Sorry, everyone, my mother is not nice to me! My colleague said to me! I'm a teenager now. When I get married and have children, I'll be hungry. My family looks down on me? Is it true?/You don't say.

Children and teachers 1. Title: Although ... Child: He wears pants while undressing. Teacher's comment: Is he going to take off his clothes? Still have to wear it? 2. Topic: Among children: One of my left feet was injured. Teacher's comment: Are you a centipede? 3. Topic: Children: After work, Dad goes home one after another. Teacher's comment: How many dads do you have? 4. Topic: Sad child: There is a ditch in front of my house, which is really sad. Teacher's comment: The teacher is sad. 5. Topic: Another child: My mother is short, tall, fat and thin. Teacher's comment: Is your mother a deformed diamond? 6. Topic: Babysitting: What are you looking at? Never seen it? Teacher's comment: Don't put it off too far. 7. title: prosperous children write: prosperous confession. Teacher's comment: Don't watch too many series! 8. title: delicious children write: delicious fart. Teacher: ... 9. Title: Naive children write: It's really hot today. Teacher's comment: You are so naive 10. Title: Sure enough, the children said: I ate fruit yesterday. Then I drank cold water. Teacher's comment: it's a phrase, which can't be separated. 1 1. Teacher's comment: ................. 12. Topic: Besides, children: A train passed by, besides, teacher's comment: I forgot the animal's anger when I died. An animal was traveling in the sea when the ship suddenly broke down and overloaded. It is necessary to throw something away to reduce its weight, otherwise it will sink. At this time, an animal suggested that all animals tell a joke. If one animal doesn't find it funny, throw it into the sea. The sheep said first, and then everyone laughed except the pig, and the sheep was thrown into the sea. Then the cow told a joke. When the cow finished, everyone didn't laugh, but the pig laughed. Everyone inexplicably asked the pig, "What are you laughing at?" It replied, "I finally figured out why the jokes told by the sheep are funny." Humor 1, Xiaoming and Xiaohua go to the zoo to play. When they entered the door, Xiao Ming pointed to Xiaohua and said to the doorman, "Look clearly! Come out later, don't say I stole your monkey! " 2. A man put a popsicle for the first time. He was embarrassed to scream. A man next to him was shouting "Popsicle", so he had to shout, "Me too." 3. Foreigners who have learned some Mandarin. Say hello to the secretary in the morning. "How are you?" The young lady stared at him. He paused and immediately said to her, "Hello, Mom!" " "4. Two birds saw a hunter aiming at them. One said, you protect the scene and I'll call! 5. Two drunks are driving crazily. A: "Be careful! There is a sharp turn ahead. "B:" What? Don't you drive? "6. A customer angrily ran into the tailor's shop, pointed to the fashion designed by the owner for him and said," I was standing on the street corner yawning, and two people put letters in my mouth! "7. A farmer's daughter was so ugly that he had to let her be a scarecrow in the corn field to scare crows. As a result, not only did she scare away the crows, but even three crows were scared to send some corn back. 8. Chinese Americans and Jews were drinking drinks together, and three flies flew into their drinks. The Americans poured drinks, but China ignored them and drank them. The Jews grabbed the fly and shouted, spit it out! You spit out your drink! 9. There is an extremely ugly gorilla in the zoo. One day I went to see it and I threw up. You saw it, and the orangutan vomited ... 10. A farmer walked to a car center and saw him take out his RMB and pat it on the table: "Give me a Santana. "The salesman was surprised:" You don't have enough money! "The farmer is puzzled:" Isn't Santana written outside? Shop assistant: "Oh." ... and then go out and turn right. There's a Mercedes over there! ""1 1. A gentleman went to test his driver's license. During the oral examination, the examiner asked, "You saw a dog and a man in front of the car. Did you run over the dog or the man?" Without thinking, the gentleman replied, "Of course, he ran over the dog." The examiner shook his head and said, "Come back next time." The gentleman is not convinced: "I don't run over dogs, do I run over people?" The examiner reprimanded loudly: "You should brake." 12, "Those who like music, take three steps forward!" The monitor gave the order. Six soldiers came out. "Very well, now please take this piano to the conference hall on the third floor." 13, teacher: "There is something with beautiful feathers to remind you to get up early every morning. What is it? " Child: "It's a feather duster!" " "14, Zhang Sanhe and Li Si are doormen. Zhang San is on duty at noon, and Li Si takes the place of eating. Zhang San suddenly said, wait a minute, I have diarrhea! Li Si replied: Then pull it quickly, so that I can eat 15 after pulling it. Husband: "why did you give that beggar so much money at once?" "He is pretending to be blind!" Wife: "Didn't you hear him say' beautiful and kind lady …'" Husband: "It seems that he is really blind!" 16, a boy pursued a girl, but the girl was not interested in him and told him the truth many times, but the boy was still stubborn. One day, the girl couldn't stand it anymore. Under the repeated entanglement of boys, she suddenly turned back and said, "What do you like about me?" Can't I change it? "17, why can't I wake up ~ The teacher said," That's all for today's class ... ""I woke up ~ humorous classic slip of the tongue 1. I stood in line in the canteen and heard a boy next to me say, "A bowl of bullet cauliflower soup! "(Porphyra and egg soup) Haha, I laughed and sprayed soup. 2. One day, eating in a rice noodle shop was slow and hungry. Finally, I couldn't bear to strike the table and roar. I wanted to say no to rice noodles, so I lifted the table! The result said, "Boss! ! ! ! I'll eat the table without rice noodles! ! ! ! "After the whole store was silent for 3 seconds, the audience burst into laughter ... shameful person ... 3. Once I went to the kebab and held out four fingers and said to the boss," Come to three kebabs. "How much did the boss get?" I held out three fingers and said "four" ... 4. Our general manager's surname is Zhou. Once he called, I was driving, and when I was nervous, I said, "Premier Zhou ..." 5. My name is Zhu, and I am in charge of the unit. Someone once hit me. "The head of a lion, are you a pig? "At that time, he taught that guy a lesson. 6. A leader said, "I wish you all good health ..." Hold your breath and have nothing to say. 7. When my parents quarreled, my father said angrily, "I want to go out! "8. I play basketball in high school. After getting the ball, A selflessly passed it to B, and B scored easily. After a while, B got the ball and A shouted to pass it to him. B threw it himself. As a result, A shouted angrily. I was really blind just now ... 10. I was impressed that the monitor of primary and secondary schools was extremely serious. A self-study class, the classroom was crowded with people. ! ! ..... The whole class was silent 1 1. I just went to college, military training. The company commander didn't know where the accent came from and shouted the password-"Drill to the left!" "Drill to the right! "13. A colleague asked me yesterday. How to write festivals? I replied. Add a festival section under the grass prefix and remove the grass prefix! All the staff burst into laughter! I haven't replied yet! 14. When I was cooking at noon, my mother made me a pot of carrots. "Go, cut the carrots into diced meat! 15. When I was looking for a job, the examiner asked me when I would graduate. I wanted to say the year, but when I got excited, I said, "Two thousand years ago ..." The examiner even sighed and said, "Confucius' student. "17. The physics teacher gave a lecture. "This is a thick spring. I pushed it from both ends to see if it became denser (constipation). 18. Drink with leaders and others, raise your glasses and say loudly, "Let's die together! "I was too hot ... 19. Boss, do you have a toilet paper card to satisfy your hunger? 2 1. Once I went to the vegetable market to prepare a dinner party, a Korean friend bought lettuce and asked for 2.4 yuan. He gave all his change to the peddler, and he was still short of a dime, so he said to the peddler, "I gave you all my hair, so I have no hair." The peddler was silent for a long time and replied, "I don't want your hair." "22. The manager usually tells smokers at the meeting. All smokers were strangled! ! 23. One day at noon, my mother asked my brother to move the dining table to the side. My brother hasn't moved for a long time, and when my mother is in a hurry, she says so. "Did you hear that? ! I told you to move the table aside for two kilometers. "24. Old four in the dormitory got out of bed and looked for slippers for a long time. No, ask everyone. Why are my slippers? 25. When I was in college, I heard a girl order food. Stir-fry a plate of hot and sour shredded potatoes, not potatoes! 26. 10 minutes after class, the deskmate raised her hand and said, teacher, I want to go to the toilet. The English teacher said unhappily. How old are you to go to the toilet? After an impassioned speech by the trade union chairman, the last sentence came. Comrades, let's do our work better this year than next year! The whole audience fell. 28. Having dinner with a group of friends, one of them was probably beaten by a brother. He was very depressed, drank a lot of beer, then blushed and stood up and shouted, "Brother! Don't go out! "I guess I was going to say' brothers are not for use'. Duan Xuan of Channel 29 and Channel 5 said, "I'm really worried about them! "30. When crossing the street the day before yesterday, BF rushed forward without looking at the light. I thought it was a red light, so I reached for him and shouted, "Hearts! ! "Too many tractors ... 3 1. Our teacher:" I never say the second time, ah, the second time. "32. Big 1 I didn't do anything for a while, but watched movies and played games in the dormitory all day. One day, I stayed up late, went to the school cafeteria, pointed to buns and said, three buns, packaged and downloaded ... 33. Life is a hero, and death is a bear. 34. The primary school went to the teacher's house to make up lessons. A circle of children, I recruited mosquitoes and was stung by a huge bag. The teacher took the wind oil essence and asked me, "Who bit you?" I replied, "Mosquito" ... After repeating the question and answer three times, the teacher suddenly said, "Er ... I want to ask who the mosquito bit ..." 35. I want to invite everyone to eat peaches, so I just have no money, so I go to Cary to withdraw money. To the reception desk, "please, two jins of peaches ~ ~! ! "She and I together ~ ~ ~ 36. I remember that I just went to high school and went to the cafeteria for breakfast in the morning. I should have said "give me two steamed buns" and later said "give me a steamed bun, and ..." The cook asked me what else I had, and I said, "There is another steamed bun. "At that time, my back was sweating like a pig. Going out with him, I drove to the crossroads and asked him how to get there. He pointed to the left and said, turn right! ! ! Turn right! ! ! ! ! 38. Better late than never, yellowbird is behind ... 39. Going to the movies with friends and blurting out five tickets. My friend quickly pulled me and said, there are only four of us. I quickly said to the conductor: Wrong, wrong, not four, but five. My friends were stunned, so I quickly took me aside and told people that it was four. Shameless, I graduated from primary school. . . . . . 40. The flood is like a wild horse with rectal prolapse ... 4 1. Once in the Internet cafe CS, I wanted to call for a bottle of green tea, but I was shot in the head by AK, and casually shouted, "Get me an M 16..." 42. We talked about how to spend money, and my colleague said loudly, I want one." Without thinking, he complimented, You have the makings of a star, and you wear clothes of 25 years old. 44. I miss the tomato-flavored farmer's orchard and say, boss, give me a bottle of tomatoes. 45. When I was a child, I remember coming home from an English class. My mother wanted me to brush quickly, so she said, daughter! This research must take advantage of the fire to be effective! I've thought about it for a long time. What she means is strike while the iron is hot. 46. We are all grasshoppers tied to the same boat. 47. I was scolded for eating something my mother gave my grandfather. I replied: I told you it was for my grandfather, but I thought it was for me ... I was being hunted. 48. The head teacher in junior high school is fierce, and B and D can't be distinguished. As soon as I finished the problem, I got it right. The head teacher said: The answer to the following question is "B(D)". A classmate whispered, Is it B or D? The class teacher is angry: B(D) of ABCD! ! ! The whole class is sweating. 49. Roommate's classic slip of the tongue: I wash my hair and cook noodles. You see, when you come back, my head is cooked with noodles ... anxious ... 50. My roommate brought a CD: Do you want to watch Hamlet and Society? 5 1. The teacher lamented that the students didn't do well in the exam in class and said sadly, "You just don't listen to me." 52. When I was a child, I came back from kindergarten and learned a song to show my mother. "Today's porridge is really good. Seven coppers will be enough for the two of you. " My mother thinks this porridge is quite expensive. Wife: You haven't eaten pork, but you must have seen pigs run. Me: I didn't run. 54. I once went to the east gate of the school for dinner. Walking into a noodle restaurant, there are many kinds of soups. I looked at it, and it was interesting. I pointed to the menu and said to my boss, boss, I want this crow soup! The people who went with me and the boss all burst into laughter ~ ~ ~ It turned out to be black chicken soup ~ ~ ~ 55. I recite the text: The Red Army is not afraid of the expedition, and the people who have passed the Long March have not returned ... 56. In a physics exercise class in high school, the teacher was very happy and said to me, "The conditions given by the topic are changing, but everything is the same. You see, I just changed a little bit, and now. Everyone bowed their heads silently ... 57. When my son was just born for a few months, I was always eager to hear him call "Dad", so I always took pains to teach him in my bed: "Call Dad, call Dad ..." My wife said, "Silly, he is still young, and nothing will happen. "Then I went to the bathroom. I am still trying to teach. After a while, my wife came out of the bathroom and saw that I was still lying in bed. She gently shouted to her son, "Dad, dad, dad. . . . . 。” My wife immediately smiled and said, "Who is whose father? Ha. . . . . . "I'm embarrassed. I gave my mother a T-shirt that I love China the other day. My mother was very happy and said excitedly, "Let's wear it together today and have a seizure. "59. A colleague went to the lecture of disaster-fighting model, and came back to describe how touching the atmosphere was:" ... how many people cried their noses and peed% # # @ ... "Ga ga, sin ... 60.6 1. During the lecture, the teacher once said" I'll give you an example ",and then thought it was wrong and said" give me an example ". 62. The students explained to me how to conduct the investigation. I wanted to ask if it was a real person. I said, "Is it a living person or a dead person? "63. In my junior year, my classmates went to the fish market to work. The guest took the selected fish, and my classmate gently pointed to the fish killing platform and said to him, "if you go, someone will kill you." " ...................................................................................................................................................... ................................. 65. One of our colleagues, when taking the driver's license test, said a classic sentence to the examiner: Report to the meter, the examiner is normal! 66. My friend told me that KFC's new "flesh and blood connection" asked me to take him to eat. Those days were particularly hot, and I was in a daze. When I arrived at the restaurant, I said to the smiling Miss KFC, "Please give me two bloody ones, thank you! "... 67. At a literary evening, the host came to the stage and announced: Please enjoy the following: Xinjiang dance, lift your skull! Creepy! 68. Tigers don't send cats. You think I'm dying! 69. When I was in high school, the classroom discipline was very chaotic. In a rage, the teacher picked up Xiao Ming and said, Xiao Ming, stand on the wall for me! The whole class is cold! Me: "That's our physics teacher …" Classmate: "What does he teach?" Me: "Chemistry ..." 7 1. My classmate's high school classmate (a boy) walked into the noodle restaurant, shook his head and said, "Boss, no onion rice noodles!" After that, I added: "More rice noodles! "Boss:" ... Do you want rice noodles or onions? "72. Once my classmate's mother called, I used to say" he's not here ".This time I want to say" he's out ". The result is: "He left ..." 73. There is another one. In junior high school, we all used electric bells to ring the doorbell at the end of class. Once, just after class, the bell rang and the teacher was still there. Suddenly, a boy who was sleeping in class suddenly bounced up from his seat and screamed, "Mom! Get up and cook! I should go to class! "... 74. High school requires wearing school uniforms. We boys sometimes only wear school uniforms. On one occasion, the students in our class were not neatly dressed in school uniforms, and the class teacher was furious: "Everyone who didn't wear pants stood up for me! "... 75. My colleague had a quarrel with someone and opened his mouth:" Do you think I grew up eating? "I've always wondered what he grew up eating. When my sister and I went to Li Ning shoes, my sister said, "Miss, how much are these shoes? "77. A teacher played mahjong all night. Seeing that the blackboard had not been wiped, he was furious: "Who is the farmer today? "Stop cleaning the blackboard!" 78. When I just gave birth to a baby, I called a buddy excitedly: "I am, but only a dime (I forgot to say" blank "). Still want it. " The buddy said, "Is there only one toilet? Then where do you live? " 79. When eating in the canteen, I saw the long-awaited tofu skin. When I was excited, I said to the waiter, "A potato skin!" ..... shocked people around. 80. Last time I went to McDonald's, I said to the salesman, "A bag of potato chips!" They said no. I said, "What store ... doesn't even have potato chips? ! "Say that finish, he turned and left ... 8 1. One of my classmates has been reviewing computer level 3. One day, while playing football, another classmate took the ball to the bottom line and only heard him shout: Enter! Get back in the car! 82. I'm from the logistics department. After the new year, the customer called to ask when the goods will arrive before the festival. Because the holidays were so chaotic these days, I couldn't figure out the contents of the order, so I asked, "What are you?" 83. When I was in high school, I went out to work during the holidays and wanted to find a job as a waiter in a restaurant. I am very nervous, because I am still a child, and this is my first job. I want to ask the manager if he needs a job, but I want to say that it will be more subtle to ask him if he needs manpower. The result said, "Manager, do you need a beater here?" ..... 84. I met my colleague in the bathroom at noon, and suddenly I didn't know what word to say hello to. The devil pulled me and asked, "Have you eaten?" After asking, I was annoyed and embarrassed. The colleague replied, "Yes, and you?" 85. My colleague asked about the exchange rate between Japanese yen and Japanese yen, and he said, how do apes exchange Japanese yen? 86. I went to the cinema to see Pirates of the Caribbean 3. There was a trailer for Transformers before the movie started. When I saw the leader of the fanatics, I couldn't remember Megatron or his team name Decepticons. Because I was so excited, I was a little exclaimed, "How handsome! It's eight days in the south! " 87. A buddy gets married and gives a red envelope. Dude, say no politely. I said, "That line, once a year, you must accept ... 88. At first, I wanted to say" two pear pies, one egg tower ",but it turned into" two orioles singing egg towers ". What is even more depressing is that the shopkeeper actually understood ... 89. Once there was a mouse at home, my mother took rat poison to keep the family quiet. One morning, my mother got up and looked at the rat poison at the door corner and said to herself, "Why doesn't anyone take this medicine?" 90. In physics class, the teacher talked about radioactive elements and said, "Radioactive elements are very dangerous. You humans must stay away from them! ! "9 1. When I was a child, my father watched me write a composition. There is a simple mistake in writing. The father smiled and said to his mother, "I find your son very stupid." I was in a hurry and said loudly to my father, "Your son is so stupid! "92. When the director of our senior three office once again angrily scolded us for being disobedient in class, he said," If you do this again, don't blame me for being inhuman! "