An old farmer's joke _ humorous joke

When I was a child, I ate dishonestly. In order to educate me, an old farmer told me that 60 years of hard work. I have no food, and I never spit out my nose and shit.

A man and a friend went to visit his grandmother. While he was talking to his grandmother, his friends began to eat peanuts on the coffee table and ate them all. When they left, his friend said to his grandmother, "Thank you for the peanuts." Grandma responded, "Oh! Hmm! Alas! Because all my teeth have fallen out, I can only suck out the chocolate. Old, cough. . .

Some people like the dish "spicy vermicelli pot" very much. Once, he went to a restaurant and ordered this dish again. But the waiter told him that the dish was sold out. "Is it really sold out?" He asked disappointedly. "Sir, really sold out. You see, the last one was sold to the gentleman at that table. " The waiter replied. According to the waiter's instructions, the man saw a very decent gentleman sitting next to him. The gentleman's food has been eaten almost, but the "spicy vermicelli pot" is still full. The man thought that a gentleman had wasted delicious food, so he went up to the gentleman and pointed to the "spicy vermicelli pot" and politely asked, "Do you want more, sir?" The gentleman shook his head gracefully. So the man immediately sat down, picked up the spoon and wolfed it down. After a while, he swallowed half. Suddenly, he found a little mouse lying at the bottom of the casserole with all its hair. A burst of nausea, the man spit all the fans he had eaten back into the casserole. When he had a stomachache there, the gentleman looked at him sympathetically and said, "It's disgusting, isn't it?" I am like this ... "

On this day, the hotel owner is patrolling the hall. A beggar came forward and said, "Can the boss give me a toothpick?" The boss gave him one and sent it away. After a while, another beggar came to ask for a toothpick. The boss thought, why do beggars want toothpicks instead of rice now? I also gave him one to send away, not too old, and another beggar came. The boss said to him, "Are you here to get a toothpick, too?" The beggar said, "Someone threw up and I came late. The first two beggars ate everything they could, and now there is only soup left. " Can you give me a straw?

One day, three explorers finally found the "Valley of Hope". According to legend, as long as you stand by the valley, shout what you want and then jump into the valley, you will get what you want. So the three of them decided to have a try.

The first one was a goat, so he shouted "Woman! Woman! " The next jump is really full of beautiful women waiting for him.

The second is a bookworm, shouting "Book Book Book Book Book Book!" Then, jump into the valley and get books full of pits and valleys.

The third kind is an indecisive person, who can't decide what he likes after thinking about it. After an hour, he finally made up his mind that money is the most useful thing, so he went to the valley. He accidentally kicked a stone and scolded, "Shit!" Unexpectedly, an unstable center of gravity fell into the valley.

Once upon a time, there was a lamb. One day, he went out to play and met a wolf. The wolf said: I want to eat you! ! ! The lamb is frightened! Guess what happened? As a result, the wolf ate the lamb.

The little white rabbit went out happily early in the morning and met the wolf while walking. The wolf grabbed the white rabbit and smacked! Slap its two big mouths and say, "I told you not to wear a hat!" " "

The next day, the little white rabbit put on his hat and went out again. While he was walking, he met the wolf again. The wolf caught the white rabbit again! Slapped its two big mouths: "I told you to wear a hat!" " "

The little white rabbit couldn't stand it, so he ran to the tiger and cried that the wolf was always bullying him.

So one day the tiger found the wolf and said to him, "You can't bully the white rabbit like this all the time. You can change the way. For example, if you ask the white rabbit to find you a piece of meat, and he finds a thin piece, you can say that you like being fat, and if you find a fat piece, you can say that you like being thin. " Or you can ask the little white rabbit to find you a female rabbit. If he finds a slim one, you say you like plump ones. If he finds plump ones, you can say you like slim ones. Anyway, don't always give that reason. "

Just these words were heard by the little white rabbit outside the tiger house, and he wrote them down silently.

Another morning, the little white rabbit went out happily and met the wolf while walking. The wolf grabbed the white rabbit and said, "Find me a piece of meat."

The white rabbit replied, "I don't know if you like to be thinner or fatter." Hearing this, the wolf froze, but he thought he was ready. Then he said, "Wait, don't eat meat, find me a female rabbit." The white rabbit asked again, "I don't know if you like slim or plump?" The wolf froze again, but after a few seconds, the wolf bit the white rabbit! Slap his two big mouths and say, "I told you not to wear a hat!" " "

The soldier asked the company commander: What should I do if I step on a mine in the battle? The company commander was greatly annoyed: Shit, what can I do? Pay the price for stepping on it.

Someone's new phone has just been rented out by the cinema, so people often call to ask about the movies being shown. At the beginning, he always explained politely that this phone is no longer his, so please don't call again. After a long time, he also felt annoyed and simply said, "You have the wrong number!" " This will also save some saliva. One day, a familiar voice came from the other side: "What movie is showing now?" As usual, he said, "You have the wrong number!" After a moment of silence, the other party replied, "Is it a domestic film or a foreign film?

Late one night, when a young woman passed by a mental hospital, there was a sudden "wow" behind her. The woman turned her head and saw a naked man chasing her. The woman began to run in fear, and the man behind her followed. No, there's a dead end ahead. Desperate, the woman knelt on the ground and cried and begged, "Whatever, just don't kill me." The man smiled cunningly and said, "Really? Then you start chasing me now. "