his three sons by working in farming. A few years ago, the youngest son also got married and moved into a new house. Lao Lin is the only one left in the original home. , seemed empty. Last year, a new neighbor named Tao moved in next door to Lao Lin. She was an old lady who came to Shandong from another place to visit relatives. Tao was very enthusiastic and often helped Lao Lin with housework and often chatted in his free time. Lao Lin also felt that having one more person in the house made it less deserted.

In April last year, after discussing with Tao, Lao Lin decided to announce to his sons that they had decided to remarry. The sons agreed and began to actively prepare for Lao Lin's remarriage. But at this time, Tao's husband appeared and said that although Tao had been separated from him for many years, he had not gone through the divorce procedures. Tao was extremely embarrassed and moved away without saying hello to Lao Lin, and was never heard from again.

The sudden change made Lao Lin's remarriage a joke among the neighbors, and his sons were also quite embarrassed.

At the end of last year, Lao Lin met 61-year-old Yu Xiuzhi under the introduction of a friend. The two had a happy conversation and both parties were very satisfied, but Lao Lin was still frightened when he thought of the last encounter. So Lao Lin discussed marriage with his three sons, but unexpectedly they met with unanimous opposition from his sons.

The sons felt that the last farce was embarrassing enough, and if Yu Xiuzhi married her father, her property and house would be distributed to outsiders in the future, so they firmly disagreed. In desperation, Lao Lin had no choice but to live together with Yu Xiuzhi. After his sons found out, they never came to visit again, and Yu Xiuzhi's status in Lao Lin's family was never recognized.

Two major obstacles to marriage

After Shenyang City model worker Zhou Shuhua retired in 1985, she established the first marriage agency for the elderly in Shenyang City. Zhou Shuhua (second from right) is talking with old sisters about the legal rights of the elderly after remarriage. Photo by Li Gang

It is more difficult for the elderly to reorganize their families after being widowed than for middle-aged and young people. According to a recent national survey published by China Women's Daily, among Chinese people over 60 years old, 35% are without a spouse, 37.6% are willing to remarry, and only 6.9% have taken action.

In China, the remarriage of the elderly faces many very real problems, such as interference from children, living habits after marriage, how to distribute property, support for the children of both parties, etc.

After experiencing the hardships of life, the elderly choose to remarry on the basis of raising their children. They know how to cherish their feelings better than young people. However, only property issues and child support issues after remarriage have become the two major obstacles restricting the elderly from remarriage. For this reason, some elderly people would rather live alone for a lifetime than remarry.

82-year-old Cao from Tianjin did not expect that his twilight love affair would become an excuse for his children to shirk their responsibility for support.

Cao remarried to Cheng in 1998. In October of the previous year, Cao was diagnosed with cancer and was admitted to the hospital. During the hospitalization, 76-year-old Cheng Mou accompanied him all the time. During the Spring Festival last year, Cao was critically ill and called his children, but only his daughter came to the hospital to visit her father. On New Year's Eve, only Cheng stayed with Cao in the ward to celebrate the New Year. The old couple were speechless, sitting and waiting for dawn.

Du Xinke, the person in charge of the Petition Reception Office of the Tianjin Municipal Committee on Aging, said that after the elderly remarry, when one of them becomes ill or dies, the children will have disputes over property and other issues, which will eventually lead to litigation, which will make the elderly’s lives worse. The infringement of rights and interests has cast a shadow on the once beautiful marriage and harmonious family relationship. Such marital disputes are very common.

Faced with these many problems, some elderly people simply live together without getting married. This approach seems realistic, but if two elderly people only live together without getting married, there will be no legal protection if something goes wrong. The more serious problem in the phenomenon of elderly people living together is that it may ultimately harm the rights and interests of female elderly people. Since female elderly people have a long life expectancy, it is often the male elderly person who dies first in the end of the cohabitation process. Female elderly people not only take care of their "wife's children" in their daily lives, but also undertake nursing care work when their "wife's children" are sick and hospitalized. If she cannot be accepted by the other party's children, she is likely to be "kicked out." Relevant lawyers pointed out that according to the law, those who live together as husband and wife without registering their marriage will be treated as illegal cohabitation relationships. After a dispute occurs, all rights and interests are not protected by law. On the other hand, the phenomenon of cohabitation may also give some elderly people with poor moral standards an opportunity to use cohabitation to defraud money and harm the physical and mental health of the elderly.

Senior marriages need social security

Remarriage of the elderly is now increasingly understood by society. However, when many elderly people face the choice of remarriage, they are still unable to do so, and some can only rely on dating agencies. An old man seeking marriage said with emotion, "It's more difficult for me to find a wife than it is for young people to find a partner."

Having been divorced for five years, 55-year-old Ms. Liu is very satisfied with the services of the matchmaking agency. Dissatisfied, she said: "First of all, dating agencies cannot regard marriage introduction as a business. Today's dating agencies are just a formality, not people-oriented, but money-oriented. The feeling that dating agencies give me now is that there is no sense of security. , charging too much, charging too much, and not providing services after charging. In fact, dating agencies are now an important way for middle-aged and elderly people in Tianjin to remarry, and management must be strengthened. " In this regard, Wang Laihua, director of the Public Opinion Research Institute of the Tianjin Academy of Social Sciences, believes that all members of society must On the other hand, we should also think about our elderly friends and build more places for them such as "senior chat stations", "senior universities", "middle-aged and elderly activity centers", so as to provide comfort to those elderly people who are at home and lonely every day. Provide some opportunities for people to communicate.

In addition to emotional communication, the remarriage of the elderly requires not only love, but also "bread". The lack of housing and an income sufficient to maintain independence also hinders the marriage and love of the elderly. Professor Guo Chongde, who studies elderly issues, believes that the social labor insurance system must be improved, especially for those unaccompanied elderly people in rural areas who do not have pensions.

The new "Marriage Law" provides a layer of legal protection for the marriage and love of the elderly, and effectively takes into account the problems of property inheritance, old-age support and other aspects of the marriage and love of the elderly. According to Article 18 of the new Marriage Law, “one party’s pre-marital property, one party’s medical expenses due to physical injuries, living allowances for the disabled and other expenses, property determined in the will or gift contract to belong only to the husband or wife, Daily necessities used exclusively by one party and other property that should belong to one party are the property of one spouse. That is to say, all the property of one spouse will not be converted into the same property due to the continuation of the marriage relationship, and the original Marriage Law's provision that the couple's relationship has been classified as the same property for seven years has been cancelled. Moreover, for property acquired after marriage and property before marriage, the husband and wife can agree in writing that they will own it separately or jointly, or they will own part of it separately or jointly own part of it.

The ownership issues of housing and deposits that many elderly people and children worry about can be completely unchanged by remarriage after being agreed upon.

Similarly, children's obligation to support their parents does not end due to changes in their parents' marital relationship, and the elderly do not have to worry about their children no longer taking care of them after remarriage.

Ren Guang, a 76-year-old retired teacher, met 50-year-old Xu Liping through a marriage agency in the spring of 2001 due to the death of his wife. Ms. Xu, who was 26 years younger than him, did not quite agree at first, thinking that her age was a factor. The gap is too big. After nearly half a year of dating, I gradually felt that Mr. Ren was a good person, and the two of them had very compatible personalities, and they had something to say when they were together. It is really difficult to find such a partner now. Mr. Ren himself said: "I think the most important thing for the elderly to find a partner is to have the same language and emotional foundation. I have six children in my family, and half of them agree and the other half disagree, but I don't have to They support me and I have my own pension. If they want to come see us, my wife and I are also welcome. If we don’t want to come, forget it. My wife is still young and has not retired yet. She told me to save my pension for the future. We use it for our retirement, and her current salary is used for daily living expenses." Mr. Ren said frankly that he and Ms. Xu did not have their property notarized before their marriage, but they got along very well. "She was very nice. She also asked me about the memorial day of my ex-wife. When it came to that day, she wanted to burn some paper money with me to my ex-wife." When Mr. Ren said this, his face was filled with youthful joy. Brilliance.

Wang Laihua emphasized that true happiness is always in one's own hands in the end. Society can try its best to provide the elderly with a broader space for emotional communication and create an atmosphere as free as possible for them, but in the end, marriage is not a transaction after all, it still requires a certain emotional foundation, and a happy life cannot be achieved after all. measured by matter. Therefore, in the end, it is still up to the old people to seize this few opportunities and choose their own happy life bravely and wisely. (Contributed to "Beijing Weekly" magazine)